[ Malkuth's not lying to him. Even if he doesn't get it, even if the story becomes increasingly convoluted with every detail shed, he knows she's at least telling him the truth. She wouldn't be able to lie if she tried.
Kaito lowers his head for a moment, steadying his breath. Reel yourself back, big guy. That initial response was a little more emotional than he liked, so he makes sure to compose himself properly before continuing. The issue is obviously too nuanced for him to keep jumping to conclusions.
Eventually, he sits up properly, leaning in the direction of the brunette's gaze. Look at me, he doesn't say. ]
Alright. Maybe I got in my own feelings for a moment there. I have some opinions on power, and knowledge, and the amassing of either or both. But that's neither here nor there. Not right now, anyway.
[ A beat. Softer: ] If the Library was supposed to represent hope, then when did you and the others stray? What happened?
And... just how many lives had to be sacrificed to make things right?
[ it's her room. she can't leave. he has to. her eyes draw back to him, a little wary even as she smiles. small as it is. ]
The story's a lot longer, and a lot more difficult to explain. I'm living my third life right now. Really, I could count this, [ a brief gesture with her hand, ] as my fourth, but only because I once again woke up someplace new, under new management, doing something different.
[ and back to elijah, is she. ]
I won't continue on that, but is there... anything else you'd like to know? About me.
[ Kaito does a lot of thinking. Every little detail he can observe goes into the brainspace. He'd be a good people-reader even without the empathy, but with it... ]
Okay.
[ No longing looks, no disappointment in his tone. Instead, he moves on—just as she wishes. ]
If I had to put it on paper, I'm either on my third, fourth, or million-something-th life.
[ Kaito looks up, offering a sympathetic smile. ]
It's also complicated.
Which life is your favorite so far, and why is it the one where I'm present?
[ odd to meet another person with other lives, and her surprise says as much -- but she laughs a little, relaxing as she shuts her book. is this how people feel when she surprises them with her hobby question? ]
Because I'm free to do what I'd like, even if it's not where I'd like to be free. It'd be nice to design buildings for the people I want to design them for...
[ the shape the world she wants to shape. but that isn't possible for her now, but maybe the malkuth back home... can. someday, it's possible. ]
I like my third life a lot, actually. I'm a lot closer to my coworkers in it-- well, some of them anyway. We didn't really get to have the chance in our other ones.
[ Kaito clocks her surprise, offering a sympathetic smile in turn. It's not the first secret he would have offered, but he's decided that he's not going to be so tight-lipped about all his secrets anyway. Ren already knows about his heritage. Malkuth can have some knowledge about his deaths. ]
No mention of me at all? Disappointing. [ A stern look—followed by a wink. ] I didn't realize you were also an architect. Got any idea what kind of buildings you'd want to design off the top?
I personally can't say I know too much about living multiple lives... In my case, it's just been living through multiple deaths.
[ not the wink she's turning her face to better hide her laugh. busying herself with her book instead. he'll get too big of a head otherwise..!!! ]
We have more in common than I thought, Kaito. I haven't yet, but I know I want them to be colorful.
[ ... she'll step back closer after a moment, because she has been sketching some thoughts since starting her schooling; they're more residential looking, with a rainbow of different shades that rival the neon city they live in now. vibrant, lively, eyecatching. ]
Like this! And to be honest, I know how it feels to die over and over again too -- we're not allowed to die in the Library, after all. But we've gotten better at avoiding that.
[ Kaito notes the sketches. Bright and colorful. Vibrant's a good word for them. Kaito's smile eventually dims as the topic shifts to death. His eyes remain set on the sketches. ]
Did you hate it? Being bound to life? I didn't get much of a say in the matter. Everything occurred over the course of a few hours.
No. I'm thankful for it now, actually -- it sucks, it hurt every time, but as long as I stood up again, I could do what I needed.
[ for the Light. for everyone. ]
The times I hated... were my first and second lives. I didn't get a say in either of those revivals, but at least in this life -- better yet, let's say this form -- I agreed, even if it was reluctantly, to that deal. It hasn't been a blessing, but I don't consider it a curse either.
[ just
something necessary, from the way she speaks, and malkuth pokes kaito's cheek with a finger. ]
It really sucks for you though, huh? Did your deaths happen in that time too?
Thankful, huh. [ In a way, they're still the same. Their deaths pushed them forward, one way or another. When Malkuth pokes his cheek, he just turns into the digit and puffs out a pout. ]
Don't make me eat it, [ he warns, jokingly. ]
It's... not the kind of thing that's believable, I feel. Even if you and I have probably both seen some crazy stuff, I don't know if you'd take my word for it.
...Mine all happened because I was going somewhere. Every step I took was a death incurred. Or, well. The memory of a death, relived. Countless times. [ A lie. He's logged each and every single instance.
Sheepish laughter follows. ]
I'm not sure if I'm still me, honestly. Sometimes I feel like the Kaito who came out of that is just a dead man going through the motions.
[ A long pause follows, during which Kaito leans into her palm. Despite being an empath, he struggles to define the feelings rushing through him in the moment.
So he decides not to, and simply enjoys the warmth of Malkuth's hand over his cheek. Golds lid shut, but are quick to flutter open again so he can look up at her. ]
Yes.
Given the choice, I would walk that path again, every single time.
[ she's made mistakes. but those mistakes made her who she was today. her hand draws back, a phantom weight against her palm lingering as she pushes her book shut and away enough to sit on her desk. ]
Can you do me a favor, Kaito? It's super easy, and I'd be thankful forever.
I have two people who are very important to me here. They're my coworkers, but... we're close enough that I'd be able to call them my friends, if they were at the same point of time as me. The thing is, they aren't -- so if it's not too much to ask, can you keep an eye on them? Be their friend? They don't have anything to do with the Library and all its mess.
[ Kaito mulls over her words. Careful consideration goes into the analysis of her request. He's already seen evidence of time and space choosing not to align those who should be together. Minato is a the first person he thinks of there.
Tap, tap, tap drum his fingers against his chin. Eventually, he nods. ]
I'll see what becomes of us as I meet them.
But you should be aware that I will name-drop you, or even drag you into a conversation. If the factors line up, that is.
Knowing that, do you still want to make this request?
but after a moment, she seems to have another thought and sighs. ]
Fine. I don't want people to connect us, is the thing... to know that we're coworkers -- I can handle myself if worse comes to worst, but they... can't. Not yet. But if we all happen to hang out together, then it's fine.
[ Kaito laughs, nodding his head to the next set of proposals. ]
It sounds like the timelines are really treating you poorly if you don't think they'd be your friends. I can oblige this request. No singling you out, but if it's in the open then it's open game.
Are you worried no one will reach out to them if I don't?
she's thinking.... sorry......... at their current state....? maybe... yeah. yeah, no, it's fine. ]
... They'll be fine making friends on their own, it's more just making sure they stay safe. [ and now, now her tone turns warm. ] Yesod is a little blunt, but he always means well -- he's an honest guy, and he's always wanted to do what's best for everyone involved. Netzach is the same, even if he seems like he doesn't care about anything anymore... there's really no one who's more ready to give someone a hand than that guy, lazy as he can be. If you like me, you'll have no trouble liking them; that I can promise.
[ mm. what else. oh. ]
It's not that I don't think we'd be friends. In fact, I hope we become friends someday! There's just some others here that don't think well of my workplace and it's better if we stay apart.
[ and it's a little lonely being the only person with so many memories of their time together, as the library filled up with people and their noise. maybe a bit of it is for herself. but it's definitely mostly for them. march is definitely not going to agree to those terms so easily either. ]
...Sounds like they're good people with a bad rap. Sounds familiar, even.
[ Kaito straightens up, a little lighter on his... well, not his feet, but y'know. More lighthearted. ]
I accept your request. I'll make an effort to try and reach Yesod and Netzach. And whether or not we become friends, you can consider them under my protection. I'll do my best to make sure no undue harm comes their way.
[ A beat. Kaito trains his gaze on Malkuth's. ]
In exchange, you can't completely isolate yourself from them, you hear? I won't try and instigate any interactions, but it sounds an awful lot like you're taking an intentional step back when I can hear the desire to be close bleeding out of your words. My apologies for presuming... but that's what my gut says.
I'm gonna try and be their friend, but you're my friend first and foremost. I'm looking out for you too, y'know?
[ ... ughhh. she's throwing herself back onto her bed with a sigh, fine, fine, he wins. ]
You have yourself a deal, Kaito. It doesn't sound like you'd let me get away with trying that anyway.
[ his gut is monstrous... sheesh. she'll turn her face to smile at him -- really thankful, she's glad she's got another pair of eyes on them. ]
That's all I wanted to ask you, so... are you done here too? Or do you wanna take up more of my time somehow? I wasn't really doing anything important.
[ Stop making it sound so formal, stupid half-god. Kaito pushes off the chair—but it's not to get away. Rather, he closes in on Malkuth's bed, looming over the brunette... and then he sits down, making himself comfy by her side.
A fond smile beams down from on high. ]
Are you subtly inviting me to monopolize your free time, Malkuth?
I don't usually get to hold anything over anyone, so this is pretty fun! I do have some errands that need to be done this week though, so whether you come or not I'm going out at some point.
[ Kaito huffs, approaching full-pout. But a smile follows. ]
It is, isn't it?
I'll go with you. It's not as if I'm nearly as busy as I used to be back home. Besides, I also have some business in the city. Paperwork to sign, wood to procure...
[ Kaito boops her nose on the come-up. Keeping it even. ]
I'm starting a food truck, so I've gotta pay for the business permit and the materials to build a cart.
It's quite literally just a wooden cart with enough cooking workspace for me to make and sell meals. A novel thing, really... but something I sorely miss from home.
[ ooooh how scary. absolutely terrified of it. can't you tell, she's shaking in her boots at his words. no, she's absolutely doubtful from the ]
Mmhmm.
[ she gives, unimpressed, to the way she flops back down on her bed to reach under for a notebook. ]
Well, you'll have a regular right off the bat with me! I'm not missing my chance to finally have you make something for me, Kaito. You were so-- where is it? Stingy about talking about yourself when we first met-- oh, here it is, [ her notebook, a little whale pen coming with it as she sits up to flip through, ] that I've been curious.
[ she's just not the kind of person who goes up and demands people feed her, is all. not yet. mark of comfort. ]
Kaito leans over to try and peek at what she's searching for only to reel back when she sits back up. That pen is cute.
Stingy is less cute, but the way she smiles while she says it is... Nevermind. Kaito just shrugs. Shrugs! ]
Look, I was a different man back in January. I'd only been in town for a day or two. I'm generally a wary person. Imagine how that mindset reacts to a ball of sunshine waltzing in trying to take pictures. 'Course I was a little stingy! Hmph!
...But I appreciate your future patronage. Rest assured, you'll like what I have to offer. Chef's honor.
Well, the last chef I knew was fairly honorable, even if her ingredients wasn't to mosts' tastes... She believed in experimental integrity and the like.
[ she can give greta credit there. chef's honor. let's see... film, paint, mat, cookbook... actually stopping by a secondhand store would be good too, or maybe a bookstore in genuine if she can find one. how many things can she get kaito to hold for her. ]
I hope there's another festival like that soon. It was a lot of fun going around with such an expert guide.
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no subject
Kaito lowers his head for a moment, steadying his breath. Reel yourself back, big guy. That initial response was a little more emotional than he liked, so he makes sure to compose himself properly before continuing. The issue is obviously too nuanced for him to keep jumping to conclusions.
Eventually, he sits up properly, leaning in the direction of the brunette's gaze. Look at me, he doesn't say. ]
Alright. Maybe I got in my own feelings for a moment there. I have some opinions on power, and knowledge, and the amassing of either or both. But that's neither here nor there. Not right now, anyway.
[ A beat. Softer: ] If the Library was supposed to represent hope, then when did you and the others stray? What happened?
And... just how many lives had to be sacrificed to make things right?
no subject
[ it's her room. she can't leave. he has to. her eyes draw back to him, a little wary even as she smiles. small as it is. ]
The story's a lot longer, and a lot more difficult to explain. I'm living my third life right now. Really, I could count this, [ a brief gesture with her hand, ] as my fourth, but only because I once again woke up someplace new, under new management, doing something different.
[ and back to elijah, is she. ]
I won't continue on that, but is there... anything else you'd like to know? About me.
no subject
Okay.
[ No longing looks, no disappointment in his tone. Instead, he moves on—just as she wishes. ]
If I had to put it on paper, I'm either on my third, fourth, or million-something-th life.
[ Kaito looks up, offering a sympathetic smile. ]
It's also complicated.
Which life is your favorite so far, and why is it the one where I'm present?
no subject
Because I'm free to do what I'd like, even if it's not where I'd like to be free. It'd be nice to design buildings for the people I want to design them for...
[ the shape the world she wants to shape. but that isn't possible for her now, but maybe the malkuth back home... can. someday, it's possible. ]
I like my third life a lot, actually. I'm a lot closer to my coworkers in it-- well, some of them anyway. We didn't really get to have the chance in our other ones.
no subject
No mention of me at all? Disappointing. [ A stern look—followed by a wink. ] I didn't realize you were also an architect. Got any idea what kind of buildings you'd want to design off the top?
I personally can't say I know too much about living multiple lives... In my case, it's just been living through multiple deaths.
no subject
We have more in common than I thought, Kaito. I haven't yet, but I know I want them to be colorful.
[ ... she'll step back closer after a moment, because she has been sketching some thoughts since starting her schooling; they're more residential looking, with a rainbow of different shades that rival the neon city they live in now. vibrant, lively, eyecatching. ]
Like this! And to be honest, I know how it feels to die over and over again too -- we're not allowed to die in the Library, after all. But we've gotten better at avoiding that.
no subject
Did you hate it? Being bound to life? I didn't get much of a say in the matter. Everything occurred over the course of a few hours.
no subject
[ for the Light. for everyone. ]
The times I hated... were my first and second lives. I didn't get a say in either of those revivals, but at least in this life -- better yet, let's say this form -- I agreed, even if it was reluctantly, to that deal. It hasn't been a blessing, but I don't consider it a curse either.
[ just
something necessary, from the way she speaks, and malkuth pokes kaito's cheek with a finger. ]
It really sucks for you though, huh? Did your deaths happen in that time too?
no subject
Don't make me eat it, [ he warns, jokingly. ]
It's... not the kind of thing that's believable, I feel. Even if you and I have probably both seen some crazy stuff, I don't know if you'd take my word for it.
...Mine all happened because I was going somewhere. Every step I took was a death incurred. Or, well. The memory of a death, relived. Countless times. [ A lie. He's logged each and every single instance.
Sheepish laughter follows. ]
I'm not sure if I'm still me, honestly. Sometimes I feel like the Kaito who came out of that is just a dead man going through the motions.
no subject
[ as her hand comes to lay against his warm cheek instead, as if to prove it to him.
... but she gets it. she doesn't feel that way, but she understands. ]
Was it worth it?
no subject
So he decides not to, and simply enjoys the warmth of Malkuth's hand over his cheek. Golds lid shut, but are quick to flutter open again so he can look up at her. ]
Yes.
Given the choice, I would walk that path again, every single time.
If I didn't, I wouldn't be me.
no subject
[ she's made mistakes. but those mistakes made her who she was today. her hand draws back, a phantom weight against her palm lingering as she pushes her book shut and away enough to sit on her desk. ]
Can you do me a favor, Kaito? It's super easy, and I'd be thankful forever.
no subject
I can at the very least hear it out. No promises.
[ Just gotta be honest. ]
no subject
I have two people who are very important to me here. They're my coworkers, but... we're close enough that I'd be able to call them my friends, if they were at the same point of time as me. The thing is, they aren't -- so if it's not too much to ask, can you keep an eye on them? Be their friend? They don't have anything to do with the Library and all its mess.
[ just enough distance is fine. it's okay. ]
no subject
Tap, tap, tap drum his fingers against his chin. Eventually, he nods. ]
I'll see what becomes of us as I meet them.
But you should be aware that I will name-drop you, or even drag you into a conversation. If the factors line up, that is.
Knowing that, do you still want to make this request?
no subject
[ immediate.
but after a moment, she seems to have another thought and sighs. ]
Fine. I don't want people to connect us, is the thing... to know that we're coworkers -- I can handle myself if worse comes to worst, but they... can't. Not yet. But if we all happen to hang out together, then it's fine.
no subject
[ Kaito laughs, nodding his head to the next set of proposals. ]
It sounds like the timelines are really treating you poorly if you don't think they'd be your friends. I can oblige this request. No singling you out, but if it's in the open then it's open game.
Are you worried no one will reach out to them if I don't?
no subject
[ ..........
she's thinking.... sorry......... at their current state....? maybe... yeah. yeah, no, it's fine. ]
... They'll be fine making friends on their own, it's more just making sure they stay safe.
[ and now, now her tone turns warm. ] Yesod is a little blunt, but he always means well -- he's an honest guy, and he's always wanted to do what's best for everyone involved. Netzach is the same, even if he seems like he doesn't care about anything anymore... there's really no one who's more ready to give someone a hand than that guy, lazy as he can be. If you like me, you'll have no trouble liking them; that I can promise.
[ mm. what else. oh. ]
It's not that I don't think we'd be friends. In fact, I hope we become friends someday! There's just some others here that don't think well of my workplace and it's better if we stay apart.
[ and it's a little lonely being the only person with so many memories of their time together, as the library filled up with people and their noise. maybe a bit of it is for herself. but it's definitely mostly for them. march is definitely not going to agree to those terms so easily either. ]
no subject
[ Kaito straightens up, a little lighter on his... well, not his feet, but y'know. More lighthearted. ]
I accept your request. I'll make an effort to try and reach Yesod and Netzach. And whether or not we become friends, you can consider them under my protection. I'll do my best to make sure no undue harm comes their way.
[ A beat. Kaito trains his gaze on Malkuth's. ]
In exchange, you can't completely isolate yourself from them, you hear? I won't try and instigate any interactions, but it sounds an awful lot like you're taking an intentional step back when I can hear the desire to be close bleeding out of your words. My apologies for presuming... but that's what my gut says.
I'm gonna try and be their friend, but you're my friend first and foremost. I'm looking out for you too, y'know?
no subject
You have yourself a deal, Kaito. It doesn't sound like you'd let me get away with trying that anyway.
[ his gut is monstrous... sheesh. she'll turn her face to smile at him -- really thankful, she's glad she's got another pair of eyes on them. ]
That's all I wanted to ask you, so... are you done here too? Or do you wanna take up more of my time somehow? I wasn't really doing anything important.
[ if he'd like
want to do something ]
no subject
[ Stop making it sound so formal, stupid half-god. Kaito pushes off the chair—but it's not to get away. Rather, he closes in on Malkuth's bed, looming over the brunette... and then he sits down, making himself comfy by her side.
A fond smile beams down from on high. ]
Are you subtly inviting me to monopolize your free time, Malkuth?
For the record, I wouldn't mind hanging out.
no subject
I don't think a single person I know would call me subtle, so that's totally your imagination.
[ she is the least subtle person in the world. this will become very obvious someday. ]
Staying inside is pretty boring... do you wanna go around town with me? It'll be our first of three.
no subject
[ A beat. He tilts his head. ]
First of three what?
no subject
Dates.
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[ Oh. Oh, now he remembers. ]
Yoooooou're gonna hold that one over my head, aren't you?
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I don't usually get to hold anything over anyone, so this is pretty fun! I do have some errands that need to be done this week though, so whether you come or not I'm going out at some point.
no subject
It is, isn't it?
I'll go with you. It's not as if I'm nearly as busy as I used to be back home. Besides, I also have some business in the city. Paperwork to sign, wood to procure...
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[ now she's interested. she's sitting up interested. hello. ]
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I'm starting a food truck, so I've gotta pay for the business permit and the materials to build a cart.
It's quite literally just a wooden cart with enough cooking workspace for me to make and sell meals. A novel thing, really... but something I sorely miss from home.
no subject
Wow, how grown up of you. It's almost like you're an adult.
[ she's teasing. ]
I'm just buying some film and hobby supplies... What're you cooking? Ramen?
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[ That's a threat! Threat!!! ]
I don't think I'm going to have a set menu. I'll just think of a dish I like, and that'll be what I make for the day.
If the food's any good, I'll have regulars coming in every day to see what I'll kick up next.
no subject
Mmhmm.
[ she gives, unimpressed, to the way she flops back down on her bed to reach under for a notebook. ]
Well, you'll have a regular right off the bat with me! I'm not missing my chance to finally have you make something for me, Kaito. You were so-- where is it? Stingy about talking about yourself when we first met-- oh, here it is, [ her notebook, a little whale pen coming with it as she sits up to flip through, ] that I've been curious.
[ she's just not the kind of person who goes up and demands people feed her, is all. not yet. mark of comfort. ]
no subject
Kaito leans over to try and peek at what she's searching for only to reel back when she sits back up. That pen is cute.
Stingy is less cute, but the way she smiles while she says it is... Nevermind. Kaito just shrugs. Shrugs! ]
Look, I was a different man back in January. I'd only been in town for a day or two. I'm generally a wary person. Imagine how that mindset reacts to a ball of sunshine waltzing in trying to take pictures. 'Course I was a little stingy! Hmph!
...But I appreciate your future patronage. Rest assured, you'll like what I have to offer. Chef's honor.
no subject
[ she can give greta credit there. chef's honor. let's see... film, paint, mat, cookbook... actually stopping by a secondhand store would be good too, or maybe a bookstore in genuine if she can find one. how many things can she get kaito to hold for her. ]
I hope there's another festival like that soon. It was a lot of fun going around with such an expert guide.