[ open ] bad memory catch all

[photosympathies]

WHO: Vash / Geto + OTA.
WHAT: Memory share stuff for both my guys, I just figured it was easier to compile them in a log.
WHERE: N/A
WHEN: Throughout the event.
WARNINGS: Separate trigger warnings in each post.

ooc: just what it says on the tin. i'll link each memory post in my characters top levels and you can send whomever you like. please heed the trigger warnings and if i've missed something please let me know. ♥

Comments

vash the stampede ( trigun: stampede / everlight )

[photosympathies]

ooc: I think it's more fun to get to experience the memories together, so Vash and whomever is with him get to witness all of these things as a kind of objective outsider. For ones without more needed I'll mark them as standalones! trigger warnings: violence, parental loss, amputation, brainwashing, loss of agency, dubious consent, potential drowning, experimentation, dismemberment, burning, disintegration, Millions Knives in general.

Bad Memories

oo1. Episode #1: No Man's Land.

( The ship hallway is rife with noise, the sounds of faraway explosions echoing along the narrow corridor. A robotic metal voice drones from hidden speakers, insistent - All parties please evacuate as quickly as possible - while a boy's feet squeak along the flooring, breath coming in sharp, panicked pants. ) Nai?

( Vash, here, calls a voice from behind him, and the boy - small, blond, wearing a smock like fabric - turns frantically on his heel and throws himself at the woman approaching. Rem Saverem is tall, dark-haired, kind as she bends down to catch him, cradling the back of his head. To her side, the mirror image of the boy in her arms, fairer-haired, more steady, watching them both. Vash's voice turns high with fear. )

Wait, what's going on? Why does it say we're in freefall?

oo2. Episode #3: Bright Light Shine Through Darkness

( There is blood on the floor, a corpse lain armless amidst the pool of it. At the piano there sits a figure, shrouded from view. He is in Vash's sights, the barrel of his gun pointed directly at the other's head, knuckles white and his face a picture of terror rarely seen. The figure's voice, when it comes, is soft, hands lifting to delicately shut the lid of the instrument, unhurried. Have you ever wondered what it's like to speak with a God? There is sweat on Vash's temple, teeth grimaced in fear. Vash, the voice says, pleased. It's been so long. I see you're still lugging around that gun. )

Why are you here? ( Vash's voice shakes. ) For the plant, or -?

( Disdain ripples, the voice continues. I'm taking it back. It belongs to me. Or rather, it belongs to us. )

oo3. Episode 5: Child of Blessing
standalone.

Listen, Rollo! Hear me.

( He is pleading with a great hulking figure, who throws him off with a grunt. They fight, and Rollo, enraged, manages to grab him by the throat, knocking Vash's gun too far from his reach. He slams him into the rocky surface with a snarl, meaty fingers around his windpipe and then continues to slam him again, and again, and again, and again.

He can barely get his words out, held up by the throat, body limp. )

Rollo, I'm sorry. You were just a kid. ( Through tears. ) I promised I'd be there to save you. ( At this, they start to falter more, choked off. ) But I --. I'm late. And I'm sorry. I'm here now to keep my word to you. Now you won't have to be alone ever again.

( From somewhere else, the sound of glass, Wolfwood's angry voice, and the beam of Punisher's light as it cuts through the figure holding Vash in place. The horror comes, the body falling away, Vash drops to his feet with a scream and tries to reach for Rollo's hand. )

oo4. Episode 9: Millions Knives.

( Vash, his blood-soaked twin brother says, join me and we shall build a paradise. They stand apart from each other on a metal walkway, dead plants suspended in their tanks, soldiers torn to peices behind Millions Knives. Vash stares at him in shock, horrorified as he continues, blades between his knuckles. Forget humanity, free our brethren from the foul humans. )

You can't. Rem told us plants can't survive without humans. You remember, don't you? When plants don't have people to take care of them, they use up all of their energy in one burst and then die. ( His brother continues speaking, derisive laugh evident in his voice. Can't say I'm shocked you bought into that lie. No matter how comfortable they might be chains are chains. That's why they need us, we are free will. We are evolution. My brother, we are power. Millions Knives moves, throwing himself into the group of men surrounding them slaughtering each one as they take aim. Vash watches on as he lifts a soldier's gun and laughs.

With the twitch of a finger, the sinners can take a life from afar. Their weaponry, their cowardice is tangible. Should serve as a fitting arm for a human lover like you. The same gun is often attached to Vash's hip around the base, but the boy in the memory takes holds onto it with mounting horror. Our kind will face destruction Millions Knives continues, or face deliverence. I'm ready to be the saviour that they need. All we must do now is begin. )

What are you planning?

( Millions Knives laughs, just as a woman calls Vash's name from behind. )

oo5. To A New Word

( He is dropped in a tank of water, limbs careening with Vash. He very clearly does not know how to swim and his feet kick out, panicked. His brother cuts through a second later, the backdrop of their sister's bodies waiting, suspended in the pool alongside them. Calm yourself, brother, Millions Knives' croons, and from inside of his body the blades start to shift, spiking out towards Vash with purpose. He tries to fight them off, kicking, choking on the liquid surrounding them, but then they get past his guard. One, two, three blades slide neatly into his spinal column and Vash freezes, gasping out. Good, Knives continues, now let us begin.

At at once the fight leaves Vash, his face going blank, vacant, plant markings blossoming as ink black tendrils sprout from his back. There are voices, somewhere, muffled. A man's, and a woman's. Vash does not hear them. The roots grow, each one connecting to the body of a plant against their stomach, his own slowly leaching colour, turning the same dead shade. )

oo6. To A New Word
standalone.

( The boys are in a computer room on the spaceship. Knives stands by a console, and Vash hovers by the door, voice in a whine. ) We shouldn't be here.

( She's hiding something. You have to be curious too. Knives taps away, the security system turning red with denial. But Vash creeps closer, his own hand swiping in the code with a laugh, childish. On the screen are their profiles, scientific evaluation of the two boys, and then ... a third independent. What's project code type T? It says another Independent was born here about fifty years ago. That's news to me. Vash frowns, looking away. )

They keep the ships whole history? In here?

( Behind him, Knives pushes a button, and hydrolics start leaking steam, the floor below them opening. The room turns red as tanks lift from the ground, the twins cowering together. What is inside horrifies them - an arm, a tongue, a lung, intestines, an eye. Behind them the screen flashes one word - ALIVE - as the center tank comes into view and the boys witness the body of a girl. The screaming starts immediately after )

oo7. High Noon At July

( His arm no longer looks right, dark and celestial, glowing with the purple light of the cube set inside it. Two winged figures fight high above the ground, sharp and alien. Vash is different now, the usual red of his coat has turned black, hair standing on edge as he struggles, trying to throw his brother off as he hurtles every upward. )

Let go, Nai! ( Vash's voice, a shrill desperate edge. ) I can't hold it back anymore. It'll destroy the planet and the plants with it!

( I'll use this energy, Knives snarls, communicating with someone else on the ground, and push it back into Vash. I'll pry the entrance to the higher plane open. Vash - Directed his brother's way now, You! You fool! Forget the scum and give it to me! Vash tries to throw him off, Knives grasping for the cube, hands around the shape of his new appendage, desperate. We're running out of time, listen to me brother. This is a war! Let's gather our allies! Leave humanity, and start to build our paradise. A world where we are free. That is the only way.

Vash turns, the wind of their ascent ruffling through his hair, face a desperate wreck. ) Who are you? We've grown so different that I don't think I even know you anymore!

( And who are you? You adore them. They work us into the ground and don't care that we die. You and I, the humans will never understand our Independence, Vash. Never! They will only ever see us as their slaves. )

That isn't true!

006 oops there was tesla i am just blind

[newphew]

[ hunter watches this play out with trepidation. he doesn't immediately recognize the child as vash -- but when they say "independent", he starts to twig on ]

[ that's right, vash had a brother, didn't he? ]

[ and.... apparently, another one of his kind. except she's in pieces. literally. hunter gasps out loud, and covers his hand with his mouth. worse when it flashes 'alive' ]

Alive...?

[ who would do this? ]

ahahahahhaa

[photosympathies]

( The memory fades just as Rem is about to burst through the door to the boys, and Vash blinks furiously for a minute where he's stood, previously just passing. One hand reaches out to steady himself against the wall, his head tilted ever so slightly so that he can't be seen through the lenses of his glasses, but he still tries to smile a little, wry and unsettled. )

Hunter? Oh, wow. Guess it's my turn, huh? That's no fun.

( He'd forgotten, is the thing. He'd forgotten just how frightened Nai had been too. How the terror had seized them both. Tesla, their sister. In pieces but still living. What happened to her when the ship went down? Vash doesn't know. Does his brother? )

I'm sorry you had to see that. ( Voice strained, careful. ) Are you okay?

c:

[newphew]

[ even if vash tries to hide his face, hunter can hear the way his voice strained, how he trembles. it's a horrifying memory, and vash just relived it ]

You're not okay. And you don't have to be.

[ rather than answer the question, he goes with that. then, hesitantly... puts a hand on vash's back, like he barely knows what he's doing ]

.... It's not your fault. It's.... whatever caused this. [ the rift? hunter doesn't know ]

That was.... your brother, right? And...

[ sister? ]

[photosympathies]

It was. ( And then, swallowing. ) And Tesla. The first Independent. Our sister.

( A century had done little to dull the horror of it, but seeing it with fresh adult eyes certainly brings it all back. He's glad for the hand on his back, grounding as it is. He thinks if Hunter hadn't been around maybe he would have just fled out into the desert like he keeps trying not to do. Vash feels unsettled either way, shaken. He doesn't know what happened to her during the Fall. Would Nai?

Is that where it all started? )

I'd forgotten how young he was. Nai. I'd forgotten he was just as scared.

[newphew]

Who did that to her?

[ experimented on her, like she was a thing? it makes hunter upset and agitated to think about on its own, nevermind that he'd seen her in pieces. ]

[ alive ]

You were both children.

[ younger than hunter is now, not that hunter considers himself a child. even though he is one ]

[photosympathies]

I don't know, I - the humans, maybe. The ones on the ship. We hadn't been told about her before, we didn't know she existed. We thought we were the first. And they -. I think he thought we were next. I think that's what started it.

( Vash hadn't been able to blame Rem in the same way. She had loved them, he was sure of it. She wanted to protect them. But he can see where the fear of her had started, really. He blinks at the empty space where the containers had just been. )

I don't even know what happened to her. We crashed shortly after this. I never saw anyone to ask. Rem told us not to think about it.

[newphew]

Why he turned against everyone?

[ he remembers that much from wolfwood. vash's brother was dangerous, and murderous. hunter knows that much. he remembers, even though it's been months since wolfwood's disappearance. ]

You crashed?

[ what does that mean for them? for tesla? ]

[photosympathies]

All of the ships did. It was my fault.

( He was the one who'd given his brother the codes. He was to blame. A deep yawning grief stretches itself thin inside of him, the memories making it fresh. )

I should have looked. But I'd -. ( A swallow. ) Rem was dead, and Nai was ... I'd run away. And I got sick, and then I wasn't allowed outside for a while. ( A nice way of describing his imprisonment. HOME became something kinder to him eventually, but -. ) You think you have all the time in the world to figure stuff out, but you don't, not really.

ALL OF THEm???????????

[wwtd]

[ watching vash's past unfold in front of her, so much like that time she traversed yato's memories of sakura is like a nightmare. how quickly things spiraled out of control. how much vash has been through. how much he loved his brother. how much it tears him apart, how much it tears hiyori apart to see him have to fight his twin for humanity -

even though humans are what hurt nai.

it's at the end, where she can't help but cry out. right along with vash. ]

That isn't true!

[ she doesn't know if vash can hear her, but the thought is so loud in her mind that it seems to manifest. echoing with his cry. some humans might see them like that, she can't say whether they do or don't, but not all humans.

not her. ]

Vash loves humans and you, Nai! Why can't you see that?! Why do you have to make him choose?! What kind of brother does that?! You've been treating him poorly, too!

hiyori watches trigun stampede in its entirety right up until bbq knives

[photosympathies]

He's not going to hear you, Hiyori.

( It comes from behind her, a voice exhausted, still heartsick. Memory magic, maybe. Because it's the version of Vash she knows, red coat, orange glasses, hair floppier. The fight still unfolds before them, the two remaining Independents clashing together, again and again. Her Vash offers up a sad little smile, gaze on the way they hurtle through space before them. The memory of his brother keeps snarling as Vash moves to join her, side by side, hand twitching like he might reach out to Hiyori but thinks better of it. It isn't a pretty sight. What he is here, what he has become. Wake up already! Millions Knives yells, Nothing has changed since that day all those years ago. How long will you remain the hunted?. Memory Vash's voice breaks, desperate in response. I don't care if they hunt me! I'll just run away! I'll run, and I'll run, and I'll keep on running for another lifetime if I have to! But after everything calms down I'll always go back to their side. There's ... no choice. 'Cause I'm Vash the Stampede. )

That's embarrassing.

( He chuckles, but it's weak, falls short. Two fingers creep under his glasses, rub at the bridge of his nose. )

I should have tried harder.

( The cube begins to crack, Vash flinches, turns half away from the image before them. What if he watches again now and finds some irrefutable proof that his brother does not survive? What if he sees it unfold without the haze of his own fear? What if he's dead? He looks at Hiyori instead, eyes wet. ) I'm sorry you've had to see this. It's going to be over soon. This is the last thing I remember before here.

on her anime top 5 list now

[wwtd]

[ not expecting someone to speak from behind her, she tenses and turns. seeing vash gives her a brief moment of relief before she turns back around to watch vash and knives again. watches them fight with her heart in her throat, hand coming up to cover her mouth.

this isn't how family is supposed to be. and it's clear to her, despite this fight and everything, vash never stopped loving his brother. though it isn't pretty, she never looks away. not an inch of disgust crosses her face as she witnesses what vash is forced to become. as knives continues to shout and coerce his brother into coming to his side.

it's all so, so, so familiar.

she turns around again at his embarrassment. at his chuckle. at his strain and exhaustion in just watching. for a moment, she's speechless. tried harder? to do what...?

it's seeing the tears in his eyes, at his apology, that has her lurching forward, throwing her arms around his neck, and pulling him down into a fierce hug. fiercer than anything else as she clutches at his red coat. ]

No. No, I'm sorry. It's not fair. You went through so much. Lost so much. Both of you. I don't know how much harder you could've tried, Vash. You said it yourself. He didn't... he didn't give you a choice.

Some people... don't want to be saved.

[ the tears slip. for vash and for nai. ]

bless her sweet heart.

[photosympathies]

( He really does try to keep it together. He has all the best intentions. But Hiyori reaches for him and Vash just folds into the hug, the weight of his grief almost too much to bear. He's crying without even really knowing it, the sound of that last fight still revolving around them. No matter how much he pleads with his brother, no matter the desperation. He hears the other version of himself scream, the pain tearing him up as they start hurtling down towards the ground, can hear his voice shake when he says don't Nai, it will kill you. When he closes his eyes and buries his face in Hiyori's hair it's to avoid the bright light of them burning up, Millions Knives' manic laughter too loud, before it gives itself to that same fear, twin sides of a coin. Don't be silly now brother, Nai has long been dead. You should know, for you killed him. Give it to me. Take me back. I will see it through. I'll make my world. No pain, and no more fear. I was almost there. I'll win it someday. A home, for you and me. A paradise. A paradise for us.

Vash, the real one, the memory fading on his own scream, whimpers. )

I left him behind, Hiyori. I ran away. I didn't want this. ( They're back now, the same corridor from when the memory took them, and Vash pulls too sharply away, covers his face with his hands when there's no more sight of his brother. ) He hurt so many people, but I -. I don't want this. What am I going to do i-if he's dead. I came here, and I don't know. I've been trying t-to ...

( What? Survive. There's an agony about staying in one place. Vash isn't able to escape himself here. And now Hiyori's seen it, the thing he is, the terrible shape of things. He wipes at his eyes, tears streaming. )

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Q_Q

[wwtd]

[ without thinking about it, when vash crumples into her, she cradles the back of his head like rem did when he was young. she keeps his face to her shoulder, but she looks over his head at the battle. vash doesn't have to watch it again, he already lived it, but she'll watch for vash's sake. listens to vash begging his brother to choose to live, instead of this. to die.

it's almost too bright to keep watching, but she does. eyes wide, horror stricken, as he all but kills himself in front of vash. for as awful as he had been to vash -

it hits her. nai was scared, all this time. what happened when they were young, nai never recovered from it. everything he saw, led him to believe that the only way he could save himself

save cash was to create a world just for them. still.

still. as much as she can empathize, it wasn't right.

it all fades away. that bright light. her arms have gone slack, so vash is able to pull away but hiyori gazes at him gently. heartbroken but heeding his words. it's his apology that has her stepping forward, trying to gently pull his hands off his face to see his eyes. hers are still watering. ]

Both of you were so scared. You were two sides of one coin, Vash. Twins. It could have just as easily been flipped. Would you have wanted Nai to blame himself? For the rest of his life?

[photosympathies]

( He stops trying to hide his face, his hands in hers. There's open grief there, all the things he's spent his entire life trying to outrun, the new wounds too. He can't stop crying, but it's different than the usual times, more real, less performative. Silent, tears streaming. )

I miss him.

( It's a whisper, confessed in the quiet of the corridor. ) I've missed him the whole time, Hiyori. No matter what he does. No matter who he hurts. I just - he's my brother. He killed so many people, and I have to keep running away because look what happens if I don't. And he'd rather die than stop. But I still -. I still -.

( If he could, he'd bargain with something. Anything. And he knows its selfish, he knows he's cruel with it. Millions Knives has a body count that rivals Vash's own, he is the one directly responsible for so much pain, for the people like Wolfwood, stolen away and abused. And yet -. )

What could I have done? Why wasn't I quick enough?

[wwtd]

[ vash's open, aching grief hurts her the most. brings the most tears to her eyes. hearing vash misses his twin brother. she gives a jerking nod. of course, he does. of course. that's family. they loved, love each other.

maybe she can understand because no matter what yato did in his past, murdered people and cut their ears off, she still loved him. but yato wanted to change. yato proved there was good inside him, not just bad, and he wanted to cultivate that good. yukine was his guide.

it must be even worse to watch someone you knew that used to be good, go so so so bad. yes, it hurt when yukine did it. hiyori tried to stop him the first time, she wanted to stop him the second time. ]

Vash.

[ hiyori says it firmly, putting her palms on his cheeks. ]

You did everything you could. For him. For everyone. [ even gods can't save everyone. her voice softens, expression melting into pain again. after a long pause. ]

... Remember when we planted a tree for the people of Seoul? [ if this is in bad taste, because nai was a plant too, he can tell her but - ]

Do you want to plant another one...?

[photosympathies]

( Hiyori takes him by the face and Vash does his best to listen to her, sniffing once before he starts to nod in between her hands, earnest with it. )

Would you - could we? Is that allowed?

( Not the planting of the tree itself, but something to commemorate a person who's done so much harm? Vash is always trying to be careful about how much space he takes up - both physically and metaphorically - and he knows the world would rather put Millions Knives to rest, a footnote of cruelty in their history. But they are not on No Man's Land anymore, and Vash is the only one who remembers - Vash, and now Hiyori, who doesn't seem to think it's wrong to mourn at all. )

I -. I don't know if he'd like that. But maybe? He's not here to be mad at me about it. ( Voice breaking, but he snuffles through it, trying to smile. ) I'd like that, Hiyori. I'd really ... it would be nice.

( Helplessly. )

He wasn't always like that. I wish it had shown you the right parts.

geto suguru ( jujutsu kaisen / brimstone )

[gorb]

ooc: all of geto's memories are standalones. trigger warnings: violence, death, child abuse, captivity, poor mental health.

oo1. Episode 27 - 28 Hidden Inventory

Tengen will protect you until the assimilation's over. ( The memory is of a deep cavernous area, two figures stood at the edge looking across several houses to a vast twisting shape. The taller figure is Geto Suguru, much younger, dressed in his school uniform. The one beside him is a young girl, Amanai Riko, a different school uniform, her eyes downcast with a heavy weight. Their air is sombre, thoughtful. ) That - ( And here, the teenage Geto's voice becomes more determined. ) Or we can turn back around and go home with Kuroi.

( Riko turns to him, shocked. Geto does not look at her. Instead his gaze is trained ahead. )

When our teacher told us about this mission I knew there'd be consequences. He said that assimilating would "erase" your information. That's because he wanted us to know a serious a sin we'd commit. Our teacher's brain may be completely muscle-bound, but he often does roundabout things.

( He turns to look at her, a smile on his face. ) Before we even met you, Satoru and I had already talked it over. We're the strongest students at Jujutsu High School. So no matter what decision you make, Satoru and I will guarantee your future.

( Riko breathes out a sigh. Since I was born I've always known I was special, everyone kept telling me that I was different. Being special was normal to me, and I've lived my life trying to avoid danger as much as possible for the sake of this day. I don't really remember the day my mother and father died. I no longer feel sad or lonely about that. I figured everything would be fine, even if I was taken away from everyone and assimilated. That no matter how hard that would be, I would eventually stop feeling sad and lonely. But. But. Honestly. I want to stay with everyone! At this, she starts sobbing. I don't wanna go! I'm not ready yet! I want to travel, and have fun. I want to see and do--. All kinds of things! )

Riko. ( Geto's voice is soft, gentle. He holds a hand out to her. ) Let's go home.

( Riko rubs her eyes, still tearful, then reaches for Geto's hand. Out of nowhere there is the sound of a gunshot, the bullet going clear through Riko's skull. She falls, and Geto watches with mounting horror, frozen and staring at the body. ) Riko?

( From the mouth of one of the hallways, Fushiguro Toji strolls in, gun in hand. Okay, job's done. You're free to go now. Bye. Geto turns slowly, eyes blank. )

How were you able to get to this place? ( How? What do you mean how? Toji lifts a hand, scratches his head with the butt of the gun. He laughs. Oh, I get what you're asking me. Satoru Gojo tried stopping me, so I had to kill him. Behind Geto, his cursed rift spreads open like a knife slash, his own instinctive, horrified reaction. His face stays still, as his curses crawl through. ) Is that so? Die!

oo2. Episode 29 - Premature Death

( Geto is not that much older, but he stands in this memory exhausted. The space beneath his eyes is dark with sleeplessness, he has lost weight, shoulders strained. He rubs a thumb in the space between his brows, standing before a caged door. Behind it, two young girls, one blonde, one brunnete. They look about five - six, and huddle together terrified. )

What is this? ( Geto asks, voice flat. What do you mean, "what?" These two are responsible for the latest incidents, aren't they? Geto's voice goes more fraught. ) No, they're not.

( The girls continue to clutch each other, breathing harshly with terror. The man beside Geto keeps going. These two are certifiably insane. They used their mysterious powers in order to attack the villagers! ) I've already exterminated the cause of those incidents. ( My granddaughter was nearly killed by these two depraved girls as well! A woman says, only to be interrupted by one of the girls in the cell. That's because she-!. The woman snarls, shut up, you evil little monster. Your parents were just as bad as you two are.

Unseen by her, one of his curses has slid into existence, hovers near the cage. It's all going to be okay, it says. Geto's face changes, turns much more pleasant, a persona. He smiles at the people beside him, back to the little girls. ) Everyone. Why don't we all step outside for a second?

( He follows the humans outside, leaving his curse by the cell. In the village proper, Geto stands, and the good nature falls immediately from his face. Each curse he owns is called, every single one, and with them he watches as a massacre unfolds. There is screaming, fire, bloodshed. Geto does not move from his place by the building housing the girls. Then he pulls a singular button from his uniform to drop it ion the ground before himself. )

oo3. Episode 29 - Premature Death

( He stands at the mouth to a stage, dressed in full monk regalia. A man to his side questions his choice of outfit and Geto, still young, less tired, only responds, voice dripping with amusement. ) Why not? A little showmanship is important.

( Two little girls wait in the wings and call his name, Geto passes them, ruffling their hair with great fondness. ) Watch closely. They're all there, aren't they?

( Kong Shiu, the man from before, continues. All the branch directors, all the representatives, and the president. All the big donors as well. Geto hums, lifting a microphone and wanders onto the stage, bright manic energy inside of his frame. ) Test, test. Can you hear me? Sorry for the wait, everyone. Now I'll keep this brief. From this moment onward, this organisation belongs to me. I'll be changing the name too. So I expect everyone to follow along with me.

( Exclamations from the crowd, Geto rubs a hand over his jaw. ) Now, that just won't do. I know! Sonoda, would you mind coming to the stage. Yes! You over there!

( The man does, climbing up beside Geto. Immediately he is crushed by one of his curses, blood splattering the stage. Geto remains unaffected. He tosses the mic aside, indifferent. ) Now then, once again. ( He wipes the blood from his face. ) You'll obey me now. Monkeys.

002

[copy]

[ The very moment he lays eyes on the boy — so very familiar yet unfamiliar all at once — Yuta's plagued by a conflicted feeling. The way his heart lurches in his chest, how 'Suguru' is on the tip of his tongue, in the initial first few seconds — those are not Yuta's feelings. They're nothing but the ghost of memories not his own briefly bubbling up to the surface. They don't last long, the bubbles pop, and Yuta's just left wholly himself to bear witness to the scene that unfolds. He recognizes the girls as the ones who had accompanied Geto to school the day Geto came to declare war. (Nanako, Mimiko, it takes him a moment to recall.) Just younger, so small, so frightened. They make him think of his little sister and his heart aches for them before he even fully grasps the situation. It isn't too hard to figure out what's going on from the context clues provided and his subsequent anger is tempered only by a foreboding sense of dread and the knowledge that this is a memory similar to how he experienced Hunter's; the girls make it out of that cage, they grow up to be regular teenagers.

He gets the distinct impression he's about to find out how from the fake smile that the younger Geto forces in place before he ushers the villagers away.

Yuta doesn't want to go outside. He wants to stay with the girls, get them out, heal their injuries, shepherd them to safety, but there's nothing he can do. They do not hear or see him. He is only a phantom passenger along for the ride and, even powerless as he is here, he cannot ignore the screams that soon filter through from outside for long. He goes to see the massacre, the village on fire, watch Geto abandon his previous ideals as a Jujutsu sorcerer in the form of a discarded button.

It's with quiet horror that Yuta speaks up from behind him, still lingering close to the doorway. ]

What have you done?

[gorb]

What needed to be done.

( The Geto in the memory flickers, school uniform, to monks robes, to the form Yuta will know from the now, dark clothing, older, pleasantly blank face as he turns from the bloodshed with a smile. ) You're not supposed to be here, Okkotsu Yuta.

( He's been through this before. LILITH's toying with their thoughts, their memories, the things pressed into dark corners of their psyche and drawn kicking and screaming out into the light. He knows that this is not the boy's fault, and yet there is a sharp flare of anger that he is here. That he can see the bodies behind him, the ones still trying to escape. It feels real. The smoke clings. Geto hums out a tuneless note. )

I did everything I was supposed to. ( Blankly. At his feet, the corpse of the man from before. Geto nudges it with a boot. ) I came to this village, I exorcised the curse, I told them it was safe now. And they still blamed those girls. Their parents were sorcerers, they were sorcerers. It wasn't right. So what was the point in anything I was doing, if humans could ridicule, and torment, and torture, and all we did was die for them?

( He feels it again, in that memory. The weight, the sickness. He hasn't consumed a curse in months and so the sourness in his recollection is appalling. Funny, how it all comes back. )

[copy]

[ After failing to interact with the girls and never having gotten to interact with Hunter inside of Hunter's memories at all, Yuta wasn't entirely expecting to have his question be heard, much less answered. It startles him, has him promptly snapping out of his horrified staring and tensing up out of battle-ready instinct. It's unsettling to watch the image of the man flicker through iterations as he turns to face him, but ultimately it helps to lessen the weird conflicted feeling lodged in his chest like a stubborn burr. He's easier to face like how Yuta knows him rather than how Gojo knew him best. He composes himself as well as he can with the icy horror still there in his veins, expression schooled into its usual dead-eyed blankness save for the slight knit in his brow and the tight displeasure in the line of his mouth. ]

Sorry for the intrusion, it's not intentional.

[ Polite with a hard edge to his tone that he can't quite help. He knows he's not supposed to be here, doesn't want to intrude on people's most private memories when the single time he'd done so intentionally and with permission had already felt like one of the worst things he's ever done, but they don't have choice in this, it seems. It's hard to feel to guilty about it given this particular memory though. There are people still making desperate bids at escape from the curses inflicting their macabre dance of death in the background, the scent of blood and smoke oppressive in the air, feeding his senses a horrible reality he can do nothing to change regardless of how everything inside of is screaming to go help.

Yuta stays put, he listens, frown only deepening at the carelessly nudged body and all the arguments presented to him as though they can justify the slaughter of so many. The part of him that understands what murderous rage is like — inspired by Geto himself when he'd left Yuta's classmates beaten bloody and broken at his feet — gets it, can understand being pushed to a breaking point, but still. Still. ]

There were better ways to go about this, you didn't need to kill the entire village. There were innocent people here, too. How does this really fix anything? It just made you a murderer on the run.

[ For all that he tries to keep his voice calm and even, there's a tremble to it that betrays his suppressed turmoil. ]

[gorb]

tw: nongraphi emetophobia!

Hm.

( He wants to laugh at the way Yuta is watching him, let it rip free from his body with an ugly cackle of sound. It's been a way since he's seen someone's revulsion so plain, and it brushes up against him with barbed edges. He's surprised to find that it stings. ) Do you know what a curse tastes like, Okkotsu Yuta? It's like shit and vomit that someone has hastily wiped up. It's like a rag stained with it, and then engulfed down. And it doesn't matter if you choke, it doesn't matter if your entire being revolts against it. You still have to swallow it. I did that. For people like this. Hundreds of curses, thousands of them. I could taste their negativity. Their hatred, and ugliness, and cruelty. It sat in me.

( He wonders, sometimes, if it was inevitable. If Geto would always have stumbled down the wrong path. He'd tried so hard, for so long, watched loss, after loss, after loss. For what? Humanity. What was humanity if not the disgusting things he'd been forced to consume? What were they but the sum of all of his problems? )

Somebody told me once if there were no humans, there would be no curses. I struggled with that. I'd held myself so rigidly to their servitude, I'd moulded myself into it. I was a model soldier, I did everything that was asked of me. And for what? So people like this could harm little girls? So I could pull the covers over a friend's body? ( He finally does laugh, wild edged. ) I'd do it again if it meant I could keep the people I loved safe. I'd do worse.

( The memory shifts a little, the younger version of Geto breaking away from the shade of the older one. He watches impassive as his old self finally turns, stumbling once before he straightens himself up, his fists shaking. Then he throws up, just beyond the house, out of sight. ) Ah, I was still so weak.

[copy]

[ Yuta knows the taste of their blood — vile, indescribable and incomparable to the coppery tang of the living — but from what Geto goes on to describe, it does not correlate to the actual taste of curses and so he holds his silence on the matter, hearing him out with a tenuous grip on his patience when there's a village burning down all around them. It helps to distract him from the dying screams, at least; helps too to put into perspective certain things about Geto Suguru, more puzzle pieces added to the incomplete picture shaped by his own perception and the ghostly remnants of a former best friend that linger. It is not that Yuta's unsympathetic. Geto's technique sounds like such a heinous burden. Maybe it's no wonder that he snapped under the weight of so much consumed negativity — that such a strong hatred for humanity took root and flourished when it had such fertile soil to grow upon.

But it's still no excuse.

Yuta could argue it, point out how absurd it is to let the actions of a few bad people dictate the fate of the rest, how utterly unfeasible Geto's goal was in so many ways, but he already knows it will fall on deaf ears. The unhinged laughter says enough. Rather, his gaze tracks the younger Geto, more as an excuse to look away than anything, though his pinched expression softens just a touch at the sign of humanity that Geto dubs weakness. ]

I don't think you're weak, just shortsighted. [ Misguided. Childish, he could say again as well. Refrains. For all his horrified anger, he's not trying to be insulting here. Instead he tries a different tack entirely. ] You say you did it to keep your loved ones safe, but is that really true? All you did was push them away.

[ He glances back, considering, head tilting to one side just so as he tries to reach for memories not his own and coming up mostly empty now that he isn't in Gojo's body anymore. Without the body said memories were engraved upon, they're no longer at his fingertips for easy (awful, invasive) perusal, so he can't say what he's about to say with any real certainty at all, but it's a strong hunch nonetheless. ]

You never told Gojo-sensei or Ieiri-san about what a burden your technique is or what you were struggling with, did you?

[gorb]

( An ugly sneer in response, but there is truth to Yuta's words. He's aware enough to know that. When he looks back on this moment he sees his surety with such clarity. A choice was being made. A decision set in stone. And yet the boy of the memory tries to put a mask into place he is so unused to wearing, hands shaking as he wipes the back of his mouth and then rubs blood from his hands, hiding it in the dark fabric of his uniform. )

I didn't want to bother them at first. ( Voice quiet, far away. ) The elders worked each of us like dogs. I don't know if it's different, later. But we were all exhausted. There was no time. Satoru was their gilded weapon, and there were always bodies racking up. What I may or may not have been feeling paled in comparison. We kept losing. And I was supposed to be strong.

( One of the strongest, the mirror to Gojo Satoru's bright light. )

And then what was I supposed to say? That I didn't see the point anymore? That I hated every fucking human I came across? That I wanted to stop? ( A noise, the memory Geto pushing through the doors, back to the room with the cage. The older Geto immediately takes a step to follow. ) Besides, Okkotsu-san. Here is the moment where something else needed me more.

[copy]

[ Unfazed by the sneer, Yuta's regard remains a heavy, still thing; drooping eyes lingering on Geto a while longer until they're inevitably drawn back to the younger version while he hears out the quiet answer given. Yuta knows isolation and what it does to a person all too well. After all, he spend most of his formative teenage years forced into it, suffering alone and in silence to the point of being driven to the edge. He understands. That combined with the hard demands of the elders as he knows them (or rather knew, they're dead now), it's all too easy to see what a recipe for disaster in the making Geto's circumstances were.

And yet, it did not have to be this way. It could all have been avoided so easily. ]

Yes. [ Close to vehement, stepping aside to let Geto pass where Yuta remained by the doorway, already angling his body to follow after them both with dogged persistence. The answer is so obvious to Yuta. Of course admitting such ugly things would be incredibly difficult, but... ] That's what friends are for. If my friends were struggling like that, especially when times are already tough, I would want to know, so I can help and we can support each other. You never gave them or yourself that chance.

[ He can't truly speak for Shoko (only imagine what it is like being the only one left alive), but Gojo? ]

They needed you, too.

[ Maybe not in the same way those girls inside need someone to save them, but needed all the same. ]