( closed )

[lifeprice]

WHO: Denji and Aki
WHAT: Post-memory sharing
WHERE: Vegas room
WHEN: During the memory share event
WARNINGS: N/A, possible CSM spoilers

[ Emerging from the dreams - the memories - is an exhausting experience.

Aki is getting tired of it, being drawn in, being forced to witness his own grief or someone else's, and slipping away from what Denji had been forced to share makes him feel a little bit wrecked. This is the last thing he wanted to see, especially when his own loss and pain has been so fresh in his mind, but he does what he can to shove it away. He pushes it aside, forces himself to move forward and try not to dwell.

The sight of Denji's tears. The way he broke, the way his grief was clearly a weight on him, knowing the reasons why, because Aki had - he had gone to the beach - he had been there, he had shared himself, he is the one who stumbled into his own demise.

They're sat together now, and Aki reaches up, to rub his hand over his face and force himself to breathe in and out. This is a similar situation to when Denji came and spoke to him before, and when he lets his fingers drop away, he turns to look at the boy - no, the man - beside him, reaching out to wrap an arm around him, to try and draw him close, to offer any kind of comfort or warmth that he can.

Is he able to do that any more? Is he the kind of person that Denji would turn to for that? Or has it been too long?

Can Aki be here, at his side, now? ]

I'm sorry. I don't think you wanted me to see that.

Comments

[nutkick]

[ denji didn't even know how to process this anymore. it's one thing after another, constantly, aggressively, endlessly - and he's tired. he's tired of feeling like he has no control over anything. he can't even protect anyone anymore. being in this city was his one chance to start over, and he thought he could, finally, stop hurting aki more than he had already done. he thought he could see him happy again, smiling and enjoying himself. denji was stupid enough to believe they could ever have any level of normalcy and then ... this happens.

he felt bare. he felt vulnerable, cheated, and stripped out of what tiny ounce of control he had. aki was not meant to see any of this; he wasn't supposed to see how he left them, how denji blamed himself for it, how he had to clean aki's closet and fold his clothes neatly. he wasn't supposed to see his last conversation with power and how they lost each other when aki was no longer there to keep them safe.

denji didn't know how long it's been since they'd shared that memory, when it started and when it ended ... he just knew they didn't speak to each other for a while; both trying to process what's been forced on them. the silence was daunting, but also welcoming. when he felt the other's touch on him— the weight of his arm around his body, it took everything in himself to keep it together. for a very, very brief second, it did seem like denji was about to pull away as if a part of him knew he didn't deserve aki's sympathy after everything. it was all his fault. why is aki here comforting him?!

but, like a selfish bastard, who is touch-starved and greedy as hell - he leaned into it, resting his head on the other's shoulder; subtly holding his own hands together over his lap, squeezing on his fingers, trying to stop them from shaking. ]

I didn't. I'm sorry you had to ...

[lifeprice]

Don't apologise.

[ It's that simple to Aki.

The last few days have been far, far too difficult. Watching Tsurumaru wander off into the desert, desperate to find a first love that Aki himself apparently cannot compete with, feeling a crack in his heart at the idea that whatever they had was minimal, nothing - but that doesn't hurt as much as seeing Denji's grief. He can ignore his own heartache and emotional pain to focus on the person who means the most to him, the person that he had changed his entire life for.

Denji remains the most important in his life, even with the way he had found himself longing for the company of someone else. Being around Tsurumaru had made him happy, there's no denying that, but he is anchored to Denji, he is tied to him in a way that no one will ever be able to compete with, because they're family. Denji is the person that had wormed his way into Aki's heart and made a camp there, and Aki has done nothing to force him out, nothing to dismiss him. He would have - perhaps did - die for him.

Time and time again, he'd give his life to Denji.

Drawing him closer, his fingers lift, stroking through the other man's hair, careful and soft as he sinks into him. He wants the comfort of closeness, too, and he closes his eyes, breathing out softly. ]

You didn't do anything wrong. I'm glad, that I can understand it a little more.

[nutkick]

[ aki is too kind. he has always been and will continue to be. of course he would say all the reassuring words and try to console the other without dealing with his own anxieties. what they have seen is fated to have a bigger influence on him than denji, and yet he's quick to take the role of the person who would offer comfort to others but himself. it's — heartbreaking. it's why makima went after him, it's why he was dragged into this whole mess. his kindness was his downfall in the end.

denji closed his eyes, focusing on those fingers brushing through his hair, hearing the rush of aki's heartbeats that matched his own. they're anything but calm, but they're both trying to keep it together for the sake of the other person. denji felt like a hypocrite and pure scum to still be comforted by being held like this, the duality of hating yourself while being too sad to reject someone showing you a touch of affection. he might be soothed now, content to lean on his friend, but he will feel like absolute garbage later. a neverending cycle. ]

There is nothing to understand, though. This stupid implant just wants to start shit for no reason ...

[ it could've been worse? aki could've seen just how ugly it had gotten and denji knew that would destroy him. here's to hoping no more memories come to haunt them again. a tired sigh, he then curled his arms around the other man's waist, clinging to his side. ]

... Maybe now you'll let me try smoking a cigarette?

[ hey, they can be miserable and talk about things they can't change, or be miserable while trying to distract themselves. the second option seems to be the winner for denji. ]

[lifeprice]

[ Without thinking too much about it, Aki shifts his weight, tucking himself around Denji and holding him close. They never engaged in this a lot before, the nature of physical intimacy a little beyond their relationship, but it feels needed now. It feels right, to hold on to him, to stroke fingers through his hair, to hold him close and offer comfort that way. Even with the strange, desperate hurt that fills him, Aki knows this is what he wants to do.

Denji is important to him. He had chosen him, above all else, his life with him and Power, the possibility of them together, in the future, with whatever happiness the world might offer. He had wanted their happiness, above all else, but had been ripped away from them like a burn, an ache, a sore wound festering as the devils keep coming and coming for them, polluting their hearts with their own grief.

Leaning into him, holding onto Denji like a lifeline, an anchor, he closes his eyes and breathes out. ]

That's why I've been avoiding people. All it's done is make things worse.

[ Resting his chin against Denji, he hums softly. ]

... I would, if I had any left.

[ He's run out, smoking them far too fast from all the stress, and they don't carry his brand here, so he doesn't have any more. ]

... Maybe next time.

[nutkick]

'Next time' can be 'nooooow'.

[ came out the lazy, drag of a whine. denji peeked up from where he was resting his head, cheek squished against the curve of aki's neck, listening to his chaotic heartbeats pulsating against the cavity of his ear. that man is stressed, and with that comes the undeniable urge to inhale an entire packet in one go. the addict in him is starved for the next smoke, so even if aki didn't carry any on him right now, he will surely rush out to buy more. not that denji understood the depth of that addiction, nor does he plan to pick up on aki's bad habits, yet it would ... bring them some ease, right?

or, they can stay like this for a bit longer. they can, they should. it's been a while ...

he stays quiet, unaware he had his eyes closed and his body had already decided that moving from this embrace is not an option anymore. aki's familiar scent brought him back to their apartment, to their home; within the silence, he could almost taste the last dinner they shared together, hear power in the back playing with meowy, and that nostalgic sense of security and ... happiness. it's heartbreaking, but denji allows it. it's okay, he's tired of running away from it.

soon after, softly. ]

... Can I sleep over tonight?

[lifeprice]

I don't have any, so you'll have to wait!

[ Tempted to bonk him gently on the head, Aki relents. Sharing memories had been hard, he understands that, and he longs for a cigarette himself. If he could slip out and buy some, he might lend himself to desperation and buy whatever was there, but he has no desire to leave Denji alone right now. This man is the most important thing in the world to him, so why would he risk him slipping into another deadly memory with his absence? It's not worth the risk.

He wants to stay here. He wants to stay with Denji, for just a little longer. Denji had already lost enough, had already suffered so much, that if Aki can do anything to ease his hurt, his suffering, the way he aches... He'd do it. That's how things have been for him for so many weeks, so many months, now: just Denji, wanting to save him, help him, cherish him.

Curling around the other man a little more, drawing him all the closer, offering his embrace as an anchor. ]

Of course you can.

[ It's not as if he has anywhere else he can go or wants to be right now. It's just Denji, with their sore hearts twinned together. ]

Do you want to rest now? Or are you hungry?

[nutkick]

[ a part of him did want to — escape this heavy night by forcing himself to go to bed early. that is one way to cope with everything when all options have been utilized between them. it's not like they had a disagreement that required further persuasion; they both agree their life fucking sucks, aki decides to forgive him, denji wants to believe him- ... if only they can close this chapter and be normal again. they are following all the right steps, talk about it, process it, forgive, and attempt to heal. that's how it goes, right? it's a lot harder than he thought.

he considers his options with a subtle hum. ]

Room service, dinner on the bed while we watch a movie that has at least one sex scene. Let's do that.

[ he's joking about the last part. kinda. unbothered to move from where he was snuggling. he then lazily stretched his arm to the side, gesturing for aki to hand over the wireless phone that was placed on the nightstand. he'd wait for his friend to comply before denji called in to make an order, starting for himself. pizza. he's having pizza and a large soda. it's greasy and full of fat, sugar, and junk. in other words: comfort food.

once he's done, he offers aki the phone so he can pick what he'd like to have for the night. ]

You can order cigarettes too. [ a pause. ] For yourself. Don't worry. I know you don't want me to try it ...

[lifeprice]

I'm not going to watch a sex scene with you!

[ Gross! Stupid, idiot Denji...

They're working on all of this together, though, aren't they? Aki is aware of it. He's trying to do what Denji has asked of him, is trying to find his peace, his happiness, to forge some kind of place for himself in this world with what little time he has left. The medics had told him that his lifespan was extended, at least for a while, but that doesn't mean he's completely safe - there's no way for him to live as long as he would've done without his contract.

At least the Curse Sword is hidden away in his glove, so that he won't have to struggle with the temptation to use it.

Reaching over, he takes the phone and orders a slightly healthier meal of some kind of sandwich and some iced tea before he puts it back. Glancing at Denji, he adds cigarettes on the end, even if they don't have his proper brand.

It won't be the same, but it'll be fine. ]

You can try one. But you shouldn't make it a habit, even if your lungs with be fine.

[ Bakugo would kick your ass, Denden. ]

[nutkick]

[ jeez, he knew aki would have this reaction, which will always make him laugh inwardly. it's good to know one thing hasn't changed between them; he can still rile him up in a heartbeat. at least they can hold on to the small quirks that haven't changed between them, and it can be reassuring in a way. aki proceeds by ordering a healthy option, in which the half-devil makes a subtle face, unimpressed with the choice yet there are no protests. the additional order of cigarettes perked his interest, despite that— he didn't expect his friend to humor his request further until he did.

that's when he straightened his back, pulling away a bit to glance at the other. surprised at first, and then he relaxed with a growing smile. no, he will not ruin this moment by sassing him about how he can regrow his lungs anytime he wants to because he understands, in a very odd way, aki is just trying to take care of him. in the best way he can.

with that, he nods- ]

Yes, sir. Got it. I'll try it one time and never again. I promise.

[ oh yeah. bakugou will kill them both. ]