[ open ] birthday time!

[picky]

WHO: Marcille, Ryoji, and YOU!
WHAT: A party for the April (and May) birthdays!
WHERE: LILICO Game Center in Akihabara
WHEN: April 20th
WARNINGS: TBA

No matter who you are, you receive a text early in the morning from Ryoji (memors):

Good morning! Did you know it's a special someone's birthday today? Actually, we have several birthdays to celebrate, so join us today at the LILICO Game Center! There will be cake! Lots and *lots* of cake. Hope to see you there!

This is an open log, so feel free to tag out or top level or respond to the prompts below. Have fun!

Comments

[ignoreher]

[ record shops... there really is just something about physical media. at least she has an idea of what to get him for monthly birthday gifts. ]

I just hope they stay afloat long enough for us to see all of them. Though I guess checking out some abandoned places might be fun too -- I don't scare that easy, so the amusement park was really fun!

[memors]

I had a great time, too! [ You know, aside from the chaos and existential crisis, but he's not focused on that right now. ] It really made me wonder about what kind of place it was in its prime...I bet there are lots of places like that outside of Tokyo, too.

I've been thinking about making a trip out of visiting Tatsumi Port Island — where I'm from — if it exists here. The tricky part is it might exist under a different name, and there's no Dark Hour here to sort of...guide me home.

[ Though it's for the best that there's no Dark Hour. Absolutely. ]

[ignoreher]

[ dark hour........................ what a funny name, ]

Is it like a beacon or something? I'd like to go by the way, if it exists.

[memors]

Something like that. It's like...a yearning in my soul, to return to where I was created. I haven't felt that since I arrived here, but that may just be because we're far away from it.

[ He's not familiar enough with the geography of Japan to say for certain how close Iwatodai was to Tokyo, but if he spends some time looking through maps, he might be able to find something. He has his self-appointed homework assignment! ]

I'd love to show you around, even if it's far removed from the place I know.

[ignoreher]

[ "to return where i was created" insane things to drop at a birthday party and yet she's not batting an eye. some Abnormalities are manmade too, after all. (most of them are technically, some are just noted to be specifically that.) ]

Like a migratory bird... While we can't visit it yet, [ because she's certain that he'll be able to show her around sometime, ] why don't you tell me about it anyway? What's your favorite part of town? Do they have good food there? Anyone catch your fancy?

[memors]

[ Ah...once of his favorite topics of conversation. The only thing he loves more than Iwatodai are the people that live there, so he's more than happy to speak at length about both. ]

As cliche as it might sound, I think my favorite place was...the school. It's where I met all my friends, where I spent the most time while I thought I was human. [ Before he remembered. He wouldn't want to go back to that time, but there's something charming in its innocence. ] All the shops around the station too, and the arcade at the mall, the karaoke bar...oh, and the beef bowl shop was to die for! Haha, I'm not narrowing it down very much, am I?

[ A thoughtful pause. ]

Catch my fancy...you mean, like a crush?

[ignoreher]

[ he's not, but it's nice to hear him talk about them anyway. school with friends. shops, arcades, karaoke to hang out at, delicious meals to share... her heart aches at her own lost life, not that it would've ever been possible where she had been born in the City, but at least her yearning for it can be answered here.

has been, even by the young man before her. ]

Yeah! If it ever crossed your mind, I mean. When you thought you were human. Or when you found out you weren't, I think Death deserves to love the people he's taking care of in the end too.

[memors]

[ She's not wrong, though it took spending time alongside humans for him to learn that. How much of his capacity to love actually comes from him? Does it matter where it came from, either way?

...Something to think about later. This is a celebratory occasion. ]

You may not be terribly surprised to hear this, but I tended to catch feelings for other quite easily. Even after I regained all my memories, I couldn't help my fondness...

[ Love, though? That's a big leap. One he should be mindful of making. ]

Do you know what it feels like? To be in love, I mean.

[ignoreher]

I do. Though it didn't end sweetly.

[ she watches the arcade's crowd, leaning on the table a bit. ]

... For me, it was wanting to be seen. I worked hard to be capable, to be helpful and not a burden to those around me, but also to be recognized and seen by the person I liked -- his eyes were always forward, focused on someone else and her desire for the future, so I always knew I didn't have a chance. It didn't stop me from liking him though, from wanting his eyes on me, I just... knew it wouldn't be more than that, if anything at all.

It's a terrible, painful thing in my personal experience. [ she replies quietly. ] But I don't think it should be. It's just all I really know.

[memors]

[ Wanting to be seen...something that can be painful, but beautiful, too. For how often Ryoji is chasing the affection of others, it's almost something of a proof of concept. To learn for himself what Malkuth explains to him now. It's a little different for everyone, though, isn't it? So how can he ever really know if what he feels for someone is love? Romantic or otherwise?

I don't think it should be, either. Things that bring the most joy in turn can also cause the most pain...it's impossible to know one without the other. But...even with the pain, it's better than apathy. Better than emptiness.

Even if he's still learning, he wouldn't go back to the way he was before. Devoid of emotions, devoid of a heart. ]

Do you regret it? Loving someone who wouldn't love you back.

[ignoreher]

[ better than apathy, better than emptiness. her heart pangs terribly at the mention of both, because that's exactly the last thing elijah remembered about that man -- how she had pleaded, how he had ignored, how she had died at his heels.

if someone doesn't look back towards you, what does that mean? a rhetorical question. answered soon after. that they don't acknowledge you. that they don't even care about the expression you may be making.

that they feel no need to see what you're doing, as they've already come to a conclusion.

does she regret it? loving someone who wouldn't love her back?

... ]

It was a very valuable experience, [ she says with a small, painful smile. ] And I can't thank him enough for it. I wouldn't want to repeat it, but I don't regret having the chance to love someone in the first place. It's a rare thing to have the space for in my world, so I cherish them greatly -- my foolish feelings.

[ it was bittersweet. it didn't end well, and it never would have. the what-ifs of things going well for the group in general crowds her mind and she wonders if elijah's heart would have stayed course or strayed, if it would have strengthened or waned. ]

I just regret not telling him how I felt when I had the time to, really.

[memors]

[ Love and suffering are two of the greatest teachers he's ever witnessed. He saw the lessons it taught SEES time and time again, he saw the lessons they taught Minato. He witnessed firsthand the return of a beloved teammate, only to lose him a short while later. He witnessed the way both transformed Junpei, took away his innocence and steeled his resolve in turn. He witnessed Aigis recalling her most impactful memories, when she made the choice to seal him away, and how she had come to care so dearly for the life of the boy she had doomed. He does not weigh the scales of judgment, but he is the arbiter of the passage of time, and he too has learned, has grown, even if the experiences weren't his own.

They paved the way for him to have his own experiences. To be the person he is now. To be a person at all. They shaped Malkuth, too, and he's so glad that she can recognize it, that she has the emotional clarity to see it that way. Each experience is precious, important, even the ones that are painful. Especially the ones that are painful. ]

Do you think that would have changed the outcome of things? Or is it more that your heart would feel less burdened, if you had told him?

[ In essence...does she regret not telling him for his sake, or her own? ]

[ignoreher]

Oh, for sure the second! He wouldn't have turned no matter how loudly I'd said it, that I know without a doubt. Like I said, he never once looked at me. That wouldn't have changed even if I told him -- I'm certain of it.

[ no what-ifs there. maybe it's simply coping by saying it was valuable, that she was thankful to have the chance to be so hurt and looked past, but at least she knows how it feels now. when someone else describes it, she'll be able to understand. it's valuable in that way, isn't it? it's not just painful, is it? there's meaning to be found in elijah's hurt, in her rejection, in the way he never glanced from the reports in hand?

... maybe she's coping even now. but malkuth doesn't want to think of him as a bad person, heart still fond despite all that had happened. her greatest wish had only for her pain to be understood by him in the end. ]

It just means that when I like someone, I want to tell them that. I won't take our time for granted... I want them to know they're important to me in as many words as I can manage, whether it's just as a friend or more. I didn't do enough of that in my first life.

[memors]

[ It's not the first time he's thought as much, but Malkuth is very wise. The kind of wisdom, he thinks, that can only come from living multiple lifetimes, from having that perspective of being able to reflect on what you were before, and allowing it to shape how you'll change in the future. It isn't easy, but he admires it. Maybe he can learn from it, too. ]

Then you won't have any regrets. For what it's worth, I think that's a great way to live...which may sound a little ironic, coming from me. [ What does Death know about living? ] But I see no point in leaving things unsaid. People always come up with reasons, but in the end...it's better to be honest and upfront with yourself. With your own heart.

[ After a moment, he chuckles. ]

Sorry. I didn't mean to get so deep into something like this at a birthday party, of all places.

[ignoreher]

[ wise words himself. malkuth's smile is bright but fond, shaking her head with a soft laugh. ]

Don't apologize, Ryoji, I think it's one of your charm points! You take every conversation to heart and put your own understanding onto it, so it really feels like you're listening... because you are. I really like it.

[ it's sweet, truly. ]

And... for the record, I don't think it's ironic at all. Who better to know about life than death? Take it from someone who's done her share of both.