synflux | ( catchall ) i have seafoam in my veins

[ come to think of it, that one chance encounter she'd had with dante that culminated at the photo wall didn't really count as a consultation. she should have a proper sit-down with dante, get them up to speed. and also... to untangle the complicated feelings that she's been sporting even before the horrific mission happened.

it's almost funny, coming back to this room again. this was like her second room to her, along with his big strong arms embracing and supporting her. but now, when she knocks at the door of the revelation room -- ]

Dante? It's me.

[ well. at least its new inhabitant is just as supportive. ]

< Just a moment! >

[The door opens not long after, and Dante steps aside to let her in.]

< Sorry for the... nothing. It's kind of bleak in here, I know. >

[They really haven't been doing all that much aside from staring out the window. They've grown so used to the view outside their window always moving that a still cityscape is fascinating in a completely different way.]

...I'd say.

[ wriothesley had always kept his room plain and tidy, but it usually has a lingering scent of the tea he'd brew that day. now, she smells nothing of note.

she snaps herself out of gazing into space, shaking her head before welcoming herself inside and... hm, should she take the chair since she's only visiting? or the bed since this is essentially a therapy session? choices, choices. ]

I should've brought a housewarming gift, then. Roomwarming? Whichever you call it.

[They don't immediately respond, watching her as she stares off at something only she can see. Did something happen between then and now? Or did something about this blank, empty room bother her?]

< It's fine. I've got plenty of time to start figuring out what I want to do with it, right? >

[Another chair, for one. Or something to make their bed into more of a seat.]

< You think you'd be more comfortable in the chair or on the bed? >

[ she stares at the bed. this bed doesn't look too different from how wriothesley had made it, but this was still the same bed that she used to seek solace in, when work was getting to her. they'd made a lot of memories on this bed, and now --

now she has to snap out of that dream once more. she shakes her head again. ]

...I'll take the chair. Thanks.

[ moseys on over there and takes a seat. okay, calm down. she is here for a reason, after all. ]

[They're sure of it now.]

< Ishmael, what's going on? Something about this place is making you uncomfortable, isn't it? >

This was Wriothesley's room.

[ might as well spit it out now. ]

Don't worry, Manager. [ she swallows. ] Let's get on with the program. I'll... have to get over it at some point, right?

[Their stomach drops. And they take a moment to think.]

< ...Maybe. But that doesn't mean that point has to be right now. If you know somewhere else we can go, I don't mind moving if you don't. All that matters is that it's somewhere private so you can speak freely. >

It's okay! Really.

[ hurriedly raises both her hands ]

I'm actually glad that you got this room out of everyone else here. At least I'll have more excuses to visit.

[ ... ]

But maybe lying down on the bed might help. [ like an actual visit to a therapist (if they even existed in the City) (probably not) ]

[They nod, deciding to follow her lead on this one, and go to sit at the desk, leaving the bed to her.]

< I guess this is as good a place to start as any. Is there anything about the fact that I have this room that is bothering you? It'll be awhile before I can change things to make it more comfortable, but I can try and see what I can do. >

< And don't worry about me when you answer, either. Just answer honestly. >

[So she gets the chance to let those feelings out too.]

[ fine, fine. she gets up from the chair and walks on over to the bed and lies down on it. as expected: ]

Well, he didn't decorate much when he was still here. But there are just some things that are a little off, like the fact that this bed doesn't smell like him anymore.

[ a beat. ]

Actually, scratch that. It's embarrassing. [ ahem. ] I guess I'm just not used to such drastic change. This isn't the first time, you know. People come and go from here all the time -- we're like independent contractors, the way I say it. It just hits me harder this time, is all.

[To be fair, that's not something they can comment on, lacking a nose and all...]

< Well, yeah. > [They nod.] < It's not the same as a contract or the end of a mission. Of course it'd feel different. And it was someone you cared about. More than most other people. >

< The closest thing I can even think of is Yuri, all the way back from our first mission. But even then that's not the same thing either, is it? >

[ wings, their first foray into an l corp branch felt like it happened ages ago. ]

We only had Yuri for one mission. No, it's kind how Heathcliff distorted because...

[ her voice trails off as she wracks her brain for it. ]

I don't... remember, actually. It's been bothering me for a while now, and I'm worried that I'll forget this burden I'm carrying, too.

[They look away, staring down at the desk. It's not the first time Catherine--or the hole in the world that was once her presence--has been brought up around them. But every time they're reminded of what they did atop Wuthering Heights that day, the enormity of it all settles deep. Their shameful burden, as one of only two who remember.]

< That's not something you have to worry about. You won't forget. Not like that. >

[ they're hiding something. ishmael can tell that much. but she continues to uphold some of the secrecies they're not allowed to tell other people despite being in a world that the Head shouldn't reach -- but it's the Head. who knows what they're capable of. better to err to the side of caution than getting killed on the spot. ]

Yeah. I... He left me a lot of trinkets. Even one from his own person, before he died.

[ his Vision, which she continues to polish and hide in her bedside drawer every night. ]

But moving on in general is harder this time, I think. In the City, we're always moving from one place to another constantly, having no time to process what'd just happened. But now we have more than enough time to kill. I'm still adjusting to it.

[They don't know if she's continuing for their sake or her own, but they're grateful nonetheless.]

< Is that a bad thing for you? Or is it just, well.. an adjustment? >

An adjustment. Mostly.

[ she turns over on the bed, peering at dante. ]

Manager. You'll have to understand that mostly everyone here came from worlds that aren't as unforgiving as the City. They had it much easier than us. They didn't have to go through the things we had to do just to see another day. [ a strained smile. ] They're kind people. They'd dropped off care packages for me. They'd taken me out drinking. They'd "kidnapped" me [ complete with airquotes ] and drove me outside Neo Tokyo just to stargaze.

Gestures like that aren't common in the City. And it was... nice. [ she closes her eyes, lets a single tear fall down her cheek. ] It made me feel loved.

[No. No they aren't. And if they were home, that sort of thing still wouldn't happen. It's just as she said, there was never any time. One thing to the next, strictly scheduled, assignment after assignment. Only a handful of stops to rest, and now they wonder if that time spent was long enough to even matter.]

< I'm... sorry. >

[They don't know why they're apologizing, or even what apologizing will do. But nothing else feels right to say.]

[ she opens her eyes at their apology and just... huffs out a small chuckle. she herself has changed a lot since coming here. she knows that. but dante is still the same old dante, even when they've grown a spine since the Great Lake. ]

I was just thinking out loud.

[ she sits up on the bed, rubbing at her eyes. ]

There's nothing to apologize for, Dante. If anything, I should be the one doing that for laying all of this on you when you've barely gotten your feet wet in this world.

< No, no! It's fine, really. This is the kind of thing I'm here for. I just wish I could be of more help. >

[Somehow this sort of thing feels a lot easier when a Golden Bough is involved. And they wouldn't call that easy to begin with.]

Like I said, you just got here. Don't push yourself too hard when there's only just me and Rodion for you to manage right now.

[ rodion. not rodya. ]

[That doesn't escape their notice. They pause, and then look at Ishmael more intently.]

< Did something happen between you two? ?

[ she huffs, a more annoyed one this time. ]

She just... caught me at a very bad time. I'm going to have to talk to her inevitably.

[Dante leans forward.]

< Ishmael, I know I've been gone for a year from your perspective, but this kind of thing is what I'm here for too. What happened? >

[ she clicks her tongue. fine, fine. she was hoping she can resolve this on her own without dante's help, but -- ]

I snapped at her. She wanted to bring me out of my shell since the incident by hanging out with the others, and... well. Our circle of friends [ yes dante they have OTHER FRIENDS ] have been paired up and I really, really didn't want to ruin the mood by being there on my lonesome.

[ envy can really fuck up someone's perspective, yet here she is. ]

It's stupid, I know. But I'll take care of it. At least I didn't try to kill her this time.

( catchall ) i have seafoam in my veins

⏰ @followyourstar

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