synflux | [open/closed] i must be the only one to dance this beautiful dance

Entry tags:

limbus company: rodion

[open/closed] i must be the only one to dance this beautiful dance

WHO: Rodion & Friends
WHAT: Catchall for May + June
WHERE: Various locations
WHEN: May & June (from TDM#4 prompts to up to end of June)
WARNINGS: various warnings due to June Event; threads/top levels will be marked accordingly

[OOC Note: If you would like to have a closed thread or something else in here, please contact me and we can set something up!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey, you helped me out when I was in rough moments. It's only fair we pay each other back, right?

[It's true, they were both a mess during the ocean gem incident and Yuwon was her support during the last kaiju fight. Even when things felt rough on her mind, she kept going as she didn't want to corrode or fall apart in front of Yuwon. It was very tempting to get in to losing control and hopefully get a high kaiju kill count during the madness, but there is also the risk of hurting Yuwon himself or someone else. ]

Plus... I am not going to leave you struggling. That's that. [She would say that she liked him enough to not leave him like this, but she couldn't decide on her words in time as they walk towards the Revelation wing so she can get Yuwon to rest. At least it's not too far away from their current spot so it shouldn't take them too long.]

If I was in your position, I would feel the same way...

[ her words make complete sense theoretically. it's a principle he personally follows, and yet, it feels a bit unfamiliar when he hears it just like this. in this format, and spoken by rodya. it's true that he's always made favors or people, but it's also true at some point between them, he may have lost the actual metaphorical tallies set between them.

is this truly just paying someone back? can he really afford to accept it, and yet he hasn't shown even a hint of denial. instead, he mutters a small: ] You're surprisingly stubborn. But, thanks. [ he follows her step for step, the only way he actually knows he's actually making progress is that he hears the sounds of both their feet shuffling closer to the door, and the contact of the ground in gradual succession.

when he feels they're close to the door, he reaches to unlock it, or he's clearly trying to. but with how hard he's deciding whether to push or pull it, it looks like he might actually break it soon. help... you are amazing... ]

Like you can talk! You would push through it and it would probably take you hours if nobody was around to help you.

[Yuwon, have you seen yourself in the mirror sometimes... At least stubborn isn't exactly a fully negative trait. Those type of people are persistant, an object that keeps moving even if it's in front of something that is impossible to move. They will push through the challenges even at the cost of their well being.

They made it yet Yuwon is literally about to break the door down so she sighs as she tries to help him push. The door to Yuwon's room now joins the stubborn club.]

Come on-

[Man they are really leaning and pushing against this door, surely nothing bad will happen like it swinging open so quickly and they crash into the room. Surely!!!]

Edited 2024-05-04 17:37 (UTC)

[ not this reciprocal callout?? but, he opens his mouth momentarily, as if a rebuttal was on the top of his tongue, except everything she says is correct. the only thing he wants to correct is the amount of time (lol), but thankfully he keeps his mouth shut for once. instead, just dragging out a long sigh, clearly not agreeing, but not disagreeing with her statement, either. maybe it's because of this brief stint of deliberation that his attention gets temporarily derailed. hence—

when he feels the door give in beneath his palms, the shift and weight he places on his feet end up maladjusted. with his center of gravity pulled, he ends up falling straight forward with rodya in tow (?). despite the dizziness of all the movement, he grabs her arm, if just to ensure he falls beneath her.

the ground is hard, but not exactly the worst place to land, especially as the door ends up closing right behind them. he makes no movements to actually pick himself off the ground, instead just choosing to lay there. after a second, he asks. ] Are you okay?

[Today, gravity claimed two new victims...

Okay, they are thankfully not dead because that would be a stupid way to die and she would be pissed over it, but the door giving away and both of them falling into his room was something she did not expect at all. It could have been worse, even when Yuwon moved to make sure she had a barrier between her and the floor. It was too late before she had a chance to react as it all went too fast.

If Yuwon was able to hear it, there was a sound of tearing happening. The sound of fabric ripping, the nanobots that created the maid dress must also had a freak out and it created a large slit on the side of the black dress of her uniform. It also gives away with a tease that there is some nice black, thigh-high stockings on her legs. Thank the mastermind behind the maid dresses to get every detail right.]

Ugh... I'm fine. [No major injuries, only a little soreness. Like Yuwon, she doesn't get up right away, but she does move her head upwards to get a look at him.]

You okay down there?

Edited 2024-05-04 22:05 (UTC)

[ the sound of something tearing was palpable even amongst this exchange, and he naturally feels the tiniest semblance of ... not exactly remorse, but curiosity of wondering if that had more to do with his own misstep. though, he supposed considering that his sudden bout of vertigo is what paved the way to their current circumstance, he supposes, it might be his bad either way.

his self-awareness aside, when she says she's fine, he's a bit relived, his hand coming up to try and get up, but it ends up being placed on her thigh. he seems to catch himself as he moves his hand away slightly, his eyes trailing to look up towards her. with his eyes now open, he looks towards her, staring into her eyes momentarily—

all three of them. ]

Sorry. [ he tries to brush it off. is he apologizing for touching her or for their current circumstances. but he flexes his fingers a bit, before answering her. ] I'm alright. [ oddly enough, now that he's laying down, he does feel a bit better. no dry heaving here at least. of course his senses would gradually return to him at a time like this. ]

[The hand on her thigh was a bit of a surprise, but it wasn't bad. Maybe it's because that it's someone that she is comfortable with being the one to touch her and a feeling in her heart swells within it's frozen walls. She had some moments in the past where she let hands on her body in order to get distracted from her personal struggles and the world around her. It's like a craving. An yearning for something that she feels undeserving for due to her personal burdens. It feels amplified because... It's Yuwon? (uhoh.png)

Even when they feel undeserving, unworthy for such things... People will continue to desire. Dream, yearn, any word that can describe pining-]

No, no- [She sits herself up right on Yuwon's lap and as she keeps eye contact on him, Rodya reaches for the hand that touched her thigh and takes it into her own, her thumb stroking the top of his hand. Her expression is calm even if her heart feels like it got vertigo too.] It's fine. It doesn't bother me or anything.

[She should get off of him, but the thought doesn't cross her mind. Also healing touch is still a thing and can be more effective right now since they are like this.. ]

[ the way she denies his apology (however, lightly it was stated) surprises him. the contact of skin was different than he expects. or rather, elicits a brief spark of something he doesn't entirely anticipate. he feels a warmth in his hands, and as accidental as it was, it feels nice for the touch to be validated by her words and by her return of a gesture. the way she takes his hand in hers also has his pausing.

to be honest, while his eyes made it easy to determine what's a lie and what's the truth, it didn't give him any insight into actual feelings. he has no idea what she's thinking as she holds his hand, but he also finds that he ins't intrinsically suspicious of this for once, either. just comfortable. he stays like this, giving her hand a small squeeze back.

maybe in the intensity of the moment, he forgets that she even has the healing touch. gradually he feels the sickness in his chest seem to lighten. but, is it her or her ability? for a moment, he also doesn't think to speak, or more like he loses the right timing to in all of this. quietly he reaches towards her other hand but stops himself. ] Not that I mind, [ he also clarifies, not wanting to be misunderstood. ] but I should help you up. [ is he going to try and lift rodya up like this...

maybe. ]

[There are no lies in her last words. Perhaps because of Yuwon's ability, her mind trained itself to avoid speaking lies to him without her realizing it. Use silence instead of speaking a lie, but that doesn't mean it can still happen. It goes back to the stubbornness of herself. One example is telling her co-workers that she is okay after a rough fight. She might whine on minor aches and pains, but anything deeper she will keep it to herself. She can handle another burden to her back, no matter how long it lasts or how heavy it is.

Yuwon's hands are warm and she almost tried to grab the other one before Yuwon stopped himself in motion so she stops herself in time.]

Well, it's not the first time you picked me up in your arms and I am okay with it, but are you sure? Are you feeling okay enough?

[She isn't going to stop him, but she does pull the hand in her own closer to herself and in another gamble of this relationship (whatever stage it is right now) and her emotions, she places her cheek into Yuwon's open palm and holds it there. A soft sigh as she closes her eyes, she is kind of taking in how warm Yuwon is and how her yearning puts a little fear in her because she could lose this at any second now and she could never get it back.]

If you want me to move, I can. Just... Give me a moment.

[To let her breathe while the ice inside of her has soften.]

[ whether she knows it not, he appreciates the honesty she gives him. while it's true that with his eyes, he'd be able to determine the truth right away (granted, it hasn't always yielded success here), after a while, he's simply learned to determine the truth on his own. or rather, he felt he trusted her enough to at least believe she would never conceal information from him maliciously. it's a contrast to all the people in the past who had approached him with ulterior motives.

even now, he believes in the idea that she isn't uncomfortable. he's not exactly shy, but his touch carries a certain level of reservation. as if unsure of how to proceed. that is, until she places her cheek into his palm. in his initial disorientation, he isn't sure where this came from. he almost feels like he skipped over where it happened. he keeps his hands potion, his thumb stroking her cheek. he remains like that for a moment. it's unclear if it's the sickness or something else entirely. after a while, his other hand moves towards her waist, his hand rests there for a second, before he regains his bearings. ] I'm sure. I'm pretty unlikely to change my mind once it's set. [ at least without proper cause, but she probably knew that. ]

No. [ it's a bit firmer than he expects, almost as if he didn't want her to. ]

I don't. [ ...

eventually, he shifts his upper body up, his hand drifting down to wrap around her. he pulls her close to him almost as if he were embracing her. it's unclear if it's a natural motion from him sitting up. he holds her there for a few moments, as if concealing his own expression and thoughts in the gesture.

while most may have thought of something intimate, yuwon isn't sure what he's thinking. just that it's a feeling unlike any other he's experienced, and so he doesn't let go. he does wonder if it's because they've had contact like this before between them... but it makes him feel a bit like back then. ]

We really do have a lot in common, huh?

[Her eyes widen on getting embraced as soon as he sat up. It felt like a heavy force broke through several layers of the walls of her heart now that she has soften them. Other parts of her soul are probably screaming at her for letting such a thing happen, but...

She slowly leans forward to bury her face into the front of his shoulder, hiding her face in case an expression she doesn't normally show starts to grow on her face. Her hands slowly move to grab his shoulders, a light grip digging into the fabric.]

Mm... You're warm.

[That's all she can get out of her right now in terms of words. She doesn't really know what to do and she shouldn't submit into emotional cravings like this, but she's going to hurt way more in the far future. What is one more burden added to the pile? Not that Yuwon is a burden or anything, he is far from such a thing. It's only her heart being cruel that she shouldn't have these moments and she's only signing herself up for more pain when something gets ruined between them or he disappears from this world, back to his tower.]

[ it's a motion he isn't accustomed to in the least and even now he isn't sure why he commits to it. he doesn't pull away even as she grips further into him. or rather, the thought doesn't even penetrate his usual line of thinking. normally, he tended to cut his actions short. almost as if he were always in a rush, being chased by something entirely invisible and metaphorical. for once, he remains fixed and despite how out of the norm it is for him, he temporarily discovers an odd sense of solace in it. his expression as usual is a bit indecipherable, and yet, if someone looked closely, he may have appeared a bit content.

he isn't sure how much time passes as he remains perfectly silent, as lightly pats her back. is he attempting to comfort her? does he believes she needs it?

empathy has never been yuwon's strong suit, and emotions often remained on the backburner of his thoughts. but, it's true that he's trying to do something for her, even if he doesn't exactly know what. though, as with everything, it's transitory and fleeting.

he loosens his hold over her, but doesn't pull away, instead allowing her whatever time she needed to remain buried in his chest. when he speaks, it's quiet and hushed. ] Maybe we do. But, that might not be a good thing for you.

[ his 100% honesty even in a moment like this. he says that, but in reality, yuwon would state he's changed substantially from the man he used to be. at least in some ways, that said, he does put a gentle hand on the back of her head, as if to over one last touch of comfort. ]

So?

[Her response is a little sharp on Yuwon's comment. There is already a bunch of bad traits about her, she really doesn't need anyone to tell her what is good for her and what is not... It's part of being human. She turns her head away from him as she rests her cheek on his shoulder, her body relaxing more with his hand now on the back of her head. These little gestures on trying to comfort... Sometimes the effort is more appreciated than getting nothing at all.

She closes her eyes as she takes in the peace of the moment.]

If this was with anyone else, I would have gotten up and leave the room by now... You? You are different.

[A very genuine truth from her, some folks from back in her world might have a good chance on seeing her like this, but Yuwon is different as she says. He's someone from outside of The City and while he may never understand the full picture, he does listen quietly while holding his own emotions back. There is very long pauses in between her words as talking while in such a vulnerable state is so hard that even her co-workers haven't seen a full picture of her story yet.

She hates to admit it, but she needs to pull one icicle out and let her heart bleed a little more. Get a fresh hole started so the ice can freeze and repair it later on.]

I have gotten very soft with you and it's going to ruin me in the future, but... If I have to take these emotional risks with someone, I want it to be with you. [She lets out a heavy sigh that it feels like cold air is coming out of her.] That's part of the gambler's life, huh?

[She is very much expecting that these peace will be gone so quick and Yuwon breaks her heart into millions of pieces in some fashion and she is back to picking herself up and moving on with life while pretending nothing ever happened.]

If you want to push me away at any moment, I won't stop you. [And yet she will still keep her arm and hand out towards him in case he changes his mind at the last minute, but who knows how long she will stay reaching out towards him before accepting the lost and moving on.]

[ in all his life (or lives more accurately), he may have heard that in a few different contexts, but this time, it seems exactly as she says— different. inherently and entirely ... different. their proximity, the way he can clearly perceive the rise and fall of her chest, and her breath. while in battle these specifics felt so natural to dig into. this is the first time outside of all of that it seems to penetrate his senses like this. almost as if each of her movements linger in his mind.

he half-considers if this is just due to lack of exposure to someone like her. within the tower, it was rare to even encounter genuine relationships. even if he considered himself relatively blessed in that department with companions like son ohgong or hercules— if he didn't have to prioritize his battle with the outer gods, he wondered if it would have developed in the same fashion and intensity as it had.

would he have learned to trust?

then again, while he considered himself an improved version of the self-labeled "asshole" he once was... he seems to fall to silence at her words. to be honest, he isn't sure to what extent they are, but when she speaks them, he finds that he can't exactly reject the metaphorical hand she extends. it was easier when he could read someone's ulterior motives, or all the uglier aspects of their desires. or even if he could find an appropriate rebuttal. ]

I think I know what you mean. [ he finally settles on those words. ] I admit, I don't tend to gamble. [ gambling to him was the same as leaving the entire world to ruin. it's why, he... who had climbed the tower alone and only thought of himself for years, had to change appropriately. not that he wasn't capable of it, but because he had that much more riding on his every move, down to every last decision he made. but, none of that applied here.

it's something that he's reminded of. even more so when he recalls rodya's own world. ]

[ his silence might have lingered, but his hands remain in place. even in moments like these he can't deny that she was beautiful, even if this may have been the first time he's ever seen her appear so vulnerable. when he pulls her upwards silently, he almost keeps to this severe atmosphere. his face discernable, before he holds the both of her cheeks in his hands as if looking right at her. it lasts a moment too long even by his standards, and so he eventually looks down. ]

So we'll just have to make certain first. [ first, before what? he seems to leave it vague on purpose, showing zero inkling of following up his words with anything else. almost as if shifting out of that topic, he continues. ] You don't think I would have pushed you away already if that's what I wanted?

[ i want you... or so he seems to think on these words, but he doesn't say it, unsure of what capacity he might mean them in. at the very least, he figures he needed to come up with a plan. for what? idk, but why do i play someone so meticulous in the worst way. ]

Eh? [The sound that escaped from her lips was small yet still full of sudden surprise as her head was pulled up and his hands were on her face to hold her there. Her eyes widen and for a few seconds, her mind blanks out on everything that is not related to the man in front of her. The storm in her heart silences as they held eye contact before his eyes move downwards.

Her hands slowly move to grab his cheeks in return, one hand even tucking some of his hair behind his ear as she slowly clicks back into reality.]

Yuwon... [Even when she has been showing great vulnerability, her voice is quiet yet clear enough to be heard. She speaks his name in a way that she is serious right now and she wants his attention on her in this moment.]

Tell me what you want right now. I don't care if you give me an 'I don't know' or your words are going to hurt me, but I want to hear an answer from you. Something, anything- Say what you want to say, not what I want to hear. You can make up a lie and I would accept it- [She takes a deep breath, eyes closing for a second to collect herself before her blue eyes pierce right back into him. Part of her wants to act as frantic as her heart is right now, but she is trying to keep some solid composure like a frozen object with unbreakable ice.]

I want to hear your thoughts from your voice. I can figure some things out without words, but I am not a mind reader. [Her voice has sharpen with her gaze.] Don't try to deflect the question back at me- I'll answer once you answer. Okay?

[If you tell her ICly to wait five years, I am flying over to your house to shake your shoulders for a whole hour (and pet hazel.)]

[ did his name always sound like that? for once, she doesn't apply a nickname, nor does it have the carefree tone in which he grew so accustomed to. to be honest, it's a lot to take in at once, and to a degree, he's not sure if he completely understands it. in his journey thus far, he didn't exactly have room for emotions, and yet at the same time, it was clear to him that he's also changed a bit here.

specifically, his attitude towards the people around him has. it's not that he's opened up by any real measure, nor has he released any of the heavier burdens he shouldered, but when he hears her words, he almost feels like he gets insight into a part of her he never thought he would. as always, there's that pressing desire to read further into her actions, to try and wrangle out some sort of truth—

but, when he doesn't even know his own, he isn't sure he deserves to even feel that way. as usual, it's easier for him to push aside his feelings, almost as is perfectly packing them away. when he speaks, it's as calm as ever, but if she listens carefully there definitely it an almost stiff undertone to it; almost forced. ]

It's complicated. As you know, I've never thought of anything beyond the fate of the tower. [ ... and even that might have been revealing too much. he rubs his thumb against her cheek. ] Sorry, [ yuwon wasn't the type who apologized easily, at least not in the context of interpersonal relationships, but he means it when he says it. he wasn't much of an actor, and so he keeps to his blunt nature. he doesn't mince his words, but there might have been a bit of his own expectations mixed into his words. ]

Can you wait for me?

Edited (i promise it won't take five years, don't kill me) 2024-05-20 02:29 (UTC)

["Can you wait for me?"

She listened quietly as he speaks and that question might as well shot a hole through her chest like it's a weapon. How many times has she heard that question? That request for patience, in which it has been drained out of her system for a long time now. People told her to wait during her periods of begging, Sonya telling her to wait for the right moment to cut down the upper class and bring equality in their Backstreets. How long does she have to wait? A few days? A week or two? Months or years? Is LILITH going to keep them around long enough? What if she goes back before she got an answer? What if Yuwon goes back to his tower before he gave his answer?

She opens her mouth yet closes it, her fingers slowly trailing down Yuwon's cheeks as she takes her hands off of him.]

It's always complicated. [Her eyes gaze downward as her hands move over on top of Yuwon's hands, slowly taking hold of them to pull them away from her face. She would tell him to not think about the tower, why care about it yet at the same time... It's not really appropriate. Yuwon made his decisions. She has to respect that.]

I'll wait, but... [She stops there. Due to her past, her hope is very small since she has been burned in the past. It still exists, at least.] Anyways, go rest up. I'll get out of your hair.

[She pulls herself back on her feet, brushing off the wrinkles of her dress before she turns around towards the door. She's taking her time in case he has something else to say, so she is lingering around.]

[ naturally, he has no insight into the nature of his own question, or how that translated to her life. at the same time, when he sees the way in which she simply just listens to him, it evokes a clear feeling within him. he doesn't regret his words, but he does seem to comprehend the unintentional weight behind them for the first time. it's in this that he also realizes that while centuries were a common life span for a ranker, and while people tended to live fairly long lives within the tower— he could see that this could have potentially warped his own perception of time. of what it meant to be patient.

when she replies back, and he feels her hands pull his own away from her, he isn't sure how he feels. his own expression remains unreadable as always,

and in this moment he's a bit grateful for it.

"but"—

he seems to still be deliberating over what she wanted to say. while she takes her time to leave, he looks at the place she had stood moments before. ] It won't be long.

[ once again, he isn't sure if that's irresponsible of him to state knowing he has no concept of what constituted as long or short for her, but it's something he says anyway. perhaps, it may have been closest to the least calculated action he's took so far. ]

I'll see you tomorrow. [ he adds quietly. unlike in the tower, he couldn't simply ascend further and away without anyone's notice. ... and maybe, it's become that much more routine here for him to see her on the regular. in his life of being an orphan, it's a luxury he's never really thought of. or rather, it felt so natural for him to build so many walls in order to avoid unnecessary contact, and yet who knew even he could grow closer to someone here. ]

[She stops at the door as soon as he said that comment. She doesn't look at him as her hand rests against the door. She... literally cannot show her face to him, not right now. It's more vulnerable than earlier, way more than ever before. That if she looked at him back, she might fall apart.]

Sorry... I can't believe those words until I see it happen. [...] I will see you tomorrow.

[And she leaves without looking back.
Perhaps this is the reality between them: forever surrounded by their own walls.
Perhaps this is the reality she is never escape from: forever surrounded by ice, living and watching the world while she yearns for a relief from this cold.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[open/closed] i must be the only one to dance this beautiful dance

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

i forgot to put a label for the second half

😳

jk

closes my eyes.......

closes mine forever

one more shotgun blast before we end it here