[ Tezcatlipoca moves past him, and he looks between the bed and the single chair at the desk area, and he ends up taking the chair. While he has no problem intruding on Silco’s space enough to flop down on the bed, he’d rather not. He’s awake now, so he’ll sit up, basically. But as he takes his seat, Tezcatlipoca’s attention on him is sharp and displeased. ]
Watch yourself, Silco. You’re my acolyte, but that doesn’t give you the space to disrespect me.
[ It’s a formal warning, and it’s the only one that Tezcatlipoca will give. As friendly and familiar as Tezcatlipoca could be, he’s still dangerous, and he doesn’t have loyalty or attachments like humans do. Actually annoying Tezcatlipoca is dangerous, especially when he can summon a gun on a whim.
He rubs at his face lightly, then leans back as he regards Silco more flatly. He can see the energy thrumming through the man, and he’d call it anxiety. It’ll be a surprise indeed that it’s good news. ]
—Well, ya got me awake now. [ His tone slips back to informal, and he fishes his cigarettes and lighter out to set them on the desk. ] Bad news, I’m guessin’?
[ Most people would be admonished by the tone. Most people would probably apologize, or try to smooth things over, but Silco... does not. He only levels a look at Tezca, and nods. It's as much an acknowledgment as he will give, really, but hey, at least it's an acknowledgment. For most people, he would double down, bluster through, and perhaps even make it worse, but for Tezca? Well.
He has seen him rip the heart from a man. He doesn't want to be that person, necessarily. ]
Complicated news.
[ He clarifies. It isn't... bad, and in its own way, Silco had even felt a flicker of... something that was both fluttering to life and nauseating all at once. He didn't dare think about what it meant. He may have been wrong — that he could stomach; and the fact that their worlds were gone was only more motivation. (Sure, he thinks he is fine with being wrong, but Silco has never been particularly self-aware.)
No, it is the fact that he wonders how much was known by those who had kept her from him. How long had that been? Two years? Every time she manifested, it's like her spark was ripped from Kenos time after time after time.
Had it been intentional? To remind him of what he'd lost? Thought he'd lost? ]
I told you recently that I had... lost someone, yes?
[ Rhetorical, he knew that he had. ]
It turns out my assessment had been... poorly done.
[ Tezcatlipoca stares at Silco as he relays the information, but his first response is one that’s hard to read. He makes a sound that’s little more than a ”huh”, then busies himself with taking out a cigarette to light. At least in Silco’s room, he knows it’s not a problem. His cigarettes are way less pungent than what Silco smokes, so it won’t even be noticed. ]
Can’t say I’m surprised.
[ He says it as he taps a cigarette out of the pack, and his expression twists in a little frown as he realizes it’s the last one. Before lighting it, he leans back in the chair so that he can toss the carton in the trash. ]
…It was useful for you to believe otherwise, I figure. Doesn’t really matter so much now, I guess. But you know you dodged a second bullet, yeah?
[ Genuinely, he’s not sure if Silco did. But there, it was better for Tezcatlipoca to remain neutral. Whatever pitfalls people fall into, they’re not his to resolve. He’s a neutral observer, and he can guide people to better paths, maybe… But it wasn’t always a guarantee. He’s not sure if it would have worked for Silco without this kind of “intervention”, for example. ]
I'm... pissed off because time and time again, I watched her manifest and be taken away within the span of a few days.
[ He hissed out.
Yima had never once told him that Jinx was dead, that had been all him. He knew that. But she had never told him otherwise. Allowed him to believe it. Perhaps she didn't know the future — it was after their worlds had been destroyed after all — but...
But...
But... would he have fought half as hard, half as fervently if he'd known there was a chance of there being a world with her in it? Would he have experienced that shred of doubt that so many others had? ]
She was used to get to me, to remind me. [ Had she actually? No, but Silco is. Silco. There is already a narrative in his mind. ] She made a fool of me, using her like that.
[ Tezcatlipoca sighs, but it's not at Silco's expense. Rather, he sympathizes with Silco's anger here. He may not personally understand it, since he's neither a family man or someone who can be used in such a way, but... It was painful for Yima to try and do so. Of course he understands that.
Privately, he also finds a bit of irony in that thought. It's exactly the sort of thing that Ereshkigal keeps chiding him about and assuming as his intentions. "This is why humanity rejected us", and he gets it. What she did is what gods do. But he's not like that. He gives them freedom, but that also means being more aloof. It's why it's a sentiment that gets under his skin. Secretly. ]
You're gonna grow a hell of a grudge against the divine at this rate.
[ He jokes first as he lights the cigarette, then after a quick puff to keep it lit, he draws it away from his mouth as he looks at Silco. ]
...So? What do you do now? Ain't like that grudge has anywhere to be funneled to.
[ That's the crux of it, isn't it? He's powerless, impotent, Yima a world away if Oblivion had not swallowed her as well by now. Maybe she is already dead and failed, and maybe she isn't.
That sort of powerlessness doesn't sit well with Silco. It never has. He wants to wrest control, grab it, take it by the horns, and force it into some semblance of what he wants. He wants to rip and tear that knowing smile from Yima's face, and peel her back until there's a monster underneath. At least then there would be something honest about her. He knew, of course, that she had been one. Would he have ever sided with Meridian, with thoughts like that?
Probably not, but he would rather preserve Jinx's soul knowing that it may not have always been the only way out. Knowing that there was something for him, if he were to fail. (lol) (lmao) ]
Hence the... [ He gestured at the state of his room, weirdly in disarray from his tantrum. ] Unless I am to return to Kenos with my memories intact, what good does it do, beyond...
[ Anger. Hate. Disgust. Would Nut show up here, he would rend her limb from limb personally along with Set himself, but... The chances of that were slim. ]
Knowing.
[ With all of the force of it bleeding out, Silco looks old, and tired. Worn. Like the force of all of that hate propped up like scaffolding to support a skyscraper of purpose is a shaky foundation now. Will it take the fight out of him? No, but for at least this moment, there's something more human about him, weary. He's been fighting since he was a boy, after all, learning that this one was senseless feels so meaningless in that moment. ]
Well. Put Kenos out of your mind as a possibility, that’s what I’d say first. There’s nothing good for you there.
[ That’s what he says firmly, since that’s the easiest advice he can give now. It’s a part that Silco might not want to easily accept, bitter as he is towards those that wrong him, but that’s part of why it’s not good for him. So far as Tezcatlipoca is concerned, that world is the past. All that was there is now reduced to experienced that inform the present. Trying to return to it would just get Silco especially caught into a cycle he wouldn’t be able to free himself from. That’s probably exactly what she wanted, in fact.
But that is the easy part. The harder part is that weary expression. Tezcatlipoca has seen it a countless number of times. The only difference now is that they’re in a small, quiet room instead of sitting together at a campfire. Though, that’s to his benefit. The campfire represents the end. Here… ]
It’s a common misconception about how things go, ‘specially when gods are involved. We get more meaning prescribed to our actions. It’s why we withdrew, least where I’m from. In truth, a lot of life doesn’t have much meaning. No particular point. It just is.
[ The pessimistic sentiment might not be soothing, but he pauses to take a drag from the cigarette. When he exhales the smoke through his nose, it comes out darker, and it smells faintly of the copal that Silco is at least a little familiar with at this point. Why? He wouldn’t say. Maybe that’s part of the point, or lack thereof. ]
Lemme ask you something, Silco. Back in Kenos, when you thought about the future. What were you thinking your life would be like in a year? A decade?
[ He grunts, perhaps in resistance, or perhaps in acceptance. Since arriving here, he had been trying to put Kenos out of his mind, at least... parts of it. The thought of returning to it. The experiences, there was nothing for it, Silco was a clinger, and always had been. He'd hold onto slights and enemies like they were precious coin. That is the part of what Tezca says to him that is hard for him to accept, truly. It's impotent, to leave it all behind. With no way to fix it.
He hates it. He wants to go back, and rend them all to ash. Every single one of them. He wants to see this world burn like the rest of them, because it isn't his. Even his world, he'd thought, had been nothing without — ]
I — [ His lips twitched. Somewhere between a grimace and something indiscernible. His eyes tracked the dark smoke, the scent of copal. He pulled out a cigar, mostly out of habit, though he doesn't light it. ]
Mired in chaos. Fighting to make the world as far from perfection as they saw it.
[ Still fighting, in short. Always fighting. A world that was made for Jinx would be one that was as far from their serene "perfection" that he could get it. He would have never stopped fighting. ]
If I even made it, honestly. I was prepared for that. That the world would exist without me.
[ That's his easy, simple question, but it's not that for Silco. He knows it. He's not asking for his own personal curiosity, though. It's for Silco to consider it—to really consider it—because he's not sure if the man has. It's hard for even Tezcatlipoca to tell.
After all, all that hate and vicious resolve, it's useful. It gives you something to focus on and grounds you in a pursuit. But the thing is, those are always temporary or unfulfilling. It's what Silco is discovering right now. ]
[ It's a pointed question, and one that makes him rile up slightly, hackles rising instinctively. ]
Of course I wanted to make it.
[ It's automatic. In being automatic, instant, it's also very clearly: a lie. The only thing he ever wanted was to make a world that was right for Jinx. Not see her thrive, but give her the playground that was best suited for his daughter. He didn't need to see her thrive, to know that she would do it without him. She was exactly the picture of Zaun in one person, the city and people he wanted to see thrive (by his design) encapsulated in chaos and genius.
He had never really considered himself as a part of it. Never truly. Maybe as a figure directing things from the shadows, but never... active. Involved.
He waved a hand, as if that said everything he needed to say. ]
I wanted it to be as my vision saw whether I was or wasn't there. More than me being there.
[ From the tone of the sound alone, it’s clear that Tezcatlipoca sees through the immediacy of the answer for what it is. He stares at Silco, and it has that slightly unnerving quality of truly being perceived that sometimes happens with the god. There’s nothing actually special about it, but without his sunglasses, his attention really is sharp and uncomfortable. ]
Won’t call that a lie, since I don’t think that’s exactly it. But you don’t have to do that. Whatever your answer, I accept it. There’s not an incorrect one.
[ For some people, there could be, but for Silco? No, he’s a man that’s determined to burn through his life as violently as possible. His intuition tells him that he likely doesn’t have all that much longer. A decade isn’t something he thinks Silco would actually see. ]
But it sounds like you got a second chance. I don’t think you would have seen your vision in Kenos. One way or another.
[ He finally breaks eye contact with him so that he can lean back casually. He looks up at the ceiling as he takes another drag. ]
You got a chance to go home. Continue what you had going. See what you’d figured was dead and gone. That’s worth holdin’ onto.
[ Well. He had been forced to. The moment he'd realized Sebastian's deal would mean his soul was forfeit, the moment he felt it being yanked from him, like it was mutable and real and solid, instead of something from a fairy tale, he'd realized just how easily his life could be lost. He'd been saved then, but.
But he knew. Quenching Quetzalcoatl's flame had sealed something. He would be an enemy, he would be hated. An easy villain to defeat should it be needed.
Tezca was right. He'd escaped. Scott...free? It seemed like it, but even so... ]
I had already started...thinking. About what it would mean, how I could take that war to them when I am done here.
[ But it had been half-hearted at best. ]
It has been so long. I almost thought it had been lost to me.
[ What Silco doesn't know, of course, is how he doesn't get that! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ oops! ]
I suppose there are small miracles to be found, hm? In the fact that I will get to burn them down personally.
[ Admittedly, he has his doubts about that too. The deck is stacked against Silco, he thinks, and part of that was a problem of his own making. But Tezcatlipoca was someone who adored an underdog. So, even if he might not totally agree with how Silco conducts himself… His support is unwavering. It’s just much more neutral than Silco might realize. ]
Exactly. You’ve finished one battle in Kenos. Take all you learned from it and move forward. That’s a past you can’t change, and unless you’re the most unlucky son of a bitch out there, you ain’t goin’ back.
[ He uses his cigarette like a pointer as he gestures towards Silco. ]
So, go ahead. Light up and celebrate your new possibilities. Way better than gettin’ pissed about what you can’t change, right?
He's still angry, despite Tezca's words. At Yima? Maybe. At Kenos? Of course. At himself...? There is a nagging part of him that still lingers on that thought, on the possibility that it had been him that had given up on his daughter. That it was him that was the reason why she hadn't stayed. Could it be that Kenos — the soul of the universe that was as vile and twisted as him, because it had to be — simply saw how desperately he clung to the thought of his daughter alive, that it would take her away again and again.
How much had he poured into that thought? How hard had he fought over the past two years that he simply found himself swallowed by his own fury and rage now, at the thought that she was actually alive? That had been enough that the rushing in his ears had started, the thud of his heart pounding over anything else that he didn't hear anything after that. ]
Certainly is better.
[ He said. Lying. ]
I suppose one can't change the past after all, hm?
[ But he fucking wanted to. It felt...
Ah.
That was it.
It felt like he had betrayed his daughter in believing the wrong thing. ]
Nope. Even in all my power you haven’t seen, I couldn’t do that. The past is the past. You’ve got no choice but to move forward.
[ His tone is firm and resolute, almost to the point of being harsh. Most people would likely find it unpleasant in a moment like Silco’s, but it wouldn’t change the fact that he’d give it. That’s the kind of god he is. He pushes people.
…Though, it helps that Silco is likely one of the few to not be so bothered by it. That’s why he continues, just a little bit flippant and teasing, but there’s the smallest edge to his words that implies that he’s serious if need be. ]
Unless you wanna give up, anyways. Would be a real disappointment, but, hey. I let people do what they want, y’know?
[ For all of his winding thoughts, anger, and despair, Silco knew they would pass. He could feel it, he could rage, and he would.
He also wanted to get it out, like a monster trying to break free from his skin, he wanted to rip and tear and rage until it wore itself out, and he could tuck it back beneath his skin like a tired beast.
It's why he lifts his eyes to flick a look at Tezca, a twitch of a smile, despite everything. ]
Trying to get me to move on, are you?
[ He has no concept of Tezca's domain, but even so. He understands the implications. That he is being pushed. To be fair: he woke him up. ]
Nope. But to be fair, haven’t technically known ya all that long. Not that you give me that impression, though.
[ He relaxes further into the chair and sinks into it comfortably as he takes a drag of his cigarette. He smiles around it at Silco’s question, but he doesn’t answer immediately. He makes him wait, even playfully blowing a ring of smoke up into the air. But his answer is serious, despite that. Maybe more serious than Silco expects. ]
Not exactly. Your anger is justified. Telling you to just discard it completely would be pretty arrogant of me. That’s not how people work.
[ He shrugs, but the cool smile turns sharper. ]
Forge it into a tool. Let it inspire you, but don’t let it weigh you down. That’s what you need to do if you want to make it through your next battle, Silco.
[ Silco (incorrectly) thinks that he has always used his anger as a tool. He has, but it has been a hammer to bludgeon with, instead of a knife that he can strike with. He would not admit it, of course, and won't acknowledge it either, but he is definitively weighed down by his anger and his trauma more than most people. He has been so mired in it, drowning in it for so long that he does not really know what it is to break through the surface.
It is why he is so easily manipulated by powers that understand what a double-edged beast that anger is. Sebastian had latched onto it, and tugged him down deeper under these waters, and he'd barely put up a fight. ]
You do not mean with the Kaiju, do you?
[ Next battle, however, is something he does not quite know what to make of. Unless he means Zaun, and he would use it then.
Or he wouldn't, because Silco would give up that fight immediately for one person, and one person only. And damn himself because of it. ]
[ It’s the simple answer, and he lets it linger as he takes another purposeful pause to puff at the cigarette. ]
To be honest, this ain’t a battle you’re well-suited for. I don’t even mean ‘cause you’re more just a regular guy than most of the people here. The way I see it, your strength is in person-to-person kind of interactions. Not big fuckin’ monsters. You’re not exactly gonna inspire it to action, at least with the ones we’ve seen so far.
[ He wouldn’t discount the idea of encountering less bestial ones, but that’s just a theoretical for now. If it ever happens, that’s when he’d be pushing Silco the hardest for sure, though. ]
But assuming they’re telling the truth, you’re goin’ home eventually. You have to be ready for that, from all you've told me.
[ He said, because Tezca was telling the truth. Even in Kenos, when faced with the grandiose, he was difficult to find unless it was a personal thing. He had excelled in things like manipulating the dark passageways of the Below and Kowloon, where the people were the types that Silco could cajole and manipulate. He had been dwarfed often by Sebastian's expertise, like a child playing at their parent's competency, but removed from simply being next to a literal manipulative demon, Silco instead showed his colors.
He had already thought quite a bit about the people here, something in his mind can't let it go — and when Silco can't let something go, it stays — but it was a long-term thing. Something that he wants to do and wants to shift and change with time. It is not immediate.
Neither is going home, but it truly is more pressing than anything happening here. His fingers wrapped around his daughter's dying body while enforcers hold the bridge, daring the sump rats to breach it. ]
I want nothing more than to show them every kindness [ Slurred out and at a drawl, it is no kindness he speaks of ] that they have shown us. Make sure that every one is repaid a thousand-fold.
But — [ He sighed. ] — First, I have to survive to get there, and that will be a challenge in of itself.
I have not heard of anyone reawakening, have you? Taking chances will be that much more fraught.
[ Tezcatlipoca smiles in the way he always does when Silco is expressing thoughts like this. It’s sharp and vicious, almost mean, because he supports Silco’s bitter little heart fully. As he would come to tell him to puzzle over (lol), it’s behavior like this that makes Silco his acolyte. He’s almost a slave to conflict, and all of his sharp vengefulness is practically an offering to Tezcatlipoca. After all, he’s no god of redemption. He may vaguely want Silco to be a better man, but he also deeply believes that it’s something that he has to come to on his own. Another difference between him and Quetzalcoatl. ]
And I’m sure you will. Kinda bummed that I won’t get to see it, since from the sounds of it, your world has no connection to Earth. But, hey. When you’re repayin’ that debt to ‘em, offer up a prayer or a sacrifice to me. Who knows? Maybe I’ll hear it.
[ He chuckles, since even he doesn’t know the answer there. But if nothing else, even if he can’t hear it, he imagines that Silco would take some power for it all the same. The point of ritual isn’t always to have the gods hear you—it’s a fortifying process. ]
But, nah. Haven’t. Haven’t exactly asked, though, since the explanation LILITH gave at least works for me. Couldn’t say the same for most of ya, but the idea of dividing my consciousness is routine. One part of me can be working here, another part in Mictlan, and when the work is done, we’ll merge back with the whole.
[ He puffs out some smoke with a sly smile. ]
Though, this is an area where you and I are the same kinda guy. Kinda appreciate the vacation, don’t get me wrong, since this is a big opportunity for me, but still. Too laid back here. The fact that none of the Outsiders have gotten ripped in half by a kaiju is some dumb luck.
[ He scoffed. ] There was no lack of it in Kenos either, but it was... different. The war was always there. Here, the people want to forget as much as the outsiders do. No true competition except for the Kaiju, and they've done relatively little, like you said.
[ Well, plenty of destruction, but... ]
Perhaps, perhaps there will be a change, now that there's a proper god of conflict, hm? We can't have you getting bored, or anything. [ He doesn't really understand what'd going on back home, especially given that only months ago his world had been gone, and he did not think it was LILITH who had been able to revive them.
It created more questions than solutions, but that was something Silco was used to, being subjected to powers and prominence that he truly did not understand. ] Who knows, if you do, you might just leave us. I can't imagine that LILITH would really be able to stop you if you wanted to.
[ A twitch of a smile, because Silco's as liable as Tezca.
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※ silco
[ Tezcatlipoca moves past him, and he looks between the bed and the single chair at the desk area, and he ends up taking the chair. While he has no problem intruding on Silco’s space enough to flop down on the bed, he’d rather not. He’s awake now, so he’ll sit up, basically. But as he takes his seat, Tezcatlipoca’s attention on him is sharp and displeased. ]
Watch yourself, Silco. You’re my acolyte, but that doesn’t give you the space to disrespect me.
[ It’s a formal warning, and it’s the only one that Tezcatlipoca will give. As friendly and familiar as Tezcatlipoca could be, he’s still dangerous, and he doesn’t have loyalty or attachments like humans do. Actually annoying Tezcatlipoca is dangerous, especially when he can summon a gun on a whim.
He rubs at his face lightly, then leans back as he regards Silco more flatly. He can see the energy thrumming through the man, and he’d call it anxiety. It’ll be a surprise indeed that it’s good news. ]
—Well, ya got me awake now. [ His tone slips back to informal, and he fishes his cigarettes and lighter out to set them on the desk. ] Bad news, I’m guessin’?
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He has seen him rip the heart from a man. He doesn't want to be that person, necessarily. ]
Complicated news.
[ He clarifies. It isn't... bad, and in its own way, Silco had even felt a flicker of... something that was both fluttering to life and nauseating all at once. He didn't dare think about what it meant. He may have been wrong — that he could stomach; and the fact that their worlds were gone was only more motivation. (Sure, he thinks he is fine with being wrong, but Silco has never been particularly self-aware.)
No, it is the fact that he wonders how much was known by those who had kept her from him. How long had that been? Two years? Every time she manifested, it's like her spark was ripped from Kenos time after time after time.
Had it been intentional? To remind him of what he'd lost? Thought he'd lost? ]
I told you recently that I had... lost someone, yes?
[ Rhetorical, he knew that he had. ]
It turns out my assessment had been... poorly done.
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Can’t say I’m surprised.
[ He says it as he taps a cigarette out of the pack, and his expression twists in a little frown as he realizes it’s the last one. Before lighting it, he leans back in the chair so that he can toss the carton in the trash. ]
…It was useful for you to believe otherwise, I figure. Doesn’t really matter so much now, I guess. But you know you dodged a second bullet, yeah?
[ Genuinely, he’s not sure if Silco did. But there, it was better for Tezcatlipoca to remain neutral. Whatever pitfalls people fall into, they’re not his to resolve. He’s a neutral observer, and he can guide people to better paths, maybe… But it wasn’t always a guarantee. He’s not sure if it would have worked for Silco without this kind of “intervention”, for example. ]
You pissed off ‘cause you got fooled?
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[ He hissed out.
Yima had never once told him that Jinx was dead, that had been all him. He knew that. But she had never told him otherwise. Allowed him to believe it. Perhaps she didn't know the future — it was after their worlds had been destroyed after all — but...
But...
But... would he have fought half as hard, half as fervently if he'd known there was a chance of there being a world with her in it? Would he have experienced that shred of doubt that so many others had? ]
She was used to get to me, to remind me. [ Had she actually? No, but Silco is. Silco. There is already a narrative in his mind. ] She made a fool of me, using her like that.
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Privately, he also finds a bit of irony in that thought. It's exactly the sort of thing that Ereshkigal keeps chiding him about and assuming as his intentions. "This is why humanity rejected us", and he gets it. What she did is what gods do. But he's not like that. He gives them freedom, but that also means being more aloof. It's why it's a sentiment that gets under his skin. Secretly. ]
You're gonna grow a hell of a grudge against the divine at this rate.
[ He jokes first as he lights the cigarette, then after a quick puff to keep it lit, he draws it away from his mouth as he looks at Silco. ]
...So? What do you do now? Ain't like that grudge has anywhere to be funneled to.
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[ That's the crux of it, isn't it? He's powerless, impotent, Yima a world away if Oblivion had not swallowed her as well by now. Maybe she is already dead and failed, and maybe she isn't.
That sort of powerlessness doesn't sit well with Silco. It never has. He wants to wrest control, grab it, take it by the horns, and force it into some semblance of what he wants. He wants to rip and tear that knowing smile from Yima's face, and peel her back until there's a monster underneath. At least then there would be something honest about her. He knew, of course, that she had been one. Would he have ever sided with Meridian, with thoughts like that?
Probably not, but he would rather preserve Jinx's soul knowing that it may not have always been the only way out. Knowing that there was something for him, if he were to fail. (lol) (lmao) ]
Hence the... [ He gestured at the state of his room, weirdly in disarray from his tantrum. ] Unless I am to return to Kenos with my memories intact, what good does it do, beyond...
[ Anger. Hate. Disgust. Would Nut show up here, he would rend her limb from limb personally along with Set himself, but... The chances of that were slim. ]
Knowing.
[ With all of the force of it bleeding out, Silco looks old, and tired. Worn. Like the force of all of that hate propped up like scaffolding to support a skyscraper of purpose is a shaky foundation now. Will it take the fight out of him? No, but for at least this moment, there's something more human about him, weary. He's been fighting since he was a boy, after all, learning that this one was senseless feels so meaningless in that moment. ]
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[ That’s what he says firmly, since that’s the easiest advice he can give now. It’s a part that Silco might not want to easily accept, bitter as he is towards those that wrong him, but that’s part of why it’s not good for him. So far as Tezcatlipoca is concerned, that world is the past. All that was there is now reduced to experienced that inform the present. Trying to return to it would just get Silco especially caught into a cycle he wouldn’t be able to free himself from. That’s probably exactly what she wanted, in fact.
But that is the easy part. The harder part is that weary expression. Tezcatlipoca has seen it a countless number of times. The only difference now is that they’re in a small, quiet room instead of sitting together at a campfire. Though, that’s to his benefit. The campfire represents the end. Here… ]
It’s a common misconception about how things go, ‘specially when gods are involved. We get more meaning prescribed to our actions. It’s why we withdrew, least where I’m from. In truth, a lot of life doesn’t have much meaning. No particular point. It just is.
[ The pessimistic sentiment might not be soothing, but he pauses to take a drag from the cigarette. When he exhales the smoke through his nose, it comes out darker, and it smells faintly of the copal that Silco is at least a little familiar with at this point. Why? He wouldn’t say. Maybe that’s part of the point, or lack thereof. ]
Lemme ask you something, Silco. Back in Kenos, when you thought about the future. What were you thinking your life would be like in a year? A decade?
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He hates it. He wants to go back, and rend them all to ash. Every single one of them. He wants to see this world burn like the rest of them, because it isn't his. Even his world, he'd thought, had been nothing without — ]
I — [ His lips twitched. Somewhere between a grimace and something indiscernible. His eyes tracked the dark smoke, the scent of copal. He pulled out a cigar, mostly out of habit, though he doesn't light it. ]
Mired in chaos. Fighting to make the world as far from perfection as they saw it.
[ Still fighting, in short. Always fighting. A world that was made for Jinx would be one that was as far from their serene "perfection" that he could get it. He would have never stopped fighting. ]
If I even made it, honestly. I was prepared for that. That the world would exist without me.
[ He didn't care, as long as it had Jinx. ]
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[ That's his easy, simple question, but it's not that for Silco. He knows it. He's not asking for his own personal curiosity, though. It's for Silco to consider it—to really consider it—because he's not sure if the man has. It's hard for even Tezcatlipoca to tell.
After all, all that hate and vicious resolve, it's useful. It gives you something to focus on and grounds you in a pursuit. But the thing is, those are always temporary or unfulfilling. It's what Silco is discovering right now. ]
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Of course I wanted to make it.
[ It's automatic. In being automatic, instant, it's also very clearly: a lie. The only thing he ever wanted was to make a world that was right for Jinx. Not see her thrive, but give her the playground that was best suited for his daughter. He didn't need to see her thrive, to know that she would do it without him. She was exactly the picture of Zaun in one person, the city and people he wanted to see thrive (by his design) encapsulated in chaos and genius.
He had never really considered himself as a part of it. Never truly. Maybe as a figure directing things from the shadows, but never... active. Involved.
He waved a hand, as if that said everything he needed to say. ]
I wanted it to be as my vision saw whether I was or wasn't there. More than me being there.
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[ From the tone of the sound alone, it’s clear that Tezcatlipoca sees through the immediacy of the answer for what it is. He stares at Silco, and it has that slightly unnerving quality of truly being perceived that sometimes happens with the god. There’s nothing actually special about it, but without his sunglasses, his attention really is sharp and uncomfortable. ]
Won’t call that a lie, since I don’t think that’s exactly it. But you don’t have to do that. Whatever your answer, I accept it. There’s not an incorrect one.
[ For some people, there could be, but for Silco? No, he’s a man that’s determined to burn through his life as violently as possible. His intuition tells him that he likely doesn’t have all that much longer. A decade isn’t something he thinks Silco would actually see. ]
But it sounds like you got a second chance. I don’t think you would have seen your vision in Kenos. One way or another.
[ He finally breaks eye contact with him so that he can lean back casually. He looks up at the ceiling as he takes another drag. ]
You got a chance to go home. Continue what you had going. See what you’d figured was dead and gone. That’s worth holdin’ onto.
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[ Well. He had been forced to. The moment he'd realized Sebastian's deal would mean his soul was forfeit, the moment he felt it being yanked from him, like it was mutable and real and solid, instead of something from a fairy tale, he'd realized just how easily his life could be lost. He'd been saved then, but.
But he knew. Quenching Quetzalcoatl's flame had sealed something. He would be an enemy, he would be hated. An easy villain to defeat should it be needed.
Tezca was right. He'd escaped. Scott...free? It seemed like it, but even so... ]
I had already started...thinking. About what it would mean, how I could take that war to them when I am done here.
[ But it had been half-hearted at best. ]
It has been so long. I almost thought it had been lost to me.
[ What Silco doesn't know, of course, is how he doesn't get that! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ oops! ]
I suppose there are small miracles to be found, hm? In the fact that I will get to burn them down personally.
[ lol ]
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Exactly. You’ve finished one battle in Kenos. Take all you learned from it and move forward. That’s a past you can’t change, and unless you’re the most unlucky son of a bitch out there, you ain’t goin’ back.
[ He uses his cigarette like a pointer as he gestures towards Silco. ]
So, go ahead. Light up and celebrate your new possibilities. Way better than gettin’ pissed about what you can’t change, right?
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He's still angry, despite Tezca's words. At Yima? Maybe. At Kenos? Of course. At himself...? There is a nagging part of him that still lingers on that thought, on the possibility that it had been him that had given up on his daughter. That it was him that was the reason why she hadn't stayed. Could it be that Kenos — the soul of the universe that was as vile and twisted as him, because it had to be — simply saw how desperately he clung to the thought of his daughter alive, that it would take her away again and again.
How much had he poured into that thought? How hard had he fought over the past two years that he simply found himself swallowed by his own fury and rage now, at the thought that she was actually alive? That had been enough that the rushing in his ears had started, the thud of his heart pounding over anything else that he didn't hear anything after that. ]
Certainly is better.
[ He said. Lying. ]
I suppose one can't change the past after all, hm?
[ But he fucking wanted to. It felt...
Ah.
That was it.
It felt like he had betrayed his daughter in believing the wrong thing. ]
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[ His tone is firm and resolute, almost to the point of being harsh. Most people would likely find it unpleasant in a moment like Silco’s, but it wouldn’t change the fact that he’d give it. That’s the kind of god he is. He pushes people.
…Though, it helps that Silco is likely one of the few to not be so bothered by it. That’s why he continues, just a little bit flippant and teasing, but there’s the smallest edge to his words that implies that he’s serious if need be. ]
Unless you wanna give up, anyways. Would be a real disappointment, but, hey. I let people do what they want, y’know?
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Have you ever known me to give up?
[ For all of his winding thoughts, anger, and despair, Silco knew they would pass. He could feel it, he could rage, and he would.
He also wanted to get it out, like a monster trying to break free from his skin, he wanted to rip and tear and rage until it wore itself out, and he could tuck it back beneath his skin like a tired beast.
It's why he lifts his eyes to flick a look at Tezca, a twitch of a smile, despite everything. ]
Trying to get me to move on, are you?
[ He has no concept of Tezca's domain, but even so. He understands the implications. That he is being pushed. To be fair: he woke him up. ]
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[ He relaxes further into the chair and sinks into it comfortably as he takes a drag of his cigarette. He smiles around it at Silco’s question, but he doesn’t answer immediately. He makes him wait, even playfully blowing a ring of smoke up into the air. But his answer is serious, despite that. Maybe more serious than Silco expects. ]
Not exactly. Your anger is justified. Telling you to just discard it completely would be pretty arrogant of me. That’s not how people work.
[ He shrugs, but the cool smile turns sharper. ]
Forge it into a tool. Let it inspire you, but don’t let it weigh you down. That’s what you need to do if you want to make it through your next battle, Silco.
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[ Silco (incorrectly) thinks that he has always used his anger as a tool. He has, but it has been a hammer to bludgeon with, instead of a knife that he can strike with. He would not admit it, of course, and won't acknowledge it either, but he is definitively weighed down by his anger and his trauma more than most people. He has been so mired in it, drowning in it for so long that he does not really know what it is to break through the surface.
It is why he is so easily manipulated by powers that understand what a double-edged beast that anger is. Sebastian had latched onto it, and tugged him down deeper under these waters, and he'd barely put up a fight. ]
You do not mean with the Kaiju, do you?
[ Next battle, however, is something he does not quite know what to make of. Unless he means Zaun, and he would use it then.
Or he wouldn't, because Silco would give up that fight immediately for one person, and one person only. And damn himself because of it. ]
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[ It’s the simple answer, and he lets it linger as he takes another purposeful pause to puff at the cigarette. ]
To be honest, this ain’t a battle you’re well-suited for. I don’t even mean ‘cause you’re more just a regular guy than most of the people here. The way I see it, your strength is in person-to-person kind of interactions. Not big fuckin’ monsters. You’re not exactly gonna inspire it to action, at least with the ones we’ve seen so far.
[ He wouldn’t discount the idea of encountering less bestial ones, but that’s just a theoretical for now. If it ever happens, that’s when he’d be pushing Silco the hardest for sure, though. ]
But assuming they’re telling the truth, you’re goin’ home eventually. You have to be ready for that, from all you've told me.
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[ He said, because Tezca was telling the truth. Even in Kenos, when faced with the grandiose, he was difficult to find unless it was a personal thing. He had excelled in things like manipulating the dark passageways of the Below and Kowloon, where the people were the types that Silco could cajole and manipulate. He had been dwarfed often by Sebastian's expertise, like a child playing at their parent's competency, but removed from simply being next to a literal manipulative demon, Silco instead showed his colors.
He had already thought quite a bit about the people here, something in his mind can't let it go — and when Silco can't let something go, it stays — but it was a long-term thing. Something that he wants to do and wants to shift and change with time. It is not immediate.
Neither is going home, but it truly is more pressing than anything happening here. His fingers wrapped around his daughter's dying body while enforcers hold the bridge, daring the sump rats to breach it. ]
I want nothing more than to show them every kindness [ Slurred out and at a drawl, it is no kindness he speaks of ] that they have shown us. Make sure that every one is repaid a thousand-fold.
But — [ He sighed. ] — First, I have to survive to get there, and that will be a challenge in of itself.
I have not heard of anyone reawakening, have you? Taking chances will be that much more fraught.
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And I’m sure you will. Kinda bummed that I won’t get to see it, since from the sounds of it, your world has no connection to Earth. But, hey. When you’re repayin’ that debt to ‘em, offer up a prayer or a sacrifice to me. Who knows? Maybe I’ll hear it.
[ He chuckles, since even he doesn’t know the answer there. But if nothing else, even if he can’t hear it, he imagines that Silco would take some power for it all the same. The point of ritual isn’t always to have the gods hear you—it’s a fortifying process. ]
But, nah. Haven’t. Haven’t exactly asked, though, since the explanation LILITH gave at least works for me. Couldn’t say the same for most of ya, but the idea of dividing my consciousness is routine. One part of me can be working here, another part in Mictlan, and when the work is done, we’ll merge back with the whole.
[ He puffs out some smoke with a sly smile. ]
Though, this is an area where you and I are the same kinda guy. Kinda appreciate the vacation, don’t get me wrong, since this is a big opportunity for me, but still. Too laid back here. The fact that none of the Outsiders have gotten ripped in half by a kaiju is some dumb luck.
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[ He scoffed. ] There was no lack of it in Kenos either, but it was... different. The war was always there. Here, the people want to forget as much as the outsiders do. No true competition except for the Kaiju, and they've done relatively little, like you said.
[ Well, plenty of destruction, but... ]
Perhaps, perhaps there will be a change, now that there's a proper god of conflict, hm? We can't have you getting bored, or anything. [ He doesn't really understand what'd going on back home, especially given that only months ago his world had been gone, and he did not think it was LILITH who had been able to revive them.
It created more questions than solutions, but that was something Silco was used to, being subjected to powers and prominence that he truly did not understand. ] Who knows, if you do, you might just leave us. I can't imagine that LILITH would really be able to stop you if you wanted to.
[ A twitch of a smile, because Silco's as liable as Tezca.