synflux | OPEN / CLOSED

_{[ Yeah, um. They’re just holding hands. No big deal. He’s held a lot of women’s hands. It’s different this time, though, because he doesn’t have any intention of taking her back to his room and fucking her. Toji doesn’t want to do that.. he wants to.. go easy.

At the same time, he gets reminded that she seems really upset when he talks to her. He’s too harsh for her. ]}

Will you stop saying that? — Look.

_{[ They’re near the fire escape stairs but Toji stops, turning to face her. ]}

See how upset you are? It’s ‘cause of me. That’s why I’m not nice and that’s why I’m no good for you to talk to.

_{[ If there’s any wetness in her eyes, his other hand will lift up and dab at that. ]}

There’s better people you can talk to that don’t make you upset. Okay?

[ Better people? No good to talk to? That certainly seems true now, but the sudden tenderness out of him takes her aback yet again. He says he's awful yet does things like this? Holds her hand, makes sure she's safe, keeps her from falling over...

Before his hand dips away from her face, her own comes up to grasp it. She doesn't fling it away or squeeze it too harshly. If anything, she holds onto both his hands with a grip as light as a feather. As if his massive hands are more delicate than Faberge eggs in her fingers. ]

Then why're you bein' thishway now? Is it cuz I'mma stupid "gorilla?" Always hurtin' you or breakin' thingsh?

[ Her voice drops lower as she sniffles, determined not to let another tear escape. Maybe if she tries to be mad, she can avoid looking so...but it's hard to actually be mad when she just doesn't understand. ]

Were you laughin' at me th'entire time? ...like everybody else.

_{[ Toji is, yet again, thrown off by how she holds his hands. He can’t remember the last time someone held his hand like this with utmost sincerity, even if Yor is inebriated right now, he knows there’s some odd gentleness to how she holds him. He can’t remember because he has chosen to forget; forget how his first wife would be kind to him because it hurt so much to think of her being gone.

Was he really okay to try something like that again? To be with someone who cares about him? He doesn’t want to think about how he would become so much more bitter if he allowed it to happen again only to lose that person. Right now, that person in question is Yor.

Finally, Toji can feel his cheeks tinge with some color. He’s done so many shameful things in bed and hasn’t gotten shy at all, but when it comes to allowing himself to be taken care of… he can’t help but feel a little embarrassed.

He hates this.

But mostly, he hates how Yor thinks so negatively of herself. She’s talking quietly now but his sensitive ears catch everything she says. ]}

That’s not it.

_{[ Toji sucks in a breath and holds it before breaking away, but still holding one of her hands as he leads her down the fire escape. The LILITH base is just across the street. ]}

We aren’t having this conversation right now.

[ Part of her wants to protest and ask why he can't just answer her. But that'd just make him more mad, wouldn't it? Not to mention even taking a few steps has her wobbly again, even with him to steady her. Arguing just isn't worth it. ]

Nn'kay.

[ Luckily for both of them, she's so accustomed to wearing heels that the fire escape doesn't trip her up. It's only her cotton-muffled mind that's skewing her footsteps, leading her to walk on her toes just to have better control of her feet. Her grip on his hand doesn't waver as they go. Instead she seems to cling to it tighter like a child. ]

_{[ Toji is beginning to realize in this silence that he is quite taken with Yor, but that happened rather fast, didn’t it? That’s how he knows; when he starts acting like this and it didn’t take much time for it to happen. There’s a lot they should probably talk about, but right now isn’t the best time for it.

That, and the fact Toji hates talking.

Before he knows it, they have crossed the street and used their identification to return back to the LILITH base; Toji is walking to the Brimstone wing, and before Yor can even question it (maybe she doesn’t even realize it) he explains himself. ]}

You’re coming to my room so I can watch you.

[ It's probably her, but his gait is hard to keep up with. He's too tall, his legs too long, and she's much, much too inebriated to keep her feet going in a straight line. She tries, bless her, but she does grip onto his sleeve with her free hand to have a better sense of balance. Even if all she's really doing is just leaning on him much more than she should be.

Wait wait wait wait, what?

His room? Her? Alone? Nevermind that they spent such time in close quarters before at the hostel, though just for a massage. This is much more personal, right? ]

B-But... [ Ah, nope. Arguing probably isn't going to be her strong suit right now. He's just going to keep an eye on her, after all. It's clear in his voice. The no nonsense way he talks. His hold is too secure for her to pull out of without hurting him too, she's certain. And hands have such tiny, numerous bones...oh, he'd be hurting bad. So, she sullenly agrees with a sloshy: ] I'll clean up any sick if I...do that. Promise.

You better.

_{[ Toji has to learn to be more gentle with her, but he's just not accustomed to not talking to people like this. The only time he really did was when he tried to change for the better.

Change.. for the better.

That was a big commitment he tried to fulfill, but when his wife died, there was no point in providing anymore effort. She was his motivator and now she was gone. Would he try to do all of that again? All of that so he could be less miserable?

Toji can't think about that right now, but he can't help and dwindle on it until they get to his room and he opens the steel doors with his identification. He exhales slowly. ]}

Yor. Let me tell you something straight, and I'll probably have to tell you again in the morning.

[ The silence of their trek back to base takes her back to an unexpected time. To a place long, long gone to the furthest reaches of her memory. Back when she was so much smaller, before the war, when she'd walk along their countryside town's dusty streets with her hand in one of her parent's hands. Before her hands were eventually the ones that got bigger to protect a set of tiny ones.

How strange. Is this what it feels like to rely on someone else for safety? Protection? She'd forgotten it...

She nearly collides with Toji's arm at the stop. One collision avoided, but her mind comes crashing back to Earth and she blinks up at him with her eyes a touch wider and her mouth shrinking back down into a frown in anticipation. ]

Ye-! [ She stops at the sudden hitch in her voice. She clears her throat once and tries again. ] Yes...?

Nothing that happened back there was your fault.

_{[ Toji feels responsible for antagonizing Yor. She could have not had anything to drink and kept to herself, but they were there on a mission and he should have been more serious about that. He just doesn't really care unless there's a solid paycheck in front of him.

He rubs the back of his neck as he steps inside and lets go of her. ]}

Nothing about it is.

_{[ he's being kind of cagey about what "it" is, but.. ]}

[ Yor tilts her head as she follows him inside, hair swaying as she does. She can't really get a good look at his expression from here, but his voice? She has no reason to distrust it.

He must mean the argument back there. Or, maybe more? Did she misread him all this time? Was his anger from something else? Or...her mind muddies the longer she tries to parse it. It must be a misunderstanding, then. She can work with that. She's already primed to forget about it anyway.

By letting her hand go, he's freed it up for her to reach up and gently pat the back of his shoulder. It gives way to a little rub across the fabric of his coat, and her voice comes out in a soothing, motherly tone she hasn't used in some time since coming here. ]

It's alright.

[ In her state, there's nothing else she can think to say. Nothing eloquent for certain, as she only ever has a modicum of that when she's sober. But it's an honest pair of words to match the grin on her face. ]

_{[ Hearing that nurturing tone causes his heart to turn flips in his chest and he makes a scoffing sound. He can’t do this. In fact, he’s angry at himself for feeling this way about someone he’s barely got to know after being hurt so much in the past from romance.

He shrugs off her hand after a moment and bends over to pull the sheets of his bedding back before making an incoherent, grumbling sound as he turns his back on her and starts rummaging around his room. ]}

Just go to bed. Here.

_{[ He pulls out one of his black shirts from his wardrobe and hands it to her. It should swallow her up and fit like a short but loose dress. Toji avoids looking at her and grabs a small trash bin, moving it close to the bedside. ]}

Puke in that if you have to. Okay?

Okay!

[ His shirt's big enough for her to mistake it for a dress at first glance, that's for sure. It looks comfortable enough, though, and she sets to work wriggling out of her dress. She's worn the original so much that she can get in and out of it with ease. Hell, she could probably do so while sleeping!

Once she has his shirt on, she carefully folds the dress, her shawl, and lets her hair down. The hair accessories go on top, and her gloves, and...oh, wait, she didn't take her shoes off. How rude of her! She'll have to fix that before she forgets again! ]

[ Except in trying to lean down to take her shoes off, she forgets her center of balance is still wonky as all hell. So much so that she trips literally one foot over the other and falls onto the bed with a yelp.

And then she just doesn't get up. Because she was tired and still wasted enough that her body decided to just call it quits the second she hit the bed. So she's just asleep. Heel-clad feet dangling off the bed and everything. ]

_{[ Miraculously, through all of this, Toji keeps his back turned and lets Yor do her thing while he does his, carefully undressing the classy attire he was given (simulated? idk how this works) and wears a simple undershirt and similar boxer briefs that she gave him a massage in.

The yelp and slight thud her body makes when it hits the mattress grabs his attention and he glances over at her, blinking slowly. Of course she passes out before getting those shoes off. Toji heaves a sigh and walks over to her, crouching down and carefully beginning to remove her heels. Every once in awhile, he glances up at her, thinking to himself.

She's too good for you.
You'll only make her upset.
Do you really want to risk feeling hurt again?
You'd have to change for her and that's hard.

His teeth grind together and he can't really come to a conclusion about his thoughts or what to do about Yor. But he can tell the way that his heart beats faster when he's near her.. how he kept thinking about her before they were reunited for this mission.. it's definitely a special kind of feeling.

Her shoes are off and he takes a moment to put her legs on the bed then pauses, dipping back down so he can pull the covers back and tuck her legs underneath. A sharp inhale through his nose and then Toji shifts to the opposite side of the bed, crawling into it and turning on his side with his back facing Yor.

When was the last time you simply allowed a woman to sleep in your bed? _]}

[ As usual when she goes to be drunk, Yor's dreams are something else. Recollections of the auction, the fight, but interspersed between them are absolute nonsense. Things that make her mumble in her sleep, but those mumblings are just as incoherent as the dreamscapes that inspire them.

By some miracle, she isn't hungover when she wakes up. Her eyes scrunch up into themselves rather than pop open as usual, but when she does crack open one eye, she's bewildered at the sight that faces her.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh

Hold on a second.

...this isn't her room.

Yeah, these walls are not the ones of her room. She can't spot her dresser or the vanity. Looking down, the bed isn't her comfy four-poster either.

...oh dear. ]

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