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You and Wriothesley both, but he didn't want the title. I got something for you though...
[ hold on... she's taking out a little wooden crow, a bit shoddily made but definitely a try. putting it on his side. congratulations. ]
And you can if you want. My memory isn't the best of that night -- when I drink too much, I forget whatever happens after a point -- so I might not get all the names... I know I put you in my top five.
[ hold on... she's taking out a little wooden crow, a bit shoddily made but definitely a try. putting it on his side. congratulations. ]
And you can if you want. My memory isn't the best of that night -- when I drink too much, I forget whatever happens after a point -- so I might not get all the names... I know I put you in my top five.
( he lowers a hand clenched around a glass, and the surprise fades into a solemn stare. )
You're... I snap at you, tell you I cut my own friends down, and now you're presentin' me with a gift. What makes you think I deserve any of that? Is it 'cause I... told you all that stuff 'bout how I grew up? To the point you're willin' to risk a night out alone with me again?
( as if he's going to do anything, but. that one, honey-gold eye flits down and back. )
O-Or is this 'cause you... you like me, or somethin'?
( YOUR TOP FIVE? )
You're... I snap at you, tell you I cut my own friends down, and now you're presentin' me with a gift. What makes you think I deserve any of that? Is it 'cause I... told you all that stuff 'bout how I grew up? To the point you're willin' to risk a night out alone with me again?
( as if he's going to do anything, but. that one, honey-gold eye flits down and back. )
O-Or is this 'cause you... you like me, or somethin'?
( YOUR TOP FIVE? )
[ ... there is something about you brimstone men-- ]
Does it matter what you deserve if you want something? In general, not just... companionship or anything. I don't really deserve to live a life as freely as I do right now myself, but I want to, so I'm still gonna.
[ even if it nets her criticism. even if it only spills bad blood. it sucks, but she gets her boss now: she wants to live, even if others might not think she deserves to live how she'd like. ]
Secondly, yes. Do you think I shouldn't too?
[ you BRIMSTONE MEN......... ]
Does it matter what you deserve if you want something? In general, not just... companionship or anything. I don't really deserve to live a life as freely as I do right now myself, but I want to, so I'm still gonna.
[ even if it nets her criticism. even if it only spills bad blood. it sucks, but she gets her boss now: she wants to live, even if others might not think she deserves to live how she'd like. ]
Secondly, yes. Do you think I shouldn't too?
[ you BRIMSTONE MEN......... ]
( i know... i know. if you're out there vergilius... don't look at me. )
"Too"?
( and he listens, fitting his chin on a palm in a way that's a little sheepish. frustrated. )
You got a smarter head on your shoulders than I do. You, and March, just decidin' you want out of people and doing it. ... Anyway, feel how you want.
"Too"?
( and he listens, fitting his chin on a palm in a way that's a little sheepish. frustrated. )
You got a smarter head on your shoulders than I do. You, and March, just decidin' you want out of people and doing it. ... Anyway, feel how you want.
Vergilius is the same way. It's an uphill battle with your sort, but I do understand.
[ feel how she wants... she will. it's not like anyone can stop her, and she can't stop herself; she couldn't in any life she lived. ]
March and I are like that for different reasons, but they're sort of similar too, I guess... Neither of us are really good at letting things go. Or people. Hers is because of her memory, I think, but mine is just because...
... because I'm still trying to fill an emptiness inside of me, probably.
[ well. she can confess it to one person, maybe. drinking. ]
[ feel how she wants... she will. it's not like anyone can stop her, and she can't stop herself; she couldn't in any life she lived. ]
March and I are like that for different reasons, but they're sort of similar too, I guess... Neither of us are really good at letting things go. Or people. Hers is because of her memory, I think, but mine is just because...
... because I'm still trying to fill an emptiness inside of me, probably.
[ well. she can confess it to one person, maybe. drinking. ]
Vergilius?
( he makes a face, like dabbing citrus under a dog's nose. like he'd forget the name of a guy who put him in his place. )
I'm nothin' like that asshole.
( but also, wow. what is it with cute girls and dropping the weight of their burdens on him like this out of nowhere.
it works, though, because of course it does. )
... Look. I don't get what part 'a you you think is so empty. Not when you've been full of life since the moment we were handin' out chocolates together, just tryin' to get a straight answer out of me. Tryin' to keep me included, no matter how hard I pushed the door shut on ya.
( he lifts up the wooden crow, turning it over in a rough hand. )
And this, ... bird. Is a product of your hard work, yeah? So. I'll take it.
( he makes a face, like dabbing citrus under a dog's nose. like he'd forget the name of a guy who put him in his place. )
I'm nothin' like that asshole.
( but also, wow. what is it with cute girls and dropping the weight of their burdens on him like this out of nowhere.
it works, though, because of course it does. )
... Look. I don't get what part 'a you you think is so empty. Not when you've been full of life since the moment we were handin' out chocolates together, just tryin' to get a straight answer out of me. Tryin' to keep me included, no matter how hard I pushed the door shut on ya.
( he lifts up the wooden crow, turning it over in a rough hand. )
And this, ... bird. Is a product of your hard work, yeah? So. I'll take it.
[ ... wow. what a reaction. no, he definitely is like vergilius, this is a charm point too. a hefty charm point that makes her grin a little softer. ]
It is. Crows kind of remind me of you, and not just because their flocks are called murders.
[ haha, ]
I've read that they're really smart and clever, and they never forget who's kind to them and who isn't! They pay back both ways -- revenge and gifts, see. I don't know if you're like that, but it was the first animal I thought of.
... And thanks. For saying all that. You're a really sweet guy.
It is. Crows kind of remind me of you, and not just because their flocks are called murders.
[ haha, ]
I've read that they're really smart and clever, and they never forget who's kind to them and who isn't! They pay back both ways -- revenge and gifts, see. I don't know if you're like that, but it was the first animal I thought of.
... And thanks. For saying all that. You're a really sweet guy.
[He's still feeling like the idea of locking himself in the room for five million centuries, but sure. March said so. Even that Wrio fellow said so.]
[He needs to talk.]
[This has been one fucking sharknado of feelings in the last 48 hours, honestly.]
miss malkuth
can we talk
[He needs to talk.]
[This has been one fucking sharknado of feelings in the last 48 hours, honestly.]
miss malkuth
can we talk
[No, there's not a lot at all. He feels like he's gone into her room, made a mess, and now he's finally opened his eyes and seen what he's done.]
can i come over. in person
can i come over. in person
[ ...
in person?
she hesitates. gets up and gently sets the frame face down, then thinks better and puts it into a drawer. in person? ]
That's rare! Come on over, I'm just tidying up a bit.
[ her various projects lay across the floor, desk, and whatever space she can manage to put it; it's worse than when he'd last come by, hands restless for anything after...
... wings, this week has been something else. maybe she should actually tidy up. or maybe she can continue to cuddle her plushes. ]
in person?
she hesitates. gets up and gently sets the frame face down, then thinks better and puts it into a drawer. in person? ]
That's rare! Come on over, I'm just tidying up a bit.
[ her various projects lay across the floor, desk, and whatever space she can manage to put it; it's worse than when he'd last come by, hands restless for anything after...
... wings, this week has been something else. maybe she should actually tidy up. or maybe she can continue to cuddle her plushes. ]
[It is rare. He knows its rare. He would've never done this before.]
[He travels there, stands, and nods when he sees her as he opens the door.]
[He's expecting the worst. Everything is scattered. It is a mess. His sunken eyes travel around the papers, before fixing on her. They're as weak as candlelight in the darkness, like he's a lost soul trying to find something, anything in the woods.]
...Malkuth. Can we....sit?
[He travels there, stands, and nods when he sees her as he opens the door.]
[He's expecting the worst. Everything is scattered. It is a mess. His sunken eyes travel around the papers, before fixing on her. They're as weak as candlelight in the darkness, like he's a lost soul trying to find something, anything in the woods.]
...Malkuth. Can we....sit?
[ ...
he really doesn't look good, and malkuth's stomach drops. she'd know he would regret what he said to her while drunk, but-- still. sorry, he'd said. just like kaito had. it still burns at her. venting to ryoji hadn't solved it, complaining to march hadn't either. and that'd just been earlier, the evidence in her fingernails a new color. dusty rose with gold specks.
it reminds her of march, which she likes. ]
No, we're gonna stand.
[ she says, plopping down onto her bed and scooting back to lay among her stuffed animals again. a pat with her heel. sit. ]
Are you okay? You look more dead than usual.
he really doesn't look good, and malkuth's stomach drops. she'd know he would regret what he said to her while drunk, but-- still. sorry, he'd said. just like kaito had. it still burns at her. venting to ryoji hadn't solved it, complaining to march hadn't either. and that'd just been earlier, the evidence in her fingernails a new color. dusty rose with gold specks.
it reminds her of march, which she likes. ]
No, we're gonna stand.
[ she says, plopping down onto her bed and scooting back to lay among her stuffed animals again. a pat with her heel. sit. ]
Are you okay? You look more dead than usual.
...
[He sits down next to her, at her side. Even at his stature, he seems to be a man who crowds into himself. An irony for his profession, the big, bold killer, and yet he's more skeleton than human at times.]
[Vergilius heaves a sigh, a noted pause. Trying to put his words together. Finally saying them, in his characteristic whisper, meant for her.]
....I wanted to give my...sincere apologies.
[He's pausing again, eyebrows tilted with a pained expression. Her fingers are tinted gold. Those fingers once held his cheeks, caressed at his neck, and he misses them. But he can't focus on that right now.]
It's about what I said last night to you in that stupor. And I want to make it very clear that....I did truly mean most of it. But to say such things about...you not deserving me. I shouldn't have ever said that.
[Even though he still feels that way...March was right.]
[He shouldn't have taken that from her hands.]
I keep making choices. But they are...selfish choices. I think in those dark depths that I am saving you from me. In reality, I am....sunk into my own despair. I didn't see you. I didn't....hear you. I simply assumed for you.
[A shake of the head, and he's ready for the consequences. If there's anything he deserves, its Malkuth and her choice not to forgive him.]
I'm sorry for......saying sorry.
[He sits down next to her, at her side. Even at his stature, he seems to be a man who crowds into himself. An irony for his profession, the big, bold killer, and yet he's more skeleton than human at times.]
[Vergilius heaves a sigh, a noted pause. Trying to put his words together. Finally saying them, in his characteristic whisper, meant for her.]
....I wanted to give my...sincere apologies.
[He's pausing again, eyebrows tilted with a pained expression. Her fingers are tinted gold. Those fingers once held his cheeks, caressed at his neck, and he misses them. But he can't focus on that right now.]
It's about what I said last night to you in that stupor. And I want to make it very clear that....I did truly mean most of it. But to say such things about...you not deserving me. I shouldn't have ever said that.
[Even though he still feels that way...March was right.]
[He shouldn't have taken that from her hands.]
I keep making choices. But they are...selfish choices. I think in those dark depths that I am saving you from me. In reality, I am....sunk into my own despair. I didn't see you. I didn't....hear you. I simply assumed for you.
[A shake of the head, and he's ready for the consequences. If there's anything he deserves, its Malkuth and her choice not to forgive him.]
I'm sorry for......saying sorry.
[ she watches him as he talks. the way he holds himself, just out of reach despite being close enough to catch, how he seems in pain to be speaking about it.
most of it, covering what? that she's like a light in the sky? that she's wonderful? irresistible? her cheeks warm, remembering the sloppy words she'd reread over and over again, her mood always dipping at the same points. it dips now too, chewing on her lip as she sinks more into her plushies.
... what does she even say? well, at least one part is easy. ]
You're forgiven. I appreciate you trying to think of me, but... you're right. You did assume for me.
[ even if it's hard to work out what she wants. from him, with him, from kaito, with kaito. with her coworkers, who she...
... has assumed for as well, with her selfish choices, and her hands worry the blanket like they'd done the last time he visited. was she in the wrong? no, it's what's best. it's genuinely what is best for them. that's different than this.
malkuth puts it from mind. it's different. ]
I said it didn't need to be anything serious, didn't I? That goes for your worries too. I like being around you, and I like the way you talk about me. I want to hear the words you wrote. The ones you meant. I keep rereading them, but I can't quite get the way you'd say them right.
[ in that whisper, meant just for her. she doesn't want to ask if he wants it to be something serious, because she isn't sure herself. she's stepping on unknown territory with that -- she hasn't even gazed out at it yet. it's too much. ]
most of it, covering what? that she's like a light in the sky? that she's wonderful? irresistible? her cheeks warm, remembering the sloppy words she'd reread over and over again, her mood always dipping at the same points. it dips now too, chewing on her lip as she sinks more into her plushies.
... what does she even say? well, at least one part is easy. ]
You're forgiven. I appreciate you trying to think of me, but... you're right. You did assume for me.
[ even if it's hard to work out what she wants. from him, with him, from kaito, with kaito. with her coworkers, who she...
... has assumed for as well, with her selfish choices, and her hands worry the blanket like they'd done the last time he visited. was she in the wrong? no, it's what's best. it's genuinely what is best for them. that's different than this.
malkuth puts it from mind. it's different. ]
I said it didn't need to be anything serious, didn't I? That goes for your worries too. I like being around you, and I like the way you talk about me. I want to hear the words you wrote. The ones you meant. I keep rereading them, but I can't quite get the way you'd say them right.
[ in that whisper, meant just for her. she doesn't want to ask if he wants it to be something serious, because she isn't sure herself. she's stepping on unknown territory with that -- she hasn't even gazed out at it yet. it's too much. ]
[He lets out a little breath out his nose he didn't know he was holding. He is forgiven.]
[How nice. How nice that is.]
[And even nicer, when she continues to speak. I like being around you, and I like the way you talk about me.]
[I want to hear the words you wrote.]
[Ah, a request. He can grant her this much, after this sorrow he has caused.]
[He thinks about it for a long moment. Those words, spilling from brain to arm and finger as he typed away, blurry-eyed, but sincere. Like a poet who found a muse, his mind aflame of the possibilities.]
[His scarred hand reaches out, slowly but surely. A determined path, as it grasps one of her delicate hands to start pulling towards him.]
For one, I'd absolutely be unprofessional.
[He moves it upward - like that moment on the battlefield, where he couldn't help himself - her fingertips meet his sallow cheek.]
The kind of stuff I would set one's own heart on fire for.
[He leans into that palm, his heart beating furtively in his chest, tell-tale.]
The stars are nice. This looks very good, I think. The color matches my eyes. [...] Wonderful. Wonderful. Like a light in the sky, and here I am in the darkness.
[Bold. This may be too bold. He should ask her, first. But even if he hates himself for it...it's freeing, isn't it? Instead of falling back on his own self-hating nature, to simply think:]
[I want to grant what she wants.]
[He turns his head, lips brushing against her palm.]
Miss Weiss. You're too....irresistible.
[How nice. How nice that is.]
[And even nicer, when she continues to speak. I like being around you, and I like the way you talk about me.]
[I want to hear the words you wrote.]
[Ah, a request. He can grant her this much, after this sorrow he has caused.]
[He thinks about it for a long moment. Those words, spilling from brain to arm and finger as he typed away, blurry-eyed, but sincere. Like a poet who found a muse, his mind aflame of the possibilities.]
[His scarred hand reaches out, slowly but surely. A determined path, as it grasps one of her delicate hands to start pulling towards him.]
For one, I'd absolutely be unprofessional.
[He moves it upward - like that moment on the battlefield, where he couldn't help himself - her fingertips meet his sallow cheek.]
The kind of stuff I would set one's own heart on fire for.
[He leans into that palm, his heart beating furtively in his chest, tell-tale.]
The stars are nice. This looks very good, I think. The color matches my eyes. [...] Wonderful. Wonderful. Like a light in the sky, and here I am in the darkness.
[Bold. This may be too bold. He should ask her, first. But even if he hates himself for it...it's freeing, isn't it? Instead of falling back on his own self-hating nature, to simply think:]
[I want to grant what she wants.]
[He turns his head, lips brushing against her palm.]
Miss Weiss. You're too....irresistible.
[ the moment vergilius's hand touches her, even before he draws it to him, she knows she's made a mistake in asking him.
a pleasant mistake, but a mistake; her heart mimics his, pulse quick at her wrist as if her flushed cheeks weren't betrayal enough. despite her best efforts she smiles wider as he speaks, a poet in motion, and inhales as lips brush her palm, fingers flexing unconsciously.
oh, what a mistake. to let the wolf in. nothing makes it more clear now than the way her throat tightens in protest of her desire to say anything, thumb catching his high cheekbone as she swallows. ]
... And yet you've walked right in, [ she finally whispers, the loudest she can go, as if anything louder would startle him.
startle her. she's irresistible? when he's cradled in her hand like that, taunting her with a kiss so far off? malkuth's exhale is slow; she can't run, he's caught her. ] I can't believe you remember all of that.
[ she can, though. if he read it as much as she had, be it because of regret or to relish the replies he'd received. ]
a pleasant mistake, but a mistake; her heart mimics his, pulse quick at her wrist as if her flushed cheeks weren't betrayal enough. despite her best efforts she smiles wider as he speaks, a poet in motion, and inhales as lips brush her palm, fingers flexing unconsciously.
oh, what a mistake. to let the wolf in. nothing makes it more clear now than the way her throat tightens in protest of her desire to say anything, thumb catching his high cheekbone as she swallows. ]
... And yet you've walked right in, [ she finally whispers, the loudest she can go, as if anything louder would startle him.
startle her. she's irresistible? when he's cradled in her hand like that, taunting her with a kiss so far off? malkuth's exhale is slow; she can't run, he's caught her. ] I can't believe you remember all of that.
[ she can, though. if he read it as much as she had, be it because of regret or to relish the replies he'd received. ]
I have.
[And that's his true nature, under the surface, he thinks. Even that voice, like cherry syrup, had been so sickeningly sweet as to remind him: under his self-destruction, his desire for penance, there was another dream, wasn't there? Even a variation of sorts, ready to tear the world down with his bloody hands.]
[Selflessly selfish, to the extremes.]
[Her whisper makes his eyes flicker - stronger now, no longer as lost as he thinks. He wants to keep her as an anchor, his lighthouse at sea.]
[...Ah, of course, though. Her heart may belong to another. He thinks of Kaito, and his heart genuinely hurts at the thought. Perhaps the wolf should be shunned, here. The starving beast should be beaten back for its greediness.]
[Even so, he nods at her question, almost speaking into her warm palm.]
I read it many times. I wanted to cast your answers in my gaze, regardless of my own responses. The picture...was a nice touch. I miss the red.
[It was a very, very nice touch. He appreciates the trap.]
[Another gentle resting of his lips against her fingers, his eyes fixed on her face. He asks a question, awaiting the answer with baited breath.]
Do you...want this, Miss Malkuth?
[The unspoken question. Despite all that I am, do you want me?]
[And that's his true nature, under the surface, he thinks. Even that voice, like cherry syrup, had been so sickeningly sweet as to remind him: under his self-destruction, his desire for penance, there was another dream, wasn't there? Even a variation of sorts, ready to tear the world down with his bloody hands.]
[Selflessly selfish, to the extremes.]
[Her whisper makes his eyes flicker - stronger now, no longer as lost as he thinks. He wants to keep her as an anchor, his lighthouse at sea.]
[...Ah, of course, though. Her heart may belong to another. He thinks of Kaito, and his heart genuinely hurts at the thought. Perhaps the wolf should be shunned, here. The starving beast should be beaten back for its greediness.]
[Even so, he nods at her question, almost speaking into her warm palm.]
I read it many times. I wanted to cast your answers in my gaze, regardless of my own responses. The picture...was a nice touch. I miss the red.
[It was a very, very nice touch. He appreciates the trap.]
[Another gentle resting of his lips against her fingers, his eyes fixed on her face. He asks a question, awaiting the answer with baited breath.]
Do you...want this, Miss Malkuth?
[The unspoken question. Despite all that I am, do you want me?]
[ a nice touch, he says.
he misses the red.
she thinks she'll have to get them repainted again, so soon after march had done her magic in soothing, in distracting, in easing her as she always does. as she always manages.
vergilius is teasing her. she thinks he is, anyway, unable to look away from his eyes and gentle brushing his lips with her fingers in response.
no, that's not enough of a response. ]
You make me so nervous.
[ but it's not in a bad way, she wants to emphasize. sits up more, slowly drawing herself to him. don't leave. don't look away. her other hand clenches the blanket, excited and scared at the same time for what this might be, heart thumping loudly in her ears.
you don't have do anything, march had said. does this count? ]
Do you?
[ want this, want her, despite all that she is. ]
he misses the red.
she thinks she'll have to get them repainted again, so soon after march had done her magic in soothing, in distracting, in easing her as she always does. as she always manages.
vergilius is teasing her. she thinks he is, anyway, unable to look away from his eyes and gentle brushing his lips with her fingers in response.
no, that's not enough of a response. ]
You make me so nervous.
[ but it's not in a bad way, she wants to emphasize. sits up more, slowly drawing herself to him. don't leave. don't look away. her other hand clenches the blanket, excited and scared at the same time for what this might be, heart thumping loudly in her ears.
you don't have do anything, march had said. does this count? ]
Do you?
[ want this, want her, despite all that she is. ]
[ another day, another... day. they still aren't out of the woods with their respective Issues, but the weather is nice and malkuth wants to spend time with them both.
nevermind that march said she wanted to beat kaito up. it's fine. it's fine! she's holding both of their hands, though only march gets the interlocking fingers today, swinging them both as she takes them along. yup. her best friends. three platonic best friends, right here. that is not a true statement in the least but she can pretend it is, since she's absolutely not saying anything more than what she wrote him.
...
nonetheless!!! they're getting a table at a sweets cafe for their tea party, malkuth isn't letting kaito cook while he's a hazard to forget what he's doing, even as it eases back to normalcy as the days pass. there will be more days for tea parties. she knows it.
today is a relaxing day. she's even wearing a dress befitting a tea party, as march claimed. and yellow headband with a bow atop it to match. ]
The menu's a lot bigger than I thought... Let's get one of everything.
[ they should not get one of everything. ]
nevermind that march said she wanted to beat kaito up. it's fine. it's fine! she's holding both of their hands, though only march gets the interlocking fingers today, swinging them both as she takes them along. yup. her best friends. three platonic best friends, right here. that is not a true statement in the least but she can pretend it is, since she's absolutely not saying anything more than what she wrote him.
...
nonetheless!!! they're getting a table at a sweets cafe for their tea party, malkuth isn't letting kaito cook while he's a hazard to forget what he's doing, even as it eases back to normalcy as the days pass. there will be more days for tea parties. she knows it.
today is a relaxing day. she's even wearing a dress befitting a tea party, as march claimed. and yellow headband with a bow atop it to match. ]
The menu's a lot bigger than I thought... Let's get one of everything.
[ they should not get one of everything. ]
[ Today's self-designsted third wheel is on auto pilot.
From the unassuming blazer to the way he moreso allows himself to be dragged rather than keeps up with the others, Kaito could probably stand to show a little more enthusiasm coming in.
Well, maybe not. His sleeves are rolled up and his scars are earning him more than a few gawks as he's strolled down the street with the girls. Anyone besides them who looks him in the eye is getting his best Vergilius impression—and he's an ex-delinquent. It's pretty spot-on.
Kaito doesn't want to be here today. Or, more precisely, he isn't ready to be here today. He's got Malkuth's notebook tucked under his arm and heavy bags tucked under his eyes. But he's here. He said he'd be here. He just figured it would be after his memory stabilized.
Once they arrive, Kaito snags the seat closest to the door. He opens the menu for all of five seconds before shifting to scribble in the notepad. ]
Sure. One of everything sounds fine, [ he murmurs, distant. ]
From the unassuming blazer to the way he moreso allows himself to be dragged rather than keeps up with the others, Kaito could probably stand to show a little more enthusiasm coming in.
Well, maybe not. His sleeves are rolled up and his scars are earning him more than a few gawks as he's strolled down the street with the girls. Anyone besides them who looks him in the eye is getting his best Vergilius impression—and he's an ex-delinquent. It's pretty spot-on.
Kaito doesn't want to be here today. Or, more precisely, he isn't ready to be here today. He's got Malkuth's notebook tucked under his arm and heavy bags tucked under his eyes. But he's here. He said he'd be here. He just figured it would be after his memory stabilized.
Once they arrive, Kaito snags the seat closest to the door. He opens the menu for all of five seconds before shifting to scribble in the notepad. ]
Sure. One of everything sounds fine, [ he murmurs, distant. ]
Do I?
[He naturally would assume in a bad way. It must be an instinctual response for most at this point. The Red Gaze, more phenomenon than man. A force not to be trifled with. But Malkuth, well, Malkuth has always looked into his eyes.]
[When a monster becomes a man in someone's eyes is when they're at their weakest, he thinks. Not that's in a bad way.]
[She pulls up more, and his eyebrows tilt. She didn't exactly answer the question. But she's not pulling away - is that enough? He doesn't know. But when she puts the question right back to him, those same eyebrows knit together.]
[He wants to say so much, like kneejerk reflexes.]
[I'm someone who should be punished for his sins.]
[In the end, I'll lose you. I will always lose that what I love.]
[Kaito wants you. Is this not also unfair to him?]
[I am too selfish. What a wretched soul I am.]
[But as much as he wants to say it all, he makes a conscious effort to pull it back. These layers of excuses, like dried blood. He can't make the same mistake as before. He beats them down like he would the monsters of the City, in waves - because as much as he's seen things now from a new perspective, it's hard. It's the hardest thing in the world. He's been in the pit for so long that he convinced himself that's how it always was, and always should be.]
[But for her, he has to try. He has to wash to the core of it all, and offer it to her with a shaking hand. Even if it may kill him to do it.]
[His voice cracks. He focuses on this warmth against his face, and relaxes into it, his own heart fluttering like a restless, needy thing.]
Yes. [He's quiet, so quiet.] I want you, Malkuth.
[He naturally would assume in a bad way. It must be an instinctual response for most at this point. The Red Gaze, more phenomenon than man. A force not to be trifled with. But Malkuth, well, Malkuth has always looked into his eyes.]
[When a monster becomes a man in someone's eyes is when they're at their weakest, he thinks. Not that's in a bad way.]
[She pulls up more, and his eyebrows tilt. She didn't exactly answer the question. But she's not pulling away - is that enough? He doesn't know. But when she puts the question right back to him, those same eyebrows knit together.]
[He wants to say so much, like kneejerk reflexes.]
[I'm someone who should be punished for his sins.]
[In the end, I'll lose you. I will always lose that what I love.]
[Kaito wants you. Is this not also unfair to him?]
[I am too selfish. What a wretched soul I am.]
[But as much as he wants to say it all, he makes a conscious effort to pull it back. These layers of excuses, like dried blood. He can't make the same mistake as before. He beats them down like he would the monsters of the City, in waves - because as much as he's seen things now from a new perspective, it's hard. It's the hardest thing in the world. He's been in the pit for so long that he convinced himself that's how it always was, and always should be.]
[But for her, he has to try. He has to wash to the core of it all, and offer it to her with a shaking hand. Even if it may kill him to do it.]
[His voice cracks. He focuses on this warmth against his face, and relaxes into it, his own heart fluttering like a restless, needy thing.]
Yes. [He's quiet, so quiet.] I want you, Malkuth.
[ March opted for red and white today, fingers interlocked with Malkuth's and occasionally swinging forward to get a glimpse of Kaito. Who she supposes she should not beat up, because he's not Fully Okay right now and because Malkuth has the matter in hand probably, but this really is not a case of three platonic buddies when she's Aware of what's going on between the two of them.
Ah, well. Friendship is friendship otherwise, and right now, she's going to have to be the one who shakes her head at the both of them after she's perused the menu for a lot longer than five seconds. ]
Let's not? We could get the afternoon tea set and go from there first.
Ah, well. Friendship is friendship otherwise, and right now, she's going to have to be the one who shakes her head at the both of them after she's perused the menu for a lot longer than five seconds. ]
Let's not? We could get the afternoon tea set and go from there first.
[ it runs a shiver through her, i want you, malkuth, and her voice dries up like the poorly maintained well it is. want? she is? she's wanted? irresistible, he'd called her, and it was a word that'd stuck with her, one she didn't believe a bit.
her? plain old, ordinary malkuth? who, for three lives and counting, was lucky to have a single glance thrown her way? who worked so hard and died for it in her first, who managed to have it on her only once he'd forgotten the woman he loved, who would never again have it in her third?
she thinks of the framed picture in her desk.
her? ]
... I...
[ it's a little choked out, voice wavering and uncertain, but not for the reasons he'd assume at kneejerk.
her? ]
I've never... once... [ not like that,
not like this, hand feeling like a burning shackle against her skin, one she isn't sure if she wants to pull away from from how much this suddenly is for her, thinking of how much kaito's words had been for her, spilled out like a dam unable to control its water any further, and at least this one she could've seen coming. (she should have seen that coming too, and yet it'd blindsided her more than it had march.)
right? she thought she could. irresistible? anyone could have been, if they'd been kind to the old guide. if they'd reached out like she did, dared to touch. her heart beats so hard it aches.
... her? ]
Vergilius, no one's... I'm not...
[ the words are lost, inappropriate and wanting to draw away, but wanting to be close too. for all she'd scolded and scruffed him about it, malkuth's no different; there's so much red on her hands, the color of his eyes and his name and the way he relaxes into her makes her cheeks the same, her neck and ears and shoulders, if she were to show them, all deepening and flushed, but she's the same, she is.
malkuth wants to snap back like a rubberband, the way she had with kaito. but that had hurt him. she doesn't want to hurt anyone like that again. but to have the feelings put out there like that, again and again, face to face, without the safety of text between them, without the barrier of drinks or a memory soon to go, without the fallback of it being in her control
her breath comes out shaky and she unclenches her other hand, bringing it, shaking, to his face, to rest there. her eyes, alight with pain and relief and happiness taking shuffled turns, remain in his. ]
Thank you. [ she feels like a child, in a way. scared. small. relinquishing something into the care of another, if temporarily. ] Yes. I do. Be easy with me, okay? I've never... done anything like this before.
[ whatever this is. she doesn't remember, but she's kissed before. but it won't be... ]
her? plain old, ordinary malkuth? who, for three lives and counting, was lucky to have a single glance thrown her way? who worked so hard and died for it in her first, who managed to have it on her only once he'd forgotten the woman he loved, who would never again have it in her third?
she thinks of the framed picture in her desk.
her? ]
... I...
[ it's a little choked out, voice wavering and uncertain, but not for the reasons he'd assume at kneejerk.
her? ]
I've never... once... [ not like that,
not like this, hand feeling like a burning shackle against her skin, one she isn't sure if she wants to pull away from from how much this suddenly is for her, thinking of how much kaito's words had been for her, spilled out like a dam unable to control its water any further, and at least this one she could've seen coming. (she should have seen that coming too, and yet it'd blindsided her more than it had march.)
right? she thought she could. irresistible? anyone could have been, if they'd been kind to the old guide. if they'd reached out like she did, dared to touch. her heart beats so hard it aches.
... her? ]
Vergilius, no one's... I'm not...
[ the words are lost, inappropriate and wanting to draw away, but wanting to be close too. for all she'd scolded and scruffed him about it, malkuth's no different; there's so much red on her hands, the color of his eyes and his name and the way he relaxes into her makes her cheeks the same, her neck and ears and shoulders, if she were to show them, all deepening and flushed, but she's the same, she is.
malkuth wants to snap back like a rubberband, the way she had with kaito. but that had hurt him. she doesn't want to hurt anyone like that again. but to have the feelings put out there like that, again and again, face to face, without the safety of text between them, without the barrier of drinks or a memory soon to go, without the fallback of it being in her control
her breath comes out shaky and she unclenches her other hand, bringing it, shaking, to his face, to rest there. her eyes, alight with pain and relief and happiness taking shuffled turns, remain in his. ]
Thank you. [ she feels like a child, in a way. scared. small. relinquishing something into the care of another, if temporarily. ] Yes. I do. Be easy with me, okay? I've never... done anything like this before.
[ whatever this is. she doesn't remember, but she's kissed before. but it won't be... ]
It's two against one, Marmar.
[ ... even if one is just sort of going along with it. this is an abuse of circumstance. ]
But I guess we should have a reason to come back... Let's get their seasonal too, that sounds delicious. And it's going out soon.
[ malkuth glances up at kaito for a moment, then scoots her chair closer to him to knock her foot against his. she's sorry. impatient and sorry. it's supposed to cheer him a little, she's hoping this gets across. ]
[ ... even if one is just sort of going along with it. this is an abuse of circumstance. ]
But I guess we should have a reason to come back... Let's get their seasonal too, that sounds delicious. And it's going out soon.
[ malkuth glances up at kaito for a moment, then scoots her chair closer to him to knock her foot against his. she's sorry. impatient and sorry. it's supposed to cheer him a little, she's hoping this gets across. ]
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