WHO: Yuji Itadori & various ( closed and open prompts ) WHAT: Yuji has Canon Updated. It isn't going well. WHERE: Across the base WHEN: March 21 onwards WARNINGS: Jujutsu Kaisen spoilers up to chapter 248.
[ It's possible that he has no right to be that mad - because he's not exactly going to be sharing the entire truth with everyone here, not if he can help it - but he's a little frustrated. He would have liked to have some kind of idea about what was waiting for him when he gets back, but it's too late for that now. There's nothing he can do about that now, but...
Stepping into the room, he tries to shove Gojo back to get into somewhere a little quieter for him - so that he can be more honest. ]
I went back home, Gojo-sensei... I know what happened.
[ there's no resistance when yuji shoves his way into gojo's room.
he isn't entirely sure what he's so mad about, but he's willing to hear him out. closing the door behind them, he leans back against it, only pausing ever so slightly in his movement at the next line that comes out of itadori's mouth.
ahβ
fuck. ] Hm? [ he has an unfortunate inkling that his lie's about to get busted wide open, but he ain't gonna jump the gun here either. ] What happened?
[ Yuji is well aware of why Gojo didn't, and couldn't, obviously, but that doesn't make it any easier for him. It doesn't make him settle down or feel softer about it, especially when his emotions are already going haywire. He's angry, hurt, desperately sad, and taking it out on someone who can handle whatever he throws at him...
That's easy enough. ]
You died! You - you were gone! And I had to watch! And then Higuruma-san as well...
[ The people he loves keep being ripped away from him. How is he meant to cope? ]
[ ...so, that confirms it. he really did die and he didn't come back.
this isn't the time to process that β his β finality though. yuji is the current focus.
gojo can understand where yuji's anger stems from. it's completely within his right to be mad at him for keeping his fate a secret from him and the others, but he isn't going to apologize for it nor does he regret the choice he's made. ]
I wasn't going to put you through it twice. It wouldn't have achieved anything, Yuji.
[ what's done is done. ]
You weren't aware then. Megumi and Nobara still aren't. It would only be cruel of me to tell you guys, when you still had hope.
[ Yuji really does want to lash out, wants to sink into the violent anger inside of him, the urge to punch Gojo-sensei square in the chest overcoming him. He stops himself, but he's digging his nails into his hands, the pinprick feeling of blood on his palms making him frown a little.
It hurts, because his hands are messed up now. He has claws now. He feels dirty with it, less than human, and there's nothing he can do other than tolerate it. ]
It would've prepared me! If I'd have known...
[ It wouldn't have gutted him in the way that it did - the way it still is, the tears coming before he can stop himself, bubbling over. He sniffles, rubbing at his face hard, digging the heels of his palm into the space where the tears are rolling. ]
I... I'm not gonna tell them... I get it, but I'm so mad!
[ truthfully, gojo hasn't bothered to look too in-depth into how he was able to manifest here. part of him just doesn't want that reality to sink in. but he still knows enough to ascertain that nothing he can divulge to his students here will change anything back in their own world. what's happened has happened. ]
Even if you'd known, nothing would have changed. I didn't want to put that burden on you. [ especially since he couldn't predict that yuji would learn about his future. ] Just like how I wouldn't want to place that burden on Megumi's shoulders.
[ it's a good thing they're on the same page for that at least. he doesn't speak for a lengthy moment, the weight of the atmosphere between them heavy with silence. then, quietly, calmly, he lets the words out. ] I'm sorry that I failed. [ everything was riding on him, but he... really dropped the ball on that one, didn't he? ]
[ Unfortunately, Yuji had asked the doctors that question when he'd had his surgery - why had they been able to bring Nanamin here? They didn't answer, and it made him all the more annoyed, especially when they'd said they were 'proud' of him or whatever. It just sounded a little too gross for him to think too hard about.
Shaking his head, tears still bubbling over, Yuji steps forward and goes to throw his arms around Gojo. He doesn't think about stupid things about it being appropriate, or if Infinity would stop them, or anything like that: all he thinks about is his need to hold his man in his arms and confirm he's real, to press his face against him and bask in the comfort. Gojo-sensei had never stopped him before, so why would he start now, when Yuji's heart is breaking?
It's too much, and none of it is fair. ]
You didn't fail, sensei. It's my fault, if I hadn't made that Vow you'd still be alive. [ Sukuna would never have been able to swap vessels. He would never have taken Megumi and never been strong enough to fight Gojo one on one. Wouldn't have eaten those last fingers. Everything would've been so much better. ] None of this is your problem, okay? You... You really did your best. You were so cool.
[ He's sniffling and crying for real now, because, at heart, Yuji is just a teenager who has lost everyone he's ever loved. ]
[ he would never turn down a hug from any of his kids, especially not now β not in this type of situation.
wrapping his arm around yuji, he lifts a hand to tousle his hair gently. there, there. he sure is bringing the boy to tears more than once since his arrival here, huh? considering all he's been through, crying it out is good for him. it's better than swallowing his emotions and keeping everything bottled up. ]
Just let it out, Yuji. [ cry, scream, whatever he needs to do. ] I was pretty cool though, wasn't I?
[ he had fun, too, but that's prooobably not something he should share with him. ]
You couldn't have predicted what Sukuna was going to do, just like how I couldn't foresee getting trapped in GokumonkyΕ. What happened to me wasn't your fault. I'd slipped up, that's all. [ he wasn't strong enough, something he's now determined to rectify. ]
So, [ it sounds like plan b with higuruma didn't pan out. ] what happened afterward?
[ It's been a long time since Yuji Itadori truly felt safe: the last few weeks at home had brought him a lot of change, grown his strength to a level he could never anticipate, but the fear was constant, never ending - the loss of Megumi, the loss of his own control, and then the loss of Gojo and Higuruma on top of it... No wonder he loved being here so much. There was happiness here, even if he couldn't let himself enjoy it too much now.
Gojo's arms are strong and warm, tender with his hand in his hair, and how can Yuji not break? He sniffles with it, crying into the solid warmth of his teacher, one of the few people in the world he can trust without a shadow of a doubt, without hesitation: he knows that Gojo will be there. He knows it, like he knows breathing.
Instinctive, real, pure. Gojo-sensei is here. ]
You were super cool, sensei...
[ Is that what matters? He sniffles again.
His grip is tight, but Gojo-sensei can take it. He's still the strongest, no matter what happens. ]
Mm... Higuruma-san and I tried to use Judgeman, but it didn't work the way we wanted, so... We tried Deadly Sentencing, but before it could happen...
[ Sukuna got him. Yuji whimpers into another sob, shaking his head. ]
[ gojo had long discerned that it would be an extremely tough battle ahead for those who've remained after his death. even weakened, sukuna was a formidable opponent to face and loss was going to be an inevitable part of it. everyone who'd volunteered for that battle knew of the risks involved.
he doubts that there's anything he could say that would offer comfort for yuji in this moment and, in truth, he has never been one to verbalize grief.
so rather than offer empty words of consolation, he pulls yuji into a tighter, firmer, more steadfast hug, allowing silence to drape over the both of them and yuji the time to properly lament. he sincerely believes that everything will turn out all right in the end. he has that much faith in his students, in the future generation. but until he can learn of its finite conclusion, he knows that the fight against sukuna will continue to weigh heavily on all of their shoulders here. ]
What happened then? [ or does it frustratingly cuts off there? ]
I don't know, sensei. That's the last thing I remember.
[ Higuruma-san, looking him right in the eye, as if to pass it on.
It hurts to think about. So many people are dying because of his failures, and it's hard for him to keep himself settled and sane after it all. He wishes that it was him - he and Higuruma had talked about that, hadn't they? Thinking it was their role to die in this fight, being prepared for it... If it meant Sukuna was destroyed, it would be worth it.
Nuzzling into Gojo's chest, he breathes out shakily. ]
LILITH realy wants to keep messing with us, Gojo-sensei...
it'd be a lie to say that he isn't disappointed yuji's memories end there, but it's something that's out of their hands. if LILITH is able to catch them up to speed on whatever happens in their future, then they're bound to learn more later on β or maybe he can just ask her. ]
Don't linger on what has already happened. You're here now. And look, [ he gives his hair another hearty tousle. ] I'm fine, aren't I? [ or as fine as a confirmed dead man can be. ] I'm alive here.
[ Maybe, one day, he'll be sent back and learn more. The idea of it makes him feel anxious, unsure, but Yuji's not going to give up on his desire to do the best he can, to defeat Sukuna and save Megumi: it's the only thing he has to cling to right now.
Sniffling into Gojo's body, he nods his head, as miserable as he's ever felt - since that moment, at least, a bare few days. ]
You could stay here. You could be happy. [ Hadn't Yuji said the same thing to Nanami? That he could find some kind of happiness here... ] If that's what you want.
None of us asked to come here, sensei, but you could be happy here. That's a little up to you.
[ It's not as if Yuji is excited about the prospect of going home, but he's also aware that he has to. He has to save Megumi. He has to live up to the belief that Gojo and Higuruma had in him, the memory and strength that Nanami left him. He has to do that, because that's his role, that's what he was left to do.
He can't stay here forever, even if it is a nice place to be. As long as he can be here, he'll stay. ]
... I won't tell. It won't be fair on the others, I know that, even if I hate keeping secrets. It'll...
in truth, gojo has never envisioned a long life for himself. it was neither something he particularly coveted nor feared. he would much rather have a short yet thrilling life than a long but uneventful one. despite his loss to sukuna, he got what he wanted in the end, didn't he? he had fun. he was satiated. but while he thought that he would be done with the world after death, the world β or more accurately, LILITH β had other plans for him.
he doesn't know if he can be happy here. he hasn't given it any thought. he doubts that he will even after this conversation. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ It's possible that he has no right to be that mad - because he's not exactly going to be sharing the entire truth with everyone here, not if he can help it - but he's a little frustrated. He would have liked to have some kind of idea about what was waiting for him when he gets back, but it's too late for that now. There's nothing he can do about that now, but...
Stepping into the room, he tries to shove Gojo back to get into somewhere a little quieter for him - so that he can be more honest. ]
I went back home, Gojo-sensei... I know what happened.
[ What happened to him. ]
no subject
he isn't entirely sure what he's so mad about, but he's willing to hear him out. closing the door behind them, he leans back against it, only pausing ever so slightly in his movement at the next line that comes out of itadori's mouth.
ahβ
fuck. ] Hm? [ he has an unfortunate inkling that his lie's about to get busted wide open, but he ain't gonna jump the gun here either. ] What happened?
no subject
[ Yuji is well aware of why Gojo didn't, and couldn't, obviously, but that doesn't make it any easier for him. It doesn't make him settle down or feel softer about it, especially when his emotions are already going haywire. He's angry, hurt, desperately sad, and taking it out on someone who can handle whatever he throws at him...
That's easy enough. ]
You died! You - you were gone! And I had to watch! And then Higuruma-san as well...
[ The people he loves keep being ripped away from him. How is he meant to cope? ]
no subject
this isn't the time to process that β his β finality though. yuji is the current focus.
gojo can understand where yuji's anger stems from. it's completely within his right to be mad at him for keeping his fate a secret from him and the others, but he isn't going to apologize for it nor does he regret the choice he's made. ]
I wasn't going to put you through it twice. It wouldn't have achieved anything, Yuji.
[ what's done is done. ]
You weren't aware then. Megumi and Nobara still aren't. It would only be cruel of me to tell you guys, when you still had hope.
no subject
It hurts, because his hands are messed up now. He has claws now. He feels dirty with it, less than human, and there's nothing he can do other than tolerate it. ]
It would've prepared me! If I'd have known...
[ It wouldn't have gutted him in the way that it did - the way it still is, the tears coming before he can stop himself, bubbling over. He sniffles, rubbing at his face hard, digging the heels of his palm into the space where the tears are rolling. ]
I... I'm not gonna tell them... I get it, but I'm so mad!
no subject
Even if you'd known, nothing would have changed. I didn't want to put that burden on you. [ especially since he couldn't predict that yuji would learn about his future. ] Just like how I wouldn't want to place that burden on Megumi's shoulders.
[ it's a good thing they're on the same page for that at least. he doesn't speak for a lengthy moment, the weight of the atmosphere between them heavy with silence. then, quietly, calmly, he lets the words out. ] I'm sorry that I failed. [ everything was riding on him, but he... really dropped the ball on that one, didn't he? ]
no subject
Shaking his head, tears still bubbling over, Yuji steps forward and goes to throw his arms around Gojo. He doesn't think about stupid things about it being appropriate, or if Infinity would stop them, or anything like that: all he thinks about is his need to hold his man in his arms and confirm he's real, to press his face against him and bask in the comfort. Gojo-sensei had never stopped him before, so why would he start now, when Yuji's heart is breaking?
It's too much, and none of it is fair. ]
You didn't fail, sensei. It's my fault, if I hadn't made that Vow you'd still be alive. [ Sukuna would never have been able to swap vessels. He would never have taken Megumi and never been strong enough to fight Gojo one on one. Wouldn't have eaten those last fingers. Everything would've been so much better. ] None of this is your problem, okay? You... You really did your best. You were so cool.
[ He's sniffling and crying for real now, because, at heart, Yuji is just a teenager who has lost everyone he's ever loved. ]
no subject
wrapping his arm around yuji, he lifts a hand to tousle his hair gently. there, there. he sure is bringing the boy to tears more than once since his arrival here, huh? considering all he's been through, crying it out is good for him. it's better than swallowing his emotions and keeping everything bottled up. ]
Just let it out, Yuji. [ cry, scream, whatever he needs to do. ] I was pretty cool though, wasn't I?
[ he had fun, too, but that's prooobably not something he should share with him. ]
You couldn't have predicted what Sukuna was going to do, just like how I couldn't foresee getting trapped in GokumonkyΕ. What happened to me wasn't your fault. I'd slipped up, that's all. [ he wasn't strong enough, something he's now determined to rectify. ]
So, [ it sounds like plan b with higuruma didn't pan out. ] what happened afterward?
no subject
Gojo's arms are strong and warm, tender with his hand in his hair, and how can Yuji not break? He sniffles with it, crying into the solid warmth of his teacher, one of the few people in the world he can trust without a shadow of a doubt, without hesitation: he knows that Gojo will be there. He knows it, like he knows breathing.
Instinctive, real, pure. Gojo-sensei is here. ]
You were super cool, sensei...
[ Is that what matters? He sniffles again.
His grip is tight, but Gojo-sensei can take it. He's still the strongest, no matter what happens. ]
Mm... Higuruma-san and I tried to use Judgeman, but it didn't work the way we wanted, so... We tried Deadly Sentencing, but before it could happen...
[ Sukuna got him. Yuji whimpers into another sob, shaking his head. ]
Just like Nanamin. It happened again.
no subject
[ gojo had long discerned that it would be an extremely tough battle ahead for those who've remained after his death. even weakened, sukuna was a formidable opponent to face and loss was going to be an inevitable part of it. everyone who'd volunteered for that battle knew of the risks involved.
he doubts that there's anything he could say that would offer comfort for yuji in this moment and, in truth, he has never been one to verbalize grief.
so rather than offer empty words of consolation, he pulls yuji into a tighter, firmer, more steadfast hug, allowing silence to drape over the both of them and yuji the time to properly lament. he sincerely believes that everything will turn out all right in the end. he has that much faith in his students, in the future generation. but until he can learn of its finite conclusion, he knows that the fight against sukuna will continue to weigh heavily on all of their shoulders here. ]
What happened then? [ or does it frustratingly cuts off there? ]
no subject
[ Higuruma-san, looking him right in the eye, as if to pass it on.
It hurts to think about. So many people are dying because of his failures, and it's hard for him to keep himself settled and sane after it all. He wishes that it was him - he and Higuruma had talked about that, hadn't they? Thinking it was their role to die in this fight, being prepared for it... If it meant Sukuna was destroyed, it would be worth it.
Nuzzling into Gojo's chest, he breathes out shakily. ]
LILITH realy wants to keep messing with us, Gojo-sensei...
no subject
it'd be a lie to say that he isn't disappointed yuji's memories end there, but it's something that's out of their hands. if LILITH is able to catch them up to speed on whatever happens in their future, then they're bound to learn more later on β or maybe he can just ask her. ]
Don't linger on what has already happened. You're here now. And look, [ he gives his hair another hearty tousle. ] I'm fine, aren't I? [ or as fine as a confirmed dead man can be. ] I'm alive here.
no subject
Sniffling into Gojo's body, he nods his head, as miserable as he's ever felt - since that moment, at least, a bare few days. ]
You could stay here. You could be happy. [ Hadn't Yuji said the same thing to Nanami? That he could find some kind of happiness here... ] If that's what you want.
no subject
[ he never asked to be here. he was brought here, whether he wanted to be or not.
plus, now he knows without a doubt that there is no place for him to return. he already died back home. only the afterlife awaits him there. ]
Don't worry about me, Yuji. [ a beat. ] And keep my death a secret, 'kay? I know you don't think it's fair, but I don't want them to find out.
no subject
[ It's not as if Yuji is excited about the prospect of going home, but he's also aware that he has to. He has to save Megumi. He has to live up to the belief that Gojo and Higuruma had in him, the memory and strength that Nanami left him. He has to do that, because that's his role, that's what he was left to do.
He can't stay here forever, even if it is a nice place to be. As long as he can be here, he'll stay. ]
... I won't tell. It won't be fair on the others, I know that, even if I hate keeping secrets. It'll...
[ They'll feel like this. That's awful enough. ]
no subject
in truth, gojo has never envisioned a long life for himself. it was neither something he particularly coveted nor feared. he would much rather have a short yet thrilling life than a long but uneventful one. despite his loss to sukuna, he got what he wanted in the end, didn't he? he had fun. he was satiated. but while he thought that he would be done with the world after death, the world β or more accurately, LILITH β had other plans for him.
he doesn't know if he can be happy here. he hasn't given it any thought. he doubts that he will even after this conversation. ]
It'll be better for them this way.