synflux | [closed] well, i can’t shiver in the cold forever

Finally, about time he admits it-

[Okay, no, Vergilius will literally kill her if he was around right now for saying that. Poor Ishy... She moves a hand over to ruffle the top of Ishmael's hair before laying back on the bed with her.]

Don't worry too much about him being here. It sucks, but we can handle it.

[And it could always be worse, but that's a given.]

[ another sigh. she's been making a lot of them lately, and this won't be the last.

she rolls to her side to look at rodya. ]

I know we can. We always have. It's just...

[ she clenches her fists. ]

He came from the City too, you know? And if you compare his treatment of us compared to how everyone else have treated us here, the latter's a lot nicer. I was starting to get used to the idea that maybe... making friends again that aren't just the people from the bus won't be too bad.

You agree, right? [ right? ]

[Rodya takes a moment to stare at the ceiling before she ends up rolling to her side to come face to face with Ishmael.]

I agree. [A pause as she closes her eyes.] It's... nice.

[Making friends again, that is. People outside of The City giving her some things to think about, but there are people who really do offer their hand out without expecting anything in return. Rodya will have her hesitations and suspicions, but it's old habits set into her thanks to the life she grew up in. And yet... It gives her a little hope that people can still be kind, even in their own certain ways.]

It hasn't been bad talking with the other folks around here. You could say that it's refreshing even.

[ it really has been refreshing. it's nice. way too nice, to the point that it's scary sometimes. are people supposed to be this kind all the time?

she thinks of queequeg, and she tightens the grip of the sheets underneath her. ]

Like who? Got any new people to bug lately?

[ it's joke. ]

You miss me that bad?

[The joke did get her to smile a little bit. There is also a few nice thoughts on people she knew back then, but she quickly moves on before it ends up leading to depressing thoughts.]

Yeah, I have been talking with some folks more often. Even when they caught me at a bad time, they were still.... supportive, I guess?

[Back at the kaiju fighting out in sea... Girl the things that you missed from her-]

Mm. There are some good folks here.

[ ... ]

Actually, who caught you at a bad time? I could've been there for you, you know.

[ when she was not corroding, i mean. ]

I know, but stuff happens-

[You are her top support right now, Ishy u_u But things got wild and next thing she noticed is that Ishmael is not there anymore while the whales continue their assault. She wonders if she should really talk about it, but... Might as well?]

I went overboard and almost drowned for starters.

[🧍‍♂️]

Edited 2024-03-17 23:57 (UTC)

What?

[ ishmael immediately sits up. ]

You corroded, didn't you? I think we must've, at around the same time... [ clenches fists. ] Well, you weren't the only one who was saved. But I could've...

[ the sea has always been her territory, so it feels like ish has failed her somehow 😿 ]

Yeah, but that happened after I corroded and took a rest break. I went back out to fight once I got my energy back up, but I couldn't find you.... Course, can't really go looking when the kaiju are trying to get into your face and all of that.

[Ishmael corroded too, huh... She turns on her back to stare at the ceiling, letting out a heavy sigh.]

So, uh... Hey, don't put that gem on as soon as you get knocked into the water and you are under water. Terrible idea. [She turns back to the side to look up at Ishmael sitting up.] Also, don't beat yourself up too much over it.

[She lived in the end, didn't she? Sometimes that all that matters.]

Nope, too late. I'm surprised you didn't see me and my eight fat tentacles flopping across the halls.

[ just going squelch, squelch, squelch... ]

It wasn't like it's our first time transforming, so it wasn't all bad. I wasn't envious of the ones who were stuck with tailfins, that's for sure.

[ heh. ]

Still... We've got to get stronger, Rodya. [ she says this with finality in her voice. ] We can't use our Identities here, so we'll have to relearn everything from scratch. Using E.G.O all the time might be detrimental if everyone here can only die once when we corrode.

Like me!!! Do you know how much of a pain it was to crawl around with a long-ass tail that knocked a lot of shit over?! It went away quicker compared to most people, but it still sucked! [Whining, it's not faaaaair. But her next words went to mumbles:] Still, I thought I was...

[Mmmmm nope, get out of that thought process girl-]

Yeah... It would be bad if we start to fall behind. No Identities, but we got accessible augmentations... We could pick up some new weapons down the road to learn, but I plan on talking to some folks about E.G.O. [A pause.] As much as I can say, relax-

[Can't break that NDA, she knows....]

[ okay good, because ishmael was going to rag on her about the NDA. ]

We've got to be even more careful about that than ever, you know. Since Vergilius is here now. I guess we can be vague enough about what Limbus Company is all about, but we can't talk about the mirror worlds and the Identities we take up.

[ it'd be less complicated to bring up, too. she doubts that anyone else here in the base believes in those anyway. ]

As for our deaths... I've already told Wriothesley about it. And another person in Brimstone who plans on taking me under his wing. [ wanchan... ] You just have to be selective on who to tell it to. Okay?

Yeep. Playing it safe and vague is the way to go~ Plus some stuff takes too long to explain anyways so I don't bother.

[She sits back up to face Ishmael properly.]

I explained a bit to Ley since weeell, I almost bashed his face in when I corroded so he was owed an explanation. [He also said some things that gave her food for thought, but she will keep that to herself.] To give you the heads up, I'm going to talk to Yuwon about E.G.O. at some point.

[Yuwon is also aware of her multiple deaths, but again let's keep that to herself.]

Maybe you and the others should learn to read the guides some time, you know...

[ HUFFS!! ]

I... attacked Wriothesley too. While corroded. [ sweats nervously. ] Guess we owe that guy big-time. And Yuwon had already seen me in Blind Obsession - he was the one who helped me with the waves a while back actually, so feel free to tell him all he needs to know.

[ it's a relief, though - to be on the same page as rodya, to reach out to the same people as her. it only means that those people are to be trusted... maybe. ]

Hmm? What guides?

[She's very much full of shit and joking, it depends if Ishmael catches it this time.]

Yeah. When I got knocked into the sea and got stuck with fish legs, Yuwon helped me back there. He's a bit strange, but he's not a bad guy... He got the Rodya Seal Of Approval for sure~

[What happened below deck stays below deck (unless we get another memory flashback moment Again)]

I know we got our limits, but giving a few folks a heads up in case we corrode again might be a smart move. They can know when things go wrong and they can get themselves or others away from us until we regain our senses... You said you got someone taking you under his wing, right?

[A mentor or teacher is her first thought, but it's nice that someone like that could help Ishmael out.]

[ GROANS media literacy is truly dead

but oh? what's this about yuwon 👀 ]

The Rodya Seal of Approval, huh... [ ishmael almost sounds suspicious there, but dw she's just being facetious. ] He is a bit weird, but he's helped me a whole bunch. You can trust him.

[ hold his hand if you have to, rodya. he likes that a whole lot. ]

And yeah, he's another guy from Brimstone. I'll have to check on him, though. He beat my ass during training the first time, so I've got to get stronger. [ she looks down on her lap. ] Even with all the E.G.O we have so far, we're still pretty weak compared to people who are already experts in their own fields. We even have gods in our midst. So we absolutely cannot slack off.

[ she looks at rodion again, expression serious. ]

Do I make myself clear? We can't afford to die while we're here.

[Don't worry about it, Ishmael.]

Yeah. [She stays quiet as Ishmael talks, breaking their gazes as she looks down into her lap. The other Sinner is not wrong, there is some super powerful people around them and while they have improved since that brutal defeat in the forest, there will always be someone stronger and the frustration that comes with it.

"If the axe breaks, you can piece it back together. And if you break... There will be people here to help put you back together."

It's hard to believe the last part of those words from Wriothesley, most people will either leave her behind or use her remains to their advantage. She remembers her own words from idle musing as she allows a crack in her heart to open a little more and it hurts the more she thinks back on it:

"The first step in another direction... It's hard, but it is not impossible."

She goes back to laying down, turning her back towards Ishmael.]

I'm not trying to die here in the first place.

Edited 2024-03-21 15:58 (UTC)

[ it's rare, to see rodion look so serious like this. it should be a good thing - it shows how even someone like her shouldn't fuck around and find out too much - but it reminded ishmael of the things they'd seen at J Corp. how rodion did not get as much closure compared to how ishmael learned how to heal and move on from the lake. ]

That's good to hear.

[ she says, carefully. ]

But... I'm still serious, you know. About what I told you a couple of months ago. We're doing it right now, but don't ever hesitate on what's bothering you, Rodya. I want to help you, too.

[ the ice around her should have melted by now... right? ]

[It would be so different if they had a chance to explore the castle and got the bough for themselves. There is still a taste in her mouth over Sonya handing it over so freely, he is not going play nice again, he has other motives and she wouldn't be surprised if he was trying to get her to come back. If she wanted to, she cannot go back to him. The contract has been signed and it holds on to her, no matter how much she jokes about it.]

I don't know where to start.

[The ice is melting, cracking and she won't say it out loud willingly, but it scares her. She closes her eyes and lets the cold air that only she can feel wrap around her.]

I still don't know... [-when it's okay to warm herself.] Don't get me wrong. I am trying to keep looking ahead, but... [No closure yet obviously. She walks towards the future with heavy steps until she gives herself the okay to let the weight of the past go.]

Edited 2024-03-26 14:50 (UTC)

...I know.

[ ishmael reaches out to hold both of rodion's hand, to share some of that cold. ]

It's hard. I know it all too well. I wanted to bury my heart at the bottom of the sea, but... Look what happened.

[ it was a futile effort. no human can live without being loved, after all. and human beings still yearn to connect with others, even when the City practically tells them not to. ]

Back then, in the Whale's heart... Dante told me that it's okay to take your time with this. That at the end of the day, no one else is going to do this for you but yourself. Even now, I still don't know where I'm going. [ and especially now that their manager isn't here to help them. ] The people here -- they're nice. You've got nothing to lose if you let them in just a crack, you know? Even if it's just one person. Even if it won't be me.

[ it's scary, it's daunting... but it'll be fine. ishmael just knows her own limitations, is all. but she's positive that rodion would know hers too, in time. ]

Mm... We both have a lot to figure out.

[Ishmael's hands are a little warm. It's nice. She shifts her hands so she can hold on to them in return, clinging to something that isn't herself. She does believe that Dante's words do have truth in them. Only she can figure herself out and it's okay to take time, but it's up in the air on how long it will take.]

I do feel like I am cracking... It feels like I am trying to learn how to breathe again.

[A moment of silence since words are hard, girl... Bare with her here.]

I don't like feeling like this in front of you and the others. Like do you know how hard it was trying to some sanity while we were on the Lake? And The Middle showing up-

[Her throat silences her before she starts to choke on words. Man, she did fight hard until she suffered her brutal death, but the fear and anxiety crashing into her... It was awful.]

[ right, the middle... the finger that went up and murdered rodion's neighbors for emancipating them from their astronomical taxes. a thought descended on ishmael just now - does rodya hate her for stubbornly facing the middle back then? technically the fault was heathcliff's, but...

there's nothing to be done to change what happened, but that doesn't mean ishmael is going to sit here and let rodion carry their shared burden. so she kneels in front of her and leans forward to give her a hug, planting her chin on the other woman's shoulder. ]

It's okay. You're safe and sound here, now. [ for now. the middle can't get to them here. but ishmael's not about to ruin the mood, and instead chooses to rub rodion's back soothingly. ] The Great Lake wasn't for everyone. But we got through that and now we're on the way to T Corp. We'll be out of the ocean soon.

[ or at least, rodion will be. ishmael will always be associated with the sea, whether she likes it or not. ]

[Honestly if she noticed Heathcliff in time after they learned the Twinhooks are connected to the Middle, it would be one of the few times she would be against breaking into a loaded safe. Even if the Sinners did things right and carefully, getting a Finger's attention isn't too hard. Someone will notice and point them out. There will be conflict everywhere they go. It will never be easy. She might complain over it, but she will fight through these walls when they happen.

The thoughts on getting stronger, getting colder stop to a halt once Ishmael hugged her. She doesn't remember the last time someone gave her an embrace like this one. The kind where the other person takes the first move, she is the one getting comforted instead of doing the comforting.

She doesn't deserve this warmth, but... She wraps her arms around Ishmael without another word, holding her close as she keeps her eyes close.]

Mm. Yeah. [She will always never feel fully safe, but feeling safe enough to let her relax a little is enough for someone like her.]

I'll be fine. We will be okay.

[closed] well, i can’t shiver in the cold forever

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