synflux | ( CLOSED ) NOVEMBER & DECEMBER CATCH-ALL.

top-level. 👍

( the light is as dim as ever in their dinky little office, izou plugging away half-heartedly on a report he's been ignoring.

one screen for text. a second screen displaying a video feed of somewhere else in the city—a stream, as it were. why the hell he's even going along with that request to jot down the results of the experimental trials is beyond him, but he's jotted down a couple things. mostly that he's felt dizzy on the occasion, withholding necessary information that makes him sound weak, like "on the verge of passing out once or twice".

surprisingly, there's been a bit of tidying up, boxes shifted around and a steel table and chairs brought in to serve as a make-shift meeting place. whether izou did that entirely on his own is up in the air.

it's late, and almost lonely, nights like these. izou much prefers being out in the field with someone, not that he'll ever admit it, fingers drumming along his cheek impatiently. )

[ Out of sight doesn't mean out of mind. Despite the impromptu vacation and all the work he's buried himself in since his return, there were still loose ends waiting to be dealt with, only ignorable for as long as you didn't have to engage with them. At some point, he has wondered…

—if it would've been better for their paths to have diverged into parallel lines, never meant to intersect again. But it’s already too late for that. It's been too late for a while. So when the cold realisation hits him that he won't be alone, causing him to freeze at the door for the split second—he swallows the rising dread, forcing himself to push through the door and step inside. ]

…

I'll just be a moment.

[ It doesn’t seem like that was his original intention, though. Judging by the snacks and drinks piled in bags, along with the pillow tucked under his arm, it's not hard to fathom a guess that he'd planned on staying the night. ]

( izou, meanwhile, offers no reassurance. he's strong, but not strong enough to keep his visible features from tensing up as he glances over who decided to show themselves, digits pausing in their incessant tapping.

to no one's surprise, his acknowledgement turns sour very quickly. there's a jerk of his head, a click of his tongue as he eases back into the worn leather of the cheap office chair, report all but forgotten... again... sort of.

sort of, because he doesn't bother flicking a finger to tab out. )

Sure you don't want me to pack up and leave?

( there's some bite in that, but it's a cautious irritation. almost like he expects to be told off. )

[ Calmly, quietly, he sets his belongings down on the table with a thunk.

After all the conversations he's had to have between their last encounter and now, he exhales deeply and sinks into his chair, trying to radiate an air of total chill.

Except, of course, the chair has other plans. With the state it's in, the armrest promptly breaks off, crashing to the floor with its own loud thud, as if demanding attention in its own right.

…… Moving onnnnn… ]

I'm not the guy who left the other guy on read… but yeah, I guess I am the guy who pulled a blade on him. Look, I'm not here to make excuses, but are we really going to let things stay this awkward forever, or what?

( damn, man. they barely have working furniture in here as is.

anyway. he did do that. end their last conversation promptly, placing it aside, similar to how one might find a box tucked away in a corner. )

What. You want me to get soft, come clean about why I'm still peeved? Apologize?

( this is already a mess, izou thinks, but he can't stop the glare in his eye, or the way elysium making himself look open annoys him all the more.

the room is full of new shadow, where the neon glow from the digital display he'd been working on plays across his gritted teeth. )

If me havin' this condition was gonna freak you out so much, you shoulda said something to start with. Or even before that, when you were actin' like you bothered so we would work together. Actin' like you...

( cared, even, a familiar anger that he hasn't felt in a long time coiling in his chest. )

[ 'Already a mess,' as if it hadn't been since day one. But if there's one thing he can appreciate, it's how Izou's raw anger continues to act as a grounding anchor, arms folding across his chest to grip tightly onto his sleeves. ]

Is leveling with each other considered soft now?

[ Like it was ever Izou's fault to begin with, is what he wants to say, but he has a feeling that wouldn't go quite so well, either. ]

Before I get into everything else, 'acting like I bothered,' huh? How far back does this go? From the very beginning? You really think I wanted to be your friend just to use you? Don't get ahead of yourself, man. I'll own everything from Transylvania onward, but don't act like the rest of it was some premeditated scheme.

( he's reaching in his upset. even izou knows that.

but it doesn't matter, because it's impossible to miss the way he doesn't cool or give an inch, a fist coming down on the desk for his own satisfaction. )

It ain't like I can read your mind, or anyone else's for that matter. I'm gonna assume stuff based on what I'm given if you don't say it outright. What do I really know 'bout you, anyhow, other than you're dead weight in a fight and wherever you're from is dreary as hell?

( getting worked up always makes things worse for him, but it's easier to press down on this feeling than to look wholly vulnerable.

there's a scent of something strange from elysium again, like it wants to distract him again after so long, but izou tosses that aside to focus on his argument. )

And there's nothin' I hate more than thinkin' someone's hiding shit from me just to take advantage. You show up when I'm at my worst to be all upliftin' and crap, but when I show up for you... even with this tainted body 'a mine right now, it's like I'm not wanted. Like you were just bein' "nice" for my own good or whatever.

Right. You visited because you were worried. You care about the people close to you and would give them the world if you could. You're a straightforward guy, and I played to that side of you, I'm not going to make any excuses for that. But what do I know about you, Izou? Aside from striking me as the type of reckless guy who, without anything to anchor you, would throw yourself into overcompensating for things that were never even your fault, Ishmael just happened to be the perfect distraction.

[ Perhaps in focusing too intently on the possibility of Wriothesley's death, he overlooked the other variables that deserved more careful consideration. His hands flex beneath the table, but they soon relax. Rising to his feet, his fingers trail lightly across the dust-covered surface as he moves toward Izou. ]

Alright. I'll give you the full scoop: I stabbed Siffrin that day for trying to drink my blood. [ Splaying a hand on the table in front of Izou, he leans his body forward. ] "I can't even meet you head-on about [my] own shit." Right again, my friend. Someone who drifts from place to place without ever putting down roots wouldn't understand a thing about reciprocation. Even kids know that if you can't take care of something, you should at least leave it as good as you found it—or better.

[ Then, his other hand moves to lift his sleeve, revealing crystals that form a near-perfect cuff around his wrist, twinkling under dim light. ]

… I'll tell you who's really tainted, here. And it's not the person who has a real chance of getting cured by the end of the year. You've already faced death once in your first life; there's no need to live this second one with a metaphorical bomb strapped to your back. Literally.

Looks like that was the last one, just about.

( the last stray, that is.

they've been rounding up their furry little friends for a good couple hours now, all friendly nips and tails wagging at the sight of them. izou occasionally makes his rounds in this part of the city, and it was an easy decision to assist her in sneaking them onto the base and into her room, providing them a moment of warmth from the cold. in fact, she's one of the only people for whom he'd bother going through all the hassle period.

that, and there were things on his mind lately. each cheek has a hint of pink from the frost as izou shoves his hands into the pockets of a puffy jacket, the neon glow of a nearby christmas tree in the square illuminating their faces. even now, after everything, it still feels like he's stealing glances. )

Sure you're not gonna regret it when they trash your room? Those mutts aren't exactly house-trained.

[ March, equally pink-cheeked and burrowed deep into a scarf that for once obscures her neck, pauses to exhale a plume of breath into the air. ]

It's okay. I told them not to make a mess and I'd take them out when I could. They said they'd do their best.

[ She says this entirely confidently. ]

You... You speak dog?

( first he's ever heard of it, brows knitting. )

If so, tell 'em to quit jumping on me soon as they see me. It's like some sorta dog-specific jumpscare.

( dogs aside, it feels good to be out at a normal time together. to not be overwhelmed with the scents and sensations of everything around him, including march. his eye glances coolly across the scarf 'round her neck and remembers warmer emotions. red against her skin. things that feel so close and yet so far.

he exhales a ragged breath as some civilian steps off the street and past them, arms locked with the metallic arm of his companion. bah. )

Wanna get a drink or somethin'? Now that we're not running around like chickens, it's just gonna keep getting colder.

They're just really happy to see you!

[ So she probably won't tell them that, because it's cute and Izou always makes aggravated yelps when they do it and that's also cute and March is not always the most merciful person in the world. ]

But it's not like a... one-to-one translation? [ No, sometimes it is. ] It's just the bond between cute girls and puppies!

[ Oh right, he'd just said-- ] But yeah, something warm sounds amazing right now! I'm okay with not letting us get too cold out here. [ Not actually a fan of the cold, quite frankly. ]

( cute girls and puppies, huh. he accepts her explanation without much question. it sounds believable coming from her. )

Happy or no, I don't need their paws all over me. And—

( the chill can turn a perfect day into a shivering mess, izou knows.

he also knows the significance of these upcoming festivities, the front of his shoe tapping lightly against the concrete of the sidewalk before reaching out for her arm. there's more finesse to it than usual, but it's still a bit of a jerky, rough movement when coming from izou, a man who never had a need to be gentle before.

but he wants to do it.

he wants to try and be more considerate at times like these, like she always is for him. )

There's a machine around the corner, in the park. We could get potage, or maybe they have one of those... those "cafe ole" drinks, and sit for a spell.

Sounds good to me. You don't mind me taking up your personal space for a while, right?

[ Surely not. She's cheerily linking arms with him, already leaning in closer to press the sides of their bodies together. When it's warm, it's a great idea to cuddle, and Izou has come a long way from bristling when she tried to take his hand. The product of months of trying to close that gap between them, after all. ]

Long as...

( he swallows cold air, the roadmap of her smaller body pushed against him. she really is so much smaller, and kinder, and...

damn. he could linger near the pink glow of her for so much longer. long enough 'till he couldn't stand the tender ache of something he probably didn't deserve anymore and had to say something. anything. but right now, all that comes out is: )

Long as it's you... I oughta be able to handle it.

( around the corner, then. arms locked. which... no one better be staring. it's not that he minds doing stuff like this. just. he doesn't want to feel like he's being scrutinized for it in public.

the vending machines in question take a simple swipe of the wrist, and then izou's holding out a toasty beverage in a brown can towards march. )

Y'know, I've been thinking... how we've been doin' this for a while now, and... ( don't stumble over your tongue, now. ) How do you think of me, exactly? Someone like me, after... everything we've been through.

[ There are probably a lot of couples doing much the same thing right now, and even if March isn't really keeping an eye on it, it also means she doesn't notice if anyone's staring. She would, though, if just to huff about people being rude. Apparently, there's nothing too out-of-place about a guy with wildly thick hair with one arm latched with a shorter, pink-haired young lady.

She does have to unwind their arms at this point to accept the can from him, even as she stays pressed close, eyes flickering from the drink to his face with a mildly perplexed air. ]

Like, how do I think of you as a person? As a boyfriend?

[ Her eyebrows scrunch up a little. ]

"Someone like you"?

( boyfriend... it's a little easier not to show any visible reaction to that title now, considering how many months have passed.

izou doesn't reach for the machine to get something for himself just yet, but he's turned towards it. )

Someone, who... can't do a damn thing without bein' selfish about it half the time. So, both... I guess.

( that same hand fidgets unnecessarily, fingertips pressing into each other like they're looking for something to grab. )

...

[ The can is warm against her palms but she doesn't open it yet, instead keeping an eye on the side of his face. Someone who can't do something without being selfish about it more often than not? Isn't that human of him? Even the members of the Astral Express had their reasons for helping and a lot of it boiled down to recovering a Stellaron.

In the end, because of how they'd met, his flat assurance that he wouldn't let anyone hurt her despite barely knowing her... it's hard to view him entirely the way he sees himself. He's not perfect, no, but neither is she. She needs to point out when things aren't okay and she has to get used to telling him when they aren't for her especially, instead of sucking it up and powering through it.

But isn't that just... a sign that they're taking this seriously?

She wants to give him this big thoughtful explanation of what she thinks, but what slips out instead is a very simple-- ]

I love you.

( izou shifts a bit, thinking about a truth that lingers in his mind.

that he can be tough to talk to, that he comes off as pushy and a bit too loud, not really giving her a chance to say anything when he’s rambling on about something unimportant. that he should chill out a bit and be more considerate. that deep-down, there really isn't a soothing thing about him. only a deep-seated bitterness that's warped into thorns for his own protection, where march had managed to slip through without getting hurt.

eventually, he'll prick her. he knows it. he'll get all up in his head and ruin it for the both of them.

but then he hears what she actually has to say, and—

izou whips his head around immediately, kind of awe-struck and eyes wide. )

Wh... You—

( he stammers, completely caught off guard. just like before, at the river. not an inch of him is graceful, and yet—

"i love you".

his bottom lip quivers, unable to grasp at the words to even form a reply. everything about her is so unpredictable, so alien to him. so comforting that he's gradually grown afraid of ever having to let go. but no one's ever actually said a phrase like that to him before, and it activates his fight or flight response before anything else. so izou does what any self-respectable man does in a situation like this and completely forgets about the damn drink to stand his ground. even if standing his ground right now is so damn difficult with the sudden weakness in his legs. )

You... know what you're sayin', right? The weight of it. To someone who's breathin' now, but... I—

( his already straining voice cracks, izou using the machine for support now as a balled fist rests upon it almost desperately. )

( CLOSED ) NOVEMBER & DECEMBER CATCH-ALL.

november.

crime plot catch-all.

elysium, 11/18-ish.

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december.

march 7th, 12/16-ish.

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