WHO: kaito and pals WHAT: post-surgery and mid-month event shenanigans WHERE: around town WHEN: from april 12 to the end of the month WARNINGS: potential discussion of body horror; will update as things Go On
He knew, of course—that's what he's telling himself right now, in the instant Verg's emotional state spikes. Kaito's very good at finding those weak points in people and non-people. Making use of them has been one of the tenets of his success as a mediator and negotiator.
But in this moment, just this once, he wishes he'd been wrong. Wishes he'd missed the mark by any margin. But the Fixer's surely doing his best to play it casual, so he will too. ]
Eheh, y'know, that's a real interesting question... But I'm only gonna answer if you do!
[ Smile, smile. There. Even Verg won't take such obvious bait. They can get their coffee and maybe Kaito can talk about other girls instead. Or have an amnesiac episode. ]
[And now he doesn't even know what to do. Feelings? Of course this menace means it in a romantic aspect. This isn't rocket science. And he's a Fixer who has been through some shit. Romance isn't in his vocabulary.]
[No, what he feels for Malkuth is.......it must be different. Or at least, regardless of what it is, it must be buried now, he thinks.]
[Kaito, another greedy monster. A fellow kindred spirit. He falls into silence, caught in the whirlwind of his own thoughts - ironic for a guide to feel lost. If he is asking because he's interested... Hm. Malkuth and him...he could see it, actually. In a way, he and Kaito harmonize in some fashion. Malkuth could be drawn to that, that same core of shared darkness. And on top of that, the man is younger, more full of life, and has a winning carefree smile.]
[(It reminds him of....it reminds him of....)]
[(He'd been teased by him. It felt lighter. It felt easy. The man who had found love and told him about it.)]
[(He wanted him to be happy. He wanted him to live in a world where he could find peace.)]
[Vergilius falls into conflicted, torn silence.]
...
[The coffee shop is here, but he's standing, a little listless in front of the menu. Go ahead and order, Kaito. He's alright. It's fine.]
[ Nice job fucking it up. Whatever effect he had wanted his words to have gets summarily tossed out the window as he watches what's likely Verg receding into himself to think of an old City memory.
That, or he's thinking about all the ways he wants to simply slide into the abyss and ignore the question. One of the two, maybe something else.
And Kaito hasn't felt his memories go foggy since they left base. This is really the worst timeline, huh.
Time might pass slowly for the Fixer. Or maybe it's over in an instant. Who knows? Regardless, the silence between them ends when a warmth slings over his back and shoulders—it's Kaito's arm, pulling the man into an embrace.
...And dragging him off to the side, because a considerable line has formed behind them. ]
I'm sorry, [ he murmurs, letting go as soon as they're out of the way. He's only holding one cup of coffee, and it's held out towards the Fixer. ]
There was never going to be a good way for me to ask that, but there were certainly better ways. You can just... Not say anything. You don't owe me an answer.
But on my end?
Malkuth's the most important person I have here in Neo Tokyo. I want her to be happy.
[ Kaito looks down at the ripples caused by the quivering of his hand. But only for a moment. Golds flit up to meet crimson, resolute with an echo of despondency. ]
...So, if you like her romantically, you should go after her. Forget about first or third or tenth lives. This godforsaken world is a new chance for all of us—and yes, that includes you.
I still don't know anything about your past or what you've lost, Vergilius. Maybe I never will. But I know your eyes. I know that gaze. I know that tiredness.
[The warmth of the man's embrace is what brings him back, if only slightly - a surprising gesture, even if part of him reacts not unlike a feral dog would, a little shocked by it, bristling, unsure if its wanted. But before he can relax, Kaito lets go, and starts speaking. His dull eyes pull themselves up, fix on the man's face.]
[Malkuth's the most important person I have here in Neo Tokyo. I want her to be happy.]
[Of course. Of course. And he almost finds himself nodding, because he agrees in his own way. She should be happy.]
[He shouldn't be happy.]
[Those golden eyes - he wants to reach out and shake him. The anger is different now - like a boiling in his belly. He's not mad at Kaito. He's mad for him.]
[No, he's not taking that coffee.]
Who are you to.....throw this to me, huh?
[He lets out a rattling sigh. He's the selfish type, he knows. He always has been. But at the same time, he's the same person who would gladly cut himself off if it meant his sacrifice meant something. He'd use himself as soil for the land to feed the people he loves. What a paradox.]
What about you? Speaking as if...you don't have a chance, either? What's wrong with you? As if....as if I'm better than you....
[ Frustration. Anger. Exasperation. Exhaustion. So many emotions burn in the Fixer's aura. By now, he's pretty sure he knows exactly how the older man is feeling—and his words confirm it.
Truthfully, he'd expected this. He already has an answer for this. Is that something to be proud of, or is that pathetic? ]
I'm not better or worse than you, Vergilius, [ Kaito murmurs gently. ] But I know your type. I look in your eyes, and I see a reflection that isn't so unfamiliar.
A greedy monster. A selfish, selfless man. Someone who takes, and takes, and takes again—and then bends over to become the bridge for his friends to use to cross a river.
[ Kaito tosses the coffee and cup to the side of the road. Sorry. It allows him to step closer and stare Verg in the eyes. (He would grasp his shoulder or cup his cheek, but he doesn't quite have the nerve.) ]
[ Kaito slows to a halt. His gaze begins to fog—but at the same time all the color drains from his features. One hand slaps over his mouth while the other grabs onto Verg's shoulder. ]
I'm. I'm... [ Oh. Ooooh, those words are being carried with the tone of a man who knows he's about to die. Or at least be forgotten. ]
Vergilius. Vergilius. Boss— [ His throat tightens. Pulse quickens. Words smash together. ] I'm going to forget this conversation. Please... Please. You have to remind me what I was saying when—
[ Golds widen, then dilate. Pain lances through Kaito's skull as he leans his head against the Fixer's opposite shoulder. ]
[ Slowly but surely, Kaito pries himself away from Verg, hazy gaze looking around as if he's not sure how he got outside. He sees the tossed coffee. Sees that he hasn't changed out of his base clothes.
A hint of trepidation flickers in gold pools. Through trembling fingers, Kaito whispers. ]
[Gold. Like the Golden Boughs, he thinks, for a moment, those shining branches of unimaginable power, the ones they seek at home to grant wishes. Kaito stares, gold to vivid blood-red, and utters those words, and it feels like it sends a shockwave into his core - like golden cracks through a blackened vase.]
[But he's already fading - the memory has chosen a fine time to falter. It's like he's bleeding out in front of him, with no ability to stem it. (How ironic, he thinks for a pang of a second, his heart, his being always mixed with blood.) Vergilius can't help it, finding his hands grasping out to hold the man against him, making sure he doesn't collapse.]
[You and I, we have...]
[He implores him. He begs him to remember. Vergilius doesn't know what to do, between a rock and a hard place.]
[And then Kaito's head falls.]
[The memory is gone, just like that.]
[He feels a new stab of pain - something so tenderly bittersweet. A ruthful thought, unable to be that angry anymore.]
[So you're going to say all that, reach into my heart, and let me pick up the pieces for you, huh...? What a bastard you are.]
[But no matter. The man is coming to.]
Kaito.
[He might be pulling away, but the Red Gaze reaches forward, holds his face between his scarred, gnarled excuses for hands. And exhales.]
[ Everything's still shrouded in fog. This is probably the worst memory loss yet—he can't even remember the cafeteria. And yet, staring at Verg, Kaito can't help but feel something very, very important was happening.
Dread fills his chest when the Fixer reaches in and cradles his face. He can't even take a moment to enjoy the rough yet so very gentle way the other holds him—because the emotions that flood his soul through the connection threaten to completely consume him in their despair.
Oh, there's no doubt about it. He's fucked up. He's fucked up bad. Verg's words barely register through the chasm that's ripped itself into his heart. Kaito can't bear to hold his gaze anymore. His lips part. Move. But no sound comes out to join his words:
[ Realizing the old man may be able to read his lips, Kaito finally wrenches himself away and does his best to straighten up. Smile. Bury those stolen emotions deep down where he won't have to deal with them until he's alone—or until the moment is forgotten. ]
...So I am, huh? And so you did. I guess that means I already told you about the memory loss.
[ He gestures to the coffee, huffing a laugh. It comes out stilted. ]
[Kaito pulls out of his grip. Vergilius's hands hang in the air, before slowly dropping down to his sides.]
[Of course, he caught what he said, or was trying to say. Maybe it was gripping the man's face that centered him, because he feels more calm - its not as if he's back to normal or anything, but focusing on Kaito for the time being makes his breath stay steady.]
[There might be a twisted knot of emotion still churning in his belly, but there's one thing that isn't there. Hatred.]
[He does not hate this man.]
You...don't need to apologize for anything, Kaito. Really.
[ 'I'll find a way to make things right, Vergilius.'
The thought, resolute, settles heavy in his mind. Kaito closes his eyes—partly so Verg can continue to recover, but mostly to hide the glow from his optics as he puts a new note in his reminder app. 'Make up for being an idiot, whatever you did.'
When he's done, a slightly stronger smile tugs at the corners of his lips. ]
I hope you know that you're only further convincing me that I did something worth apologizing over, Boss.
But for now, I'll take your word for it. Do you wanna replenish that coffee and take a walk? My treat.
[He said to remind him of what he just said. But what if he does, and he just forgets it all over again?]
[Vergilius raises a hand to brush through his bangs and back over his head, and in that time...he settles himself, puts the restlessness and stress behind mental doors.]
[(Kaito pulling him into an embrace so easily - like it was natural to him, as if it could always be offered - a gesture like that lingers, warms him, even if he knows he doesn't deserve it.)]
[A low sigh. A lot to think about, but he'll do it later. Not now. Like he's always done for things before, he'll keep moving forward.]
[ Kaito claps a hand on Verg's shoulder—softly, despite the speed of the motion. He has a lot on his mind, and though the empath wants nothing more than to ask and figure out what he did, there's probably a good reason why the Fixer isn't clarifying.
Or there isn't, and they're both just idiots bottling up their problems and feelings. Either way, Kaito directs them back to the stand. ]
I'm more of a tea person, if we're being honest. But black coffee is okay—it's a reflection of my soooooulll.
[He moves to lightly whack the man on the back of the head.]
Don't be obnoxious. Tea it is.
[And he's moving forward to drone out his orders - black coffee, black tea - before pulling back to Kaito to wait. He is definitely ignoring the odd look from the stand owner.]
[What is this. Isn't he supposed to be this big scary Color Fixer, huh? Attracts everyone?]
[He makes a bit of face even with the shoulder bump, still disbelieving, but wondering if that's why people like Kaito and Malkuth keep wandering back into his life.]
And what experience is that? Your rose-colored glasses are on.
No, I think I remember my childhood quite well. I was the little monster of the neighborhood, picking fights with kids twice my size and terrifying mothers everywhere.
I hated everyone, and everyone feared me. I thought that was the best way to live.
And then I got to high school, and idiots popped up everywhere—all wanting to make friends with Shibuya's little demon.
[ Kaito glances back to Verg, popping a smaller smile. ]
Maybe it's not the same as your story, but I recognize my type when I see them.
[And it isn't as if his reputation asked for people to befriend him. It carried a level of intimidation he always liked to use. It worked out for him.]
[Except for....his Office. And he remembers Siegfried and his damn smiling face, like some golden retreiver who didn't understand anything in the world.]
[He looks back at Kaito, sees that smile, and lets out a little sigh.]
Regardless of you being a little monster...you're a charmer. I'm not. So there.
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He knew, of course—that's what he's telling himself right now, in the instant Verg's emotional state spikes. Kaito's very good at finding those weak points in people and non-people. Making use of them has been one of the tenets of his success as a mediator and negotiator.
But in this moment, just this once, he wishes he'd been wrong. Wishes he'd missed the mark by any margin. But the Fixer's surely doing his best to play it casual, so he will too. ]
Eheh, y'know, that's a real interesting question... But I'm only gonna answer if you do!
[ Smile, smile. There. Even Verg won't take such obvious bait. They can get their coffee and maybe Kaito can talk about other girls instead. Or have an amnesiac episode. ]
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[Where did this come from?]
[And now he doesn't even know what to do. Feelings? Of course this menace means it in a romantic aspect. This isn't rocket science. And he's a Fixer who has been through some shit. Romance isn't in his vocabulary.]
[No, what he feels for Malkuth is.......it must be different. Or at least, regardless of what it is, it must be buried now, he thinks.]
[Kaito, another greedy monster. A fellow kindred spirit. He falls into silence, caught in the whirlwind of his own thoughts - ironic for a guide to feel lost. If he is asking because he's interested... Hm. Malkuth and him...he could see it, actually. In a way, he and Kaito harmonize in some fashion. Malkuth could be drawn to that, that same core of shared darkness. And on top of that, the man is younger, more full of life, and has a winning carefree smile.]
[(It reminds him of....it reminds him of....)]
[(He'd been teased by him. It felt lighter. It felt easy. The man who had found love and told him about it.)]
[(He wanted him to be happy. He wanted him to live in a world where he could find peace.)]
[Vergilius falls into conflicted, torn silence.]
...
[The coffee shop is here, but he's standing, a little listless in front of the menu. Go ahead and order, Kaito. He's alright. It's fine.]
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That, or he's thinking about all the ways he wants to simply slide into the abyss and ignore the question. One of the two, maybe something else.
And Kaito hasn't felt his memories go foggy since they left base. This is really the worst timeline, huh.
Time might pass slowly for the Fixer. Or maybe it's over in an instant. Who knows? Regardless, the silence between them ends when a warmth slings over his back and shoulders—it's Kaito's arm, pulling the man into an embrace.
...And dragging him off to the side, because a considerable line has formed behind them. ]
I'm sorry, [ he murmurs, letting go as soon as they're out of the way. He's only holding one cup of coffee, and it's held out towards the Fixer. ]
There was never going to be a good way for me to ask that, but there were certainly better ways. You can just... Not say anything. You don't owe me an answer.
But on my end?
Malkuth's the most important person I have here in Neo Tokyo. I want her to be happy.
[ Kaito looks down at the ripples caused by the quivering of his hand. But only for a moment. Golds flit up to meet crimson, resolute with an echo of despondency. ]
...So, if you like her romantically, you should go after her. Forget about first or third or tenth lives. This godforsaken world is a new chance for all of us—and yes, that includes you.
I still don't know anything about your past or what you've lost, Vergilius. Maybe I never will. But I know your eyes. I know that gaze. I know that tiredness.
Give yourself a chance here.
[ Nice speech, Pot. Two and a half stars. ]
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[Malkuth's the most important person I have here in Neo Tokyo. I want her to be happy.]
[Of course. Of course. And he almost finds himself nodding, because he agrees in his own way. She should be happy.]
[He shouldn't be happy.]
[Those golden eyes - he wants to reach out and shake him. The anger is different now - like a boiling in his belly. He's not mad at Kaito. He's mad for him.]
[No, he's not taking that coffee.]
Who are you to.....throw this to me, huh?
[He lets out a rattling sigh. He's the selfish type, he knows. He always has been. But at the same time, he's the same person who would gladly cut himself off if it meant his sacrifice meant something. He'd use himself as soil for the land to feed the people he loves. What a paradox.]
What about you? Speaking as if...you don't have a chance, either? What's wrong with you? As if....as if I'm better than you....
1/2
Truthfully, he'd expected this. He already has an answer for this. Is that something to be proud of, or is that pathetic? ]
I'm not better or worse than you, Vergilius, [ Kaito murmurs gently. ] But I know your type. I look in your eyes, and I see a reflection that isn't so unfamiliar.
A greedy monster. A selfish, selfless man. Someone who takes, and takes, and takes again—and then bends over to become the bridge for his friends to use to cross a river.
[ Kaito tosses the coffee and cup to the side of the road. Sorry. It allows him to step closer and stare Verg in the eyes. (He would grasp his shoulder or cup his cheek, but he doesn't quite have the nerve.) ]
I see you. You and I, we have... We have...
2/3 actually
I'm. I'm... [ Oh. Ooooh, those words are being carried with the tone of a man who knows he's about to die. Or at least be forgotten. ]
Vergilius. Vergilius. Boss— [ His throat tightens. Pulse quickens. Words smash together. ] I'm going to forget this conversation. Please... Please. You have to remind me what I was saying when—
[ Golds widen, then dilate. Pain lances through Kaito's skull as he leans his head against the Fixer's opposite shoulder. ]
Ugh...
3/3
A hint of trepidation flickers in gold pools. Through trembling fingers, Kaito whispers. ]
...When did I leave the cafeteria...?
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[Gold. Like the Golden Boughs, he thinks, for a moment, those shining branches of unimaginable power, the ones they seek at home to grant wishes. Kaito stares, gold to vivid blood-red, and utters those words, and it feels like it sends a shockwave into his core - like golden cracks through a blackened vase.]
[But he's already fading - the memory has chosen a fine time to falter. It's like he's bleeding out in front of him, with no ability to stem it. (How ironic, he thinks for a pang of a second, his heart, his being always mixed with blood.) Vergilius can't help it, finding his hands grasping out to hold the man against him, making sure he doesn't collapse.]
[You and I, we have...]
[He implores him. He begs him to remember. Vergilius doesn't know what to do, between a rock and a hard place.]
[And then Kaito's head falls.]
[The memory is gone, just like that.]
[He feels a new stab of pain - something so tenderly bittersweet. A ruthful thought, unable to be that angry anymore.]
[So you're going to say all that, reach into my heart, and let me pick up the pieces for you, huh...? What a bastard you are.]
[But no matter. The man is coming to.]
Kaito.
[He might be pulling away, but the Red Gaze reaches forward, holds his face between his scarred, gnarled excuses for hands. And exhales.]
...It's fine. You're fine. I took you here.
1/2
[ Everything's still shrouded in fog. This is probably the worst memory loss yet—he can't even remember the cafeteria. And yet, staring at Verg, Kaito can't help but feel something very, very important was happening.
Dread fills his chest when the Fixer reaches in and cradles his face. He can't even take a moment to enjoy the rough yet so very gentle way the other holds him—because the emotions that flood his soul through the connection threaten to completely consume him in their despair.
Oh, there's no doubt about it. He's fucked up. He's fucked up bad. Verg's words barely register through the chasm that's ripped itself into his heart. Kaito can't bear to hold his gaze anymore. His lips part. Move. But no sound comes out to join his words:
'What have I done to you?' ]
2/2
...So I am, huh? And so you did. I guess that means I already told you about the memory loss.
[ He gestures to the coffee, huffing a laugh. It comes out stilted. ]
Sorry for making such a mess.
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[Kaito pulls out of his grip. Vergilius's hands hang in the air, before slowly dropping down to his sides.]
[Of course, he caught what he said, or was trying to say. Maybe it was gripping the man's face that centered him, because he feels more calm - its not as if he's back to normal or anything, but focusing on Kaito for the time being makes his breath stay steady.]
[There might be a twisted knot of emotion still churning in his belly, but there's one thing that isn't there. Hatred.]
[He does not hate this man.]
You...don't need to apologize for anything, Kaito. Really.
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The thought, resolute, settles heavy in his mind. Kaito closes his eyes—partly so Verg can continue to recover, but mostly to hide the glow from his optics as he puts a new note in his reminder app. 'Make up for being an idiot, whatever you did.'
When he's done, a slightly stronger smile tugs at the corners of his lips. ]
I hope you know that you're only further convincing me that I did something worth apologizing over, Boss.
But for now, I'll take your word for it. Do you wanna replenish that coffee and take a walk? My treat.
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[Vergilius raises a hand to brush through his bangs and back over his head, and in that time...he settles himself, puts the restlessness and stress behind mental doors.]
[(Kaito pulling him into an embrace so easily - like it was natural to him, as if it could always be offered - a gesture like that lingers, warms him, even if he knows he doesn't deserve it.)]
[A low sigh. A lot to think about, but he'll do it later. Not now. Like he's always done for things before, he'll keep moving forward.]
Sure. I'd be okay with that.
[A beat.]
What do you want? And don't tell me water.
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[ Kaito claps a hand on Verg's shoulder—softly, despite the speed of the motion. He has a lot on his mind, and though the empath wants nothing more than to ask and figure out what he did, there's probably a good reason why the Fixer isn't clarifying.
Or there isn't, and they're both just idiots bottling up their problems and feelings. Either way, Kaito directs them back to the stand. ]
I'm more of a tea person, if we're being honest. But black coffee is okay—it's a reflection of my soooooulll.
[ Idiot. ]
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[He moves to lightly whack the man on the back of the head.]
Don't be obnoxious. Tea it is.
[And he's moving forward to drone out his orders - black coffee, black tea - before pulling back to Kaito to wait. He is definitely ignoring the odd look from the stand owner.]
Are you...a fan of sugar?
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[ Kaito takes the hit in stride, offering an apologetic bow of his head to the owner. He has no idea how it looked last time, after all.
The call for sugar tempts another bad joke, but he relents. ]
Nah. I don't like sweet things.
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[Ah, another similarity. He nods, somehow not surprised.]
I see. Guess you didn't make much dessert as a chef...here we go.
[The drinks are ready - he pulls back with them in hand, offering the man his tea.]
Let's walk a bit.
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[ He trails off, taking the proffered tea before immediately sipping. ]
Wriothesley thought the same, but I make desserts fairly often for others. It's good to have flexibility, even if you don't like eating what you make.
[ The sidewalk's looking real attractive now that they have drinks, so Kaito takes off first. ]
Have you gotten comfy with anyone else outside of Cityfolk yet, Boss?
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[And there's a difference. He wouldn't bow down to just provide what anyone wanted just because they wanted it.]
[....Maybe if he liked them, though.]
[He follows along, giving a shrug at the question.]
...There's been a few I've talked with. Not sure about "comfy", but some aren't especially irritating.
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[ His tongue pokes out. Kaito takes another sip while they stroll Neo Tokyo's scenic dingy streets. ]
That's good. You need plenty of tolerable company in order to balance me, I'm sure.
...It'd be funny if you've made more connections than I have by now. But I didn't think I'd be surprised.
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[Now that makes him let out an unbelieving scoff.]
Why is that? Haven't you met me?
[Its not like he's unaware of how offputting he can be.]
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Your type attracts everyone, Vergilius. Tall, not so dark, prickly as hell...
[ Kaito drains his tea cup and bumps shoulders with the Fixer, grinning. ]
Everyone wants to either tease you or get past that spike wall and get to know you. Or in my case, both.
And before you ask—I know from experience.
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[He makes a bit of face even with the shoulder bump, still disbelieving, but wondering if that's why people like Kaito and Malkuth keep wandering back into his life.]
And what experience is that? Your rose-colored glasses are on.
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I hated everyone, and everyone feared me. I thought that was the best way to live.
And then I got to high school, and idiots popped up everywhere—all wanting to make friends with Shibuya's little demon.
[ Kaito glances back to Verg, popping a smaller smile. ]
Maybe it's not the same as your story, but I recognize my type when I see them.
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[And it isn't as if his reputation asked for people to befriend him. It carried a level of intimidation he always liked to use. It worked out for him.]
[Except for....his Office. And he remembers Siegfried and his damn smiling face, like some golden retreiver who didn't understand anything in the world.]
[He looks back at Kaito, sees that smile, and lets out a little sigh.]
Regardless of you being a little monster...you're a charmer. I'm not. So there.
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me losing it
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