WHO: Yuji Itadori & various ( closed and open prompts ) WHAT: Yuji has Canon Updated. It isn't going well. WHERE: Across the base WHEN: March 21 onwards WARNINGS: Jujutsu Kaisen spoilers up to chapter 248.
[ Yuji nods, letting himself sink into the warm, familiar body, feeling a sudden sense of safety. He can take care of himself - especially now, with his powers and his claws - but there's a comfort that comes from knowing Raidou is here. He's safer with this guy at his side, and he feels himself relaxing.
It takes a long while for Yuji to talk again, his voice sounding hoarse and a little broken, and he has to swallow, pausing to breathe in and out. How long has it been... He's not sure. Is Raidou okay? Is his arm numb?
He feels foolish, but at the same time... Maybe he's earned this. Maybe he deserves the chance to let himself be sad, for the first time in a long time. So much had happened in a few short months, and he's barely had a chance to recover from it. ]
Hey, Johei... [ He leans up, touching his forehead to the other boy's jaw. ] I got stronger, but I don't know if it was worth it.
[Raidou doesn't know how to respond, quiet for a long moment. What he could infer from what little Yuji had told him so far, about Sukuna and Shibuya, was terrible enough. What else could he have gone through in whatever time he was gone for?
There might not be anything he could do, even if he knew. But like this, he couldn't even pretend to, even if he was the sort of person to do that. He's not.]
Yuji... When you're ready, will you tell me everything that happened?
[His eyes drift to those new clawed hands, not even being able to imagine what might have gone on. His natural instinct is enacting revenge against whatever or whoever could have reduced his enthusiastic, vivacious friend to this state, but it's an irrational reaction, and he knows it. Much like with the other problems that he's faced in since arriving in this time, Raidou knows that he has to be of help some other way.]
Even if it's not all at once. But I promise I'll listen, no matter what you have to say.
[ He doesn't want Raidou to change his mind about him, to judge him. To feel as if Yuji is something that can't be forgiven, or shouldn't be cherished any longer. That's how he feels about himself, after all; utterly prepared to die to save Megumi, recognising his role in society was to fight curses - fight Sukuna - until there's nothing left of him. He had told Higuruma that he had imagined that it was his role to die in this fight, and he was ready for that.
Everything he has done over the last few weeks was for the sole purpose of freeing Megumi from Sukuna's clutches, and he had been failing every time he had tried.
Sniffling again, feeling overwhelmed by his own grief, and the tears are coming back again. He doesn't want to drown in them, but there's something about being with Raidou, something undeniable... He feels safe. Yuji feels so safe and taken care of here that it's hard to keep those barriers up, no matter how changed he feels.
He's disfigured too. He would understand if Raidou chose to leave him be, if he didn't want to see him, or date him, or kiss him now.
Leaning close, he breathes out. ]
I lost some people close to me. They died, and I couldn't save them, and it was because of my mistakes that they had to risk their lives.
[A relatable feeling. How many people were in mortal danger at home thanks to his own failure? At a time like this, platitudes like telling someone they tried their best, or had done everything they could, rings hollow and means nothing. Of course Yuji did his best. Raidou is sure of that he would give nothing less than his all.
He takes one of those strange clawed hands in his, and looks at them; if Yuji thinks something like this is going to scare off a boy who's spent more time with demons than humans, he has another thing coming. Yuji said he'd gotten stronger, and this new form must have something to do with that.]
You must have given up so much. You all have. I'm sorry, Yuji.
[Their lives, his being. Sympathy and empathy are all Raidou can offer.]
[ He can't say that it's okay, or that it's fine, not any more. Once, Yuji might have shrugged all of this off, said it's fine, he'll be fine, he just needs a little time, but now? He feels so utterly broken, the hurt choking off his breathing. When he had woken up with Choso he had barely been able to breathe through how sad he was, all of it hitting him at once, the memories a sledgehammer in his mind.
He's only barely keeping himself together now because of the warmth of Raidou's arms.
When the hand wraps around his he blinks, the tears beginning to slide down his face, his eyes wide. He stares up at Raidou and feels... Something. Relief, joy, something mingled with his heartache, and for a moment he's able to sniffle, to gaze at the boy holding him so gently and feel hope for the first time in days. ]
... Yeah. Thank you, Johei.
[ He presses closer, seeking out his warmth, the tenderness, not wanting to separate for even a moment. ]
I know this is... We're not - it must be a lot. To handle. Thank you. [ Because they're not official, right? Raidou has no obligation.
He doesn't have to be here, but he is, and Yuji appreciates that. ]
[Raidou tries to give him a smile, tough to do in view of so many of Yuji's tears. It is a lot, but it's easier when you're not carrying that weight alone. He's learned that here.]
No need for thanks. I'm glad you called me.
[Months for Yuji, but only a day for Raidou. Nothing has changed in his eyes. His other arm holds him close as Yuji presses against him.]
If you're still alive back there, then that means there's always a chance. Don't give up.
[ Yuji appreciates the attempt, his hand lifting to touch Raidou's cheek. He wants to ask for things that he doesn't think he deserves, but he breathes out a sharp noise instead. ]
I'm glad I did too. I don't, normally, but...
[ He needed something he couldn't name, and he knew that Raidou would be able to give him that, even if he couldn't place what he wanted. Something solid, something warm, a comfort that he'd never really dared to seek out before now, always forced on him instead. ]
I won't. I was fighting when I woke up here again... I probably would've died twice if I hadn't healed myself.
[He's already angry enough that LILITH did this to him - it had to be their fault, right? - but that makes it even worse. To someone with a strong sense of duty like Raidou, being taken from your fight like that as well... Raidou may have words for LILITH about this, but that's for later.]
Heal yourself... Is that something different, or did LILITH's upgrades return with you?
[Raidou can't help but look sad when he says that, though, leaning his head gently against the hand on his cheek.]
[ Yuji lets his hand sink lower, fingers brushing gently over Raidou's neck, before he hesitates. The claws are pretty... They're not what they were back home, he doesn't think, but they're still dangerous. He has to be more careful now, especially with someone he cares about this much.
At least he can answer questions. It's easier to talk about when there are simple answers to simple questions, pushing through his hurt to answer them. ]
It's new. I've learned a few things now... I can heal myself, and use my blood to fight with, like Choso does.
[ Turning his head, he kisses Raidou's palm gently, pressing his face into it without hesitation. ]
He escaped again? [He didn't want to say it like Yuji had, "lost control", when last he mentioned it. He didn't want to feel like more blame was being placed on him.]
Yuji, how long were you there? You were just sort of... not around here for a day. I thought you were just busy, I didn't think anything was...
[His words trial off, distracted by the kiss to his hand, a fond look finally reaching his expression. There was so much he wanted to know, but maybe he shouldn't ask too many questions, not now. Yuji being snapped back to this place in the middle of battle, no time to process what happened.]
You don't have to tell me now. You've been through enough. But I hope someday you can give me the whole story. From the beginning.
I made a Vow with him and forgot, so he was able to take control and change vessel. That’s why… [ He lifts his hands to his face to touch gently; the small scars where Sukuna’s other eyes used to be are gone now. Yuji has different scars, but those ones? Ripped away because of his own idiocy. Because he didn’t count himself as important enough to protect.
What Yuji wants is to curl into Raidou and not let go, to wrap around him and seek out comfort and warmth. There are some things he might be comfortable saying - the loss of his adult companions, who the new Vessel was, all of it - but he can share a little.
He trusts Raidou and knows that his secrets will be safe.
Shaking his head, he presses into that gentle hand, not realising his own are shaking. ]
It was a few months. I don’t know how many, it was all a… Blur.
[So much time, but only a day here. Raidou squeezes that shaking hand to help steady it.
No, that's enough explanation for now. He can get details later when Yuji isn't such a wreck. Raidou hates to see him only getting more shakey and worn down.
With his other hand, he brings Yuji's head to his chest again, and leans back so they're laying back. He will stay here like this for as long as Yuji needs it.]
That's enough, for now. Just... rest. You need it. You deserve it.
[ Yuji sinks into him, letting his weight spread, his muscles relax, calming a little. It feels better, to curl close and press into him, to feel the strength of his partner's body and the warmth of him - he's back, he's with the person he likes so much, adores so deeply, and he doesn't want to let go of it.
His hands are coated in more blood, but Johei... He'd listen. He'd take care of him.
Yuji wants to believe that. ]
Will you stay? I don't want to let go. I'm afraid...
[Raidou gently rubs his back, and places a gentle kiss on Yuji's head before settling snack to get more comfortable.]
I'm not going anywhere.
[The fact that Yuji seems to be relaxing is a relief to Raidou too, no matter how little it might be. Anything is a start. He won't let go of that hand, not until it stops shaking, holding it tightly, securely. If he disappears again, Raidou is going with him.]
[ The kiss is comforting. Despite his losses and sadness, Yuji still has this. Raidou still wants to give him that affection, and it carries him through some of this storm, curling around him and nuzzling close. It’s the same kind of sweetness they hard before, edged with bitterness like dark chocolate. ]
Good. I don’t want to lose you too.
[ When will it get to the point where he’s lost too much? ]
You won't. If they insist on taking you again, then I'm coming too.
[Maybe that sounds absurd, but he means it. He's glad that he can be of any relief to Yuji, feeling even just a slight bit of that tension lessening is a relief to Raidou as well. He can't even imagine what he really went through to leave him in this state, but he knows for sure that he will do everything in his power to make sure Yuji won't go through this again. Not if he has anything to do with it. He'll do anything to preserve whatever left of that sweet, outgoing boy he knows is still in there.]
[ As if Yuji's going to risk Raidou coming back with him and having to face Sukuna... Would he have any of his companions, those powers that are missing here? Even if he did, Yuji wouldn't want him to have to deal with that. He's already taken enough hits from Sukuna that he ought to have died a handful of times, so the idea of Raidou dealing with that...
Shaking his head, he squeezes him, breathing out sharply. ]
[Said softly, with a smile. It feels so nice to be needed, though he wishes it were under different circumstances for Yuji. He squeezes him back, holding him close, and will let Yuji stay there as long as he wants.]
[ Yuji sighs softly, nuzzling into Raidou, not able to help himself. He’s just so… He doesn’t know how he deserves this. With everything he’s done… It makes him feel too much. One hand shifts, to stroke against Raidou gently, finding comfort in it. ]
I’d say you could come after, but I don’t know if I’ll win. So I’ll find you instead.
[Raidou would love nothing more than to rescue Yuji from his situation for good, he knows that Yuji would also never abandon those still in it. Besides, even if somehow he could come with him to the Capital, was that place any better with how he had left it?
Someday, he may get up the nerve to talk about that all with Yuji. It's heartening to know, though, that despite his current state, that Yuji can find such sweet things to say. He hand gently moving against him is enough to keep those uncertain thoughts at bay for now. Yuji is here with him right now, which is what's the most important.]
I believe you would. But we can worry about that later, right? We're here now. Neo Tokyo has trouble but... together, we can handle it.
[ Yuji finds himself relaxing, sinking, some of the fuzzy static in his mind fading away into peace as he lets himself relax. With Raidou's arms around him, he feels protected - and even if he knows he can take care of himself there's something special in knowing that he doesn't have to. Not right now.
Raidou - his Raidou, the person he calls Johei because he asked, because he wants to, who is so close to holding Yuji's fragile heart in his hands and risk crushing it if he isn't careful - is here. He hasn't lost him.
Closing his eyes a little tighter, he nods. ]
At least you don't have to worry about me so much on the next mission, since I can heal myself now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
It takes a long while for Yuji to talk again, his voice sounding hoarse and a little broken, and he has to swallow, pausing to breathe in and out. How long has it been... He's not sure. Is Raidou okay? Is his arm numb?
He feels foolish, but at the same time... Maybe he's earned this. Maybe he deserves the chance to let himself be sad, for the first time in a long time. So much had happened in a few short months, and he's barely had a chance to recover from it. ]
Hey, Johei... [ He leans up, touching his forehead to the other boy's jaw. ] I got stronger, but I don't know if it was worth it.
no subject
There might not be anything he could do, even if he knew. But like this, he couldn't even pretend to, even if he was the sort of person to do that. He's not.]
Yuji... When you're ready, will you tell me everything that happened?
[His eyes drift to those new clawed hands, not even being able to imagine what might have gone on. His natural instinct is enacting revenge against whatever or whoever could have reduced his enthusiastic, vivacious friend to this state, but it's an irrational reaction, and he knows it. Much like with the other problems that he's faced in since arriving in this time, Raidou knows that he has to be of help some other way.]
Even if it's not all at once. But I promise I'll listen, no matter what you have to say.
no subject
[ He doesn't want Raidou to change his mind about him, to judge him. To feel as if Yuji is something that can't be forgiven, or shouldn't be cherished any longer. That's how he feels about himself, after all; utterly prepared to die to save Megumi, recognising his role in society was to fight curses - fight Sukuna - until there's nothing left of him. He had told Higuruma that he had imagined that it was his role to die in this fight, and he was ready for that.
Everything he has done over the last few weeks was for the sole purpose of freeing Megumi from Sukuna's clutches, and he had been failing every time he had tried.
Sniffling again, feeling overwhelmed by his own grief, and the tears are coming back again. He doesn't want to drown in them, but there's something about being with Raidou, something undeniable... He feels safe. Yuji feels so safe and taken care of here that it's hard to keep those barriers up, no matter how changed he feels.
He's disfigured too. He would understand if Raidou chose to leave him be, if he didn't want to see him, or date him, or kiss him now.
Leaning close, he breathes out. ]
I lost some people close to me. They died, and I couldn't save them, and it was because of my mistakes that they had to risk their lives.
no subject
He takes one of those strange clawed hands in his, and looks at them; if Yuji thinks something like this is going to scare off a boy who's spent more time with demons than humans, he has another thing coming. Yuji said he'd gotten stronger, and this new form must have something to do with that.]
You must have given up so much. You all have. I'm sorry, Yuji.
[Their lives, his being. Sympathy and empathy are all Raidou can offer.]
no subject
He's only barely keeping himself together now because of the warmth of Raidou's arms.
When the hand wraps around his he blinks, the tears beginning to slide down his face, his eyes wide. He stares up at Raidou and feels... Something. Relief, joy, something mingled with his heartache, and for a moment he's able to sniffle, to gaze at the boy holding him so gently and feel hope for the first time in days. ]
... Yeah. Thank you, Johei.
[ He presses closer, seeking out his warmth, the tenderness, not wanting to separate for even a moment. ]
I know this is... We're not - it must be a lot. To handle. Thank you. [ Because they're not official, right? Raidou has no obligation.
He doesn't have to be here, but he is, and Yuji appreciates that. ]
no subject
No need for thanks. I'm glad you called me.
[Months for Yuji, but only a day for Raidou. Nothing has changed in his eyes. His other arm holds him close as Yuji presses against him.]
If you're still alive back there, then that means there's always a chance. Don't give up.
no subject
I'm glad I did too. I don't, normally, but...
[ He needed something he couldn't name, and he knew that Raidou would be able to give him that, even if he couldn't place what he wanted. Something solid, something warm, a comfort that he'd never really dared to seek out before now, always forced on him instead. ]
I won't. I was fighting when I woke up here again... I probably would've died twice if I hadn't healed myself.
no subject
[He's already angry enough that LILITH did this to him - it had to be their fault, right? - but that makes it even worse. To someone with a strong sense of duty like Raidou, being taken from your fight like that as well... Raidou may have words for LILITH about this, but that's for later.]
Heal yourself... Is that something different, or did LILITH's upgrades return with you?
[Raidou can't help but look sad when he says that, though, leaning his head gently against the hand on his cheek.]
Either way, it's a relief you could.
no subject
[ Yuji lets his hand sink lower, fingers brushing gently over Raidou's neck, before he hesitates. The claws are pretty... They're not what they were back home, he doesn't think, but they're still dangerous. He has to be more careful now, especially with someone he cares about this much.
At least he can answer questions. It's easier to talk about when there are simple answers to simple questions, pushing through his hurt to answer them. ]
It's new. I've learned a few things now... I can heal myself, and use my blood to fight with, like Choso does.
[ Turning his head, he kisses Raidou's palm gently, pressing his face into it without hesitation. ]
no subject
Yuji, how long were you there? You were just sort of... not around here for a day. I thought you were just busy, I didn't think anything was...
[His words trial off, distracted by the kiss to his hand, a fond look finally reaching his expression. There was so much he wanted to know, but maybe he shouldn't ask too many questions, not now. Yuji being snapped back to this place in the middle of battle, no time to process what happened.]
You don't have to tell me now. You've been through enough. But I hope someday you can give me the whole story. From the beginning.
no subject
What Yuji wants is to curl into Raidou and not let go, to wrap around him and seek out comfort and warmth. There are some things he might be comfortable saying - the loss of his adult companions, who the new Vessel was, all of it - but he can share a little.
He trusts Raidou and knows that his secrets will be safe.
Shaking his head, he presses into that gentle hand, not realising his own are shaking. ]
It was a few months. I don’t know how many, it was all a… Blur.
no subject
[So much time, but only a day here. Raidou squeezes that shaking hand to help steady it.
No, that's enough explanation for now. He can get details later when Yuji isn't such a wreck. Raidou hates to see him only getting more shakey and worn down.
With his other hand, he brings Yuji's head to his chest again, and leans back so they're laying back. He will stay here like this for as long as Yuji needs it.]
That's enough, for now. Just... rest. You need it. You deserve it.
no subject
[ Yuji sinks into him, letting his weight spread, his muscles relax, calming a little. It feels better, to curl close and press into him, to feel the strength of his partner's body and the warmth of him - he's back, he's with the person he likes so much, adores so deeply, and he doesn't want to let go of it.
His hands are coated in more blood, but Johei... He'd listen. He'd take care of him.
Yuji wants to believe that. ]
Will you stay? I don't want to let go. I'm afraid...
[ If he sleeps, more months will go by. ]
no subject
I'm not going anywhere.
[The fact that Yuji seems to be relaxing is a relief to Raidou too, no matter how little it might be. Anything is a start. He won't let go of that hand, not until it stops shaking, holding it tightly, securely. If he disappears again, Raidou is going with him.]
no subject
Good. I don’t want to lose you too.
[ When will it get to the point where he’s lost too much? ]
no subject
[Maybe that sounds absurd, but he means it. He's glad that he can be of any relief to Yuji, feeling even just a slight bit of that tension lessening is a relief to Raidou as well. He can't even imagine what he really went through to leave him in this state, but he knows for sure that he will do everything in his power to make sure Yuji won't go through this again. Not if he has anything to do with it. He'll do anything to preserve whatever left of that sweet, outgoing boy he knows is still in there.]
Whatever you need... you tell me.
no subject
[ As if Yuji's going to risk Raidou coming back with him and having to face Sukuna... Would he have any of his companions, those powers that are missing here? Even if he did, Yuji wouldn't want him to have to deal with that. He's already taken enough hits from Sukuna that he ought to have died a handful of times, so the idea of Raidou dealing with that...
Shaking his head, he squeezes him, breathing out sharply. ]
I just need you to stay with me.
no subject
[Said softly, with a smile. It feels so nice to be needed, though he wishes it were under different circumstances for Yuji. He squeezes him back, holding him close, and will let Yuji stay there as long as he wants.]
no subject
[ Yuji sighs softly, nuzzling into Raidou, not able to help himself. He’s just so… He doesn’t know how he deserves this. With everything he’s done… It makes him feel too much. One hand shifts, to stroke against Raidou gently, finding comfort in it. ]
I’d say you could come after, but I don’t know if I’ll win. So I’ll find you instead.
no subject
Someday, he may get up the nerve to talk about that all with Yuji. It's heartening to know, though, that despite his current state, that Yuji can find such sweet things to say.
He hand gently moving against him is enough to keep those uncertain thoughts at bay for now. Yuji is here with him right now, which is what's the most important.]
I believe you would. But we can worry about that later, right? We're here now. Neo Tokyo has trouble but... together, we can handle it.
no subject
[ Yuji finds himself relaxing, sinking, some of the fuzzy static in his mind fading away into peace as he lets himself relax. With Raidou's arms around him, he feels protected - and even if he knows he can take care of himself there's something special in knowing that he doesn't have to. Not right now.
Raidou - his Raidou, the person he calls Johei because he asked, because he wants to, who is so close to holding Yuji's fragile heart in his hands and risk crushing it if he isn't careful - is here. He hasn't lost him.
Closing his eyes a little tighter, he nods. ]
At least you don't have to worry about me so much on the next mission, since I can heal myself now.