WHO: Yuji Itadori & various ( closed and open prompts ) WHAT: Yuji has Canon Updated. It isn't going well. WHERE: Across the base WHEN: March 21 onwards WARNINGS: Jujutsu Kaisen spoilers up to chapter 248.
[He's delighted that Yuji manages to get a cat on his lap, and scritches its head.]
It's one of four Kuzunoha clan titles. We take on the names of founding members. I'm the fourteenth successor of Raidou. Nagi is recently the eighteenth successor to the Geirin name.
That's pretty cool! We have clans that have techniques in my world, but they don't always inherit names or anything like that. They don't even get the techniques, sometimes, but the name is a pretty big deal anyway.
[ Sometimes you're like Gojo-sensei and other times you're like Maki-senpai. The world is cruel. ]
I think you deserve that. You worked hard and you earned it. You belong there.
[ Yuji reaches out to take his hand, careful and considerate. ]
I have the name ‘Itadori’, but I don’t really know what that means to me. I knew my grandpa, but my parents… I never saw them. I don’t know what happened to them either. So to me… Family is what I decide it is.
[ Slowly unravelling the tragedy that is Yuji piece by piece. Like peeling an orange.
Yuji nods his head, smile soft as he looks at the cat. Is it so weird, to find so much happiness here? At home… Things were simply too awful to handle. He couldn’t do it, but he had to.
Good. The electricity took the nanobots offline for several days as well, but they seem in working order now. [It's the reason he had to rest for a few days. One of the reasons anyway.
Once back, Yuji is free to push the bike I'd it wants, but Raidou's fine to do it. It's just a few minutes walk to the onsen. Even though it's been a month, the managers are glad to see them again. They're happy too to hear that they're here for lunch this time, too.
Raidou is pretty eager to get to the water, though. There was some lingering ache in his muscles from the fight that might honestly just be stress, though something like that wouldn't occur to him. What he does know is that some onsen time will help.]
Yeah, I talked to Megumi about my other healing, too. He said there was something in the body the electrics might have messed with, so that's why my technique wasn't working the way it was meant to be.
[ Yuji is quick to greet the owners, chattering away to them as if they're old friends and have known each other for years, babbling on before he remembers what they're here for and focuses. It's not long until he's paying for their lunch and stay - sorry, Raidou - and tugging his boyfriend to head towards the changing room.
Last time had been embarrassing, but they weren't boyfriends then... Maybe he won't blush so much this time... ]
[And that's the whole reason they remember these two, the quiet polite one and the cheery chatty one.]
Mm. You too.
[Raidou has been to onsens countless times, and never has an issue with it. He was practically require to attend them after long training sessions his whole life. But coming here again with Yuji... sure, it was his idea, but maybe he still is a little embarrassed? Maybe it was something else, something he can't quite put a finger on yet...
As much as he wants to protest Yuji paying for everything, he's not really in a position too. His new career choice doesn't exactly have him flush with cash. He'll start saving up for next time, though. Still, won't waste any time getting changed and heading out to the water though. It'll all be fine once sitting in the spring, right? The best way to forget all your troubles for a little while.]
[ The stiffness is just the after-effects of healing, so there's not much he can do now other than rest it and give it time to settle back into the routine. The nanobots are going to help, if nothing else does, and 'taking it easy' isn't really in Yuji's vocabulary.
Yuji changes without any second glances this time, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of his boyfriend, sliding into the water with a pleased little sigh, stretching out and sinking as low as he can, chin floating just above the top. ]
[Raidou certainly isn't one to sit around and wait to heal, but... Well, things were very different this battle, weren't they. So he decided to take he medics' advice, for Yuji's sake.
And he will desperately try to not. Sneak. A peek. At his incredibly muscular boyfriend. Nope. Respectful polite 1920s boys would do no such thing!
A deep sigh comes out of Raidou as he hits the water, probably something he'd been needing to let out for days now. He leans back, eyes closed, smiling.]
It always is, isn't it.
[Even more perfect when it gets to be the two of them her together. How did he get so lucky?]
[ Watching Raidou, Yuji can feel the spread of his smile before he can stop himself, a warm fondness that he can't fight back. He wants to reach out and tug him close, to kiss him again, but... They're in a hot spring.
They're a little naked.
Instead, he wiggles a little closer, reaching out to offer his hand, brushing his fingers against Raidou's under the water. ]
When I'm with you... [ Yuji pauses, considering.
What's the right word? He ruminates over it for a moment before... ]
You-- [He stops, and finally smiles, relaxing a bit more. For a moment, he almost questions it, but why? Why is it so hard to believe that someone would say something so sweet to him like that?]
You're too sweet.
[It's true. It drives him crazy, but in the best way.]
I... do too, with you. I...
[It's so hard for him, to talk about these things or even start a sentence with something like I feel to anyone. But if Yuji can, he wants to be able to do the same.]
I feel like... together, things will be okay. Things will be good.
[ That smile is what he wanted, and he can feel his expression softening, tenderness overtaking him briefly. There's something that prickles at his eyes, but he shakes it off.
After the horrors of going home so briefly, the nightmare of the mission... He sniffles a little. ]
I'm just honest. Nothing sweet about it.
[ Wiggling closer, he tilts his head up, leaning in to kiss Raidou. It's soft and sweet, just the gentlest press of their mouths together, unconcerned with how close he's getting now. He needs to kiss him, he just has to.
He can't stop himself. ]
We'll be okay, because we'll take care of each other. Even if we're a little dumb sometimes.
[ He rests his head on Raidou's face, sighing softly. ]
You... It's... [ He hums softly. ] I feel sad... So much of the time. But you make it feel as if I'll never be sad again.
Yuji... [The name barely makes it from his lips before Yuji kisses him, a soft noise coming from him when he does.
Those words are simultaneously so heartwarming and heartbreaking that he doesn't know what to say. The words are always the hardest part, or at least they are now. Touching like this, the kisses... Of course he felt safe with Yuji. He could never get this close with anyone if he didn't.
His hand takes Yuji's cheek, thumb gently caressing him.]
I want to do everything I can to make sure you're won't be.
[ Yuji leans into the touch, feeling a wave of emotion that he can't seem to swallow back.
When he had given Choso his tracker ring, he had shared his feelings with him, and it had been intense... Painful. Sickening. It had felt like someone had their hands around his throat and were just shaking the hurt inside of him, rattling him like a doll. But it had felt a little bit better, somehow, to share that grief.
Leaning in, he kisses Raidou another time, a little more desperate somehow. ]
You make me really - I'm happy. I don't think I deserve it, but I am.
[ Reaching, he squeezes the hand where their matching rings are. ]
[He's more than ready to kiss him back, despite where they are, despite how they could get caught at any moment.]
You deserve it as much as anyone does.
[And knowing he is part of that, the person who can make this broken boy feel more human again, gives him a reason to keep on going too.
That last phrase makes his breath catch in his throat for a moment, but he can't stay away any longer either. Raidou leans in to where their lips are just brushing one another before he whispers.]
[ Leaning in, Yuji kisses him again, soft and gentle, before he reaches down to activate the ring.
It's like there are layers to the feelings, different levels. Surface level is simple, easy: Yuji feels happy, contentment thrumming through him like sunlight on a summer's day, flickering through a half-open window. The warmth of it is the affection he feels for Raidou, the first hit of the rays in the morning, the first cool breath of winter air, refreshing and exciting.
There's so much more bubbling under the surface, though, and it comes in a wave, brushing against the edge of the beach that is Yuji's heart, dragging the happiness back with it into the depths of his heart.
Pain, hurt, grief, sadness, like a well with no bottom, endless and bleak.
A thunderstorm of emotion, snapping, lashing out like a chained beast, biting at the happiness to tear it away: rabid, feral, ripping, biting, jaw gnashing. When Yuji lets himself feel it, it comes hand in hand with a shuddering breath. The grief is Everest, Yuji stuck at the peak, shivering from the cold of it - so much death, so pain suffering, his joy and childhood ripped away from him and leaving him weak, sobbing, and when he reaches out all he can do is grip at Raidou's hand as he swallows the sudden lump in his throat.
It's too much - it's too much, and he forces himself to stop, reaching down to turn off the ring before he does something awful to Raidou just from him feeling his own hurt and sadness. ]
[Raidou knew it was going to be intense, but nothing could prepare him for that. When his own emotions were almost always so muted, sometimes incomprehensible, to feel a flood of an emotion so strongly like this is enough to cause him to gasp.
There's an undercurrent of familiarity to it though, those feelings of grief and failure that simmer under the surface of Raidou Kuzunoha that he can't understand himself. It sharpens his view on it, an understanding he didn't have of them before. Reminding him how those feelings haven't gone away just because he chooses not to acknowledge them.
The ring being turned off suddenly is as startling as it was being turned on, even though the whole ordeal only lasted a few seconds. In that time, Raidou's hand on Yuji's cheek moved to the space between his neck and shoulder, clutching him tightly, face pressed against the side of Yuji's. When it's over, he quickly brings his arms to move Yuji into a tight hug, not caring for a moment about their compromising position.
Yuji did trust him. He trusted him to feel this, to share it with him. No words come to him. He simply lets out a shuttering breath as he holds Yuji tightly.]
There's a reason he doesn't talk to people about how he feels, because it's too much. He's always felt things deeply - happiness, sadness, everything in between - but the last few weeks have been a level of rough and difficult that he hasn't been able to process. He still hasn't, not really, and he hasn't even begun to let himself think about the fact that Nanami has left, been sent back just to die.
If he thinks about that he'll tear himself apart.
Losing Nanami the first time had broken him, left him a sobbing mess on the floor, wanting to die - and he still feels that way, and Raidou would have felt it too, that desperation for it all to be over but not being able to do it just yet. Wishing he was dead, or he had been killed, for what he had done in Shibuya, what he had lost, the gut-wrenching pain of it all shredding what little hope for the future he still had. His role is to fight curses and there's one major one he still has to deal with, one that he can't die without defeating.
After that, though... His role will be done... He doesn't expect to survive the fight with Sukuna. He said as much: his role is to fight curses, save Megumi, and to die in that fight. He knows it. He's prepared, he's accepted it.
Taking a deep, pained breath, closer to a wheeze, Yuji blinks back his tears and wraps an arm around Raidou, only feeling a little regretful about sharing something so... Intense and personal. ]
... Sorry, Johei. I should've warned you a little more, it's...
[ He leans in, curling against his boyfriend. It was more intimate than just kissing him, but he's glad that he shut it off when he did. ]
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It's one of four Kuzunoha clan titles. We take on the names of founding members. I'm the fourteenth successor of Raidou. Nagi is recently the eighteenth successor to the Geirin name.
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[ Sometimes you're like Gojo-sensei and other times you're like Maki-senpai. The world is cruel. ]
No wonder it's such a special name to you.
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[He smiles wistfully. For whatever it's worth, now.
It takes a moment of consideration, but he decides to adds something else, while looking down at the cat enjoying its lavish attention.]
I didn't have a family name before that. Now I do.
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I think you deserve that. You worked hard and you earned it. You belong there.
[ Yuji reaches out to take his hand, careful and considerate. ]
I have the name ‘Itadori’, but I don’t really know what that means to me. I knew my grandpa, but my parents… I never saw them. I don’t know what happened to them either. So to me… Family is what I decide it is.
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Raidou thinks immediately of how when he arrived and he was asked what he wanted to have as his civilian name, he answered Narumi almost immediately.]
It's nice, isn't it. To have people in your life you can trust like that.
[Grinning just a little, he reaches with his other hand to scratch under the chin of the very content kitty.]
You might have picked up a new member right here.
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Yuji nods his head, smile soft as he looks at the cat. Is it so weird, to find so much happiness here? At home… Things were simply too awful to handle. He couldn’t do it, but he had to.
There was hope here. ]
Yeah. It’s really nice.
[ He just wishes more of them could’ve lived.
Petting the cat gently, he sighs. ]
Now I wanna take it home.
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[Raidou shares the same feeling. If he could have gotten away with it, he'd have a pet chimera right now at the base.
He gets up, and tugs Yuji's hand to follow.]
Come on. Let's walk the bike over to the onsen.
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[ Up they go, and Yuji takes the chance to steal a little kiss, just because he can.
He’s allowed to do that. They’re boyfriends. ]
Want me to carry it? If pushing it is hard.
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Mm...It's okay to push, really. Are you okay to do things like that though? How's your arm feeling?
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Yeah, my arm's fine! My cursed technique took care of most of it once the electricity had worn off.
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Once back, Yuji is free to push the bike I'd it wants, but Raidou's fine to do it. It's just a few minutes walk to the onsen. Even though it's been a month, the managers are glad to see them again. They're happy too to hear that they're here for lunch this time, too.
Raidou is pretty eager to get to the water, though. There was some lingering ache in his muscles from the fight that might honestly just be stress, though something like that wouldn't occur to him. What he does know is that some onsen time will help.]
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[ Yuji is quick to greet the owners, chattering away to them as if they're old friends and have known each other for years, babbling on before he remembers what they're here for and focuses. It's not long until he's paying for their lunch and stay - sorry, Raidou - and tugging his boyfriend to head towards the changing room.
Last time had been embarrassing, but they weren't boyfriends then... Maybe he won't blush so much this time... ]
Come on. You deserve to relax.
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Mm. You too.
[Raidou has been to onsens countless times, and never has an issue with it. He was practically require to attend them after long training sessions his whole life. But coming here again with Yuji... sure, it was his idea, but maybe he still is a little embarrassed? Maybe it was something else, something he can't quite put a finger on yet...
As much as he wants to protest Yuji paying for everything, he's not really in a position too. His new career choice doesn't exactly have him flush with cash. He'll start saving up for next time, though. Still, won't waste any time getting changed and heading out to the water though. It'll all be fine once sitting in the spring, right? The best way to forget all your troubles for a little while.]
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[ The stiffness is just the after-effects of healing, so there's not much he can do now other than rest it and give it time to settle back into the routine. The nanobots are going to help, if nothing else does, and 'taking it easy' isn't really in Yuji's vocabulary.
Yuji changes without any second glances this time, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of his boyfriend, sliding into the water with a pleased little sigh, stretching out and sinking as low as he can, chin floating just above the top. ]
This is perfect.
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And he will desperately try to not. Sneak. A peek. At his incredibly muscular boyfriend. Nope. Respectful polite 1920s boys would do no such thing!
A deep sigh comes out of Raidou as he hits the water, probably something he'd been needing to let out for days now. He leans back, eyes closed, smiling.]
It always is, isn't it.
[Even more perfect when it gets to be the two of them her together. How did he get so lucky?]
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They're a little naked.
Instead, he wiggles a little closer, reaching out to offer his hand, brushing his fingers against Raidou's under the water. ]
When I'm with you... [ Yuji pauses, considering.
What's the right word? He ruminates over it for a moment before... ]
... I feel really... Safe.
1/2 as he dies
Did he mean that? Did he, even after this last battle? He felt like he had been nothing but a burden for Yuji, something to cause him worry.]
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You're too sweet.
[It's true. It drives him crazy, but in the best way.]
I... do too, with you. I...
[It's so hard for him, to talk about these things or even start a sentence with something like I feel to anyone. But if Yuji can, he wants to be able to do the same.]
I feel like... together, things will be okay. Things will be good.
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After the horrors of going home so briefly, the nightmare of the mission... He sniffles a little. ]
I'm just honest. Nothing sweet about it.
[ Wiggling closer, he tilts his head up, leaning in to kiss Raidou. It's soft and sweet, just the gentlest press of their mouths together, unconcerned with how close he's getting now. He needs to kiss him, he just has to.
He can't stop himself. ]
We'll be okay, because we'll take care of each other. Even if we're a little dumb sometimes.
[ He rests his head on Raidou's face, sighing softly. ]
You... It's... [ He hums softly. ] I feel sad... So much of the time. But you make it feel as if I'll never be sad again.
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Those words are simultaneously so heartwarming and heartbreaking that he doesn't know what to say. The words are always the hardest part, or at least they are now. Touching like this, the kisses... Of course he felt safe with Yuji. He could never get this close with anyone if he didn't.
His hand takes Yuji's cheek, thumb gently caressing him.]
I want to do everything I can to make sure you're won't be.
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When he had given Choso his tracker ring, he had shared his feelings with him, and it had been intense... Painful. Sickening. It had felt like someone had their hands around his throat and were just shaking the hurt inside of him, rattling him like a doll. But it had felt a little bit better, somehow, to share that grief.
Leaning in, he kisses Raidou another time, a little more desperate somehow. ]
You make me really - I'm happy. I don't think I deserve it, but I am.
[ Reaching, he squeezes the hand where their matching rings are. ]
I... I could show you.
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You deserve it as much as anyone does.
[And knowing he is part of that, the person who can make this broken boy feel more human again, gives him a reason to keep on going too.
That last phrase makes his breath catch in his throat for a moment, but he can't stay away any longer either. Raidou leans in to where their lips are just brushing one another before he whispers.]
Please.
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[ Leaning in, Yuji kisses him again, soft and gentle, before he reaches down to activate the ring.
It's like there are layers to the feelings, different levels. Surface level is simple, easy: Yuji feels happy, contentment thrumming through him like sunlight on a summer's day, flickering through a half-open window. The warmth of it is the affection he feels for Raidou, the first hit of the rays in the morning, the first cool breath of winter air, refreshing and exciting.
There's so much more bubbling under the surface, though, and it comes in a wave, brushing against the edge of the beach that is Yuji's heart, dragging the happiness back with it into the depths of his heart.
Pain, hurt, grief, sadness, like a well with no bottom, endless and bleak.
A thunderstorm of emotion, snapping, lashing out like a chained beast, biting at the happiness to tear it away: rabid, feral, ripping, biting, jaw gnashing. When Yuji lets himself feel it, it comes hand in hand with a shuddering breath. The grief is Everest, Yuji stuck at the peak, shivering from the cold of it - so much death, so pain suffering, his joy and childhood ripped away from him and leaving him weak, sobbing, and when he reaches out all he can do is grip at Raidou's hand as he swallows the sudden lump in his throat.
It's too much - it's too much, and he forces himself to stop, reaching down to turn off the ring before he does something awful to Raidou just from him feeling his own hurt and sadness. ]
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There's an undercurrent of familiarity to it though, those feelings of grief and failure that simmer under the surface of Raidou Kuzunoha that he can't understand himself. It sharpens his view on it, an understanding he didn't have of them before. Reminding him how those feelings haven't gone away just because he chooses not to acknowledge them.
The ring being turned off suddenly is as startling as it was being turned on, even though the whole ordeal only lasted a few seconds. In that time, Raidou's hand on Yuji's cheek moved to the space between his neck and shoulder, clutching him tightly, face pressed against the side of Yuji's. When it's over, he quickly brings his arms to move Yuji into a tight hug, not caring for a moment about their compromising position.
Yuji did trust him. He trusted him to feel this, to share it with him. No words come to him. He simply lets out a shuttering breath as he holds Yuji tightly.]
cw: reference to suicide ideation
There's a reason he doesn't talk to people about how he feels, because it's too much. He's always felt things deeply - happiness, sadness, everything in between - but the last few weeks have been a level of rough and difficult that he hasn't been able to process. He still hasn't, not really, and he hasn't even begun to let himself think about the fact that Nanami has left, been sent back just to die.
If he thinks about that he'll tear himself apart.
Losing Nanami the first time had broken him, left him a sobbing mess on the floor, wanting to die - and he still feels that way, and Raidou would have felt it too, that desperation for it all to be over but not being able to do it just yet. Wishing he was dead, or he had been killed, for what he had done in Shibuya, what he had lost, the gut-wrenching pain of it all shredding what little hope for the future he still had. His role is to fight curses and there's one major one he still has to deal with, one that he can't die without defeating.
After that, though... His role will be done... He doesn't expect to survive the fight with Sukuna. He said as much: his role is to fight curses, save Megumi, and to die in that fight. He knows it. He's prepared, he's accepted it.
Taking a deep, pained breath, closer to a wheeze, Yuji blinks back his tears and wraps an arm around Raidou, only feeling a little regretful about sharing something so... Intense and personal. ]
... Sorry, Johei. I should've warned you a little more, it's...
[ He leans in, curling against his boyfriend. It was more intimate than just kissing him, but he's glad that he shut it off when he did. ]
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