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[He hears it. She talks about her sins. None of them are good people. He's known that about her in some sense, even if he's only got part of the story.]
[But just because she has her own blood-stained sea doesn't erase his own guilt. It's always been his failing. He lets himself be scarred, lets himself suffer, if that will even make an ounce up for the amount of wrong he's done.]
[No. Even as much as he insists, it still feels like his sins weigh greater on the scale. He failed those children. He failed his crew. She merely did the work of a corporation...]
You can. You can want and deserve it. I believe in...that. In you.
[He has no room to judge. He's not here to enact justice. Everyone does what they have to do in the City. But he...]
[He leans into that hand, almost involuntarily, but the sorrow in his eyes feels like an endless well.]
[But just because she has her own blood-stained sea doesn't erase his own guilt. It's always been his failing. He lets himself be scarred, lets himself suffer, if that will even make an ounce up for the amount of wrong he's done.]
[No. Even as much as he insists, it still feels like his sins weigh greater on the scale. He failed those children. He failed his crew. She merely did the work of a corporation...]
You can. You can want and deserve it. I believe in...that. In you.
[He has no room to judge. He's not here to enact justice. Everyone does what they have to do in the City. But he...]
[He leans into that hand, almost involuntarily, but the sorrow in his eyes feels like an endless well.]
Then I can decide that you do too.
[ since he's out here deciding she can. she just wants to deserve it, wants to experience it, even if...
even if she really, really might not. ]
I believe you should. Even if you don't. Okay? You can't change my mind on that.
[ since he's out here deciding she can. she just wants to deserve it, wants to experience it, even if...
even if she really, really might not. ]
I believe you should. Even if you don't. Okay? You can't change my mind on that.
...
[He closes his eyes, with a sigh that betrays a sort of exhaustion he's built up for years.]
Why?
[Why do you believe I should?]
[He closes his eyes, with a sigh that betrays a sort of exhaustion he's built up for years.]
Why?
[Why do you believe I should?]
Because the City says otherwise.
[ simply that.
their group was a rebellion from the start. it continued to be. it grew into a tree no one could look away from, a stand against the vultures of the city, and while it hadn't struck the way it should have-- something changed, evident enough in the distortions, the e.g.o. that began to appear. they continued to rebel in their own way.
the methods weren't different in the end. use, kill, manipulate. but it wasn't aimed to keep people down the way the city does it. that, malkuth is certain of. ]
We aren't there, but it still tells us we can't. Isn't that unfair?
[ simply that.
their group was a rebellion from the start. it continued to be. it grew into a tree no one could look away from, a stand against the vultures of the city, and while it hadn't struck the way it should have-- something changed, evident enough in the distortions, the e.g.o. that began to appear. they continued to rebel in their own way.
the methods weren't different in the end. use, kill, manipulate. but it wasn't aimed to keep people down the way the city does it. that, malkuth is certain of. ]
We aren't there, but it still tells us we can't. Isn't that unfair?
...It is unfair.
[If there's anything stronger than his feelings of self-hatred, it's how much he loathes the City. That place where not even innocent children can grow up without it pushing its darkness onto them. He wanted to uproot it. Part of him still wants it.]
[That horrible City, who makes people into monsters, in more ways than one...]
So this right now...it's an act of rebellion?
[If there's anything stronger than his feelings of self-hatred, it's how much he loathes the City. That place where not even innocent children can grow up without it pushing its darkness onto them. He wanted to uproot it. Part of him still wants it.]
[That horrible City, who makes people into monsters, in more ways than one...]
So this right now...it's an act of rebellion?
It is.
[ every bit is a form of it. if the city says they can't have something, doesn't deserve something, then doing the opposite is rebellion. even speaking up the way the blue reverberation had, violent as it was, by taking in the outcasts and desperate... was a kind of rebellion, even if she hates to admit it.
it went against the wishes of the city. that's all. so does the library. ]
[ every bit is a form of it. if the city says they can't have something, doesn't deserve something, then doing the opposite is rebellion. even speaking up the way the blue reverberation had, violent as it was, by taking in the outcasts and desperate... was a kind of rebellion, even if she hates to admit it.
it went against the wishes of the city. that's all. so does the library. ]
Something like this isn't going to uproot that rotten City.
[He can't see it as rebellion. The Head isn't going to just drop dead from them embracing.]
Many people have sought this and died for it. In the end, the City takes it all away, Malkuth.
[Like that man in black, with tear-stained eyes behind a mask.]
[Is there even a point?]
[He can't see it as rebellion. The Head isn't going to just drop dead from them embracing.]
Many people have sought this and died for it. In the end, the City takes it all away, Malkuth.
[Like that man in black, with tear-stained eyes behind a mask.]
[Is there even a point?]
Edited 2024-04-10 16:52 (UTC)
I suppose that makes sense. [ He squeezes. Her hands were so unbelievably soft, too. ] ...It's just nice.
[ Silence takes over for the next minute. Kaito's expression is warm and bright, and doesn't really tell whether he's looking for words to fill the space or simply content to let this moment pass without words. It doesn't matter. In time, the bartender rolls up with two drinks. The scent that wafts from the glasses is nothing like sake—it's honeyed and spiced, almost like Kaito had ordered an ale instead of something related to sake.
He finally lets go of Malkuth's hand, poking her drink forward. ]
These are named after the winter solstice back home. You'd sit in a nice hot bath, enjoy snacks, and relax. This is tart and sweet. The taste of sake is hidden behind everything else—
[ Kaito pauses to shoot her a pointed look. ]
—So you can only have these two, got it?
[ He taps the rim of 'his' drink. Winks. ]
[ Silence takes over for the next minute. Kaito's expression is warm and bright, and doesn't really tell whether he's looking for words to fill the space or simply content to let this moment pass without words. It doesn't matter. In time, the bartender rolls up with two drinks. The scent that wafts from the glasses is nothing like sake—it's honeyed and spiced, almost like Kaito had ordered an ale instead of something related to sake.
He finally lets go of Malkuth's hand, poking her drink forward. ]
These are named after the winter solstice back home. You'd sit in a nice hot bath, enjoy snacks, and relax. This is tart and sweet. The taste of sake is hidden behind everything else—
[ Kaito pauses to shoot her a pointed look. ]
—So you can only have these two, got it?
[ He taps the rim of 'his' drink. Winks. ]
Malkuth....
[STOP STROKING HIS CHEEK HE'S TRYING TO DWELL ON HIS OWN TRAGEDY OF HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!]
I still don't see what it could do. Not like it could erase anything we've done.
[STOP STROKING HIS CHEEK HE'S TRYING TO DWELL ON HIS OWN TRAGEDY OF HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!]
I still don't see what it could do. Not like it could erase anything we've done.
I'm not saying it's supposed to, you big moron. It just makes it easier to bear if someone's there with you.
[ he's not alone, or rather... malkuth isn't leaving him alone. she never had a single intention to, after all.
but there's not much she can say that she hasn't, so she pulls back a little to simply take his hands and squeezes them. ]
You need to live in the present to make a difference, however small, in the future. In anyone's future.
[ he's not alone, or rather... malkuth isn't leaving him alone. she never had a single intention to, after all.
but there's not much she can say that she hasn't, so she pulls back a little to simply take his hands and squeezes them. ]
You need to live in the present to make a difference, however small, in the future. In anyone's future.
[ it's important to be able to sit in silence with someone, but she still isn't quite used to it with kaito; the bartender is a relief she didn't know she was waiting for, interest taken by the drinks and their explanation. ]
I think you underestimate how easy I go down.
[ but he already said they're both hers, so she's taking his glass and pulling it next to hers proper with a playful grin. this is hers now.
but he's welcome to steal it back whenever, she isn't resource guarding... sipping at one of the glasses, it is a nice taste; the other had hidden its more alcoholic tang behind ginger, this one does it... with something else. malkuth kicks her feet under their table. it's good. she's going to go through this so easily. ]
Can you drink yourself?
I think you underestimate how easy I go down.
[ but he already said they're both hers, so she's taking his glass and pulling it next to hers proper with a playful grin. this is hers now.
but he's welcome to steal it back whenever, she isn't resource guarding... sipping at one of the glasses, it is a nice taste; the other had hidden its more alcoholic tang behind ginger, this one does it... with something else. malkuth kicks her feet under their table. it's good. she's going to go through this so easily. ]
Can you drink yourself?
Consider this a litmus test, then.
[ Kaito smiles. She can have the drinks. The bartender returns a few seconds later with a clear bottle housing a sweet-smelling golden spirit. Kaito pours into the provided glass. It's plum wine. Taking a sip is answer enough, but he gives the glass a swirl after drinking and nods. ]
I can. I have the opposite problem, actually. Though, you might not call it a problem. I haven't been drunk in years. My tolerance is a little on the ridiculous side. I think I got it from my mother...
[ Kaito smiles. She can have the drinks. The bartender returns a few seconds later with a clear bottle housing a sweet-smelling golden spirit. Kaito pours into the provided glass. It's plum wine. Taking a sip is answer enough, but he gives the glass a swirl after drinking and nods. ]
I can. I have the opposite problem, actually. Though, you might not call it a problem. I haven't been drunk in years. My tolerance is a little on the ridiculous side. I think I got it from my mother...
Mm.
[She pulls back - he misses it already, but he'll mentally admonish himself for being a little too selfish perhaps - and is content with the hand holding. He still doesn't want to believe in this. It's too good to be true. A wretched thing like him should not have kindness offered to him on a silver platter.]
[But he relents, if slightly, nods, and lets his hands grip hers with a squeeze of his own.]
...Is this you just saying you'll continue to be a constant menace in my life?
[She pulls back - he misses it already, but he'll mentally admonish himself for being a little too selfish perhaps - and is content with the hand holding. He still doesn't want to believe in this. It's too good to be true. A wretched thing like him should not have kindness offered to him on a silver platter.]
[But he relents, if slightly, nods, and lets his hands grip hers with a squeeze of his own.]
...Is this you just saying you'll continue to be a constant menace in my life?
[ fascinating. not what she meant, though it's definitely a problem. it means he has to spend more money on drinks. her? she'll finish this and not feel it hit her until she startd in on the second or until she stands. ]
I feel sorry for you. You have to spend so much money just to get a kick. But I mean, like... can you drink yourself?
[ waterboy. ]
Also, I wanna try yours too.
I feel sorry for you. You have to spend so much money just to get a kick. But I mean, like... can you drink yourself?
[ waterboy. ]
Also, I wanna try yours too.
I'm surprised it took you so long to ask. That's usually one of the first questions I get after showing someone my abilities. The answer is yes, by the way.
[ Kaito offers her his wine glass. ] This is umeshu. Plum wine. It's my favorite drink, by a long shot.
Anyway, don't feel bad. I don't enjoy being drunk. It's a control freak thing.
[ Kaito offers her his wine glass. ] This is umeshu. Plum wine. It's my favorite drink, by a long shot.
Anyway, don't feel bad. I don't enjoy being drunk. It's a control freak thing.
Edited 2024-04-10 21:24 (UTC)
[ remembering that. umeshu for alcohol. she takes it from him, the sweet and sour a pleasant taste, though she thinks she prefers hers right now. nodding... it is good though. ]
I'm tired of being a control freak myself. It was a lot of responsibility in my second life, so I'm pretty okay with someone else taking the reins sometimes... and I'm always drinking with people I trust anyway, so it's fine.
[ she was careful around izou, at least. just a little bit of a drink. malkuth rests her cheek in her hand, sipping at her drink again. ]
I think it's fun... the whole world warms up, moves at a different speed, and you start to feel like you're not you. I get kind of giggly when I drink, I think, and more physical too. Touchy. See? We won't have to wait for a real third date after all.
[ she's teasing. ]
I'm tired of being a control freak myself. It was a lot of responsibility in my second life, so I'm pretty okay with someone else taking the reins sometimes... and I'm always drinking with people I trust anyway, so it's fine.
[ she was careful around izou, at least. just a little bit of a drink. malkuth rests her cheek in her hand, sipping at her drink again. ]
I think it's fun... the whole world warms up, moves at a different speed, and you start to feel like you're not you. I get kind of giggly when I drink, I think, and more physical too. Touchy. See? We won't have to wait for a real third date after all.
[ she's teasing. ]
[erghhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH]
[AFFECTION >:/]
Jury is still out on that one. [OBVIOUSLY]
[AFFECTION >:/]
Jury is still out on that one. [OBVIOUSLY]
And you were being so cute before.
[ when he was awkward... maybe it's easier for him to breath when they're not face to face, like it is for her. malkuth'll move one of his hands to her neck, warm and soft. just to press his knuckle against her quick pulse there.
she likes his grumpy company, at least. ]
Now you won't know if I'm coming over to take you out or come in.
[ when he was awkward... maybe it's easier for him to breath when they're not face to face, like it is for her. malkuth'll move one of his hands to her neck, warm and soft. just to press his knuckle against her quick pulse there.
she likes his grumpy company, at least. ]
Now you won't know if I'm coming over to take you out or come in.
Good thing I've got strong hands. I can hold the reins for as long as you need.
[ Kaito's... Is he teasing? There's no devious lilt or playful gaze to accompany that line. He just takes his glass back and empties its contents.
Hmm. He listens while she talks, pouring himself another round. The bottle is already half empty. This time he does smile, sticking his tongue out at the tease. ]
So you become cuter than you already are when you get drunk. Understood.
[ His smile brightens—but only for a moment. ] It still isn't for me, though. I have enough issues with self-identity as it is. No need to exacerbate them. Hah.
[ A severe understatement. He's only casually bringing up his greatest fear while he drinks—and he already regrets mentioning it. ]
[ Kaito's... Is he teasing? There's no devious lilt or playful gaze to accompany that line. He just takes his glass back and empties its contents.
Hmm. He listens while she talks, pouring himself another round. The bottle is already half empty. This time he does smile, sticking his tongue out at the tease. ]
So you become cuter than you already are when you get drunk. Understood.
[ His smile brightens—but only for a moment. ] It still isn't for me, though. I have enough issues with self-identity as it is. No need to exacerbate them. Hah.
[ A severe understatement. He's only casually bringing up his greatest fear while he drinks—and he already regrets mentioning it. ]
I'm not cute.
[LOOK AT HIM!!!! HE'S CORPSE MADS MIKKELSEN!!!]
[But his hand being pulled to her neck like this makes his eyes widen slightly - he could easily imagine another scenario where these same hands would strangle an enemy, crush a windpipe - but he's letting them rest here, over this pulse.]
[Alive. Alive. How very alive.]
[He swallows, his Adam's apple moving up and down.]
You won't even warn me? How mean of you.
[LOOK AT HIM!!!! HE'S CORPSE MADS MIKKELSEN!!!]
[But his hand being pulled to her neck like this makes his eyes widen slightly - he could easily imagine another scenario where these same hands would strangle an enemy, crush a windpipe - but he's letting them rest here, over this pulse.]
[Alive. Alive. How very alive.]
[He swallows, his Adam's apple moving up and down.]
You won't even warn me? How mean of you.
...
[He's glad that his ears are hidden by his hair because he can feel them heating up a little because hi. What the fuck.]
[Acchem.]
You are going to allow me to have some time to myself sometimes, right...
[He's glad that his ears are hidden by his hair because he can feel them heating up a little because hi. What the fuck.]
[Acchem.]
You are going to allow me to have some time to myself sometimes, right...
[ why can't you get hot over her cute smile ]
Of course! I need time for myself too, you know.
[ she'll stop teasing him, untwirling from his arms and letting their hands loosen. just fingers, if he'd still like to hold. ]
Thanks for bringing back my pin, Vergilius. We should go up to the greenhouse sometime though, it'll be a nice date.
Of course! I need time for myself too, you know.
[ she'll stop teasing him, untwirling from his arms and letting their hands loosen. just fingers, if he'd still like to hold. ]
Thanks for bringing back my pin, Vergilius. We should go up to the greenhouse sometime though, it'll be a nice date.
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