synflux | [CLOSED] The Golden Ratio

[ He hums in agreement. Truly, if he were to lose his faculties, either through madness or perhaps through the passage of time, the decline of old age, he hopes—well, honestly, he hopes it never happens. He hopes that he remains as sharp as ever, and that his aging is graceful.

It's not entirely out of his control, either. Idly, he makes a note of that in the back of his mind. A new project to tackle when they both return home. ]

Indeed. Now the reason for his presence in Penacony is clear.

[ They were invited, after all. He sighs again, and burrows his face against Aventurine's neck. Slightly muffled: ]

That dream was by far the most discombobulating experience I've ever had. At some point, I even came to doubt my own existence. Not why, but the fact that I did, as me, and in this body.

Cogito, ergo sum. A truth I should not have lost, for during that whole ordeal, all that was left to me were my thoughts.

[ A beat of silence, and then he speaks up one more time, quieter. ]

All of this has been... far more distressing than I'd like to admit.

[ He doesn't mean just the dream with Aha. He means all the memories he's been made to see. This place, reminiscent of Penacony. The sand worm, influencing people and all the bodies, and gore, and flesh torn apart, rotting, everything—

He has always been a man of academia, an environment insulated from the harsh realities of the universe. Now he realizes, even if he hasn't been sitting in an isolated ivory tower, perhaps he still resided in a comfortable castle high above, oblivious to all the suffering occuring below him. ]

Edited 2024-06-12 08:58 (UTC)

He wasn't the only one. There was another Fool running around -- Sparkle. She... ( He hums in thought, chewing over their limited interactions. ) was as much a Fool as any, and enjoyed watching me struggle under the Harmony. So either they sent two or there's something else afoot between the two of them.

( And because Aventurine is a betting man, he's placing his chips on option two. Still it's hard to focus on what plots the Fools might concern themselves with when he has Ratio in his arms, the most distressed he's seen the other man. Which, alright, Ratio prides himself on being as serene as a statue sometimes, as unflappable and as unmovable as marble. So any sign of distress is unusual, but really -- that just makes him more concerned.

His fingers still cord through Ratio's hair, nails digging into the scalp in an effort to provide as much comfort as he can. He remembers liking how that felt, so he's desperately hoping it works for the other man. )

"I think, therefore I am." ( How very like him. Aventurine hums, taking a small gamble on that which occupies the doctor's thoughts. It was part of why he'd been concerned that Ratio would leave if he saw Aventurine's history, the darkness that he'd experienced and embraced in order to end up where he is. ) That's not a failing on your part, you know. Some of us have to be able to still see the good in humanity. Maybe that means being a little... distant from the dirt and the grime, the blood and the guts. But if that's what it takes for you to be able to keep doing what you do, then--

( He presses another kiss to Ratio's head. )

Humanity is better for it.

Meddling with a Fool only proves that there are two fools.

[ Which is to say they shouldn't look into it. A Masked Fool's motive rarely exceeded expectations, but the nature of that motivation meant they were often unpredictable wildcards. It would be difficult to determine if anything deeper was lurking in between those two.

He's still curious, and his fastidious nature nags at him to look into them anyway, but... later. Perhaps when Aventurine is not carding his fingers through his hair in a very soothing manner. He makes a small noise of satisfaction as Aventurine scrapes his nails across his scalp in a gentle massage. It is far too enjoyable to be touched like this, and there is a burning need for more that he temporarily squashes in favour of continuing the conversation.

If it were any other person laying bare the thoughts he hid behind his impassive expression, he would find it to be unsettling. But he and Aventurine have a long, shared history of partnership, in which both have been forced to guess at the other's intentions during tense moments, and as a regular part of their relationship; a little game that the two, with their wit and cleverness, would play at.

It was part of what ended up ensnaring Ratio, the charm and the intellect forming a potent cocktail of attraction he could not escape from.

He smiles as Aventurine translates the quote. ]

So you did listen to me. [ When he told Aventurine to study philosophy, and had recommended beginner level books to him. The smile fades away as he considers Aventurine's words, and he shakes his head slightly. ] I have not lost my faith in humanity. I have always been aware of the suffering people can inflict upon others. If anything—

[ He stops for a moment, realizing the childishness of what he's about to say, and decides against it. ]

...No, never mind. Just know that my desire to help has only strengthened after witnessing these memories.

Edited 2024-06-13 09:30 (UTC)

( Of course he listens to Ratio. He's got a lovely voice. Whether or not Aventurine actually follows through with what he says is another thing entirely, and Ratio knows it.

At Veritas' conviction, Aventurine hums, though not dismissively. Simply just in thought, though with some admiration -- he might deny it if ever cornered about it, but he is the best person Aventurine knows. Of that there is no question. He's met plenty of people eager to help when he was younger and not aware enough to look past the smiles, and even when he was older, but the generosity had always come with conditions. And sure, perhaps Ratio has his own agenda--

But it's always been about helping people. )

You're a good man, Veritas.

( Better than Aventurine deserves. )

[ He knows Aventurine rarely follows through when Ratio lectures him about nearly anything, from academic topics to taking better care of himself. So that he did with philosophy is enough to warm his heart.

He can hear Aventurine's train of thought. He's certain the gambler thinks he doesn't deserve Ratio, and to retaliate, he leans in and presses a kiss against the shorter man's collar, nipping gently, if only because he is too relaxed and sleepy to put more force into the action. It won't leave a mark, but that's fine. There will be future opportunities to leave marks, if Aventurine is amenable to it. ]

I simply... do not want to see suffering. That is all.

[ He could just look away, but it has never been in his nature to ignore things just because they're unsightly. ]

( If asked previously, Aventurine would swear that he'd prefer no marks at all, but the idea of Ratio leaving some, that he could cover himself with ones left out of love -- that he finds himself wanting. The soft nip has him reeling, a soft gasp of surprise and want escaping him before he thinks to hold it back.

Aventurine continues to cord his fingers through Ratio's hair, enjoying how soft the strands are even here. He might not deserve him, but as the kiss has proven, as Ratio's acceptance and willingness to see his past as as well, Veritas Ratio wants him. Inexplicably but-- he does. And one day, maybe some day soon, Aventurine will know how to accept that without complaint.

But of course he doesn't want to see suffering. )

You know how rare that is in the universe, doc.

[ The gasp draws a smile out of him, and he continues to press soft, languid kisses to Aventurine's skin, sleepy but affectionate. Meeting the Aeon of Elation had been terrifying, but Aventurine's warmth grounds him, and the fingers carding through his hair are relaxing and pleasurable. A sigh escapes his mouth, content. ]

It is not as rare as you think. Circumstances often limit individuals from expressing their care. Perhaps you may consider that selfishness, but kindness is a privilege—not everyone is at liberty to indulge in it. I am fortunate to have that privilege. That is all.

[ And therein is the optimistic perspective of the scholar. He, who works hard because he believes people are inherently good, but limited by their circumstances. ]

( Aventurine relaxes further into Ratio's arms at the brush of his lips against his skin, his eyes fluttering shut with how content he is. If he were an animal capable of it, Aventurine thinks he might start purring at this rate. Spoiled. Ratio is going to spoil him. )

And I say humanity is always in it for itself, no matter where we are. Every offered hand hides another willing to take. ( A shrug. It's an old debate of their's, and one Aventurine knows will not change the doctor's opinion any. ) Or else why would there be people who have the chance to be kind but refuse to be so?

( Once Aventurine would have considered it strange to want to debate philosophy with anyone, let alone someone from the Intelligentsia Guild, but Ratio has a way about him that makes it interesting, and never like Aventurine isn't worth taking seriously. )

[ Of course Aventurine is worth taking seriously. He is an intelligent man, and despite his lack of formal education, he easily keeps up with Ratio. That is not an easy feat by any means, which is why he has the scholar's respect.

Though Ratio enjoys a good debate on any day, it tends to be counterproductive to rest. Somehow, with Aventurine, it just seems like playful banter. ]

There will always be individuals who choose greed, just as there are those who will choose generosity. The nature of our society favours the greedy, and thus they are given more prominence than those who are generous, and often left destitute by their kind nature. Once must retain their wit if they are to be kind in a system constructed to maximize greed.

[ He shifts and tilts his head upwards to capture Aventurine's lips in a gentle kiss, and then murmurs lowly. ]

Even I can be greedy at times.

( Conversing with Ratio is never boring, be it arguing about the inherent nature of humanity or watching Ratio get frustrated with his gambles and risk taking, or simply talking over a nice dinner. Aventurine knows that he benefits from being a better conversationalist than most of the people Ratio finds himself surrounded by, but he never truly gets over the fact that Veritas enjoys it as much as Aventurine does.

He smiles against the kiss, at Ratio's confession about greed, a laugh filling the small space between their lips. )

Why Veritas, you're going to give me the impression that I've been a terrible influence on you. ( He teases, though he does kiss him again, this time for longer. ) Who am I to keep you from indulging in that greed, hmm?

[ Ratio allows a chuckle to bubble out of his throat, the sweet kisses suffusing him with a warmth that radiates all the way to the tips of his toes. ]

I think you're well aware of how much you've influenced me, my dear gambler. The only point I disagree with is that it is terrible.

[ After all, how could something terrible taste so sweet? Some planets he knows have invented religious deities that offer nothing but temptations, designed to remind people not to stray from some self-righteous path they've created for themselves, and perhaps if Ratio had been born on one such world, he might have subconsciously believed in such trite justification. But he has always been aware of the intimate relationship between emotion and logic, and this feeling that sets his soul ablaze and renders the colours of the world brighter and more beautiful in his eyes—renders the man in his embrace the most beautiful individual he's ever seen—it will only serve to keep him on his path, keep his steps steadier than ever. He's certain of it.

He kisses Aventurine again, deep and insistent. What he cannot convey with words, perhaps he will be able to convey with his lips and touch. He wants everything of Aventurine. The good, the bad, the unknown, and the hidden. All of it.

Because he's greedy, just like the gambler has taught him to be. ]

( Aeons, Aventurine loves this man. It's the thought that keeps rising to the surface whenever he hears Ratio chuckle, or the way damned gambler has changed to dear gambler, the way he kisses Aventurine like he wants nothing else but him -- for all that he is broken and empty. As if this great man could have found something worth loving in the void that fills Aventurine's being. He's not a fool, he knows he has little to offer other than whatever joys money can buy. But even still-- even still, Veritas Ratio wants him.

And he is greedy with his affection and his kisses, the want that Aventurine can feel with every press of lips against his. He offers himself up in return, every broken crack of himself, every hollow limb and heart -- it's all Ratio's, free for the taking for as long as he might want it. And even after.

Theirs's might not be a grand romance, nothing poets would write about or the sort of thing that fill books and plays and turn paupers into millionaires as the audience craves for something better than they have. But it is theirs's, it's his, and Aventurine is greedy, too. He wants, craves, buries his fingers into the soft fabric of Ratio's sleepwear and pulls him tighter and kisses him harder until he can't breathe. It won't shake the foundations of the universe, but it carves out a space in his chest.

And that is more than Aventurine has ever considered himself capable of having. )

You're making a convincing argument to counter my point. ( He says, once he needs to breath and with a brush of his nose against Ratio's, fond. ) If not terrible, then what?

[ He leans in with a soft smile once he collects his breath. ]

An enlightening one, perhaps. You have taught me quite a bit about subjects I would never study on my own.

[ He punctuates that with a deep kiss, swiping his tongue across Aventurine's lips as if to say this is what he's been learning from the other man.

They are meant to be sleeping, but the searing kisses draw him further and further away from the drowsiness that beckoned him not even a moment ago. He allows his hands to roam down the blond's back, a weighty drag of his fingers down the thin fabric that separated them from direct contact, until they settle on the shorter man's hips. A thumb nudges under a shirt and presses against soft skin.

An unspoken question—if Aventurine was receptive to more—but it is in the way his thumb remains still that the other man would know that Ratio has every intention to respect his decision no matter what it is. ]

( That pulls a soft sound from Aventurine, in surprise and want. He is a terribly quick study, as if he ever doubted Ratio's genius. )

Careful, doc, or I'm going to think I can give you a pop quiz later.

( The touch is tempting, as is Ratio's very presence; if there was anyone Aventurine could swallow his unease for, it would be Ratio. The man deserves it, doesn't he? After everything Aventurine has put him through -- both here and back in their own universe. He could, but...

Aventurine knows Veritas would only want him to be honest and true with him. )

Sleep, doctor. ( His hands come up to cup his face, pressing a light kiss against the tip of his nose. ) Or am I to believe that you'd pass on your valued rest for me?

[ Ratio smiles against Aventurine's lips, and he pulls back to look at him fondly, eyes glittering with amusement. ]

Why couldn't you? You are my teacher in this regard, are you not?

[ He knows Aventurine can lie to him. Has lied to him before, about a great number of things, not the least of which were his own feelings and desires. He could simply ignore his own discomfort and allow Ratio to continue, unknowing of the hurt the scholar would be accidentally perpetrating.

He trusts Aventurine anyway, not because he believes Aventurine will make the best decision for his well-being, but because he is not someone who needs to be coddled, and he certainly doesn't need anyone to make decisions for himself. What Aventurine decides, and the consequences that follow are entirely for him to take freely. All Ratio hopes is that his presence offers some form of stability and safety that Aventurine can return to at the end, when he is tired of wearing his mask.

He accepts the rejection warmly, eyes closing as affection swells in his heart from the kiss to his nose. His hands lift from the gambler's hips to rest against his back, holding the other man in a loose embrace. ]

I could be convinced, if it is you making the argument. [ The fond smile hasn't left his lips, even as he keeps his eyes shut and basks in the warmth of Aventurine's hands on his face, and the heat radiating from his body. ] But since you have requested that I sleep, I will comply. Could you be enticed into joining me?

( That gets a small, heartfelt chuckle from Aventurine, and a press of his lips to the corner of Ratio's mouth. A pop quiz, huh? Maybe -- after they've had plenty of time for Aventurine to show his good doctor what's all involved with physical intimacy, he'll be open to letting him have his way with Aventurine.

He doesn't know how else to show Ratio that he trusts him, that he wants to be trusted in turn. At least about this matter. At least about them. Which is still a novel concept that makes him feel dizzy with the overwhelming warmth of it, sitting in his chest and spreading out to Nihility-chilled limbs. )

You don't have to ask. It's easier to do with you here.

( And easier to push the nightmares away, with Ratio's arms around him. To wake up and know that no, he is alive, that there is still something worth staying here for, at least for one day longer. )

[ Ratio is more than happy to go at Aventurine's pace, even as he's discovering a hunger for physical intimacy that he hadn't known dwelled in him before. A hunger only the man next to him could draw out. Aventurine has constantly proved himself the exception to many of Ratio's rules, and this was no exception.

That Aventurine hasn't rejected him, that he's lying here with him and hasn't run off somewhere Ratio can't reach is more than enough evidence that he trusts the scholar. And Ratio in turn wants to reciprocate that trust as best as he can.

He presses his forehead against Aventurine's, pulling the other man closer and tangling their legs in an effort to be even closer. ]

Then I wish you a peaceful sleep and sweet dreams, my dearest gambler.

[ Unlikely, but a wish is a wish. At the very least, his presence would dampen the nightmares. ]

( Aventurine presses himself eagerly against Ratio, wrapping an arm around him as well to keep him close. It has been a long, long time since Aventurine has ever desired physical closeness this much. Not only because Ratio is a balm to his nightmares, but because he feels... warm at the thought of becoming so entangled with the other man that it will take a great effort to undo it in the morning.

He is wanted and cherished, and for the moment that is all that Aventurine needs to settle his still sleepy mind. The corner of his lips turn up into a small, honest smile as his eyes drift shut. )

The same to you, my dear doctor.

( It's not long at all before Aventurine slips into sleep, occasionally fitful as it may be. But he stays asleep, still clutching onto Ratio as if the man himself is a lifeline to better dreams. )

[CLOSED] The Golden Ratio

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