synflux | ( OPEN ) JUNE CATCH ALL

(He feels better in his arms, more relaxed, more like he has before. Leaning in, he places his forehead on top of Aki's head,)

Breathe in. (Release even more of that tension, he insists.) Breathe out.

Do you feel that? You're alive right now.

(He may think of himself as a dead man but he's more than that. Tsurumaru can feel it.)

You can live.

[ Following the instructions, he nods, taking a long, deep breath in before he breathes out, fingers brushing absently along the shake of Tsurumaru's spine.

He's solid. Warm. Perfect, in his arms, and Aki lets himself hold onto that, lets himself bask in the comfort of Tsuru being here, at his side, not running off again. ]

I want to. I want to live.

[ A confession in itself. He leans back, tilting his head up to look at Tsurumaru, expression softer now. ]

I'm happy, Tsuru.

Edited 2024-06-08 17:31 (UTC)

(Ah, there he is. A little more of the Aki he's come to adore so much and when he looks up, he pulls his face away and smiles warmly,)

Then live. (Bringing both hands to hold Aki's face in his hands, tracing the shape of his face with his fingers, steadying him,) And live happily.

[ How is he meant to resist? Even knowing what he knows - or, rather, what he thinks he knows - the touch is soft, intimate, and Aki closes his eyes for a moment, leaning into the palm against his cheek.

Carefully, he leans up, brushing their mouths together, impossible to resist. Live happily, Tsurumaru said, and this is what has brought him happiness. ]

I... I'll live.

(There's that natural shift away when Aki moves if only to make it easier for him to lean up and angle his face to his. Without a second thought, he raises one hand up in the air next to them, the sleeve of his robe falling to make a curtain between them and the world around them. They are, after all, still somewhere public, as out of the way as it is.

Eyelashes flutter and he leans in to meet Aki, kissing him gently, ever so briefly and chastely before pulling away. As much as he wants more, he can read the air. The moment isn't right, not when Aki is still so vulnerable and shaken from the memory.

His priority is to take care of Aki first. He can spoil him later.

Quietly, for only him to hear,)

You should rest.

(And when his head is clear, when he's more himself, they can surely come together again.)

I can take you to your room, if you want. You can lean on me.

(He'll lead him there.)

[ Aki truly doesn't want more than this.

The kiss is an anchor, a gentle reminder of what there is between them, that despite the spineless way he'd pulled away, from his own tormented thoughts, he still cares deeply for Tsurumaru. It's a way of reminding himself of one of the reasons he wants to find happiness in this strange, twisted place - because his heart has been caught in a net that he has no wish to escape from.

His smile is soft, a little gentle as he nods, understanding.

(The sleeve is endearing, too, and when Aki leans back he reaches to take both of Tsurumaru's hands in his own. ]

I'd appreciate that.

[ Their noses touch, a gentle press together, before he nods and rises to his feet. ]

Let's go.

(It's nice, he thinks, to have back something that was missing. It's good to have Aki acting normally, a little more like his old self and he considers this to be victory enough for now.

When Aki rises, he does with him, reaching out to brace him and quick to align himself next to him. Before he offers himself over, he shrugs his shoulders, shaking off his robe and tosses it over Aki's head, tugging him closer so he can lean against him,)

The sun is strong.

(Their hotel is only next door. It won't be a long walk at all. But let him have his fun.)

[ Aki is endeared, painfully so.

With the robe around his shoulder, he starts to walk, leading the way back to his room with quiet, easy steps. His vision is less fuzzy, and his heart is more full, so it makes it easier for him - he can keep going. He trusts Tsurumaru to support him the entire way.

Deep in the hotel, up to his room, Aki pushes open the door and heads to his bed, laying the robe on the spare one. Then he’s kicking shoes off, laying down, opening his arms. ]

Come here, Tsuru.

(Taking off his shoes, tucking them away carefully in the entrance, he goes over to close the open curtains so Aki can rest. When he gets to the windows, he lingers...

... Looking out at the desert again but another voice calls and he looks back, one hand gripping the curtain as his eyes refocus.

(A voice far away calls him.)

He takes one step forward towards Aki and another before sitting next to him and he looks down. Reaching his arm across his chest, leaning just slightly to look Aki in the eyes. It's clear in his expression that he's resisting something.

(The medics have told him not to listen.)
(Their allies have told him to focus on what's in front of him instead of away).

And he leans into his arms proper.)

[ Aki watches him, expression warm, tender, filled with softness.

The way he feels for Tsurumaru is no simple thing, but it doesn’t have to be. They’ve time enough to work through what they want, what the two of them desire to mean to each other, and that is enough for him. There’s not enough time for self-doubt, for his own loathing to burn like bile in his throat, and so he shoves it aside. He doesn’t want this to be poisoned by anything like that.

Slowly, he draws Tsurumaru close. Slowly, he pulls him down into a kiss, soft and gentle, sweet above all else. Slowly, Aki holds onto this new lifeline, another piece of his heart, another reason to keep fighting. To keep living, to let himself find that joy admit the cold winter of his memories.

Leaning back, understanding, knowing, Aki strokes a hand through his lover’s hair, thumb to his cheek, loving. Honest. ]

Look at me, Tsuru. Just look at me for a little longer.

(He could do anything to him right now, he thinks. When he looks at him like that and treats him so carefully, he'd gladly let Aki handle him any way he wanted. He leans into the kiss with a sigh, shifting so he can be in his embrace properly.

Heart aching, wanting, twisting, he chases when they break and he finds his face close, pale gold eyes staring right into a sea of blue. All he sees his him. He sees the face of a boy he wants to protect. He sees the face of a man he wants to protect. He could stay close by his side, he thinks, and he leans into the touch without another thought.

It's quiet in this room, with just the two of them, but... he doesn't mind. It's strange. In this sort of situation, he'd want to something, say something, anything to break the silence but he's...

He doesn't know. He can't put his finger on this feeling in his chest. It isn't bad, he thinks, but it feels strange. He feels like he should know what this is but he's certain he hasn't felt it before. He doesn't linger on it.

Instead, he leans in, pressing his lips against his one more time and pulls his body next to Aki. He settles closely.

(He can feel a call. He always feels it. Even before he came to this city. Even before that beast struck him with whatever curse it put on him. But it sounds so far away right now.)

Burying his face against his chest, affectionate, cuddling. His voice is quiet, muffled, something for only Aki to hear,)

I'll stay.

(And he's surprised by how easily the words spill from his mouth.)

I want... (Something clicks and like his heart, the sentence twists,) Is it okay?

Edited 2024-06-14 19:43 (UTC)

[ It feels right. Leaning up to kiss Tsurumaru, pressing their mouths together, chasing the shape of him, the warmth of his body, the way it makes Aki feel soft and malleable under him, willing to do far more than he would ever admit to.

Choosing happiness was a dangerous game for him. Choosing to find some reason to live, to keep pushing, to keep fighting, when he had felt so desperate to give himself over to vengeance... But this feels almost too easy, as if he's sinking into something warm without hesitation. It feels as if this is something he was meant to do, and is that because he has chosen it or because the Future had intervened?

The Future hadn't predicted this. Maybe Tsurumaru had been right, before, in the shrine.

It's hard to explain, to digest the way he's feeling, to put it into words, but perhaps there is no need to. Perhaps he does not need to concern himself with those kinds of things, because right now they are together, and they are enjoying themselves. They are finding happiness together. Isn't that enough? That's what Denji had wanted from him, isn't it? Happiness.

Another kiss, and Aki sighs with soft happiness, drawing Tsurumaru against him, curling his arm around him and holding him gently. ]

It's okay.

[ Whatever it is that Tsuru wants. Aki will give it to him. ]

Whatever you want. It's okay.

(Is it okay? Is it really? Aki doesn't know, he thinks, and he's quiet as he pulls him close. No, now isn't the time to burden him difficult things. It's best to just let him rest. Go to sleep. And when he wakes up....)

(When Aki wakes up, he'll find himself alone, sleeping not on a bed but on tatami. The room is large and quiet. He's definitely in a traditional house but it doesn't feel too old. At least, it doesn't feel as old as it should be if it were in a more modern era.

Warm, silver light pours in from the screen doors. It must be cloudy outside but enough sun is able to filter in. When Aki sits up, he'll notice how cool the room feels. No, it's not just cool... it's cold. The room is cold and from the looks of things... there is no electricity or heater to offer warmth. There is only an ornate iron coal burner with a few warm embers inside.

He will also notice...

How utterly quiet it is. Not a sound can be heard. No wind outside. No rustling leaves. No humming electricity. It is perfectly quiet save for... down the corridor, outside the room, footsteps pitter patter against wooden floors. They open sliding doors and call out,)

"Master Sadayasu... are you here? Young master!

(There is still some time before the voices catch up to him. He can check the room, if he wants. In fact, in the room, there is a small alcove with a painted scroll of a crane in flight and right below that...

A very familiar sword.

Will he approach the sword or answer the calls? )

[ Aki dislikes the cold.

The chill in the air has him on edge instantly, nothing he can wrap around himself to ease it off or shove it aside. It's a down to the bones kind of wintery sky, one that he is intimately familiar with, and so wrapped up in his own grief does he remain that for a moment he thinks he is back in time again. For a moment, he thinks that if he opens his eyes the Gun Devil will be there, Taiyo calling for him, and then nothing.

Nothing but silence.

The silence here is echoing with how the world is bereft of sound, and he begins to push forward, to try and figure out where he is.

The name pulses in his ears as he recognises it, a sudden burst of bitter distaste covering his tongue as he imagines: Sadayasu. Tsurumaru's master. The one he wants to remember above all else. It's clear to him, then, where he must be, lost in a memory just as Tsurumaru had been lost in his, and the burn of frustration feels like bile in his throat.

Stepping forward, he glances to the side and spots it... The sword. Familiar, weighed with emotion, and he can't resist the urge to make his way over to it. He doesn't reach out to touch it, well aware of the connection between man and blade, but he does lean down to look at it a little closer. ]

Tsuru... Where are you?

(When Aki moves, he'll feel that he's wearing a layered kimono, something definitely from an older era. When he approaches the sword, there is no response. Everything is as quiet and still as ever but something cuts through the cold of the room.

Something invisible wraps around his shoulders, like someone placing a blanket (or a robe?) over him. It may be a cold, quiet, and boring winter day but right now he'll feel warm, safe, and proud. He may be wary about reaching for the sword right now but right now, it feels like if he did, it would be fine.

Will he pick up the sword? )

[ He is unable to resist Tsurumaru.

Sword or man, there is something unique and wonderful about him. Aki feels the layers, the weight, as if steeped in traditional clothing that only comes during the new year, and he wonders. Who is he, in this dream? Is he some peer, some fellow, or is he a ghost come to life? Will it even matter?

Stepping forward, leaning down, he reaches to take the sword into his hand, fingers wrapping around the hilt.

It's familiar, and he sighs softly. ]

(It's hard to see when there are no mirrors in this room. If anything, the closest he may have to work with is the glaze in the pottery or lacquer that decorates the room. Or maybe, if he were to unsheathe the sword and catch his reflection in the polished blade...

But his next hint for who he may be will come when he picks up the sword. As someone who has held the blade before, doesn't it feel heavier than it should? Has the sword gotten bigger, maybe? Or perhaps, Aki is just smaller.

Outside the room, the footsteps come closer. He maybe has just a few seconds left... will he check his reflection in the blade?)

[ Frowning, Aki shifts, turning to look towards the doorway. He should be more cautious, he thinks, but if this is a memory he's reliving... Will it play out like a story, like a novel, like something he cannot change? How much power does he actually have here?

Rising, standing a little taller, aware of the odd ache in his arm from hefting the blade up, there's only one thing he can do.

Who is he...?

Drawing the blade up, he tilts it so that he can catch a glimpse of himself, what little he might be able to get. ]

(The face that stares back at him is not his own.

There's a youthful roundness to his face and his eyes are wide and bright. However, he's begun to grow into his features more and from the looks of it... he can't be older than fifteen. Adachi Sadayasu is, in fact, just a boy.

As soon as he notices, the door will slide open and a woman immediately lets out a good natured but tired sigh before bowing her head,)

"Young master! Here you are... your mother and father are calling for you at the entrance."

(When she looks back up, she raises a brow at "Aki". She looks at the sword and then back at him. Still, it isn't her place to say anything so she simply steps aside for him to leave.

Will he take it with him or leave it behind?)

[ Aki is still putting the pieces together.

Sadayasu... Is that who he is? It seems strange, to put a face to a name when he isn't sure of either of them, but if that is who he has become in this dream, then... The strange, curling jealousy inside of him feels a little odd, selfish in the midst of what he is learning. To be so envious of a young boy... How did Tsurumaru feel about him? What is the bond that the two of them share?

He doesn't know, but perhaps this memory will give him some guidance, some illumination. He can't be certain of where it's going, but the cold chills him all the same.

Turning to look at the woman, he nods his head, holding the blade in his hand. It feels wrong, to leave Tsurumaru behind when these are his memories, so... He clings to it, holding the blade gently as he slips out through the doorway. ]

Thank you. I'll go.

[ Does he even know the way? ]

(When he steps out into the open corridor, he'll see a garden covered in freshly fallen white snow. Typical of gardens in these old houses, it's clearly been designed to create a sort of "perfect image" of the seasons and winter is no exception.

His first breath of air will be cold but despite stepping out into the elements, he'll still feel a warmth around him. It does nothing to cut through the silence, though.

Whether he knows or not, "Aki" will start to walk down the corridor in one direction. It's the direction Sadayasu had walked towards in this memory. It's only natural.

Finally there are sounds: Horses, men and women talking, armor... and he'll find himself at the entrance where a group of men await on horses. At the front of it all is a man whose armor seems to stand out more to him. His face has a resemblance to Sadayasu. Near him, a woman in a heavy, layered kimono also looks back.

His father laughs when he sees him,)

"Eager to come along?" (He looks at the sword in Sadayasu's hands,) "Maybe in the new year. Lord Hojo is about your age."

(His mother beckons him to come closer,)

"Come, say good bye to your father."

[ It feels like Hokkaido.

It's a hard thought to swallow, painful and almost too much, but there's no denying it. Aki only goes back when he visits the family shrine, so his hometown smells like cold winter air to him, the incense burned from inside the main building, the ache of his knee as he bends to pray. This has the same feeling, same sensation, but it's not the same.

There's no ghostly presence of agony and hurt here. Not yet.

Breathing out, he follows along where the memory goes until he sees the man, the woman, a mother and father, and he wonders if this is how it feels to be loved most by your parents. ]

I didn't want to leave him behind.

[ A simple enough explanation. He moves closer to the mother, stands at her side, and offers a proper bow to the father. It feels natural. ]

Be well, father.

(Why wouldn't his parents love him? He is, after all, their only son and heir.

Aki's words seem to sit well enough with his parents. They don't even blink when he refers to his sword as "him." Instead, they turn back to each other. Mother places a hand on Sadayasu's shoulder and sighs to her husband,)

"Must you go? You aren't due back until next month."

"I can't help it. The air is too quiet... I'll feel better once I have checked on the court..."

(Aki can follow along if he wishes. They'll speak of the heir regent, no older than Sadayasu and too young to take the throne. The Adachi and Taira clans are put in charge of managing his affairs. However, the Taira clan has been particularly annoying these days and both parents faces sour at their names. Finally, it's time to leave and the father, Lord Adachi, looks down at his son,)

"Take care of your mother and sisters."

(And he leaves. Mother sighs tiredly,)

"It's so quiet today... I think I might listen to music..."

(She, too, leaves. Aki is left alone at the entrance. With no one around, the tracks in the snow are the only proof that anyone was ever there.

From the corner of his eye, he may catch someone dressed in white turning around a corner, heading back to the garden. Will he follow?)

[ Aki listens, but it isn't what he cares most about.

This is Tsurumaru's memories, trapped in the body of a young man, so where is the person he is looking for? Where is Tsurumaru, beyond the mother and father? It makes him frown, his consciousness focusing on that, because he truly does not care about Sadayasu's parents. He has no connection to either of them, to his mother or father, to his sisters, his heart beating in his chest.

There is one person he wants to see.

Nodding, he allows the others to leave, lets them fade away, and the turns to spot the flash of white.

Of course, he follows. Where else would he go?

The hint of Tsurumaru is enough for him, and he gives chase, rushing after him. ]

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