gyve: I BUILT MY FAITH FROM THE GROUND UP (Default)
πŠπ€π‹π€πƒπˆπ π’π“πŽπ‘πŒππ‹π„π’π’π„πƒ ([personal profile] gyve) wrote in [community profile] synflux2025-01-16 09:51 pm

SEMI-OPEN / WITH BLOODSHED AND BARE HANDS

WHO: kaladin et al
WHAT: catch-all log
WHERE: all over the dang place
WHEN: january+
WARNINGS: talk of depression, ptsd, etc. (will update)

( if you want to do a gen thread/quest together pm me or hmu at [plurk.com profile] frooting! )
fessus: (American McGee's Alice)

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-17 02:45 am (UTC)(link)
[ Saturday comes quickly.

Each day that passes is a day that takes him further from their conversation and further from that excited feeling that had marked their agreement to test each other's skills and see what they could learn from one another. The distance, unfortunately, is something that his mind has always had the ability to fill. Not with any conscious thoughts but with a quiet growing awareness of an upcoming "duty", and the festering suspicion that perhaps Kaladin is the type likely to humor a new arrival.

It's enough that when noon hits he hasn't moved from his bed, blanket half-pulled over his body and Chauncey asleep near his feet.

The pounding on the door an hour later certainly changes the latter. She jumps up and makes for a more secure spot under the bed while Noctis winces and turns onto his side, exhaling. No message via the implant made him think perhaps he got away with it. Maybe not...
]

I'm pretty tired. I can message you to reschedule it for later.
fessus: (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2)

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-17 04:16 am (UTC)(link)
[ The indignation he can deal with. Kaladin's angry at him for wasting his time, rightly so, and Noctis will have to work up an apology later and give him twice the fight to show him he's still invested.

Which is a great plan until he follows up.

Quiet. Disappointed in him. It's exactly the right thing to say to make him feel worse, and enough to spur on the guilt he needs to slowly sit up.
]

So persistent... Okay, hold on already. Can you give me five minutes? [ Maybe if he responds like Kaladin is still acting purely frustrated they won't have to talk about whatever's contained in that quiet statement. ]
fessus: (Contra)

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-17 11:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Shit...

[ The word is muttered under his breath as his eyes close tight, willing himself to move.

All at once he's rolling out of that bed, shaking out messy hair in an attempt to look halfway presentable as he stumbles hurriedly to the door. It opens in a flash, left ajar as a gesture of goodwill as Noctis exhales some of that frustration.
]

Hold on. Okay? I want to. Seriously, just five minutes while I get some clean clothes on and I'll be ready to go.
fessus: (Soul Calibur)

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-18 01:43 am (UTC)(link)
[ Trash is haphazardly shoved under the bed and spilling out into the middle of the room – lucky bags, plastic wrappers, and instant noodle cups alike. In the corner sits a cat bowl, one dutifully filled with tuna but not well-cleaned of old dried bits of fish around its lip. Bottles of water are lined up near his pillow where he can clearly roll over and grab them, and clothes are discarded into poorly organized piles in the few places of the room which were once clean.

Maybe it's almost worse that he doesn't even try to hide it.
]

Hah? I just slept in, it's not a big deal... [ And only when he follows his line of sight – over his head – does he realize what he means. ]

Ah, I'm cleaning it up later, I know it's a little messy. [ A little? ] Can I change now or are you gonna' run off when I close the door?
fessus: (Shadow of Mordor)

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-19 12:26 am (UTC)(link)
[ Kaladin offers him reassurances and he gets a curt nod in return, relieved that he's agreeing even if it means fighting against his own interests. It'd be nice to have an excuse to stay back and relax but not with the guilt still churning in his stomach, and unfortunately Kaladin is too nice and too disciplined to allow him to feel anything else.

But that doesn't mean the interjection and sudden question is at all welcome.
]

Hah?

[ He glances back over his shoulder, brow furrowing as he registers just what it is he's being asked. It deepens the newly ever-present pit in his stomach, uneasy. ]

Where's that coming from, all of a sudden? Because I slept in?
fessus: (Soul Calibur)

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-19 12:55 am (UTC)(link)
[ He doesn't want this. Whatever conversation is coming is one he still doesn't know if he's ready for, but no clever excuse comes in time and it isn't as straightforward as it was over text. ]

Maa... As long as you're not gonna' complain that we end up training even later. I'm not changing with you in here.

[ A jerk of his head serves as permission to enter while he returns to his bed, dropping onto the mattress for a heavy sit. ]

My cat's in here... she's just under the bed. So don't get weirded out if she moves or anything.
fessus: (World of Warcraft)

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-19 01:40 am (UTC)(link)
[ Elbows find his knees as he leans forward, quiet. Offended as he might get on Chauncey's behalf when he confesses to disliking cats, it's easy to set that aside when Kaladin is vulnerable enough to admit that that's the majority opinion. Getting criticized for something he's expected to be into? Sure, Noctis understands that.

Enough that he almost wants to let him off the hook, but he can't when the accusation is so abrupt and makes him so uncomfortable.
]

Yeah?

And what exactly am I struggling with that needs help? If this is because my room is messy then great... I guess I have to admit that my place back home got messy a lot too. It wasn't exactly a big priority when I got here.
fessus: (Kingdom Hearts)

1/2

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-19 07:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Kaladin's right.

So why is it so hard to be conscious of that fact while also not becoming incredibly defensive over how he's discovered it? His... peculiarities, as Ignis had once euphemistically called his disorganized living conditions, have existed long before his most recent life challenges.

That isn't a puzzle he wants to put together.
]

What do you want me to even say?

No, things haven't been easy lately. And yeah, dealing with ending up here has felt more important than making my bed.
fessus: (Soul Calibur)

2/2

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-19 07:44 pm (UTC)(link)
I stayed up late... I get it, I slept in and it's a mess in here. I still wanna' spar with you; I wasn't trying to blow you off.
fessus: (Tales of Xillia)

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-19 10:01 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Kaladin leans forward and Noctis leans away, a slow inhalation straightening his back as fingers curl with uncertainty into fists. Fatigue. Apathy. Fear. Kaladin describes being struck with indecision at the same time that Noctis finds he can't quite untwist his tongue or wrest any words from his throat, forced to watch him in silence.

Never in his life has anyone spoken to him like this.

Kaladin's left the impression on him of a truthful man, too, a stalwart example of a strong, masculine warrior who also thinks it's acceptable to admit his flaws to a near-stranger like Noctis. A comrade, maybe. But still an unknown.
]

... talking about it isn't gonna' change anything that's happened. You just said that stuff gets worse for you every single day. So how does thinking about it or talking about it make it any better?

Who said wanting it means it's right?
fessus: (Illusion of Gaia)

1/2

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-19 11:35 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Kaladin doesn't position himself as an authority but rather as someone who has perhaps felt a few of the things that Noctis himself has felt. Things that, until this very moment, he thought he was alone in feeling.

It's surreal to hear someone lay it bare.

All those nights feeling anxious as a child, alone and afraid of his own shadow for reasons he couldn't explain. Convincing himself that whatever would wake him the next morning would bring with it more pressure, less comfort, and more inevitable disappointment. His, his father's, his people's. That he'd be asked to speak and then punished for doing so by scores of watchful eyes and their dismissive redirection to those wiser or stronger.

All those evenings as a teenager when the lofty goals of his day would be beaten down by avoidant classmates and gossipping teachers by the time he finally made it home. How trying to cook a meal or clean away some filth was just one task too many. And living with the ever-present knowledge that this was the easiest and most carefree his life would ever be, adding pressure on his shoulders to enjoy something that he wanted to sleep away.

Now, waking every morning to smells he doesn't recognize – in Duscae, in LILITH headquarters – knowing that every last semblance of "normal" is gone? What can he do here, when he can't even take steps to fix it? Those feelings have never been more isolating. Why the hell is everyone else always so able to act like they're fine?

And here... Kaladin admits that he isn't.

And that he doesn't want to be alone either.
]
fessus: (Shadow of Mordor)

2/2

[personal profile] fessus 2025-01-19 11:39 pm (UTC)(link)
I, uh...

[ Words start small, quiet, as he tries to decide which ones will express what he wants to say best. Open, like Kaladin deserves. But safe. ]

I lost someone recently. He always told me to keep looking forward, but I don't know how to do that. At the same time... I don't know how to look back either. And it feels like that's never gonna' change.

Have you felt that too?

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newphew: (fly out to the)

sorry for the delay on this!

[personal profile] newphew 2025-01-29 12:44 am (UTC)(link)
[ hunter knows nothing but work and missions. missions, work. so naturally, after getting (redacted) hours of sleep last night, the first thing he does is join up with kaladin to help rescue people lost in the subway. ]

[ he opens his mouth to correct kaladin at not being human, but realizes it's just venting, closes it again. hunter himself doesn't mind the tunnels. he likes kaladin, so for this particular moment in time, he is not cranky. who knows how long it will last ]


As long as we don't agitate anything or attack suspicious substances [ he seems like he's calling someone out in particular.... funny that ] we should be fine. Follow my lead.

[ ok nerd. at the question, he snorts ]

Where I come from, people are always tempting fate for one reason or another. [ they do live on the carcass of a giant titan, after all ] But you're human. Don't you come from.... [ how does he pronounce it? ] Urt?