WHO: kaito and pals WHAT: post-surgery and mid-month event shenanigans WHERE: around town WHEN: from april 12 to the end of the month WARNINGS: potential discussion of body horror; will update as things Go On
What, because of how much you use them to gesture and touch people?
[MISTER SHOULDER NUDGE AND ALL]
[But the question makes him gaze out a little pensively.]
Water can take on the form of its container. It flows. It ebbs. It can storm up, it can be calm. You move here and there. But to hold you in one place, even in a container...it difficult. And you want it that way, don't you?
Maybe that's part of it. [ And just because he mentioned it, Kaito gives his shoulder a pat.
But the analysis shuts him up. Truth be told, he's heard most of the answer before. Mayne times before, in fact. That unfailing flexibility of his is probably how he's stayed alive, or won over as many men and gods as he has. He's even been told that he's difficult to pin down, literally or otherwise.
It's the last sentence that punches the air out of his lungs.
You want it that way, don't you?
The last time he heard anything close to those words was on a cold December morning, minutes before dawn. ]
"You didn't 'let Itsuki have me', Kaito. You ran away from me."
The speaker in question smothers her cigarette and smiles that same shining smile that stole his heart a decade ago. Kaito hunches over the railing, finishing off his own, refusing to look at her.
"You ran away because you didn't want to be tied down. Whatever the reason, you didn't want to commit. I bet you still don't. ...And that's okay, Kaito. You don't have to."
Golds snap to meet grays that somehow shine far more vibrantly than his own. As he turns, his cheek smushes against the woman's index finger.
"Just be honest about it. Be honest with yourself, and be happy."
[ An eternity passes in half a minute. Kaito flashes Verg another one of his trademark obnoxious smiles, but something heavy weighs down on his shoulders. ]
[He recognizes that look. He has no insight into people's emotions like he does, and neither does he have telepathy. But the fact is, when people are like you in more ways than one, you recognize your own habits like nothing else.]
[His own hand moves to the man's shoulder, clasping it.]
[Again. Again, like before. How can this be? This man, so different, and yet its like he's a mirror copy in another body, born to live and suffer for every decision he's made.]
[He frowns deeply.]
And that someone important...you can't kill, I suppose.
[He's reaching out to grab Kaito again by the shoulder. Hold on]
[This is what he doesn't like about Kaito, he thinks. Water, unable to be held...and he, like a fool, wanting to keep hm here, to sit him down, to keep him from escaping.]
[Here is this man with a bleeding heart, wounded for years.]
[Maybe its because he know Kaito would forget this, eventually. Maybe that makes this easier. He thinks of Roland, with eyes hidden, eyes that were undoubtedly full of tears.]
[He pulls the man in for an embrace. That's all he can do. He can't fix Kaito and his past.]
[ Maybe he should have seen this coming. But he doesn't. Kaito flinches at first, so shocked by the wordless contact that he freezes up for more than a few seconds.
This bastard. He surely isn't doing this out of pity. Kaito can kinda tell. Maybe it's because he'll forget, like how he's forgotten all the other instances of conversation today.
...But who cares? Right now, who gives a singular fuck? Kaito's hands lift, shaky but sure. He carefully wraps them around the arms looping him from behind.
With a sigh, a smile, and maybe a little sniffle, the empath leans his head back against Verg's shoulder. ]
...Thank you. [ Soft, breathy, low. His words barely carry over. ]
If the roles were reversed, know that I wouldn't hesitate to do the same.
After all...
You and I, we have a lot of demons we'll never let our loved ones fight.
[He sighs - a low, rattling noise that vibrates through his chest and into Kaito's body. He isn't used to this. He also thinks he doesn't deserve this.]
[But Kaito does, if only for a moment. He holds him solidly.]
...You're an idiot, you know that.
[(Grumpy) (But definitely affectionate despite his grumbling)]
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no subject
[MISTER SHOULDER NUDGE AND ALL]
[But the question makes him gaze out a little pensively.]
Water can take on the form of its container. It flows. It ebbs. It can storm up, it can be calm. You move here and there. But to hold you in one place, even in a container...it difficult. And you want it that way, don't you?
no subject
But the analysis shuts him up. Truth be told, he's heard most of the answer before. Mayne times before, in fact. That unfailing flexibility of his is probably how he's stayed alive, or won over as many men and gods as he has. He's even been told that he's difficult to pin down, literally or otherwise.
It's the last sentence that punches the air out of his lungs.
You want it that way, don't you?
The last time he heard anything close to those words was on a cold December morning, minutes before dawn. ]
[ An eternity passes in half a minute. Kaito flashes Verg another one of his trademark obnoxious smiles, but something heavy weighs down on his shoulders. ]
...Yeah, maybe.
Water's tricky like that, isn't it?
no subject
[He recognizes that look. He has no insight into people's emotions like he does, and neither does he have telepathy. But the fact is, when people are like you in more ways than one, you recognize your own habits like nothing else.]
[His own hand moves to the man's shoulder, clasping it.]
Ahn for your thoughts, Kaito.
no subject
He eventually pulls away to face Verg. ]
Thinking about someone from my past, is all.
—If you knew your presence would bring someone pain, what do you think the correct course of action is?
no subject
[The man's head rests against his. It twitches, momentarily, the fingertips brushing against the man's neck.]
[But he's already pulled back.]
Mm.
[What a question. His eyes dim.]
...I'd likely remove myself from their lives.
no subject
Coward.
That's probably the first thing someone might call you. Maybe it's how you see yourself. I wouldn't even disagree.
...But I also understand.
As someone who's made it his responsibility to protect others, it's only logical to acknowledge distance as a form of protection.
It will hurt them, sure. It'll probably hurt you more. It's wholly unfair.
But it's a necessary burden to bear, I think.
[ Kaito finally turns his gaze back up to the Fixer, smiling a bit too knowingly. ]
Agree? Disagree?
no subject
[But it's also about his sins. He can't have what he wants. It must always be out of reach.]
[This is his penance.]
[He exhales, and the breath sounds rough in his throat. Is this what other people see, though, looking at him?]
Regardless if I agree or disagree...would you say that you punish yourself, Kaito?
no subject
It's not so bad here, because there's no divine bounty on my soul.
But back home, someone pretty important has been trying to get me killed for the better part of a decade.
Anyone close to me inevitably gets caught in the crossfire. I almost got a girl killed, once.
[ Kaito laughs. Sighs. Looks away. ]
Never again.
no subject
[Again. Again, like before. How can this be? This man, so different, and yet its like he's a mirror copy in another body, born to live and suffer for every decision he's made.]
[He frowns deeply.]
And that someone important...you can't kill, I suppose.
no subject
I don't kill people. Remember the amusement park?
...And even if I did, I can't kill Death.
no subject
[He makes a little pinched face at the poke, hey, don't distract him from thinking about serious things!!]
What do you mean, Death? Surely not a metaphor?
no subject
[ Stop being cute. ]
Ishmael told me you don't really have gods or the like in the City.
We do, on Earth. I have an ongoing conflict with one of them.
no subject
...
[Gods, oh my. In the world of the City, he's sure the City itself would iron out a god into its system and use it for parts.]
Why? What did you do?
no subject
[ Kaito looks down, whispering the next words. ]
I was greedy.
no subject
You didn't want to let someone go, didn't you....?
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[ And in the same moment, his gaze hardens. ]
So I marched right into hell to bring them all back.
no subject
[He would absolutely do the same.]
[He wouldn't even hesitate.]
Did you succeed, Kaito...?
no subject
Yeah, I did. Of course I did. I had no other option.
And to this day, I carry most of the consequences in a nice little side pocket.
no subject
[He's reaching out to grab Kaito again by the shoulder. Hold on]
[This is what he doesn't like about Kaito, he thinks. Water, unable to be held...and he, like a fool, wanting to keep hm here, to sit him down, to keep him from escaping.]
Who was it?
no subject
But it's too late (again). Kaito's already told Verg so much. So much more than he'll tell anyone else, even Malkuth. At least, for now.
Why not give him a bit more?
With a slump and a sigh, Kaito cocks a glance over his shoulder. ]
My father, my grandfather, my step-mother, and my step-brother.
Everyone important to me at the time, murdered.
Murdered because of me.
no subject
[He shouldn't.]
[He really shouldn't.]
[Here is this man with a bleeding heart, wounded for years.]
[Maybe its because he know Kaito would forget this, eventually. Maybe that makes this easier. He thinks of Roland, with eyes hidden, eyes that were undoubtedly full of tears.]
[He pulls the man in for an embrace. That's all he can do. He can't fix Kaito and his past.]
[But he needs to do this.]
[He feels like he has to.]
no subject
This bastard. He surely isn't doing this out of pity. Kaito can kinda tell. Maybe it's because he'll forget, like how he's forgotten all the other instances of conversation today.
...But who cares? Right now, who gives a singular fuck? Kaito's hands lift, shaky but sure. He carefully wraps them around the arms looping him from behind.
With a sigh, a smile, and maybe a little sniffle, the empath leans his head back against Verg's shoulder. ]
...Thank you. [ Soft, breathy, low. His words barely carry over. ]
If the roles were reversed, know that I wouldn't hesitate to do the same.
After all...
You and I, we have a lot of demons we'll never let our loved ones fight.
Even though we should. Even though we deserve to.
no subject
[He sighs - a low, rattling noise that vibrates through his chest and into Kaito's body. He isn't used to this. He also thinks he doesn't deserve this.]
[But Kaito does, if only for a moment. He holds him solidly.]
...You're an idiot, you know that.
[(Grumpy) (But definitely affectionate despite his grumbling)]