[open/closed] i must be the only one to dance this beautiful dance

[axethrows]

WHO: Rodion & Friends
WHAT: Catchall for May + June
WHERE: Various locations
WHEN: May & June (from TDM#4 prompts to up to end of June)
WARNINGS: various warnings due to June Event; threads/top levels will be marked accordingly

[OOC Note: If you would like to have a closed thread or something else in here, please contact me and we can set something up!]

Comments

[yuwon]

I don't. [ ...


eventually, he shifts his upper body up, his hand drifting down to wrap around her. he pulls her close to him almost as if he were embracing her. it's unclear if it's a natural motion from him sitting up. he holds her there for a few moments, as if concealing his own expression and thoughts in the gesture.

while most may have thought of something intimate, yuwon isn't sure what he's thinking. just that it's a feeling unlike any other he's experienced, and so he doesn't let go. he does wonder if it's because they've had contact like this before between them... but it makes him feel a bit like back then. ]

[axethrows]

We really do have a lot in common, huh?

[Her eyes widen on getting embraced as soon as he sat up. It felt like a heavy force broke through several layers of the walls of her heart now that she has soften them. Other parts of her soul are probably screaming at her for letting such a thing happen, but...

She slowly leans forward to bury her face into the front of his shoulder, hiding her face in case an expression she doesn't normally show starts to grow on her face. Her hands slowly move to grab his shoulders, a light grip digging into the fabric.]

Mm... You're warm.

[That's all she can get out of her right now in terms of words. She doesn't really know what to do and she shouldn't submit into emotional cravings like this, but she's going to hurt way more in the far future. What is one more burden added to the pile? Not that Yuwon is a burden or anything, he is far from such a thing. It's only her heart being cruel that she shouldn't have these moments and she's only signing herself up for more pain when something gets ruined between them or he disappears from this world, back to his tower.]

[yuwon]

[ it's a motion he isn't accustomed to in the least and even now he isn't sure why he commits to it. he doesn't pull away even as she grips further into him. or rather, the thought doesn't even penetrate his usual line of thinking. normally, he tended to cut his actions short. almost as if he were always in a rush, being chased by something entirely invisible and metaphorical. for once, he remains fixed and despite how out of the norm it is for him, he temporarily discovers an odd sense of solace in it. his expression as usual is a bit indecipherable, and yet, if someone looked closely, he may have appeared a bit content.

he isn't sure how much time passes as he remains perfectly silent, as lightly pats her back. is he attempting to comfort her? does he believes she needs it?

empathy has never been yuwon's strong suit, and emotions often remained on the backburner of his thoughts. but, it's true that he's trying to do something for her, even if he doesn't exactly know what. though, as with everything, it's transitory and fleeting.

he loosens his hold over her, but doesn't pull away, instead allowing her whatever time she needed to remain buried in his chest. when he speaks, it's quiet and hushed. ] Maybe we do. But, that might not be a good thing for you.

[ his 100% honesty even in a moment like this. he says that, but in reality, yuwon would state he's changed substantially from the man he used to be. at least in some ways, that said, he does put a gentle hand on the back of her head, as if to over one last touch of comfort. ]

[axethrows]

So?

[Her response is a little sharp on Yuwon's comment. There is already a bunch of bad traits about her, she really doesn't need anyone to tell her what is good for her and what is not... It's part of being human. She turns her head away from him as she rests her cheek on his shoulder, her body relaxing more with his hand now on the back of her head. These little gestures on trying to comfort... Sometimes the effort is more appreciated than getting nothing at all.

She closes her eyes as she takes in the peace of the moment.]

If this was with anyone else, I would have gotten up and leave the room by now... You? You are different.

[A very genuine truth from her, some folks from back in her world might have a good chance on seeing her like this, but Yuwon is different as she says. He's someone from outside of The City and while he may never understand the full picture, he does listen quietly while holding his own emotions back. There is very long pauses in between her words as talking while in such a vulnerable state is so hard that even her co-workers haven't seen a full picture of her story yet.

She hates to admit it, but she needs to pull one icicle out and let her heart bleed a little more. Get a fresh hole started so the ice can freeze and repair it later on.]

I have gotten very soft with you and it's going to ruin me in the future, but... If I have to take these emotional risks with someone, I want it to be with you. [She lets out a heavy sigh that it feels like cold air is coming out of her.] That's part of the gambler's life, huh?

[She is very much expecting that these peace will be gone so quick and Yuwon breaks her heart into millions of pieces in some fashion and she is back to picking herself up and moving on with life while pretending nothing ever happened.]

If you want to push me away at any moment, I won't stop you. [And yet she will still keep her arm and hand out towards him in case he changes his mind at the last minute, but who knows how long she will stay reaching out towards him before accepting the lost and moving on.]

[yuwon]

[ in all his life (or lives more accurately), he may have heard that in a few different contexts, but this time, it seems exactly as she says— different. inherently and entirely ... different. their proximity, the way he can clearly perceive the rise and fall of her chest, and her breath. while in battle these specifics felt so natural to dig into. this is the first time outside of all of that it seems to penetrate his senses like this. almost as if each of her movements linger in his mind.

he half-considers if this is just due to lack of exposure to someone like her. within the tower, it was rare to even encounter genuine relationships. even if he considered himself relatively blessed in that department with companions like son ohgong or hercules— if he didn't have to prioritize his battle with the outer gods, he wondered if it would have developed in the same fashion and intensity as it had.

would he have learned to trust?

then again, while he considered himself an improved version of the self-labeled "asshole" he once was... he seems to fall to silence at her words. to be honest, he isn't sure to what extent they are, but when she speaks them, he finds that he can't exactly reject the metaphorical hand she extends. it was easier when he could read someone's ulterior motives, or all the uglier aspects of their desires. or even if he could find an appropriate rebuttal. ]

I think I know what you mean. [ he finally settles on those words. ] I admit, I don't tend to gamble. [ gambling to him was the same as leaving the entire world to ruin. it's why, he... who had climbed the tower alone and only thought of himself for years, had to change appropriately. not that he wasn't capable of it, but because he had that much more riding on his every move, down to every last decision he made. but, none of that applied here.

it's something that he's reminded of. even more so when he recalls rodya's own world. ]

i forgot to put a label for the second half

[yuwon]

[ his silence might have lingered, but his hands remain in place. even in moments like these he can't deny that she was beautiful, even if this may have been the first time he's ever seen her appear so vulnerable. when he pulls her upwards silently, he almost keeps to this severe atmosphere. his face discernable, before he holds the both of her cheeks in his hands as if looking right at her. it lasts a moment too long even by his standards, and so he eventually looks down. ]

So we'll just have to make certain first. [ first, before what? he seems to leave it vague on purpose, showing zero inkling of following up his words with anything else. almost as if shifting out of that topic, he continues. ] You don't think I would have pushed you away already if that's what I wanted?

[ i want you... or so he seems to think on these words, but he doesn't say it, unsure of what capacity he might mean them in. at the very least, he figures he needed to come up with a plan. for what? idk, but why do i play someone so meticulous in the worst way. ]

😳

[axethrows]

Eh? [The sound that escaped from her lips was small yet still full of sudden surprise as her head was pulled up and his hands were on her face to hold her there. Her eyes widen and for a few seconds, her mind blanks out on everything that is not related to the man in front of her. The storm in her heart silences as they held eye contact before his eyes move downwards.

Her hands slowly move to grab his cheeks in return, one hand even tucking some of his hair behind his ear as she slowly clicks back into reality.]

Yuwon... [Even when she has been showing great vulnerability, her voice is quiet yet clear enough to be heard. She speaks his name in a way that she is serious right now and she wants his attention on her in this moment.]

Tell me what you want right now. I don't care if you give me an 'I don't know' or your words are going to hurt me, but I want to hear an answer from you. Something, anything- Say what you want to say, not what I want to hear. You can make up a lie and I would accept it- [She takes a deep breath, eyes closing for a second to collect herself before her blue eyes pierce right back into him. Part of her wants to act as frantic as her heart is right now, but she is trying to keep some solid composure like a frozen object with unbreakable ice.]

I want to hear your thoughts from your voice. I can figure some things out without words, but I am not a mind reader. [Her voice has sharpen with her gaze.] Don't try to deflect the question back at me- I'll answer once you answer. Okay?

[If you tell her ICly to wait five years, I am flying over to your house to shake your shoulders for a whole hour (and pet hazel.)]

jk

[yuwon]

[ did his name always sound like that? for once, she doesn't apply a nickname, nor does it have the carefree tone in which he grew so accustomed to. to be honest, it's a lot to take in at once, and to a degree, he's not sure if he completely understands it. in his journey thus far, he didn't exactly have room for emotions, and yet at the same time, it was clear to him that he's also changed a bit here.

specifically, his attitude towards the people around him has. it's not that he's opened up by any real measure, nor has he released any of the heavier burdens he shouldered, but when he hears her words, he almost feels like he gets insight into a part of her he never thought he would. as always, there's that pressing desire to read further into her actions, to try and wrangle out some sort of truth—

but, when he doesn't even know his own, he isn't sure he deserves to even feel that way. as usual, it's easier for him to push aside his feelings, almost as is perfectly packing them away. when he speaks, it's as calm as ever, but if she listens carefully there definitely it an almost stiff undertone to it; almost forced. ]

It's complicated. As you know, I've never thought of anything beyond the fate of the tower. [ ... and even that might have been revealing too much. he rubs his thumb against her cheek. ] Sorry, [ yuwon wasn't the type who apologized easily, at least not in the context of interpersonal relationships, but he means it when he says it. he wasn't much of an actor, and so he keeps to his blunt nature. he doesn't mince his words, but there might have been a bit of his own expectations mixed into his words. ]

Can you wait for me?

closes my eyes.......

[axethrows]

["Can you wait for me?"

She listened quietly as he speaks and that question might as well shot a hole through her chest like it's a weapon. How many times has she heard that question? That request for patience, in which it has been drained out of her system for a long time now. People told her to wait during her periods of begging, Sonya telling her to wait for the right moment to cut down the upper class and bring equality in their Backstreets. How long does she have to wait? A few days? A week or two? Months or years? Is LILITH going to keep them around long enough? What if she goes back before she got an answer? What if Yuwon goes back to his tower before he gave his answer?

She opens her mouth yet closes it, her fingers slowly trailing down Yuwon's cheeks as she takes her hands off of him.]

It's always complicated. [Her eyes gaze downward as her hands move over on top of Yuwon's hands, slowly taking hold of them to pull them away from her face. She would tell him to not think about the tower, why care about it yet at the same time... It's not really appropriate. Yuwon made his decisions. She has to respect that.]

I'll wait, but... [She stops there. Due to her past, her hope is very small since she has been burned in the past. It still exists, at least.] Anyways, go rest up. I'll get out of your hair.

[She pulls herself back on her feet, brushing off the wrinkles of her dress before she turns around towards the door. She's taking her time in case he has something else to say, so she is lingering around.]

closes mine forever

[yuwon]

[ naturally, he has no insight into the nature of his own question, or how that translated to her life. at the same time, when he sees the way in which she simply just listens to him, it evokes a clear feeling within him. he doesn't regret his words, but he does seem to comprehend the unintentional weight behind them for the first time. it's in this that he also realizes that while centuries were a common life span for a ranker, and while people tended to live fairly long lives within the tower— he could see that this could have potentially warped his own perception of time. of what it meant to be patient.

when she replies back, and he feels her hands pull his own away from her, he isn't sure how he feels. his own expression remains unreadable as always,

and in this moment he's a bit grateful for it.

"but"—

he seems to still be deliberating over what she wanted to say. while she takes her time to leave, he looks at the place she had stood moments before. ] It won't be long.

[ once again, he isn't sure if that's irresponsible of him to state knowing he has no concept of what constituted as long or short for her, but it's something he says anyway. perhaps, it may have been closest to the least calculated action he's took so far. ]

I'll see you tomorrow. [ he adds quietly. unlike in the tower, he couldn't simply ascend further and away without anyone's notice. ... and maybe, it's become that much more routine here for him to see her on the regular. in his life of being an orphan, it's a luxury he's never really thought of. or rather, it felt so natural for him to build so many walls in order to avoid unnecessary contact, and yet who knew even he could grow closer to someone here. ]

one more shotgun blast before we end it here

[axethrows]

[She stops at the door as soon as he said that comment. She doesn't look at him as her hand rests against the door. She... literally cannot show her face to him, not right now. It's more vulnerable than earlier, way more than ever before. That if she looked at him back, she might fall apart.]

Sorry... I can't believe those words until I see it happen. [...] I will see you tomorrow.

[And she leaves without looking back.
Perhaps this is the reality between them: forever surrounded by their own walls.
Perhaps this is the reality she is never escape from: forever surrounded by ice, living and watching the world while she yearns for a relief from this cold.]