synflux | [Closed]

[It's sort of a miracle that Raidou finds the time, between his own studies and training, and his full-time job. This job, even though it's just part time, gives him an excuse to have a hobby, which he really needed. He never had much time in his previous life to indulge, and he can say it's for work as an excuse to do so. Eventually his work at the shrine will eclipse his work time and he'll have to leave here, so he wants to enjoy it now.

He has a seat, feeling warm all over from the anticipation and the execution going as well as he could have wanted.]

It's not easy to find time to ourselves to do something like this either, is it. I'm grateful Emiya-san allowed me to do this.

[Just the two of them alone, without the rest of the base coming in and out of the cafeteria and kitchen.]

[ The two of them are both getting busier and busier as things go on, and Yuji can adjust to that because it keeps his mind quiet. It means that the only time he has to overthink is in the evenings when he is clambering into bed, and most of the time Choso doesn't let him dwell all that much, always gentle with him as they curl up together to sleep.

He feels guilty, for relying on him so much, but he's so thankful for him all the same. ]

I'll make sure to say thanks to him as well.

[ Reaching over, he tries to find Raidou's hand, to hold it. ]

This is like a real, special date, isn't it?

[Raidou eagerly takes his hand in return.]

Yeah? I wanted it to be a surprise, because... ah, I don't know why, really. I guess in case I couldn't find the time to get it all together. But I made sure to make time.

[Maybe there's a slight tinge of guilt in his smile. He did have a question for Yuji, debating whether to bring it up now or later, afraid that it'd bring the mood down if he did. Yuji has enough problems without him having to ask him about his own, surely.

He likes being someone Yuji can rely on. To know he can help him in anyway, to make his days just a little bit better, is all he could ask for.

Raidou looks away shyly.]

I'm glad you think it's special.

I think most of the time we spend together in special, because you’re the person I like.

[ It’s that simple to Yuji.

He’s lost enough people that the idea of not cherishing the time he has with those that he cares about simply doesn’t make sense to him. This is what he wants to do with the time that LILITH has given him, and it’s what he’s trying to focus on.

Trying being the key word.

Smile bright, he claps his hands together gently. ]

Thanks for the meal.

[Raidou's face reddens ever so slightly, still charmed any time Yuji says such things to him. He's not sure he ever won't be.

Dinner now. Maybe a talk on the walk home. Time to focus on the good things right in front of him. After a similar clap and an itadakimasu from him too, it's time to eat before the (majority of the) food gets cold. He's mostly quiet for it, because he's hoping to get Yuji's opinion on it.]

What do you think? Good enough for adding to the menu?

Yeah!

[ Yuji isn't the type of person to be even a little bit picky about what he eats - especially not recently, where he's been living from whatever meal he's able to find in the half wasteland that the world has become - but he can admit that this is really good food. He's enjoying.

Nodding, he takes another bite. ]

It's not super overwhelming, and all the flavours feel like they work together.

I wanted to add more to the menu, but keep it simple. Comfort foods, I guess you'd call it.

[He holds up one of the sushi pieces with his chopsticks.] Besides, sushi is fun to make.

[When it comes to the dessert portion, though, he has to shrug with a little smile.]

... It's my favorite. Haven't had it since I was here. I snuck a couple of bites when I was making it, so I already know it's good.

I get that! I don't know if I have the same sort of feeling with any kind of meal, but I understand what you mean.

[ It's not as if Yuji had a mother who made him cute bentos or meals, or a father who took him out... He had his grandpa, sure, but... It's not the same thing.

He doesn't have that sort of link with his past. ]

I'd like to cook for you, too, one day.

It's the sort of thing people come in here asking for. The friendly neighborhood place to get a drink and relax at. When I thought it over, it made sense. [As he is much like Yuji in that regard.

He brightens at that idea.]

It'd be grateful if you did. What do you like to make the most?

Wanting to relax after a hard day is a normal thing, and wanting good food, too.

[ He nods! That makes sense to him, even for someone who isn't particular at all, like Yuji. ]

Me? I guess I like making ramen, since it's familiar...

That'd be great. Maybe I can learn some recipe secrets from you. [He's always looking to improve his work here, after all. Now if they only got the same level of privacy at the base like this. It's nice while it lasts, anyway. Though Yuji might end up with one less piece of sweet potato on his plate, as Raidou steals one with a grin after finishing up his own.

Once they're done, Raidou whisks the plates away to the kitchen, despite any offers Yuji might given to help - this was all Raidou's idea, his doing, and Yuji gets to be the one to be waited on. Who knows when he'll find time to do this again.

He's not working tonight, taking the time off to make sure he got this all right today, so once done, the rest of the night is theirs. Perhaps a nice long walk is in the cool spring evening is in order. After a quick stop to thank Kiritsugu (for what is probably the fifth time), Raidou will lead Yuji on by his hand out into the city.

He doesn't know how to pinpoint it exactly, but he just feels... good. Satisfied. He's been smiling almost all night, even with everything else on his mind.]

Nice to do without having everyone else coming in and out of a cafeteria, yeah? Better kitchen, too.

[Or having to eat in their rooms.]

I don't think I have any kind of secrets like that.

[ But the meal is done, and Yuji has to wait while everything is cleaned up, looking around the place, before he's reunited with his partner. Brightening, he grins, letting their fingers link together before they head out into the city proper, following after him happily.

It was good, to be able to go out and do something together without the eyes of other people around them, something a little cute and intimate. The excitement has him bubbling a little, almost swinging their arms as they walk together. ]

Is this something you like doing a lot? Cooking?

[ Learning more and more every day. ]

Yeah. I had to do it back home, because Narumi sure wasn't going to. I think he survived on toast and coffee before I started working with him. But after awhile, I was enjoying it. Though like here, it was hard to find the time. I never thought of being a cook for work until I got here.

[He smiles thoughtfully to himself.]

Good food makes people happy.

[The smile doesn't stay, though, as he's got something on his mind. Raidou is quiet for a moment, before looking at Yuji again, fingers wrapping a little tighter around his.]

Can I ask you something? Your opinion on something, I mean.

If I didn't cook then I'm pretty sure grandpa would've just had store bought dinners forever, and that would've been bad for his health too.

[ The hand tightens around his, though, and Yuji pauses before he nods, leaning a little closer. ]

You can ask me anything you want. I don't mind at all.

I was thinking... should I get another upgrade from LILITH?

[Probably not a question Yuji was expecting to hear. But, after how bad the side effects were from Yuji's last surgery, maybe he could understand why Raidou might be hesitating.]

They can use nanobots to make you a lot stronger. Maybe that way, the next time there's an attack...

[His shoulders hunch, and looks down at the ground.]

I can keep up with everyone that way.

[ Oh... Well... ]

That's not the kind of thing that I can really tell you not to do.

[ Considering that he's had two, and caused problems both times, but... ]

I think if the only reason you want to get them is because you think you have to match other people, then maybe that's not why you should? If you want to be stronger, or help people, stuff like that... It feels more reasonable.

[ Again, not that he can talk, but - ]

I think you're strong, Johei. Really strong. And you have a pact with Choso, and you could make one with me, and that could help too, right? So going through something so painful...

If I'm stronger, though... No one will will have to worry about protecting me.

["No one" mostly being Yuji.]

I've learned that here, in this world, I have to help people differently than I did at home. And this is one option. It's just...

[It's not like the healing upgrade, something that doesn't really have any outward physical effects. The nanobot injection would put him on a level of strength closer to Yuji's. It's a significant change.]

Things would be really different with it, maybe in a good way. I don't know.

[A wistful smile creeps in when Yuji says he's strong, and he leans against him as they walk, with a quiet sigh.]

Yes. I'm glad for that. But I wonder if it's enough.

Isn't it okay to be protected, sometimes?

[ Yuji frowns, crossing his arms a little as he stops to think. It's clear he's really giving it a lot of thought, using as much of his limited brain power as he can. ]

Aniki still has to come and take care of me sometimes. Megumi looks out for me, and dandelion too. That's one of the things I've been working on.

[ He's really, really trying. ]

Katsuki said... The way I feel about wanting to protect others is how they feel about me in return, so I have to take that into account and take care of myself. If this is what you want, then I'll support you, but you can think about that, too.

[He listens quietly, unable to argue with those points.]

... Nanami had told me something similar.

[This is a team, and everyone wants to keep each other safe. That he owed his teammates protection as much as they owe it to him.]

It's hard for me to think otherwise. I... was trained that way, knowing the day would come when I could potentially take up my title. That I would no longer be anything but Kuzunoha Raidou, the Capital's summoner. My will for others.

[He's really trying, too. He's made a little progress, but he has a long way to go. Those insecurities from his failures at home and near-failures here continue to haunt him almost every day.

His next admission is a quiet one.]

... I just don't want you to have to worry about me.

[ The reminder of Nanami is an echoing sting, like someone has taken his heart into their hands and squeezed it gently, but Yuji forces himself to keep going, to not let himself sink into that grief right now. The loss isn't fresh, so it's like picking at a scab. ]

Nanamin was always pretty sensible about this stuff.

[ Closing his eyes, Yuji hums a little, trying to pick the best words. The right ones. He's not great at comforting people, he doesn't think, but he can try. ]

I knew from the moment I became a sorcerer that I was destined to die, so I wanted to give it my all. If I could help people and protect them, then I'd have been happy with that, so I understand. Fighting for others is the reason I am surviving right now.

[ Haltingly, awkwardly, feeling that age-old hurt and pain, Yuji blinks his eyes rapidly. ]

Even if you were the strongest in the world, I'd still worry about you, Johei.

[Of course Yuji would still worry, the same way Raidou worries about him despite how strong Yuji is. He feels foolish, now, having said it.

He feels badly seeing Yuji struggling to hold back, and Raidou squeezes his hand and tugs him just a little closer. He thinks he has his answer now, at least.

He can't stand to see Yuji go through what he did when battling the yama-denki again. His heart aches just thinking about it. Choso warned him that it will continue no matter if Raidou was there or not.]

Perhaps back home, those were our destinies. I don't want it to be the same while here, however long it might be. We deserve the chance to live now. Don't we?

[Raidou finally turns to look at him, as of searching Yuji for an answer.]

Johei... My destiny is to die.

[ Yuji lifts his head, watching for a moment. He's talked around the subject before, been honest about it, but this... This is the first time he's addressed it so explicitly, he thinks. The first time he's been plain about it. ]

Dying to kill Sukuna, or dying fighting Sukuna, that's my role. Higuruma-san and I talked about it before the fight started, that... If it was our place to die in this fight, that would be okay. I'll do that, if it means saving the people I care about.

[ Megumi, he means. As if there's anyone else left for him to care that deeply for, with all the deaths. ]

Being here is a break, and I want to use it to get stronger, and that means doing the things that I can do. And it means doing the things you can do, too, with your strength. I want you to be happy, in this place.

[ Leaning in, he touches his forehead against Raidou's. ]

Living or dying... Maybe I'll be okay with either. But no matter what, I'll keep protecting you. I want to live with you and the others, for as long as I'm able to. If you go and do it, I'll hold your hand after, but if you don't, I'll still be proud of you.

[It devastating to hear put so plainly like that, but it's not that Raidou doesn't understand. He would easily give his life up for those at the Capital, and as far as he knows, he already has. He wanted to think things here were different, but were they really?

He stops, taking both of Yuji's hands in his, keeping their foreheads touching. It didn't matter if they were out on the street, if people were around. His heart was hurting in this moment and Yuji is what's important here.

His eyes are squeezed shut, and he takes a shuttered breath.]

I want you to be happy, too. You deserve it.

[ It could be a little mean, to say it like that, but... It's the truth all the same, isn't it?

Yuji lets himself steal closer to Raidou, lets himself be held, to allow himself to squeeze at his hands and let himself hold onto this moment, this boy, let himself feel being alive for just a little bit longer.

Closing his eyes, he smiles. ]

I'm happier here. That's good enough for someone like me.

Maybe you don't believe it yourself, but I do. You deserve it.

[It bears repeating, he thinks. And he'll do what he can to make that happen.]

I'm sorry to have... [To have crashed the mood after such a nice night.] I really appreciate you hearing me out. Thank you.

[ Shaking his head, heedless of the public nature of them together, he tilts his head up and presses their mouths together gently. ]

I'll always listen. No matter how hard it is.

[Closed]

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