Oh, for sure the second! He wouldn't have turned no matter how loudly I'd said it, that I know without a doubt. Like I said, he never once looked at me. That wouldn't have changed even if I told him -- I'm certain of it.

[ no what-ifs there. maybe it's simply coping by saying it was valuable, that she was thankful to have the chance to be so hurt and looked past, but at least she knows how it feels now. when someone else describes it, she'll be able to understand. it's valuable in that way, isn't it? it's not just painful, is it? there's meaning to be found in elijah's hurt, in her rejection, in the way he never glanced from the reports in hand?

... maybe she's coping even now. but malkuth doesn't want to think of him as a bad person, heart still fond despite all that had happened. her greatest wish had only for her pain to be understood by him in the end. ]

It just means that when I like someone, I want to tell them that. I won't take our time for granted... I want them to know they're important to me in as many words as I can manage, whether it's just as a friend or more. I didn't do enough of that in my first life.