synflux | [catchall] time to live like we're dying

Oh, true. If that means we can't sleep tonight, we should sit up with hot chocolate or something.

[ We'll find a bright spot, though it would be nice if they knew who they were. She's just not entirely holding her breath here. ]

Not a bad idea. If it does work, let's get drinks. We can celebrate the good memories and forget the bad ones again.

[ He's joking. Mostly. Just in case whatever they're hit with is too difficult to process sober. He's under no illusions his past self had it good. ]

Some kind of fruity cocktail if we remember, and hot chocolate if we don't? Now you're talking.

[ It means more bonding time he's just signed himself up for, of his own free will-- ]

[ Hanging out with March has started to feel natural, Elan isn't even thinking about it in terms of bonding. He flips to the last page of the forms which contains a waver spelling out in a long paragraph all the risks of the procedure. Headache, nausea, dizziness, light and sound sensitivity, scrambled memories... ]

Last chance to back out. [ Not because of the side effects, though they're worth considering. Memories can change a person. ] It's not like you have to go digging up the past if you're fine with the way things are now.

That was always my goal, though. To get my memories back, whether they're bad or not.

[ She heaves a sigh, scanning the waiver before she signs it. Doing the thing with Fu Xuan had also left her feeling nauseous and dizzy. This won't be anything new. ]

So it's okay. Maybe I'll be someone even more lovable than before!

[ Her confidence was never an issue, apparently. ]

[ That's the spirit! ]

I have a feeling my past self was a real piece of work.

[ He should probably sound less chipper at the prospect of becoming worse. All that said, he can't imagine changing too much. They may have wiped his memories and everything else about him, but they couldn't erase his personality. He scribbles his "signature" on the waver and stands up when he's called. ]

See you in an hour.

[ She waves him off, gaze sympathetic.

... But she'll be called shortly after, so.

Nausea and migraines for all!!

Which is to say when she's gradually led back to the lobby, she just looks like she's had a rough night of sleep, and not because of the resurgence of any memories but because of stomach issues or something. ]

[ Elan's already in the lobby, splayed out on the seat nursing a headache and looking lost in thought. When she returns he sits up right away, trying to read her expression to tell how the treatment went for her. He cracks a tired grin. ]

You look like you didn't get enough beauty sleep! Am I still speaking to March 7th?

Ugh, shut up... I'm always a pretty girl.

[ She feels awful, though. ]

I'm just now March 7th who needs to lie down, no memories unlocked.

No luck, huh.

[ Mood. Lying down sounds good about now. ]

It was a stupid idea. Come on, let's get out of here.

[ Getting to his feet, he extends his hand to her. ]

[ March accepts it without any kind of complaint, focusing on just getting them out of there without either of them falling over. She won't say anything until they exit, though. ]

I don't think it was a stupid idea. If I'd spotted it first, I would have invited you too.

So maybe we're both stupid. But then again, imagine if we'd ignored it and it would have brought our memories back.

[ He gives a shrug and steers them towards the trains. ]

I don't know, maybe it's time I cut my losses. Even if I remembered, it's not as if I'd want to go back to being that person. You know what I mean?

[ Especially when his past self made some fucking bad decisions that got him in the hot waters he was in. Even if he remembered his real name, he doesn't know if he would want to go by it. He had asked March whether she was sure about going through with the treatment, but in reality, he's the one who's been having second thoughts. ]

Kind of. I'd still at least like to learn about who I was before that, but I also get that some people have reasons to... not want to remember. And if it turned out I was bad, I wouldn't want to go back either. But hopefully the memories I've made since then would make that a moot point.

[ She says this all through a pounding headache and she should be praised. ]

... Did you ever figure out what you wanted to go by?

Haven't thought about it in a while. We had bigger things to worry about - literally. Besides, I've been getting along fine without one.

[ Which is just a roundabout way to say he hasn't made any progress. Honestly, his name isn't even in the list of top ten things that bother him after a year of conscription under LILITH. Nothing like almost being murdered by kaiju to put your troubles into perspective. Now that they finally have off time, he has no desire to spend his vacation agonizing over picking a name. ]

Well, maybe you're okay with it, but not calling you something is rough on me.

[ Please! Won't someone think of March?? ]

[ If it were anyone else he would brush them off and say it's not his problem, but he is not immune to March's pouting. ]

Not everyone can pick a name out of thin air like you. ...I'm working on it. You can call me whatever you want in the meantime.

"Whatever I want" is kinda dangerous, you know. But I'll think about it.

[ When her head stops hurting, maybe. ]

I didn't say I would answer to it if I don't feel like it. You can't do worse than I've already heard anyway.

[ Elan remarks nonchalantly. He's already earned himself one or two annoying nicknames he will simply turn a deaf ear to. As they chat, the next train comes rumbling in and they pack into it along with several other civilians. ]

... Oh, do tell.

[ A little mischievously, even as they trundle onto the train and she nudges them into a pair of seats so she can slump unceremoniously against him. Not proper train posture, no, but she doesn't really care at the moment. ]

Let's just say if you ever want to know how people really feel about you, nicknames say a lot.

[ He would share if the names were bad in a funny way, but alas, they don't bear repeating. They're either downright insulting or reduce him to his gundam piloting which is the last thing he wants to make his identity. And people wonder why he's fed up with names!

Hopefully this isn't a crowded train because he's immediately manspreading and getting comfortable when he collapses into the seat, glancing over when he feels her weight against him. ]

You can nap if you want. I'll wake you when we reach our stop.

[ So they're not great nicknames, huh.

March's brow furrows in clear disapproval--not of him, of what that answer implies, but she mumbles an answer that's probably along the lines of "I'll be fine."

... Which is a lie, she definitely dozes off against him in a matter of minutes, weight still trustingly rested against him while her mind is a flurry of possible nicknames that won't ever insult him. ]

[ Elan finds himself closing his eyes as the train rumbles along, not intending to sleep but the next thing he knows, he's slumped against her, they're several stations ahead, and the speakers are announcing their stop. He jolts awake. ]

Shit. [ He taps March's arm frantically, ready to grab her and bolt. ] Wake up. Wake up!

[catchall] time to live like we're dying

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