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[ ishmael did intend on isolating herself again -- it's just one of those days where she didn't want to see anyone, and considering the shit she went through a while back, no one could blame her.
but, she did promise a sleepover with rodya months ago. and she won't lie, having no one to share a bed with when she desperately needs it most is miserable as heck. so she forces herself to stay over at rodya's, albeit reluctantly, judging from how she's huddled on one corner of the bed while rodya busies herself with... something. probably food or games or whatever the heck.
rodya will... want to talk to her first, though. she really isn't in the mood to start anything at the moment. ]
but, she did promise a sleepover with rodya months ago. and she won't lie, having no one to share a bed with when she desperately needs it most is miserable as heck. so she forces herself to stay over at rodya's, albeit reluctantly, judging from how she's huddled on one corner of the bed while rodya busies herself with... something. probably food or games or whatever the heck.
rodya will... want to talk to her first, though. she really isn't in the mood to start anything at the moment. ]
[She's glad that Ishmael isn't holed up in her room even if it's only for a little while. But also Rodya doesn't blame her if she does after going through a great loss once again. People deal with grief in their own ways, but the least she can do is be there when Ishmael needs it.
Ishmael is at the corner of her bed while Rodya is seated at her desk, staring at her bottle collection as her fingers play with a wooden bear.]
Soooo... Did ya make any plans with others? Got anything coming up?
[Even if this is suppose to be a regular fun night, there is still ice in the air due to how heavy their last mission was... So Rodya is going to try to make the air less suffocating, even by a little bit.]
Ishmael is at the corner of her bed while Rodya is seated at her desk, staring at her bottle collection as her fingers play with a wooden bear.]
Soooo... Did ya make any plans with others? Got anything coming up?
[Even if this is suppose to be a regular fun night, there is still ice in the air due to how heavy their last mission was... So Rodya is going to try to make the air less suffocating, even by a little bit.]
[ rodya tries so hard....... and yet, it doesn't even matter. ishmael can only shake her head glumly. ]
Not currently. [ she'd had drinks with aventurine, and went stargazing with elysium, but that was it. ] I don't know. I've got a lot to think about. I'm still waiting for LILITH to make the official announcement.
[ since she's sure that they will at least acknowledge the lives that were lost, right? unless if they're function just like any other wing in the City who don't care what happens to their workers. ]
Not currently. [ she'd had drinks with aventurine, and went stargazing with elysium, but that was it. ] I don't know. I've got a lot to think about. I'm still waiting for LILITH to make the official announcement.
[ since she's sure that they will at least acknowledge the lives that were lost, right? unless if they're function just like any other wing in the City who don't care what happens to their workers. ]
[She does, even if there are some things she cannot fix... Unlike Sonya who knew the right words for every type of person at the right time. Who drew everyone in for his cause with little to no difficulty.]
Yeah. I think they'll make one once they wrapped up on the other big problems... We haven't had any Outsider deaths until now so something gotta get said. Lot happened so there is a lot on their plate.
[The blood shortage, the cure for the Outsiders that turned into bloodfiends, the children that LILITH chose to take back with them instead of leaving them in a destroyed homeland... She sits up on her desk, letting out a few hums as she muses over her thoughts.]
Once everyone is recovered and got some time to process everything, maybe a good ol' get-together would fix some spirits. [A pause.] Something better than nothing.
Yeah. I think they'll make one once they wrapped up on the other big problems... We haven't had any Outsider deaths until now so something gotta get said. Lot happened so there is a lot on their plate.
[The blood shortage, the cure for the Outsiders that turned into bloodfiends, the children that LILITH chose to take back with them instead of leaving them in a destroyed homeland... She sits up on her desk, letting out a few hums as she muses over her thoughts.]
Once everyone is recovered and got some time to process everything, maybe a good ol' get-together would fix some spirits. [A pause.] Something better than nothing.
A... get-together?
[ she huddles her knees closer to her chest. the thought of it immediately repulses her, thinking that other people might ask her questions about it. ]
I don't know if I should attend. I'll just ruin the mood for everyone.
[ like how she's already ruining the mood of their impromptu sleepover. ugh. ]
[ she huddles her knees closer to her chest. the thought of it immediately repulses her, thinking that other people might ask her questions about it. ]
I don't know if I should attend. I'll just ruin the mood for everyone.
[ like how she's already ruining the mood of their impromptu sleepover. ugh. ]
I won't force ya to go, but I will still encourage you a little bit. It's not going to be any time soon anyways...
[People need some time... Ishmael might need more time to process. The heart is a complicated thing.]
Remember that hot springs night with the other girls? That was fun.
[Throwing the first example out that comes to mind, unaware that it might hit something wrong.]
[People need some time... Ishmael might need more time to process. The heart is a complicated thing.]
Remember that hot springs night with the other girls? That was fun.
[Throwing the first example out that comes to mind, unaware that it might hit something wrong.]
[ that may be fun, but something about it ticks her off, causing her mood to dip even lower as she snaps right back at rodion.
lowkey, she shouldn't. rodion was only helping. but the thought of being brought along because she's being pitied is going to inevitably rub at her the wrong way at some point. ]
And what? You guys are just going to talk about crushes and relationships while I sit in the corner doing fuck-all. At least you people still have boyfriends who are still alive to talk about.
lowkey, she shouldn't. rodion was only helping. but the thought of being brought along because she's being pitied is going to inevitably rub at her the wrong way at some point. ]
And what? You guys are just going to talk about crushes and relationships while I sit in the corner doing fuck-all. At least you people still have boyfriends who are still alive to talk about.
Edited 2024-11-01 04:30 (UTC)
Ishy, come on... You know it's more than that...
[Talking about relationships may be part of the small talk, but it's not the main focus. Not everyone has to be part of everything during a party, people can do multiple things at once.
She really did tick something in Ishmael without intending to, so she hopes she navigate out of this storm.]
[Talking about relationships may be part of the small talk, but it's not the main focus. Not everyone has to be part of everything during a party, people can do multiple things at once.
She really did tick something in Ishmael without intending to, so she hopes she navigate out of this storm.]
Then elaborate! What else are you guys going to talk about? I just...
[ she scratches her head in sheer irritation. why she's more pissed off at rodya than usual, she doesn't know. but she can kind of pinpoint where her annoyance may have come from. ]
Everyone's been pitying me since that happened. I know they are. And I wish they'd just let me move on instead of looking at me like I'm some abandoned puppy in the rain. I'm sick of it.
[ all the things she's been mulling over in her room for days are finally coming out like a deluge. she wishes she could stop it, but it's too late. or rather, she can't stay pent-up for too long. ]
You can go talk about Yuwon with others for all I care. You... [ she shouldn't say this, she should keep her fucking mouth shut and let this moodswing ride itself out -- ] You don't even know if you love him.
[ she scratches her head in sheer irritation. why she's more pissed off at rodya than usual, she doesn't know. but she can kind of pinpoint where her annoyance may have come from. ]
Everyone's been pitying me since that happened. I know they are. And I wish they'd just let me move on instead of looking at me like I'm some abandoned puppy in the rain. I'm sick of it.
[ all the things she's been mulling over in her room for days are finally coming out like a deluge. she wishes she could stop it, but it's too late. or rather, she can't stay pent-up for too long. ]
You can go talk about Yuwon with others for all I care. You... [ she shouldn't say this, she should keep her fucking mouth shut and let this moodswing ride itself out -- ] You don't even know if you love him.
[See, she is used to Ishmael letting it all out. The sailor lets her storms while Rodya bottles her own on the inside. Emotional management, even unhealthy methods, is part of how the Backstreets raised her and how she acts to this day. A spilt heart trying to hold itself together. So very fragile under all of those walls she created. Those walls have been cracking and falling apart that even some words will pierce their way through.
"You don't even know if you love him."
Like that. Something inside of her cracks.]
... the hell you are bringing him up for?
[This isn't a brush off or Rodya attempting to either endure the tidal wave or navigate away from it. There is a lot that she would say on the first part of Ishmael's rant, but something... really hit her harder than normal. Her gaze is empty yet sharp as she looks at Ishmael.]
Who named you the know-it-all on my feelings? You read a pamphlet about me or something? I don't even talk about him a lot to you, but to assume that I don't love him... Seriously?
[They do not have a normal, average relationship. They haven't said those words to each other, but there is still feelings there and nobody can say otherwise.]
What do you want me to do here? Do you want me to break up with him and join you in misery? Not happening. Just because you lost your boyfriend doesn't mean you should wish everyone else to go through what you did.
[This is going to make things worse between them, a rift that may never mend. She reached this point and now she's committed.]
You didn't just lose a lover, Ishmael. The rest of us lost a great friend. He was loved by many, not just you.
"You don't even know if you love him."
Like that. Something inside of her cracks.]
... the hell you are bringing him up for?
[This isn't a brush off or Rodya attempting to either endure the tidal wave or navigate away from it. There is a lot that she would say on the first part of Ishmael's rant, but something... really hit her harder than normal. Her gaze is empty yet sharp as she looks at Ishmael.]
Who named you the know-it-all on my feelings? You read a pamphlet about me or something? I don't even talk about him a lot to you, but to assume that I don't love him... Seriously?
[They do not have a normal, average relationship. They haven't said those words to each other, but there is still feelings there and nobody can say otherwise.]
What do you want me to do here? Do you want me to break up with him and join you in misery? Not happening. Just because you lost your boyfriend doesn't mean you should wish everyone else to go through what you did.
[This is going to make things worse between them, a rift that may never mend. She reached this point and now she's committed.]
You didn't just lose a lover, Ishmael. The rest of us lost a great friend. He was loved by many, not just you.
Edited 2024-11-01 15:44 (UTC)
[ oh, that stings. logically, rodion is right. this isn't the first time she tried pulling ishmael from the brink either. logically, ishmael should listen to her.
but she's had enough. she needed a place to vent, and while she knows it's wrong, her emotions -- particularly her pent-up anger and despair churning together into some fucked-up cocktail -- take precedent before rational thought. she stands up from the bed, casting rodion a dark look. ]
You think I don't know all that? I do, Rodion. Better than anyone else. But...
[ but the flow doesn't stop here. ]
You didn't answer my question. If you can give me one, I'll shut up and go to sleep and forget this all happened.
but she's had enough. she needed a place to vent, and while she knows it's wrong, her emotions -- particularly her pent-up anger and despair churning together into some fucked-up cocktail -- take precedent before rational thought. she stands up from the bed, casting rodion a dark look. ]
You think I don't know all that? I do, Rodion. Better than anyone else. But...
[ but the flow doesn't stop here. ]
You didn't answer my question. If you can give me one, I'll shut up and go to sleep and forget this all happened.
[She slowly stands up, her own dark look casting over her sharp eyes. She would let Ishmael vent it all out if she didn't bring in a guy who can't defend himself right now into her words. Normally, she would let these things pass, so why does it sting now? No, it always stung when people she loved get treated wrong, why is it so hard now? Maybe it does explain her feelings towards Yuwon. He makes her feel safe and comfortable yet he doesn't spoil her with gifts and affection because he's not that type. He has his flaws, but his charms persist. They aren't perfect, but he means so much to her that there are no words.
A moment of stinging cold silence and stilness is broken by her arm raising to point towards her door.]
Out.
A moment of stinging cold silence and stilness is broken by her arm raising to point towards her door.]
Out.
[ it's like she's been splashed with a bucket of cold water, with that dark gaze rodion's giving her. it's a look that ishmael had never would've imagined on her, which... honestly is a good expression on her. maybe rodion should get mad. express herself more, instead of remaining stagnant with her forced smiles all the time. ]
...I see. So that's your answer.
[ and it's unsatisfactory as hell.
and with that, she stands up and shows herself out the door. she's got nothing to say to that. ]
...I see. So that's your answer.
[ and it's unsatisfactory as hell.
and with that, she stands up and shows herself out the door. she's got nothing to say to that. ]
[Is it her answer? Or is it only an answer?
A minute passes right after Ishmael walked out and closed the door before she simply sinks to the floor, letting this whole series of events sink deep into her. Her gaze becomes empty and numb as she pulls her legs towards her chest.
She should have said something, but would it really matter? Would Ishmael accept it or would she make the air worse? Should she have held back from expressing completely? She let out her fears and sorrow to Ishmael back then, but anger is another story. She's upset because she felt her feelings were questioned as if they are invalid unless they meet the approval of the eyes of others. Nobody wants to deal with a cold person and yet she is tired. So, so tired of trying to give a source of warmth to others yet her efforts give her little to no reward.
Opening her heart up is a mistake after all.]
A minute passes right after Ishmael walked out and closed the door before she simply sinks to the floor, letting this whole series of events sink deep into her. Her gaze becomes empty and numb as she pulls her legs towards her chest.
She should have said something, but would it really matter? Would Ishmael accept it or would she make the air worse? Should she have held back from expressing completely? She let out her fears and sorrow to Ishmael back then, but anger is another story. She's upset because she felt her feelings were questioned as if they are invalid unless they meet the approval of the eyes of others. Nobody wants to deal with a cold person and yet she is tired. So, so tired of trying to give a source of warmth to others yet her efforts give her little to no reward.
Opening her heart up is a mistake after all.]
[She gave Dante some days to get settled in first, have them get comfortable with their new surroundings and new home until the day they get sent back to the bus. On a day that Dante tells her that they are available, she will make her way to front of their room with two plastic bags on her arm filled with snacks and a giant bottle of water. Who knows how long this will last so she's being prepared for it and if she could, she would bring alcohol. Dante might not like that and she's not in the mood to start another fire between herself and co-worker.
It can be obvious from her eyes that she's somewhat nervous. With her track record on previous consultations, she wonders if she can even be honest with them and stay on topic instead of the two of them sit in each other's company with mindless chatter. There is a chance that Dante might want to dig into her past some more and she doesn't know if she's prepared for that... She went through a year of ups and downs, trying to put cracks in her stagnation on her own terms yet has she truly changed at all?
A huge sigh before she knocks on Dante's door.]
Dante! It's me.
It can be obvious from her eyes that she's somewhat nervous. With her track record on previous consultations, she wonders if she can even be honest with them and stay on topic instead of the two of them sit in each other's company with mindless chatter. There is a chance that Dante might want to dig into her past some more and she doesn't know if she's prepared for that... She went through a year of ups and downs, trying to put cracks in her stagnation on her own terms yet has she truly changed at all?
A huge sigh before she knocks on Dante's door.]
Dante! It's me.
< Coming! >
[Dante opens the door for her and step off to the side to let her in. Their room is still pretty barebones, limited to the furniture it came with, and their shoulders lift and sink once more in imitation of a sigh.
It's such a departure from their old office/room...]
< I don't have a lot of places to sit at the moment, so I'll let you pick between the desk or the bed. >
[Dante opens the door for her and step off to the side to let her in. Their room is still pretty barebones, limited to the furniture it came with, and their shoulders lift and sink once more in imitation of a sigh.
It's such a departure from their old office/room...]
< I don't have a lot of places to sit at the moment, so I'll let you pick between the desk or the bed. >
Edited 2024-11-05 23:52 (UTC)
Eh, let me take the desk. I doubt you want crumbs on your bed.
[It would be a huge surprise if she didn't clear out her entire snack stash once they are done here. She walks in and sets her bags on the desk, already grabbing a candy bar to start on as she takes a seat.]
Rooms ain't much to start out with, but it's still better compared to the ones I had back at the City. A proper bed is a huge game changer!
[Maybe once Dante gets some money, she can help with decoration to bring it closer to their office back on the bus.]
[It would be a huge surprise if she didn't clear out her entire snack stash once they are done here. She walks in and sets her bags on the desk, already grabbing a candy bar to start on as she takes a seat.]
Rooms ain't much to start out with, but it's still better compared to the ones I had back at the City. A proper bed is a huge game changer!
[Maybe once Dante gets some money, she can help with decoration to bring it closer to their office back on the bus.]
< Is it? >
[Another thing they wouldn't know for sure, though they had to admit it is comfortable to sit on. Their room on the bus didn't even have one.
At the very least, they can make it look nice. It's a start in the furniture department.
Funnily enough, they seem to have a similar thought to Rodya.]
< I might ask you guys for some help figuring out what to do in here. Well... you and Ishmael. >
[They're not sure if Vergilius would even give his opinion. Or if he'd have one.]
[Another thing they wouldn't know for sure, though they had to admit it is comfortable to sit on. Their room on the bus didn't even have one.
At the very least, they can make it look nice. It's a start in the furniture department.
Funnily enough, they seem to have a similar thought to Rodya.]
< I might ask you guys for some help figuring out what to do in here. Well... you and Ishmael. >
[They're not sure if Vergilius would even give his opinion. Or if he'd have one.]
That's fine. We can make it as close as we can to your office if you want it that way. Gotta focus on comfort first! This is your own space now after all.
[She crosses her legs as she takes another bite out of snack #1 out of [unknown number]. Her eyes do move around the room as the ideas on room decor pop into her head.]
As much as I would love planning that with you, I guess we got other stuff to talk about too, huh?
[Where to even start... Well, she can let Dante decide that.]
[She crosses her legs as she takes another bite out of snack #1 out of [unknown number]. Her eyes do move around the room as the ideas on room decor pop into her head.]
As much as I would love planning that with you, I guess we got other stuff to talk about too, huh?
[Where to even start... Well, she can let Dante decide that.]
< Yeah, we do. I figure we can start off with something, um, sort of simple. >
[Because when are things ever really simple for any of them, much less in a whole new place like this?]
< How have things been for you lately? I know I've missed a lot, but I get the feeling that I'm missing something that might be out of the ordinary even for here. >
[So they want to see how Rodya's been navigating it.]
[Because when are things ever really simple for any of them, much less in a whole new place like this?]
< How have things been for you lately? I know I've missed a lot, but I get the feeling that I'm missing something that might be out of the ordinary even for here. >
[So they want to see how Rodya's been navigating it.]
[Is there ever anything simple or ordinary about the Sinners? Her gaze moves downwards as she figures out what to say...]
Things been rougher than usual, but I'll manage. Trying to pick pieces up and make plans with my friends so we don't stick in the dumps for too
long.
[The world doesn't slow down for mourners after all. Then again, maybe it's because she actually has time to process death here unlike the City that things sting harder than normal. She's still trying to keep most (if not all) of the baggage in and let it rot away until it disappears.]
Everyone got hit hard from the last mission. Still feeling exhausted from it, lost good folks back there... Some folks got hit the hardest.
[like Ishmael.]
Things been rougher than usual, but I'll manage. Trying to pick pieces up and make plans with my friends so we don't stick in the dumps for too
long.
[The world doesn't slow down for mourners after all. Then again, maybe it's because she actually has time to process death here unlike the City that things sting harder than normal. She's still trying to keep most (if not all) of the baggage in and let it rot away until it disappears.]
Everyone got hit hard from the last mission. Still feeling exhausted from it, lost good folks back there... Some folks got hit the hardest.
[like Ishmael.]
< Yeah. I got to see one of them on the photo wall--Wriothesley. Were you close to him at all? >
[They know Ishmael was, but she'd said he was something of a pillar to others here too.]
[They know Ishmael was, but she'd said he was something of a pillar to others here too.]
Mhm. We were great buds. Everyone liked him to a degree. He kinda has his own walls, but he still supported people in his own way.
[Kinda like her... But she won't say that out loud.]
Of course, some guys tend to butt heads with him and he would snark back. [Like Yuwon...] But overall, he really was like a pillar to everyone.
[Kinda like her... But she won't say that out loud.]
Of course, some guys tend to butt heads with him and he would snark back. [Like Yuwon...] But overall, he really was like a pillar to everyone.
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