( closed ) life like the unplumbed sea;

[transmit]

WHO: Elysium & friends(?)
WHAT: This is now just a catch-all for everything
WHERE: Everywhere
WHEN: 2024
WARNINGS: Blanket warning for possible explorations of dark themes in general, please tread at your own risk. I will, however, endeavour to include specifics in headers if applicable.

Comments

[bemist]

[ Well, good to know he isn't actively trying to provoke her. It doesn't take much, admittedly, but Gebura takes a moment to breathe. In, then out. The way a Fixer grounds themselves when their emotions start to press against the seams of their common sense.

Even though her fingers clench the top of the bed, scars aching. ]

I didn't think you'd stab them without a clear-cut reason. If anything's pissed me off about it, it's that you didn't bother to explain that reason to me yourself until I had to go digging for it.

... But we're not the same. [ It's true enough that she's not fully adjusted. She may never be fully adjusted, may always be truly confounded by what it means to have people like her without wanting anything from her in return. Especially when she is hardly at Elysium's level of caring or of effervescence, of anything truly ebullient. She doesn't choose to involve herself with others until they've forced their way in. ]

If I have to hurt the people around me, I will. If they're going to disregard that warning I gave them, there's nothing else I can do.

[transmit]

… I told you we'd talk later, didn't I? And I reached out to you, too. You can blame me for the sequence of events, but I was never planning on hiding anything from you.

[ Similar to how he's managed to elicit her irritation, there's something akin to frustration in his tone too. From the beginning of the mission all towards the end of it and now, maybe there is just the slightest bit of resentment. Even before his symptoms started worsening, has he had the chance to breathe?

Figuring out what to do with the kidnapped and weaponising his friends' kindness to facilitate what he'd thought was best for the mission; making sure Sampo wouldn't do anything more that he'd regret, showing him that he really wasn't alone, and stopping Siffrin from continuing on with their rampant revenge; the never ending influx of visitors and trying to navigate the warm but suffocating feeling in his chest, that he wonders if he'll ever be able to truly reciprocate; the untimely fate of the villagers' and their circumstances which eerily mirrored his own country's. Then finally, there was Ishmael and Wriothesley, and how he's barely afforded to to be there for her now.

In doing all that he could, he really did end up doing most of them half-heartedly. His head hurts. ]

That's why I used the word 'trying.' I did hurt Siffrin, after all. [ Another sigh, as a hand moves up to brush out sweat-soaked bangs. ] … But we've more than used up our ten minutes. If you want to continue this later, I can let you know when I'm discharged. Or… we can continue it through messages, if that's what you really want.

[ 'Elysium' himself sounds like he's about to shut down, though. ]

[bemist]

[ See, she thinks, not really all that soothed by the vindication of it. In the end, it's as she said. She'll hurt those around her, simply because she is who she is.

Because she's not Carmen, who had always found a way to convey her care. She's not Malkuth, who reaches out. The most she's ever been able to look out for others, in a way outside of protection... were her employees-turned-Assistant Librarians. And that was just in battle.

It's not hard to look at Eysium now and realize that he's at his limit.

Another breath, and then Gebura straightens, looking down at him. She doesn't say anything for a minute, and it seems that will be it, that she'll leave silently.

But for just a few seconds, her hand descends, fingers brushing over his hair in a very brief motion, disheveling him further, before she turns on her heel. ]

Keep me updated when you've recovered.

[ And she leaves. ]