( closed )

[lifeprice]

WHO: Denji and Aki
WHAT: Post-memory sharing
WHERE: Vegas room
WHEN: During the memory share event
WARNINGS: N/A, possible CSM spoilers

[ Emerging from the dreams - the memories - is an exhausting experience.

Aki is getting tired of it, being drawn in, being forced to witness his own grief or someone else's, and slipping away from what Denji had been forced to share makes him feel a little bit wrecked. This is the last thing he wanted to see, especially when his own loss and pain has been so fresh in his mind, but he does what he can to shove it away. He pushes it aside, forces himself to move forward and try not to dwell.

The sight of Denji's tears. The way he broke, the way his grief was clearly a weight on him, knowing the reasons why, because Aki had - he had gone to the beach - he had been there, he had shared himself, he is the one who stumbled into his own demise.

They're sat together now, and Aki reaches up, to rub his hand over his face and force himself to breathe in and out. This is a similar situation to when Denji came and spoke to him before, and when he lets his fingers drop away, he turns to look at the boy - no, the man - beside him, reaching out to wrap an arm around him, to try and draw him close, to offer any kind of comfort or warmth that he can.

Is he able to do that any more? Is he the kind of person that Denji would turn to for that? Or has it been too long?

Can Aki be here, at his side, now? ]

I'm sorry. I don't think you wanted me to see that.

Comments

[nutkick]

[ denji didn't even know how to process this anymore. it's one thing after another, constantly, aggressively, endlessly - and he's tired. he's tired of feeling like he has no control over anything. he can't even protect anyone anymore. being in this city was his one chance to start over, and he thought he could, finally, stop hurting aki more than he had already done. he thought he could see him happy again, smiling and enjoying himself. denji was stupid enough to believe they could ever have any level of normalcy and then ... this happens.

he felt bare. he felt vulnerable, cheated, and stripped out of what tiny ounce of control he had. aki was not meant to see any of this; he wasn't supposed to see how he left them, how denji blamed himself for it, how he had to clean aki's closet and fold his clothes neatly. he wasn't supposed to see his last conversation with power and how they lost each other when aki was no longer there to keep them safe.

denji didn't know how long it's been since they'd shared that memory, when it started and when it ended ... he just knew they didn't speak to each other for a while; both trying to process what's been forced on them. the silence was daunting, but also welcoming. when he felt the other's touch on him— the weight of his arm around his body, it took everything in himself to keep it together. for a very, very brief second, it did seem like denji was about to pull away as if a part of him knew he didn't deserve aki's sympathy after everything. it was all his fault. why is aki here comforting him?!

but, like a selfish bastard, who is touch-starved and greedy as hell - he leaned into it, resting his head on the other's shoulder; subtly holding his own hands together over his lap, squeezing on his fingers, trying to stop them from shaking. ]

I didn't. I'm sorry you had to ...