TRAVEL LOG #6

[synfluxmods]

TRAVEL LOG #6

CONTENT WARNINGS: sickness, insects/bugs, rift poisoning, mutated animals, poison (and poisonous creatures), blood offerings.

▶ 001. ¡Vamos!

As much as one might want to take things easy and continue to recover from an eventful summer, LILITH's objective continues. Early in August, an alarm blares and everyone will get a call through their implants to come for debriefing. Yamakawa will explain they have received a request from Mexico City for support. Unusual rift activity has been confirmed in the region and they are asking for support to prepare for imminent conflict. Who knows what could await here?

Fortunately, the request is from their LILITH branch and all facilities are operational. It will be easy to use a data portal for easy access. As with all data portals, the Outsiders will be warned of potential side effects that may come from traveling great distances. Side effects include nausea, headaches, dizziness, and occasional glitching with their cybertech. All effects should wear off within 24 to 48 hours. If symptoms last longer, they are urged to seek meditech assistance in Mexico City to receive stabilizers. Like before, Outsiders will be told that making physical contact with one another by any means during transportation can reduce the risk of feeling any side effects, whether it be an embrace or holding hands... or attempting to strangle someone if you're a hater (looking at you, Silco.)

Due to warping, they will be limited to taking only what they can carry. Those who wish to take larger items will have to wait a few days for them to be gradually transported by air or industrial warp portals. Yamakawa and the rest of the staff in Tokyo will tell everyone not to worry because Mexico City has excellent infrastructure to facilitate their transportation needs.

Everyone will be given 24 hours to pack and prepare for departure. Before they leave, Dr. Spim and Alex will inform them of a promising research opportunity under the guidance of a colleague, Dr. Flores. Dr. Spim will share a verification code with them to show to Dr. Flores if they are interested in assisting. 

After 24 hours, everyone will be ordered to warp to Mexico City. In an instant, the Outsiders will find themselves at the LILITH base in Mexico City.

▶ 002. SKYSCRAPERS AND TREES.

An officer by the name of Morales will greet them and introduce herself as their point of contact. She'll give everyone a debrief file to download through their implants to instantly get them up to speed. Along with the unusual rift activity, the population has started to show symptoms that have given them cause for concern. Many people are falling ill, becoming lethargic, and demonstrating explosively angry, violent, and otherwise acting out. The longer it goes on, the more people are affected, and it’s starting to cause more trouble in the city itself as infrastructure fails.

When they leave the base, they will find themselves in the warm, humid, and very green metropolis of Mexico City. Over the years, the forests and jungles of the region have swallowed up many towns and cities, leaving the city completely surrounded by forest. The locals have embraced their environment over many years while modernizing, resulting in the city having a mix of cyber technology and nature. Mexico City and the rainforest around it almost seems to be one living, thriving being. The plants naturally shade the hot sidewalks, and people have created a large number of filtered reservoirs that the rainforest thrives from. The large canopies are half as high as the remaining skyscrapers, but most buildings are built underneath the treeline, leaving most thriving underneath the shady canopy.

Outsiders may see some "new" animals such as real hummingbirds, butterflies, macaws, and iguanas with unique traits like neon designs and unusual sizes. They say there are even more animals and variants in the jungle. Beware of certain birds and insects that make locals sick when they come in contact with their dropped pollen. In the same vein, some of the flowers and plant life seem to also show rift mutations, but for the most part, most locals seem unbothered by these, and if Outsiders ask, they’ll be informed that they’ve been like that for a long time, and were never of any concern.

Outsiders can also meet with Dr. Flores, a LILITH researcher who is studying the effects of Rift poisoning and how to counter them. He theorizes that some plants may have evolved to purify the air or treat Rift sickness. In fact, his team has been treating some of these new rift poisoning cases with a trial drug that has had promising results. However, supplies are very limited and he needs help collecting more plants from the forest. In addition, he needs help catching some of the animal carriers so he can understand the nature of the poison they are carrying. He will ask for help capturing butterflies, bees, beetles, and hummingbirds.

▶ 003. THE FUTURE WILL BE GREEN.

The Outsiders will be given orders to visit areas that have unusual Rift readings. By now, anyone with large items from Tokyo should have them but for those who do not have vehicles, LILITH Mexico will supply them with jeeps to navigate the dense jungles. LILITH Japan will assist local agents who are exploring the south of the city. Outsiders will also be given an additional file to download that will give them a run-down of the area, including the plants, animals, known paths, and key landmarks.

The journey through the jungle is not easy. While there are access roads, they have suddenly become overgrown with plantlife, and it is increasingly hostile. They will have to get out and clear the path in some places. As they head deeper into the jungle, the plant life becomes more wild and shows signs of mutation. They will find vines that grow quickly in front of their eyes, blocking their paths as quickly as they had cleared them, and they are becoming increasingly dangerous with spined, poisonous vines, wild roving carnivores like jaguars, and large predatory birds that will divebomb outsiders as they progress deeper into the forests. Luckily, if they make it deep enough, the locals will help them find the easiest and safest routes to travel.

Some of these roads might lead them to former cities and towns. These towns have been completely overgrown by plantlife and are largely abandoned save for some stubborn families that refused to leave their homelands and some researchers. They are largely friendly and will help the Outsiders and agents who decide to rest on their journeys. 

They may be able to scavenge for supplies like old emergency rations, blankets, and pieces of technology that were left behind decades ago. But be careful! Since these areas have been taken over by nature, they may run into common regional kaiju like mutated wild dogs, monkeys, and even jaguars. 

▶ 004. NATURE FINDS A WAY.

The kaiju and mutated plants aren't the only thing they need to watch out for in the forest. While traveling, some outsiders might find a regular jaguar attacking a mutated macaw kaiju and winning. It seems that while some animals have mutated into kaiju to survive, other animals have simply evolved to compete with them. As outsiders progress into the forest, at first the local fauna will attack if anyone gets close to them, but the deeper outsiders go, the more the creatures give them a wider berth, and won’t attack. If you see a local, non-corrupted creature deep in the woods, chances are it will watch or flee, rather than attack.

Outsiders will be warned to be careful of poisonous frogs both regular and mutated. These frogs are often a sign that pitcher plants are nearby. These plants have evolved to be large enough to swallow a large animal or person if one gets too close. For the most part, these pitcher plants are stationary but some may use their leaves or nearby wild vines to trip unsuspecting prey into their flower.

These aren’t the only plants that outsiders can encounter as they venture deeper into the forest. The deeper they go, the more frequently rift-corrupted pollinators are found swarming some of the large, rift-corrupted flowers, and as soon as their legs or beaks are laden, they fly off, only to be replaced by more. They aren’t great carriers, so pollen drifts on the wind. Outsiders should keep their rift-protection up, because the pollen causes rift-corruption along with other side effects such as: violent tendencies, explosive anger, and insatiable appetites (of any kind). The pollinators will escape deeper into the forest. If an outsider follows, please let the mod team know!

▶ 005. THERE WERE ONCE CITIES.

As Outsiders travel further into the jungle where civilization has a harder and harder time taking root, they instead find remnants of those that came before. There are buildings in the lush jungles, but they’re truly ancient. Sometimes, the stonework stands out and is easy to find, but at other times, the buildings are completely overgrown with vines and flowers that will take extra effort to explore. Regardless of which kind they find, the carved, geometric artwork makes it clear that these are ruins from Aztec and Mayan cultures.

Exploring the ruins will reveal very little in the way of ancient treasures (or rolling boulder traps), since anything that could be taken was already looted long ago. They’ll make suitable shelter for the forest, at least, since curiously, the more dangerous elements don’t seem to enter. In fact, they very specifically stay away.

Each set of ruins also includes one building that stands above all others. Ascending the tall pyramids will lead to a central, round room at the apex that are all united in its details, even if they’re clearly done at different times. The ceiling is dotted as a starscape, and at the center is a painted, black circle. Underneath this lays what’s clearly an altar. The altar has a depression in its center and a channel that leads down its side, as if it’s expecting liquid.

OFFERING: THE BLOOD OF OUTSIDERS AND HUMANS:

No matter the amount, characters immediately feel lightheaded, as if they’d given a large portion of blood (even if they’re not giving their own).

Within 24 hours, an unusually patterned bruise will appear somewhere on their body.

Characters who make this sacrifice will swap abilities with each other, but will notice that their newfound abilities are notably weaker than if the original owner still had them.

OFFERING: THE BLOOD OF ANIMALS:

Characters become more connected to the animals of the forest.

They will take on one feature of a local animal, such as lightly poisonous skin, improved night vision, or ears/tail.

They’ll also find they can talk to their related animal.

OFFERING: ... OTHER BODILY FLUIDS...?:

The altar is disappointed in you.

There is no other effect.

OFFERING: WATER/PLANT SAP:

Characters become more connected to the forest.

Skin takes on a greenish tint, and they’re able to minorly control plants.

They’ll feel like they can commune with the forest, and will be able to telepathically talk with any others who make this offering.

OFFERING: ANYTHING ELSE (ANY OTHER MATERIALS):

There is no effect.

▶ 006. AFTERWORD.

Welcome to our sixth travel log! Below, you will see the link to the MONSTER DEBRIEF SHEET post that has information about the kaiju below along with OFFERING EFFECTS. Fill out the form for RNG Attacks and whether you would like to receive an OFFERING EFFECT. This should give characters some ideas for the status of their character in the next log, which will have more action and monsters in it.

All tags on this log are worth 2 points and will count towards August AC.

EVENT BREAKDOWN/RECAP (CLICK TO EXPAND)

1. VAMOS!: Outsiders travel to Mexico after receiving a request for support as there has been unusual rift activity in the area. A portal is avaliable to take Outsiders to the location, but are advisted to travel light.


2. SKYSCRAPERS AND TREES: LILITH officer Morales greets outsiders and explains the situation: civillians have begun to grow sick and strange animals have begun to appear. A LILITH researcher is theorising that plants have evolved to purify the air. He requests help catching creatures for research.


3. THE FUTURE WILL BE GREEN: Outsiders are tasked with visiting areas with odd Rift readings. They will be required to journey through the jungle, finding overgrown towns and cities, scavenge supplies, while being wary of native creatures.


4. NATURE FINDS A WAY: Regular animals are fighting against kaiju and winning; local fauna attacks anyone who gets close, and poisonous frogs attack. The deeper Outsiders go, the more dangerous it becomes.


5. THERE WERE ONCE CITIES: Deep in the jungle, an ancient ruin can be found. Outsiders are able to make "offerings" at an altar for various effects, depending on the offering.

code

Comments

[gorb]

( Alive sends something sparking sharply throughout his skull, teeth briefly pressing so tightly together that his entire jaw twinges. He wonders if Silco knows - the man has so many tendrils even Geto would find it impossible to discover where his impact didn't reach. And yet, he doubts that's it. Maybe, just maybe, the way he's bleeding out is simply too obvious. Maybe the stain is too bright. )

You don't have to worry about that. ( Awfully cheerful, hollow at the centre. ) Satoru stopped me.

( That brief, ugly moment where they'd stood in the sand and Geto had told him there was only violence. Silco does not need to know that the only thing that stayed his hand was not that Gojo cared about anyone else, only that he didn't care about himself. That his strange grief for his daughters is also now a strange terror for potential loss. It's all so terrible, it's all so violent. He wishes he could exorcise himself. )

Almost everyone gets to live another day, isn't that nice?

( But then, the cutting of his gaze to the other man. )

What pushed you to the edge, Silco? Was it that heart everyone claims we don't have?

[zauneyete]

[ He can see it, clear as day. That thing, that always leads men like them to burn themselves out so quickly — because they have no other choice. Almost everyone gets to live another day, he says. Almost everyone. It not both, then at least one. This is rage, it is pain.

The more Geto speaks, what little comes out, the more he knows precisely what it is. He knows it, because it is his rage as well. It is that pain that eats away inside and cuts so deep that one is left bleeding and desperate. The pain that leaves one so, so lost. Without those guiding stars. Without them, what was left?

His lips twitched, and it is a bitter amusement that shows on his face. His demeanor was never so cheery, and even now, it is a slight haunted look.

He pulls something from his pocket. It is small, and it is blue. It glitters in the sun. ]

You know as well as I do, that though our hearts are buried deep, they still are. [ Unfortunately. He wished he could have excised it then. ]

Before I arrived a world away, she was dying in my arms. [ The pilties, all watching, happy to blockade him and a dying girl from the bridge. Jinx with that very precious item in her hand — in his hand — and... ] I hadn't even started to think of solutions, but she held... this in her hands.

When I arrived, this was all there was.

They told me I could resurrect her, if I would be willing to burn it all down. Every world. Every person. Slash it down, tear it all down from the rafters, and... I so willingly signed on. I killed a god, in pursuit of it. Me. [ A man. With no powers. No genius intellect. Just a thug from a back-alley. ]

I wasn't at the edge, I had leapt off it.

[gorb]

( All of his understanding of Silco crystallises instantly. Geto turns to him there on the empty sidewalk, the sickly pallor of his skin too pale and his eyes briefly very wide. The man before him has never made secrets of the things he has done, Geto has known this about him for almost as long as they have known each other. But the why of it often eluded him. He'd assumed once that it was vanity, killing a god just to prove he could when the rest of the world had seemed set on cowing him. And then he'd wondered if it had been some kind of allegiance.

But this? This slots into place so resoundingly, so surely, that he doesn't know why he didn't immediately think of it. )

I think -. ( Voice slow, careful, a storm teeming at the edges of his control ) - that you were lucky, Silco-san. Whoever it was gave you somewhere to put your violence.

( There are no deals for Geto to make, no gods to fight. If there were anything he could do to change it he would take it now between the tightness of his teeth, sinking himself jaw deep so that no one could take it from him. He does not know if Jinx is dead in her own world. He hopes not ( he is not all that far gone that he'd wish this on anyone else ) but even if she is, she is here.

So, slowly, like each word is the picking of a scar, voice still toneless -. )

When I died, something found my corpse. It took control of it. Desecrated it. Paraded it around like a puppet, my hands, and my face, and my techniques. My life, under its control. Mimiko and Nanako - ( A pause, a breath. ) - Mimiko and Nanako wanted to kill it. They weren't strong enough. They sought a deal with something else instead, and it -.

( The pain is so sharp that he's half sure if he pressed his fingers to his chest his blood might be seeping from the fabric of his clothes. Everything he sought to protect with his choices, barely given a chance to succeed. Everything he has ever loved, gone. An ugly noise rises in him, something choking. )

It was here. The thing that killed them. It stood before me, and I did not know. I wasn't given the chance to avenge them. They've been dead this whole time, and I've been playing doting father.

[zauneyete]

[ He didn't even know.

It's not that he didn't know the killer — an insult Silco could sympathize with, he still does not know who tried to kill Jinx — but that he hadn't even known they were dead. He had no idea that his girls were gone. He spoke of them fondly, like they were still teenagers, ready to welcome him home, if he found the opportunity. His jaw clenches, thinking of it. Oh, how the lie would seep in, infecting the corners, until the truth has been revealed.

He understands this. How insulted would he be, if he were in Geto's shoes? He hated Yima for the lie, that his daughter was permanently dead, but she wouldn't have been, had they won. She had promised him his daughter. He would make that choice again, had he needed to. Yima had withheld the truth, yes — but she had not put Jinx's life in danger.

But this? Oh.

He can only imagine it.

How it must sting. How it must make him recoil and feel as if it's all slipping through his fingers. Someone used his body, and deceived his daughters. They had tried to kill that thing. For their father.

Was there anything so undoing as a daughter's love? ]

Deceptive.

[ He hisses out.

The sidewalk is clear, thankfully. Perhaps the civilians choose to give them a wide berth, understanding that these two men in particular should not be disturbed. The violence and shared rage roils. Understanding, because in this, they are similar. Vengeful. ]

To want revenge, and be deprived of the opportunity. That is a cruelty that even I wouldn't wish on my enemies. [ He hates it. For him. For them. ]

It is ceaseless. Senseless.

Even taking it out on these is a poor balm on the wound.

[ he has no advice. What can he offer? His daughter is here. She wasn't really dead. He would die soon, when he returns, that he knows.

How can he help, when they were really dead? When the thing that took them had been here, and he hadn't even been given the right to kill it? ]

[gorb]

I failed them.

( It feels hollowed out, it feels like a gaping wound. )

I promised them protection, Silco-san. I promised them safety. I took them from that cage and told them life would be different. No one would hurt them, no one could. I didn't want them to be consumed by my rage, I wanted -. They deserved to be young, and to be happy. I coddled them. ( For all his anger, and his violence, and his ideals, Geto had never forced it on anyone else. Yes, sometimes the members of his family joined him, but he never demanded it. He let Mimiko and Nanako live how they wanted. Crepes, and movies, and silly girlish things. He let them be children. ) It was fine, as long as I was there.

( His teeth hurt. He wants to sink them into his own flesh, rend some of the pain out. )

And yet I continued on my path, knowing I would die. Knowing that Satoru would kill me were I to fail. He had no other choice, and I still played my hand. Because I was tired of it all. The waiting, and the losing, the continuous spiral of violence that humanity heaped on us. I didn't know for certain I'd win, I'd hoped.

( Geto's problem has always been the feeling. He played well at emotionless villain, but he never was. Everything had always been snarled in one massive knot of pulsing pain. He'd been mentally unwell for so long he'd forgotten what it was that drove him. )

I left them behind. What have I been doing here? All of this time, and space, and growth, and my girls will never get that? What was the point of any of it if I failed them at the very end?

[zauneyete]

[ This is where their approaches diverged. Where Geto coddled, Silco had pushed. Where his girls had ended up devoted, and happy, and knew they were loved; Silco's had ended up strong, and perfect. (And shattered, a broken creature who was fraying at the seams, manic and bright, and burning out all at once.) Silco knew his daughter was different than Geto's, and perhaps there is something here that he doesn't quite understand yet.

Silco hasn't been asked the question, the demand that will turn everything on its head. He hasn't had to seek the council of a ghost who can't talk back, and he doesn't yet know or understand... that maybe making a monster out of your child does them no favors. It doesn't make them strong, or capable. He only knows that Jinx is perfect as she is.

He knows that Geto sees that as well.

If it had been a year ago, he would have proclaimed this. That his way was better. That they had needed the lessons required to survive. It was the way of things, to struggle for that.

If it weren't Geto, he still would, in fact. But he... feels a sort of kinship with this man. (You can say you care about your friend, Silco.) He understands what it is, to lose them. To be left feral and snapping. Geto blames himself. Silco had been able to look towards his enemies, but... in some ways, he knew it was his fault, as well, in his own way. For... driving her towards the bridge, towards whatever conspiracy her sister and the enforcer had been hatching. (For lying to her, about her sister being back.)

This is a terrible situation. It's one he understands.

No amount of violence will soothe this ache.

Nothing ever will. ]

You were fighting to protect them, weren't you? In the end? Would you rather them survive in a world continued as it had before? The same violence, the same sins? How long until they met little girls just like them, and saw that you had become too afraid of action to stop it from happening again?

You fought, because you understand, like me, that these worlds can't fester as they always have. Your world, mine. We can't control it if we don't try to fix it.

[ But he had failed them. He can't say that he didn't.

He didn't think Geto would want him to. ]

Do you think they resented you, in the end? For leaving them? [ His body had been puppeted. ] Or did they love you enough to attempt to stop you from being desecrated any longer?

Do you think they saw it like that?

[ That he failed them.

He knows Jinx does. She loves him. He loves his daughter so desperately, but she is not the same. She's bigger than the frame he made for her. How much had he held her back, putting her in that little box? ]

I sometimes wonder if fatherhood is merely a path to failure that we pave ourselves.

tw: suicidal ideation, some violent imagery

[gorb]

( He laughs, but it's a wet sound, heavy with grief. )

Maybe. I think I forgot in the end that they needed me too.

( Sometimes, in the dead of night, Geto wonders where he might have ended up had he not seen those two little girls in that village. If the forward tread of his own misery had not been pulled up short with a need to protect. Sometimes he wonders how much longer he could have kept fighting before his movements slowed. He knows how simple it would be. One wrong move in a fight and he'd be a corpse like all the others and no one would have been any of the wiser. He knows, because he'd thought about it. Sixteen, seventeen, drowning under the weight of potential grief. A child soldier with nowhere to put the fear so that it simply festered. A dog biting at its own chained leg.

But then the village.

Then the cage.

Two tired, bruised faces looking up at him with simple trust just because Geto had told him that he could make it better. ) I made their family big enough. I thought that they'd all stick together. But in the end I think all I really did was isolate them further. I should have asked him to protect them. To take them with him. ( The him in question is probably obvious, Geto's terribly constant orbit. ) I just didn't want them to be forced like I was. I am a weapon. I think from the moment I first swallowed a curse it was all I could be. I wanted my girls to have the choice.

( He will not cry in front of Silco, but it's a near thing. The vulnerability rankles. But who else would understand? They were his. Not by blood, but by fate. Silco knows that. )

And I'm angry. ( Ah. That settles in him, sharp and not quite surprising. ) I'm not a pet to train. I should have been allowed the chance to tear Sukuna's heart out with my hands. They deserved retribution. They always have.

[zauneyete]

[ In the end, that they needed him too.

That's a blade that cuts two ways, doesn't it? He can feel it, that ache, it's a twin to his own, because Jinx also needed him, it was so clear. Without him, she was... different. Floating aimless. On the one hand her bright and manic self, and on the other...

He'd seen the way she looked at him in the underworld, the way she'd very nearly run away afterward. The way his daughter had almost been lost, but she'd caved, because in the end, they only had each other. In the end, just like Geto and his girls, that was the only thing they did have. He wondered... how long did she have without him?

Had he doomed her too? No, no. She was strong, in a way that these girls weren't, right? He'd prepared her, his wild and manic girl. His own terrorist, her brilliant mind only matched by her capacity to do what needed to be done. She was his, his legacy. These girls were Geto's.

He says they deserved better, retribution.

They did.

He understands it, a father's pain. ] I did the opposite, but we were never going to have a choice.

[ Maybe they did. Vander had certainly wanted to give them one. But what had they done? They had all chosen otherwise. He never wondered... perhaps he should have wondered... What it would have been like, had they all chosen as one?

Perhaps that's what Geto wonders now.

He doesn't reach out to him, but he looks upward. He hears how wet his voice sounds.

He would have dug in, but... he knows. He knows that grief. It cuts so deep it may as well open their chests, let their still-beating hearts be exposed, before they're ripped free. ]

You aren't. They took that from you, didn't they? Why didn't they tell you before, when he arrived? [ He would have killed them all, if they had kept this from him. Shouldn't he have the right to do the same? ]

They denied you that. They saw your revenge, and they took it from you, let it slip through your fingers, and only after he left did you find out.

Why?

[gorb]

Because they'd known what I would do.

( He understands it, truly he does. Geto's violence is well known in the small sphere of jujutsu sorcerers that reside here. He has made no secret of it, even to those who only witnessed the pretender. He'd arrived, and he'd been angry. Let his viciousness ooze off of his tongue with every irritated slur, let his brutality be seen in every action. He was a bad man, he was a villain. He can see where the thought must have crystalised. He was not to be provoked. But things had changed, hadn't they? He'd started seeking out a new shape. He'd been fondly acquiescing of the request for good behaviour, because what did it cost him not to? Apparently everything.

Gojo would not tell him, because Gojo had seen first hand what he was capable of. Yuji did not want his effort wasted, maybe. Geto feels tricked in a way that is ugly, torn between anger and endless sadness. He feels rounded into a corner, teeth bared. He feels tired.

Why now? )

I do not like this leash. ( His hand tightens again on the sword, though this time it does not shake. ) I do not appreciate it being put on me.

[zauneyete]

Then why do you not break it?

[ He asks. He is not unsympathetic. He, too, has found his... cage changed. He is not a large shark in a barrel of big fish, or even a snapping, small thing ready to latch on and kill. They can't, of course, not with their nanites. Not with their keepers and minders barreling forward and demanding something else, something better of them.

He felt it too. The way Jinx asked him why he was doing what he was doing. The way Tezcatlipoca questioned him. The way he was asked to not cut.

It must be worse for him. They hid this. ]

They took that from you. [ He's angry by proxy. At these people that didn't allow him his revenge. In the same way Silco hated, hated so many from the world before, for standing between himself and his daughter. ]

You are powerful enough to slip it, are you not?

[gorb]

( What's stopping him?

Everything, really. The people he cares about now will not thank him for turning back to his old ways. He has worked so hard to fight his way back, and to lose it all again when he has lost so much already feels like an impossible feat. Insurmountable. He doesn't know if he wants to.

But there is a debt to be paid even so, and Geto's hands ache for it. )

What would you do, Silco-san, if Jinx told you to be better? ( It's an incomplete comparison, Geto has no daughters now, and he does not know if Silco has the same attachment to his partner as Geto does to Satoru. They're not anything more than friends who fuck, and yet his entire being has had a lynchpin. Look what happened when he'd thought he lost it the first time, a wheel come loose, careening. His feelings are jagged teeth and clawed hands and he can feel it sink deeper in and he wants out of his own body so badly he can feel it rising like an age-old hysteria. ) You love her. What if that might be taken away from you?

( He laughs again, still reckless. )

Wouldn't that terrify you?

[zauneyete]

[ He asks a question.

It's a hell of a question.

Silco snaps, suddenly, his body turned to Geto with a violence that's almost unusual for the man, the way he spun and snapped, like a snarling beast. ]

I will never let it be taken away from me.

[ His teeth in a sharp grimace, something raw, and surprisingly real from a man who normally wears veneer like a second skin. Has he even told Jinx that he... She knows, of course. Of course she does. But speaking such things out loud is like opening a raw wound to the air, and letting it fester, let disease and rot come in if they wish.

Neither of them can afford to allow that to happen. The fact that he has admitted what he has is... an achievement. A rarity. ]

I almost lost her once, and you know what I would do to have her back.

[ He swallowed. He calms down, runs a hand through his hair, a single eye closed, but he focuses that pitch eye on Geto. ]

She would not lie to me, about something so important.

[ She already has. He doesn't know what she knows about the future. About something that Silco sees as his victory being...incomplete.

She already has. ]

[gorb]

Is that just how our lives have to be? Losing everything all of the time?

( He'd been working so hard. Fostering a relationship with Yuji, with Yuta, and Megumi. He'd started clawing back the parts of his life he'd had once before with Gojo, and now he stands on a terrible precipice. Anger that he cannot put down, grief that chokes him, an awful blackness that fills all the wounded spaces. He could be the man he was. Easily, instantly, instinctively. He'd lose everything though.

He knows that. It hollows out his voice. )

If I proved them all right, would it hurt less? You understand exorcising all those pesky human emotions with violence. Tell me what you think I should do. One terrible monster to another. What could make it stop? ( A finite crack, a fault line. ) There's no one here to blame. Except for myself.

( And there is a path there sadly closed to him. )

[zauneyete]

[ What will make it stop?

That pain, it's like a maw. It consumes, and it consumes, and it takes everything with it. Had he been better, a world away? Half-mad and crazed with desperation, clawing his way through the world like it was all he could do? Was he better, when he was isolated even more than he had been in Zaun? When he had been carefully guarding and concealing that so-precious gem that still rests in his pocket, where he could have lost her, lost everything, and been too far in deep to move back?

Was that better?

Was there any end to it? The hurt? The way it still gnawed at his edges, a black hole. It was smaller, but he knows better than anyone, that the structure is rickety, and at any moment, any progress could simply... falter. Crumble.

Fall apart.

When would it? What could men like he and Geto do? ]

There's no stopping it.

[ He admits. It's bitter. ] From one monster to another, that's the secret I can give you.

Are we not artifices of our losses?

[gorb]

( He lifts a hand, presses it hard against his temples. The ache there is nothing compared to the one in his chest, but he can't dig his fingers into the meat of muscle and ease it. A shame, it would be fitting to tear the parts out. )

Fuck.

( Usually eloquent, or at least too busy being slippery and charming. This rawness is as close to the truth of himself as he can get, the boy who was a bleeding heart, the monster with its snapping teeth, all bruised edges and never-ending loss. ) I don't know what to do.

( A laugh, oily and sick. )

What's the point in doing anything? I can't save them. I can't save anyone I love. LILITH and the people she chooses have me bound and behaved and all there is left is obeying until my time runs out. There's no other route. There's no other way.

[zauneyete]

[ Powerlessness.

Being trapped.

He sees it in Geto, and he knows what this feels like. It's always on the edge of his perception, just there. Just out of sight. Barely there. What would happen if he lost Jinx? If he lost — ? He knew the kind of mosnter he was, what would he evolve into, if it happened?

Would it be like this? A sad, broken, desperate thing, beaten down by everything that he couldn't do? Weary? Obeying?

He hissed through his teeth. ]

You will just obey? [ he asks, His lips peeled back, something sharp in his expression. ]

Would they accept that? Didn't they do everything they could to put an end to the charade? Shouldn't you do the same?

[gorb]

They wouldn't have to accept anything, they're dead.

( Sharp, and then a little hysterical. ) The difference here Silco-san, is that when you thought your daughter was gone you had something to work towards in order to get her back.

( There is something a little sickly seesawing about Geto, the way his mood shifts and falters like a crashing wave. One second he is aflame, the next he's choking on the drudgery of silt. He makes an ugly noise in the back of his throat, cursed energy inching too close to the surface. It's a terrible night. He is a terrible person. )

Aren't you as beholden as me, either way?

[zauneyete]

[ He doesn't flinch, but there's a half-second that could be considered Silco's equivalent of it. A moment where he stares at Geto, his eyes unblinking, that black pit focused on him.

He's right. On all accounts. That's the thing.

His jaw tightened. ]

And now I have to live every day here knowing that when I go home, I'll be killed. [ By the only thing that mattered, that he had sacrificed and flayed his very soul for. By the only person that Silco could find worthy to... forgive.

How ironic, that he thinks that now. ]

But I might be. [ Beholden. ] Just the same as you.

Caged monsters.

[gorb]

That's the way of monsters, they get slain anyway.

( From one terrible dead man to another. But there's something, isn't there? A part of him still rebels at the thought of it. )

But if we could break it ... ( A pause, the flickering of life in the dead of his eyes. ) You're about to die. I'm dead. But we stand here, don't we? LILITH has that power. ( It rises, a sick desperation. Could he find a way to force them? Could he take the skill for himself? Does it count if they're copies? Are his feelings less valid because he is? Would he do it anyway? ) We could break it.

( He's not strong enough.

Yet.

It's a little like a waterfall, the way the manic light slides over him. He still looks unwell, maybe that adds to it. )

Ah, Silco-san. I forgot myself a little. You've been very helpful.

[zauneyete]

Break it.

[ But could they? More importantly, would he want to? He knows that Jinx kills him. He knows that, but his talented, smart, perfect daughter was more than herself now. He could see it, the way the mania has not so much calmed but been focused. She isn't as... explosive, and Silco knows she's done something great, and grand.

She declared war on their enemies.

Something he never dared to do, not until they were ready.

Could he give that up? Did he dear break that? What if it changed? What if it changed her? What if what was there wasn't him — even worse: what if the him here was the imposter? Should he break it?

Should They?

But they are monsters. What are monsters if not destructive forces lashing out at the world and society in general? What are monsters, if not beasts to ruin?

And didn't they ruin? ]

Perhaps we should.

[ A beat. ]

We all lose ourselves in tragedy, Geto. It is what shapes us, and hones us, and makes us... the beasts we need to be.

At least... you are not living a lie now, hnm?

[gorb]

Oh, I imagine I still will be. Just one of my own making.

( Satoru will probably see right through him, but he is dead too. Wouldn't trying give them all a better chance at survival? A second chance without LILITH hanging over their heads. Isn't his just the same as before? Someone higher-up controlling everything. Hasn't Geto shown he does not like the leash?

At least he's older now, he's stronger. He has very little that could stay his hand. )

Power first, I think. We can't be the only ones who chafe under this. Both as Outsiders and the wider area. ( His brain ticks over, a semi-exhausted awful machine. His thoughts catch on themselves. ) It's no good starting here. We'll want to hit them where it truly hurts.

[zauneyete]

One you are aware of is far superior to one that you're oblivious to.

[ Silco understands, of course. He's lied plenty — it is a necessity for most. They have to.

So does Geto. They are both straining at the edges, caged monsters that fight and thrash against the bars of their cages and trying to break free.

Is it themselves who keep them caged, or the cage masters? ]

Correct. You know I am already doing so. Where the power lies. Where there are already those who want to operate and buck away from LILITH's grasp.

[ Silco truly doesn't care about LILITH all that much, beyond the leash they hold over him. He can amass power and keep quiet about it. ]

The key is to keep it under their noses, where they cannot see, or notice.

[gorb]

( He offers Silco a smile, it is not quite the kind that reaches his eyes. The tremor in the hand holding the sword has begun again, the weight of grief muscling in at the edges. Such is the nature of things, the swelling of an illness, a fever that breaks again. )

Oh, I'll stay subtle, Silco-san. I have no interest in encroaching on your charitable endeavours. ( A mild tease, an old joke. It's for everyone's benefit, is it not? ) I just don't think I'm all that satisfied with being a bystander now.

( He'd let it all wash over him before. That's no longer an option. )

Were you planning on pointing this in any particular direction? ( Lifting the hilt, head tipped just so. ) Or were you trying to save me from choosing the wrong one?

[zauneyete]

[ If Silco were a kinder man, he might encourage Geto. Try to make him feel something other than Grief. Maybe even comfort him. Who else could understand this pain. The way his hands shake, the way it rises and falls. It's a visceral, painful thing. It has an echo that still lives like a void in his chest, always just out of sight.

If he were a kinder man, he would give him something to take it out on, or distract him.

Silco is not a kind man. He sees this, he understands it, but just like he would lash out at Quetzalcoatl for her promises of "understanding", he knows Geto would as well. ]

There is no worth in a poor choice, Geto. You will make the right decision, as long as you do not lash out wildly at those who would eliminate you before you have your opportunity to take what is your due.

[ If he had the chance, he would certainly let him know if That Thing arrived again, and let him have his revenge.

Just like he expects Geto would not stop him from his own, were someone worthy of it to arrive. ]

[gorb]

Bide my time.

( It sounds reasonable, it sounds sensible, it sounds hollow. )

You're right. A LILITH-enforced death would do me no good. My girls deserved better than that. ( They deserved better than a father who threw himself onto the sharp edge of a sword, but he did not give that to them. It's too late, he did them wrong. ) I might as well work off some of that excess energy through sanctioned means.

( The jungle, the kaiju, blood that isn't his. He needs space now, a place without eyes. )

You'll call me if you have something for me to do, mm? ( An emptiness to his eyes, the play-pretend of a well put together person. ) I'll be available now.