( closed ) life like the unplumbed sea;

[transmit]

WHO: Elysium & friends(?)
WHAT: This is now just a catch-all for everything
WHERE: Everywhere
WHEN: 2024
WARNINGS: Blanket warning for possible explorations of dark themes in general, please tread at your own risk. I will, however, endeavour to include specifics in headers if applicable.

Comments

[transmit]

[ It's not a matter of confiding; Elysium doesn't think it is. Tight-lipped smile concealing the urge to sigh and voice that very thought, it's telling, in its own way, that he finds himself longing again for the freedom of travel, even if he knows the people around him deserve more than his quiet escapism. ]

… The time we spent together wasn't meaningless. Even if I'm not the type to place too much weight on the passage of it, the hikes we took and the days we spent doing everything and nothing in particular—they're no less significant than any other memory I've made here so far.

That said, I can't confide feelings that don't exist, nor do I want others to worry over matters that are already resolved or set in stone. If you wanted me to break down why I landed myself here to begin with, I pushed myself too hard and stepped into altercations involving those afflicted by the kaiju. But I don't begrudge anyone for it, just as I took those who caught glimpses of my past and my world in stride.

[ Working his way down the list, he methodically checks off each box he'd intentionally sidestepped, one by one. ]

If you want to know how I feel, in general… I'm just tired. I tell people not to overextend themselves, but if it's so important to them that they're willing to risk their wellbeing for, it isn't really my place to hold them back. Because, I'm the same. [ His being here, he means, is probably something that would've happened regardless of anyone's intervention. ] Eventually, we do have to pick ourselves back up. Life's too short to linger on things that can't be changed, and that's a perspective I've held both before and after my infection.

Giving accounts is easy. [ … ] As for why I ran myself so ragged… [ expression shifting, just a bit, a softer smile carrying something between fondness and resolve, ] one of the things I'll always refuse to do is abandon a comrade. Does that elucidate things for you?

please be asleep at 3am 🙏 I WILL TRY TO WRAP THIS UP

[penaltypoints]

[ For a while, Yesod says nothing. He studies the changing shape of Elysium's smile, listens to every word, quiet at first even after Elysium finishes. None of it is what he wanted, but his attempts to assure Elysium of that have only made matters worse.

Ultimately, this is hardly the time to explain himself further, to lay out the ways in which he has felt the need to mitigate the risks of unquestioningly indulging in Elysium's offered friendship, why he himself consequently holds the view that Elysium owes him nothing. It isn't the place to examine his own heart's flaws.

He tries to put an end to it, then, and smother foolish wishes. ]

...I came here because I wanted to be certain that you are not in further immediate danger.

[ That, at least, has been confirmed. ]

All of this... is unnecessary.

coincidentally it is once again 3am

[transmit]

[ His gaze meets Yesod's—or at least makes the attempt. 'Is it really?' is what he could ask. But instead, he doesn't, sealing the question away just as Yesod does, offering only a thin smile for his thoughts. ]

Sure. Sorry for getting so longwinded—call it holdover from my previous profession. Trust and clear communication are everything, both on and off the battlefield. Keeping things in… that's how they boil over.

[ A brusque laugh. ]

I'll refrain from such unnecessary explanations in the future. My bad.

3AM... NO...

[penaltypoints]

[ Yesod's fingers catch in the edge of the sheet covering Elysium's body, scrunching the fabric between them. He has leaned forward, hands outstretched, without consciously choosing to move — he notices it himself a moment later, too late to undo it. Keeping things in until they boil over... It's funny that Elysium says that to him, as if Elysium was there to see him rotting from within, all of it laid bare after an eternity in hell. ]

...Trust and clear communication are everything...

[ But what good would it do to admit that he is in pain? He has no explanation for it himself. ]

Are all communications specialists in the habit of misinterpreting others' words?

[transmit]

[ Something bright and sharp flickers across his gaze, a glimmer of triumph that suggests he's finally grasped what he's been angling for all along. His eyes briefly dart to Yesod's hands before locking onto his, intent and unyielding. ]

If I'm misinterpreting something, it's on you to clarify what you mean. So, all of it isn't unnecessary, then?

[penaltypoints]

[ Yesod withdraws his hands, crossing his arms, folding himself out of the way as best he can. He holds Elysium's gaze. I'm sorry he still isn't punching him... ]

Do you believe that I wanted you to formulate a report, as if you are one of my subordinates? That I wanted information, at any cost? The issue is not that I find it longwinded or meaningless.