The decision has been made. LILITH Japan orders the Outsiders to mobilize to pursue the Imugi.
Given that they are in a foreign country, they are largely dependent on LILITH Koreaโs resources. In response to the decision, the Korean branch provides some assistance: the Outsiders are given just enough vehicles to help transport them, essential supplies, and only a few operatives to help guide them. This is the most the Korean branch is able to give, as they must focus on relocating people and restoring peace following the attack.
LILITH announces that the Imugi is currently resting near Gangneung on the east coast and they must move quickly. The effects of Rift poisoning will grow stronger as they approach the source; a sign that they are close to a kaiju. Upon reaching the mountains just outside the city, LILITH informs them that they are right on top of its location.
However, there is no Imugi to be found. After searching the area, Outsiders will discover the source of the trace and the poisoning: eggs. They will find about twelve eggs. When they report their findings, Seokdang will curse. In their rush, they had followed the wrong trace. They didnโt track down an injured and resting Imugi—they tracked down the Imugiโs nest. So where is the Imugi?
Not long after, Outsiders will receive an update on their implants: the Imugi reappeared in Seoul. After seeing the corpse of its mate, it went berserk and attacked the city again. While many of the citizens were evacuated to nearby Incheon and remaining shelters, just as many perished, with the death toll at 168,000 and rising. LILITHโs Korean base is destroyed.
The Imugi was last seen flying north, but the Korean government prohibits the Outsiders from pursuing it again through their territory. By choosing to pursue the kaiju, the Outsiders have abandoned humanity and thus will receive no further support. They are ordered to leave the country immediately.
LILITH Japan will order them to collect as many eggs as possible and continue to the abandoned city of Gangneung, where they will arrange pick up and return to base in Tokyo.
โถ AFTERWORD.
Thanks everyone for participating in our first major Event Decision! We hope you had fun discussing what to do both ICly and OOCly.
After failing to capture the second Imugi and also failing to save a large portion of Seoul's population, characters will be shipped back to Japan. The events of the TDM will springboard from there. Feel free to use this post to thread out any aftermath threads if you would like.
All tags on this log are worth 2 points and will count towards August AC.
( The people of Seoul are not generally people Geto will twist himself into knots for. He'd fought the Kaiju because he was tasked to, but the overall survival of the population mattered very little to a man who barely saw them as worthwhile beings. While he's not actively genocidal these days ( for the most part ), he's certainly finding it hard to drum up any sympathy. It was a choice, they couldn't have done anything more.
But a person he does spend his time worrying about is Itadori Yuji, and when he spots the lone figure on the beach he has no choice but to make his way across, shoes sinking into the sand. He stops by him for a moment, looking out at the ocean, but eventually he does sigh. )
You couldn't have done anything more.
( He's not going to pretend he doesn't understand what this is, what would be the point? )
[ It's strange, to see Geto come over to him and offer comfort, given what Maki had told him not so long ago. It makes something uncomfortable and strange twist in his stomach, the realisation that Geto might only care about him because he "counts" as a sorcerer putting him on edge. It means that, of course, his reaction to seeing the other man isn't quite as excited as it normally is - but that's something that would happen anyway.
The amount of people that had just been killed... There's no way Yuji would be okay after all that.
Blinking up at Geto, he swallows a little before looking away. ]
We could've stayed. That's something we could have done.
( There's no point arguing that. Itadori is right. Their presence might have shifted the tide in another direction. But does wondering do anything good? He doesn't think so. )
Or maybe it would have gotten all of us killed too. Or it could have changed its mind entirely and found another target. We're not infallible, Itadori-kun. A decision was made, one the majority thought for the best. You can't beat yourself up about it.
[ Yuji's too accustomed to blaming himself for his choices and the negative consequences. It's a painful spiral, all going back to that day - to eating Sukuna's finger. What would've changed, if he'd never done that...? Would things be different at all?
Would he have just died then? Fushiguro, too? ]
It doesn't bother you at all? All the dead people?
Not really, though I don't really see why it should.
( There's no disdain in his voice, it's just quiet fact. These people meant nothing to him. It's a tragedy he doesn't really feel. But Geto understands where Yuji is coming from, truly he does. He was that same boy once, driven by a desperate need to do good, to protect people. He knows the pain of loss well. But they followed orders here, it wasn't a personal choice. )
Itadori-kun, I know it's hard. But the result isn't on you. Half of us could have stayed behind. LILITH could have done more. We can't win every battle. We just have to take this mistake into consideration for the next time.
Well, there it is, isn't it? What Maki-senpai had told him, what he had been lying to himself about this whole time; the only reason that Geto is even here talking to him now is because Yuji has cursed energy. Almost two hundred thousand people are dead and Geto doesn't care even a little bit. It makes Yuji feel sick.
( Geto blinks, face impassive. And then, almost pleasantly. )
Satoru says I'm not allowed to use that word anymore.
( He smiles, and it's a perfectly bland mask to hide away the sudden very real fear that lingers inside of his chest. It's not that he regrets his beliefs, nor that he's changed them, it's just that Itadori is important to him now. He doesn't want to lose that. )
They're non-shamans. ( As if that explains it all. ) They mean very little to me.
Almost two hundred thousand people. And they don't matter at all?
[ Yuji stares at him, and his expression is cool, cold. There's an edge of something dangerous about it, something sharp - deadly - that aura of someone who has power. Yuji is strong, he knows that, but he's also painfully, achingly human, only granted the power to fight curses because of an accident of birth and a painful moment of self-sacrifice.
He cannot fathom thinking in the way that Geto does, and he gazes at the man beside him as if the hope and admiration inside of him had shrivelled and died. Maki was right. Gojo-sensei was right. He was really, really stupid, wasn't he?
Those are his beliefs. ]
They all had dreams, and people they loved, and talents, and skills. They all had lives, too, reasons to laugh - they were happy, and we took that away from them. We let a dragon destroy that, and you don't care even a little bit?
[ He stands up, the sand gritty on his palm, digging in like stinging wounds. ]
( By now the blankness has been firmly cemented over. Geto's expression does not shift, he just looks at the boy with the same permanent almost smile, the empty eyes. )
Is it? ( His voice slips a bit, no longer as warm as it has been. He hadn't even realised he'd started sounding fond until it leaves him all at once. It's not the first time he's been called monstrous. It won't be the last. He knows what he is fairly well, and what he is is a creature of desperate violence. There's no need to be hurt by it. Though he'll allow himself the strange irritation that this is coming now, but that's fine. Maybe he'll just stop having to try. ) Such a weighty word for something so inconspicuous. It's not even remotely the most terrible thing I've ever done.
( A hum, gaze cutting away lazily. )
I didn't kill those people. Unless you want to count my vote as an act of attempted murder? But truthfully I didn't even think about them at all.
[ It reminds him sharply of the fact that Higuruma couldn't look Yuji in the eye, when he had killed two people before the Culling Game. He was ashamed of his actions, in a way, he felt the weight of his sins, but Geto... Geto doesn't care at all. He looks at Yuji with that same, careful expression, empty and blank, and it burns Yuji.
Any reaction would be better than this, when his emotions are already running high, when his throat is tight with grief and pain and regret, when the guilt is already making him want to give up and collapse into the ground and cry until there's nothing left.
Yuji can hear the shift in tone, though. The loss of something that he hadn't even noticed was there until right now. The dynamic has changed so sharply that it feels as if the words are cutting into his soul. Stupid, naive Yuji Itadori, putting his trust in people to have it ripped away - stupid, foolish boy, wanting to see the best in people even after weeks of betrayal and suffering. ]
And you wouldn't have, because they don't mean anything to you. [ A breath. ] So does what does matter to you? Don't you have a second chance here, with Gojo-sensei? With... [ Shakily, hurt, all teenage boy grief, the betrayal of an adult to a child. ] With me and the others, too? Do you really not care about that even a little?
( Ah, but he doesn't like that. Itadori reminds him of the girls then, back in the early days when they were so sure he would hurt them like they had been hurt before. It drags his gaze back quickly enough, and Geto grits his teeth, hard enough to feel the twinge. ) And I have been doing my best with this second chance, though really it doesn't feel like one considering you're all so quick to -.
( It cuts off. He is the adult here. He has to behave like one. )
I haven't harmed anyone. Not since the first few days, and I'd like it noted that each and every time I was never the one to strike first. I have done what LILITH asks, I have helped those ignorant non-shamans with each and every kaiju they send us after, even though I hate them. ( He's quick to lose the cool, irritation giving way to something else. Or maybe just giving up. ) You think I'm a monster? Fine. I've never pretended to be anything else, Itadori-kun. But this isn't even a fraction of how awful I could be, you should all be thankful I've settled on not caring.
[ For a long moment, Yuji is quiet, staring at him, because he's right. He's rash, quick to judgements, but for all he knows... Geto hasn't done anything wrong here, not since Gojo-sensei got involved, not since their fight in the cafeteria all the way back then. He doesn't care about the thousands of people that have been killed here, but judging from the people on the network, he's not the only one thinking that, either.
Yuji is lashing out, in his hurt and his pain, with the new knowledge of what happened with Maki, with what Gojo had told him, because he's angry. He's angry, and Geto was an easy target, someone he knew he could transfer his rage and hurt and grief onto because there is good reason to be mad at him. He's not nice, he hates humanity, he's cruel, and he can be mean, but...
But, but, but, it bundles in Yuji's head and he cracks, unable to help himself, his eyes flooding with tears as he lifts his hands to cover his face, shaking with it.
It's all just too much. Losing Megumi and Kugisaki, backed into a corner into an impossible choice, the loss of life, the reminder of what's going on - so much death and murder at home, so much death and murder here, monsters and curses ripping any shred of happiness that he has from him - that it makes him feel hollow and too full at the same time. None of this is fair, and a sixteen year old can't rationalise the feelings properly, not when his heart is so painfully scarred.
Geto-san is a monster, sure. Gojo-sensei had said that, a curse user, a cult leader, Maki-senpai had almost been killed, but, well, isn't Yuji a monster too, a cursed object? Not the same, but he's killed people. Shibuya is heavy with the scent of blood, and his hands are coated in it.
His shoulders shake as he cries, pressing his hands into his face, palms against his eyes, claws grinding against his forehead as he tries to compose himself, but it's hard. ]
I don't - [ The words come out painfully hoarse as Yuji shakes his head, unable to do anything but breathe through the rolling tears. ] I don't know what to do.
( He could leave. He should leave. Itadori has made his feelings very clear, he thinks Geto is a monster. He's right to, and a monster would not linger. But the minute he starts to cry is the minute the curse user is moving, crossing the sand to grab the boy's wrists. He doesn't use much force, and he could easily be thrown off, but he isn't trying to hurt him. Instead he just tugs those clawed hands away, dragging him closer, all but yanking him into the kind of embrace he would have given the girls.
Warm, tight, safe. )
You can't do anything now, Itadori-kun. That isn't how this works. ( His voice is quiet, low, losing all the sharp defence of moments before. Geto knows how this ends if someone doesn't step in, he's lived in. Itadori will chase his death all the way through just to escape the awful weight he's feeling and history absolutely cannot repeat itself. Geto thinks of how things might have been different had someone noticed he was losing his mind, how different he could have been. Satoru tried, but Satoru was a child too, abandoned by the very same fucking system. And while Geto tells himself he has no regrets there are still moments where he thinks why? He won't watch it happen again. ) We made a choice, and that's going to hurt. But it is not your fault, you are not the sole person here, you have to let yourself breathe, or it is going to kill you.
( A hand comes up to cup the back of his head, shirt wet from tears. But Geto's tone has turned even more earnest. )
You couldn't have predicted it, you couldn't have stopped it, you did what you thought was right. It isn't your fault.
[ Instinct has Yuji wanting to lift his hands and fight off Geto, but he doesn't have the energy nor the strength right now, not when the arms eventually prove themselves to be comforting rather than a punishment. A hand touches the back of his head, his body is crushed against a warm chest, and the strangeness of the moment isn't entirely lost on him, but...
But after his conversation with Tsurumaru, after the half-argument, the discomfort of what Maki had told him, all of it coming together to make him so exhausted he's not sure how he's standing right now. The arms wrap around him and Geto speaks; the words at odds to what Geto had said before, the strangeness of knowing the choices he had made in the past, the things he had done.
Slowly, unsure, as if afraid something is going to be said or done to hurt him again, feelings all mixed up, blending together in a confusing marsh of discomfort, his arms wrap around Geto in return. He shouldn't be doing this, surely, shouldn't be begging comfort from someone everyone had warned him against, but he can't resist the need for it, the moment at odds to everything he knows.
There's bile in his throat, face stained with tears, begging for relief, to cry all the emotions out of him, and he doesn't have the strength to fight off Geto's comfort. All he can do is shake his head, sniffling a little. It might be the time to argue, to say - why comfort him, if it doesn't matter? If the people don't matter, why does making Yuji feel better about it matter? But the words die on his tongue.
He's simply too tired for this fight right now. ]
I have to... [ Has to what? He's not even sure. Do something? Mourn? Do some kind of penance? He's not sure, and that's what it means. ] There has to be, I can't...
You have to live. That's all you can do. What good is killing yourself too, mm? Because it's what you'll do if you keep on like this. And believe me, I know, I know how tempting it is just to keep going, keep fighting rather than feel it, but I also know how badly it ends.
( You lose people. Geto loves his family, he truly does, but there has been something absent in him since he walked away in Shinjuku. Or maybe it had been gone long before, when Riko Amanai bled out in front of him. Either way he chased his end, and it led him nowhere. All of that pain, for nothing. His people still suffer. He didn't do anything right.
But he said he'd try, and so here he is. )
It's okay to cry. ( It needs to be said. ) It's probably better that you do. Bottling it up doesn't help. ( His hand moves ever so slightly, almost petting. ) You're allowed to feel that hurt. But beating yourself with it endlessly isn't good for you, Itadori-kun. And you wouldn't want anyone you loved to, so why should you?
[ Yuji knows how it feels to not want to live any more. He had felt it after Shibuya, and he had felt it during the Culling Game, on trial for a mass murder that he still blames himself for. It's a weight that is too much for him to handle sometimes, crushing him under the sheer agony of it, and it burns through him like wildfire, painful and agonising.
Fingers grip at Geto, and Yuji shivers with his grief, tears rolling down his cheeks. This is the last person he should be finding comfort in, he should've been able to fight him off, to shout at him for his callousness, for his anger, but it's just too much. Yuji cannot handle this any more, he can't do it, trying to be strong for everyone.
The tears roll down his cheeks, and the ache burns inside of him, and when he breathes out he feels as if he's going to collapse. ]
Because... [ Because he's a murderer too, but he can't say that. ] ... I'm tired, Geto-san.
( How could he not? Itadori Yuji has everything riding on his shoulders, a survival that even Geto cannot fathom. There aren't any more words he can give him either, so instead he holds him like he would one of his daughters, petting him very carefully as he weeps, not caring about the damp stain of his shirt nor the discomfort of standing still. History cannot repeat itself, he won't let it. He wonders if this is what Satoru meant when he told him to try again. Probably not. Probably he'd be angry for his part in Itadori's grief, but he's not going to walk away from it right now. )
It's all right, you can take all the time that you need.
[ Yuji has no idea about Geto's past, not even now, no one has told him anything - but he feels as if the other man means it. The words don't sound hollow, they don't sound as if they're said just for comfort, and it makes him feel something. The strange, painful confusion of it makes him feel a level of exhaustion that is brand new to him, emotionally rung out.
The last few weeks have simply been too much for him, and he doesn't have the strength to keep fighting back right now. The tiredness has drained him, and he doesn't know what else to do except stand there, letting someone else's strong arms hold him aloft once again.
How many people are under LILITH's command? About a hundred, would you say? Admittedly, you'd know more than me, I keep to myself.
( It's pitched low, conversational, like all of this is fine and Itadori is not haemorrhaging his feelings into the sand, like Geto is not certain that once he puts him back together again the boy will declare him an enemy. )
There are so many people here, with so many different abilities, and powers, and skills, so why does it have to be on the shoulders of a sixteen year old boy? I'm not saying don't help, either, before you think I'm being callous. But you are not at home, Itadori-kun, and you're not these people's last hope. You told me you believe we should work as a team, didn't you? Then why must the guilt only be yours? Let other people help you, even with this, Especially with this. A brave face is only good enough until it cracks.
[ Yuji's voice is quiet and muffled against Geto, coated with his tears, mumbling. It's all logical things, all stuff he knows, but rationality is hard right now. He's not sure what he's supposed to say in return, he's not sure what he ought to even suggest other than to sink further into Geto's grip.
Gojo-sensei is going to scold him for this, isn't he? Crying all the time, crying on Geto... ]
Mm. I'm fairly certain that promise wasn't to work yourself into a nervous breakdown. Or worse. No one who knows you would ask that.
( Hands on Yuji's shoulders to draw him back, though not to push him away. Instead Geto just looks at him. He's so young, and so tired, and it isn't fair. He sighs, uses the heel of his hand to wipe some of the damp away. It is surprisingly parental of him. )
This will use you up, Itadori-kun. It will bleed you dry. Until one day you're older than this and you'll look yourself in the mirror and you won't recognise who you are any more. Don't let it. You have people here, friends, people that want to help you. Allow them while you can.
( Geto needs to do more. He needs to take some of this shitty fucking weight. LILITH asks too much. )
[ His grandfather has no idea what happened to Yuji in the wake of that promise. All the things that have happened to him over the last few months of his life, the strange horrors and the nightmares... Did his grandpa know about this society, this world? Was he a stranger to it?
What did he know about Yuji's parents?
He sniffles, shaking his head. ]
I don't... I don't want to... [ Be a burden. Be someone that causes hurt rather than joy. ] No, I know I should, I do, it's... [ He's talking in circles. ]
It's hard. It's hard asking for help, it's hard letting anyone do it even then. But you're just one person - admittedly a strong person - but even all that strength is only so good if you're bowing under it. I'm not casting judgement either, Itadori-kun, but if you only ever believe me with one thing know that it's this. You have to slow down, you have to leave off some of that weight.
( He still hasn't let go, but he smooths a hand over Itadori's shoulder. )
I can take you somewhere else. To a friend, or Satoru. Nanami. Your boyfriend. You shouldn't be alone right now.
[ speak of the sleep paralysis demon and it shall appear.
heโs heralded first by his cursed energy, a dull pulse of a constant ebb and flow like the thud of a vast heart, unrelenting. as it grows with proximity, the crunch of his boots on the sand reaches audible levels, his pace slowed to match that of his own eerie organ.
yuji was in need, but here where the outsiders milled in their great, defeated number, choso couldnโt make himself thunder in like a bull as he may have done before. they are wounded, LILITHโs outsiders, they are all of them bleeding out from a wound that keeps growing wider as the reports come in, and choso cannot bring himself to trample on anything more. ]
Yuji.
[ so he calls out as he paces near, voice pitched low and soft, as if Geto Suguru were a beast no different than himself, a thing of tooth and nail and soft flesh pulsing beneath the shining barbed wire he has shelled himself with. ]
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synflux2024-08-22 04:03 am
GANGNEUNG
But a person he does spend his time worrying about is Itadori Yuji, and when he spots the lone figure on the beach he has no choice but to make his way across, shoes sinking into the sand. He stops by him for a moment, looking out at the ocean, but eventually he does sigh. )
You couldn't have done anything more.
( He's not going to pretend he doesn't understand what this is, what would be the point? )
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The amount of people that had just been killed... There's no way Yuji would be okay after all that.
Blinking up at Geto, he swallows a little before looking away. ]
We could've stayed. That's something we could have done.
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( There's no point arguing that. Itadori is right. Their presence might have shifted the tide in another direction. But does wondering do anything good? He doesn't think so. )
Or maybe it would have gotten all of us killed too. Or it could have changed its mind entirely and found another target. We're not infallible, Itadori-kun. A decision was made, one the majority thought for the best. You can't beat yourself up about it.
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[ Yuji's too accustomed to blaming himself for his choices and the negative consequences. It's a painful spiral, all going back to that day - to eating Sukuna's finger. What would've changed, if he'd never done that...? Would things be different at all?
Would he have just died then? Fushiguro, too? ]
It doesn't bother you at all? All the dead people?
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( There's no disdain in his voice, it's just quiet fact. These people meant nothing to him. It's a tragedy he doesn't really feel. But Geto understands where Yuji is coming from, truly he does. He was that same boy once, driven by a desperate need to do good, to protect people. He knows the pain of loss well. But they followed orders here, it wasn't a personal choice. )
Itadori-kun, I know it's hard. But the result isn't on you. Half of us could have stayed behind. LILITH could have done more. We can't win every battle. We just have to take this mistake into consideration for the next time.
( Though he'll probably always vote the Kaiju. )
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Well, there it is, isn't it? What Maki-senpai had told him, what he had been lying to himself about this whole time; the only reason that Geto is even here talking to him now is because Yuji has cursed energy. Almost two hundred thousand people are dead and Geto doesn't care even a little bit. It makes Yuji feel sick.
I don't really see why it should. ]
Because they're just monkeys, right?
[ Yuji looks away sharply, gritting his teeth. ]
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Satoru says I'm not allowed to use that word anymore.
( He smiles, and it's a perfectly bland mask to hide away the sudden very real fear that lingers inside of his chest. It's not that he regrets his beliefs, nor that he's changed them, it's just that Itadori is important to him now. He doesn't want to lose that. )
They're non-shamans. ( As if that explains it all. ) They mean very little to me.
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[ Yuji stares at him, and his expression is cool, cold. There's an edge of something dangerous about it, something sharp - deadly - that aura of someone who has power. Yuji is strong, he knows that, but he's also painfully, achingly human, only granted the power to fight curses because of an accident of birth and a painful moment of self-sacrifice.
He cannot fathom thinking in the way that Geto does, and he gazes at the man beside him as if the hope and admiration inside of him had shrivelled and died. Maki was right. Gojo-sensei was right. He was really, really stupid, wasn't he?
Those are his beliefs. ]
They all had dreams, and people they loved, and talents, and skills. They all had lives, too, reasons to laugh - they were happy, and we took that away from them. We let a dragon destroy that, and you don't care even a little bit?
[ He stands up, the sand gritty on his palm, digging in like stinging wounds. ]
That's pretty monstrous, Geto-san.
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Is it? ( His voice slips a bit, no longer as warm as it has been. He hadn't even realised he'd started sounding fond until it leaves him all at once. It's not the first time he's been called monstrous. It won't be the last. He knows what he is fairly well, and what he is is a creature of desperate violence. There's no need to be hurt by it. Though he'll allow himself the strange irritation that this is coming now, but that's fine. Maybe he'll just stop having to try. ) Such a weighty word for something so inconspicuous. It's not even remotely the most terrible thing I've ever done.
( A hum, gaze cutting away lazily. )
I didn't kill those people. Unless you want to count my vote as an act of attempted murder? But truthfully I didn't even think about them at all.
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Any reaction would be better than this, when his emotions are already running high, when his throat is tight with grief and pain and regret, when the guilt is already making him want to give up and collapse into the ground and cry until there's nothing left.
Yuji can hear the shift in tone, though. The loss of something that he hadn't even noticed was there until right now. The dynamic has changed so sharply that it feels as if the words are cutting into his soul. Stupid, naive Yuji Itadori, putting his trust in people to have it ripped away - stupid, foolish boy, wanting to see the best in people even after weeks of betrayal and suffering. ]
And you wouldn't have, because they don't mean anything to you. [ A breath. ] So does what does matter to you? Don't you have a second chance here, with Gojo-sensei? With... [ Shakily, hurt, all teenage boy grief, the betrayal of an adult to a child. ] With me and the others, too? Do you really not care about that even a little?
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( Ah, but he doesn't like that. Itadori reminds him of the girls then, back in the early days when they were so sure he would hurt them like they had been hurt before. It drags his gaze back quickly enough, and Geto grits his teeth, hard enough to feel the twinge. ) And I have been doing my best with this second chance, though really it doesn't feel like one considering you're all so quick to -.
( It cuts off. He is the adult here. He has to behave like one. )
I haven't harmed anyone. Not since the first few days, and I'd like it noted that each and every time I was never the one to strike first. I have done what LILITH asks, I have helped those ignorant non-shamans with each and every kaiju they send us after, even though I hate them. ( He's quick to lose the cool, irritation giving way to something else. Or maybe just giving up. ) You think I'm a monster? Fine. I've never pretended to be anything else, Itadori-kun. But this isn't even a fraction of how awful I could be, you should all be thankful I've settled on not caring.
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Yuji is lashing out, in his hurt and his pain, with the new knowledge of what happened with Maki, with what Gojo had told him, because he's angry. He's angry, and Geto was an easy target, someone he knew he could transfer his rage and hurt and grief onto because there is good reason to be mad at him. He's not nice, he hates humanity, he's cruel, and he can be mean, but...
But, but, but, it bundles in Yuji's head and he cracks, unable to help himself, his eyes flooding with tears as he lifts his hands to cover his face, shaking with it.
It's all just too much. Losing Megumi and Kugisaki, backed into a corner into an impossible choice, the loss of life, the reminder of what's going on - so much death and murder at home, so much death and murder here, monsters and curses ripping any shred of happiness that he has from him - that it makes him feel hollow and too full at the same time. None of this is fair, and a sixteen year old can't rationalise the feelings properly, not when his heart is so painfully scarred.
Geto-san is a monster, sure. Gojo-sensei had said that, a curse user, a cult leader, Maki-senpai had almost been killed, but, well, isn't Yuji a monster too, a cursed object? Not the same, but he's killed people. Shibuya is heavy with the scent of blood, and his hands are coated in it.
His shoulders shake as he cries, pressing his hands into his face, palms against his eyes, claws grinding against his forehead as he tries to compose himself, but it's hard. ]
I don't - [ The words come out painfully hoarse as Yuji shakes his head, unable to do anything but breathe through the rolling tears. ] I don't know what to do.
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Warm, tight, safe. )
You can't do anything now, Itadori-kun. That isn't how this works. ( His voice is quiet, low, losing all the sharp defence of moments before. Geto knows how this ends if someone doesn't step in, he's lived in. Itadori will chase his death all the way through just to escape the awful weight he's feeling and history absolutely cannot repeat itself. Geto thinks of how things might have been different had someone noticed he was losing his mind, how different he could have been. Satoru tried, but Satoru was a child too, abandoned by the very same fucking system. And while Geto tells himself he has no regrets there are still moments where he thinks why? He won't watch it happen again. ) We made a choice, and that's going to hurt. But it is not your fault, you are not the sole person here, you have to let yourself breathe, or it is going to kill you.
( A hand comes up to cup the back of his head, shirt wet from tears. But Geto's tone has turned even more earnest. )
You couldn't have predicted it, you couldn't have stopped it, you did what you thought was right. It isn't your fault.
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But after his conversation with Tsurumaru, after the half-argument, the discomfort of what Maki had told him, all of it coming together to make him so exhausted he's not sure how he's standing right now. The arms wrap around him and Geto speaks; the words at odds to what Geto had said before, the strangeness of knowing the choices he had made in the past, the things he had done.
Slowly, unsure, as if afraid something is going to be said or done to hurt him again, feelings all mixed up, blending together in a confusing marsh of discomfort, his arms wrap around Geto in return. He shouldn't be doing this, surely, shouldn't be begging comfort from someone everyone had warned him against, but he can't resist the need for it, the moment at odds to everything he knows.
There's bile in his throat, face stained with tears, begging for relief, to cry all the emotions out of him, and he doesn't have the strength to fight off Geto's comfort. All he can do is shake his head, sniffling a little. It might be the time to argue, to say - why comfort him, if it doesn't matter? If the people don't matter, why does making Yuji feel better about it matter? But the words die on his tongue.
He's simply too tired for this fight right now. ]
I have to... [ Has to what? He's not even sure. Do something? Mourn? Do some kind of penance? He's not sure, and that's what it means. ] There has to be, I can't...
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( You lose people. Geto loves his family, he truly does, but there has been something absent in him since he walked away in Shinjuku. Or maybe it had been gone long before, when Riko Amanai bled out in front of him. Either way he chased his end, and it led him nowhere. All of that pain, for nothing. His people still suffer. He didn't do anything right.
But he said he'd try, and so here he is. )
It's okay to cry. ( It needs to be said. ) It's probably better that you do. Bottling it up doesn't help. ( His hand moves ever so slightly, almost petting. ) You're allowed to feel that hurt. But beating yourself with it endlessly isn't good for you, Itadori-kun. And you wouldn't want anyone you loved to, so why should you?
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Fingers grip at Geto, and Yuji shivers with his grief, tears rolling down his cheeks. This is the last person he should be finding comfort in, he should've been able to fight him off, to shout at him for his callousness, for his anger, but it's just too much. Yuji cannot handle this any more, he can't do it, trying to be strong for everyone.
The tears roll down his cheeks, and the ache burns inside of him, and when he breathes out he feels as if he's going to collapse. ]
Because... [ Because he's a murderer too, but he can't say that. ] ... I'm tired, Geto-san.
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( How could he not? Itadori Yuji has everything riding on his shoulders, a survival that even Geto cannot fathom. There aren't any more words he can give him either, so instead he holds him like he would one of his daughters, petting him very carefully as he weeps, not caring about the damp stain of his shirt nor the discomfort of standing still. History cannot repeat itself, he won't let it. He wonders if this is what Satoru meant when he told him to try again. Probably not. Probably he'd be angry for his part in Itadori's grief, but he's not going to walk away from it right now. )
It's all right, you can take all the time that you need.
( Because he's cruel, but even he has limits. )
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The last few weeks have simply been too much for him, and he doesn't have the strength to keep fighting back right now. The tiredness has drained him, and he doesn't know what else to do except stand there, letting someone else's strong arms hold him aloft once again.
He really is so weak. ]
There's not that much time. The missions...
[ They'll come sooner rather than later. ]
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( It's pitched low, conversational, like all of this is fine and Itadori is not haemorrhaging his feelings into the sand, like Geto is not certain that once he puts him back together again the boy will declare him an enemy. )
There are so many people here, with so many different abilities, and powers, and skills, so why does it have to be on the shoulders of a sixteen year old boy? I'm not saying don't help, either, before you think I'm being callous. But you are not at home, Itadori-kun, and you're not these people's last hope. You told me you believe we should work as a team, didn't you? Then why must the guilt only be yours? Let other people help you, even with this, Especially with this. A brave face is only good enough until it cracks.
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[ Yuji's voice is quiet and muffled against Geto, coated with his tears, mumbling. It's all logical things, all stuff he knows, but rationality is hard right now. He's not sure what he's supposed to say in return, he's not sure what he ought to even suggest other than to sink further into Geto's grip.
Gojo-sensei is going to scold him for this, isn't he? Crying all the time, crying on Geto... ]
I made a promise.
[ It's all he can say. ]
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( Hands on Yuji's shoulders to draw him back, though not to push him away. Instead Geto just looks at him. He's so young, and so tired, and it isn't fair. He sighs, uses the heel of his hand to wipe some of the damp away. It is surprisingly parental of him. )
This will use you up, Itadori-kun. It will bleed you dry. Until one day you're older than this and you'll look yourself in the mirror and you won't recognise who you are any more. Don't let it. You have people here, friends, people that want to help you. Allow them while you can.
( Geto needs to do more. He needs to take some of this shitty fucking weight. LILITH asks too much. )
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[ His grandfather has no idea what happened to Yuji in the wake of that promise. All the things that have happened to him over the last few months of his life, the strange horrors and the nightmares... Did his grandpa know about this society, this world? Was he a stranger to it?
What did he know about Yuji's parents?
He sniffles, shaking his head. ]
I don't... I don't want to... [ Be a burden. Be someone that causes hurt rather than joy. ] No, I know I should, I do, it's... [ He's talking in circles. ]
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( He still hasn't let go, but he smooths a hand over Itadori's shoulder. )
I can take you somewhere else. To a friend, or Satoru. Nanami. Your boyfriend. You shouldn't be alone right now.
( And Geto is no good to him. )
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Blinking, cheeks grubby with his tears and eyes damp, he swallows. ]
Choso is probably already on his way.
[ If his brother is feeling what he feels... ]
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heโs heralded first by his cursed energy, a dull pulse of a constant ebb and flow like the thud of a vast heart, unrelenting. as it grows with proximity, the crunch of his boots on the sand reaches audible levels, his pace slowed to match that of his own eerie organ.
yuji was in need, but here where the outsiders milled in their great, defeated number, choso couldnโt make himself thunder in like a bull as he may have done before. they are wounded, LILITHโs outsiders, they are all of them bleeding out from a wound that keeps growing wider as the reports come in, and choso cannot bring himself to trample on anything more. ]
Yuji.
[ so he calls out as he paces near, voice pitched low and soft, as if Geto Suguru were a beast no different than himself, a thing of tooth and nail and soft flesh pulsing beneath the shining barbed wire he has shelled himself with. ]
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