synflux | [OPEN] Catch-all!

[ He's not steady on his feet, is he? Dizzy, maybe. A lot did just happen, and even her fingers twitch a little as the adrenaline ebbs. But again, a gash on her hand is nothing compared to every other injury carved onto her body and the pain etched deeper that had no physical form beyond her rage.

But Siffrin holds out the flower and Gebura stares at it for a few seconds, before just as quietly taking it with her uninjured hand. They'd told her before, that people in Dormont gave them to those who were important to them. The purpose of a seemingly random gesture isn't lost on her. Just like the usage of that name.

Just like her accepting both without comment. ]

If we're talking about "should" and "shouldn't", I shouldn't be alive. I should have died years ago and stayed dead. I shouldn't have had to keep fighting. All of my colleagues, none of them should have been brought back either. Lisa and Enoch should have been able to actually grow up.

[ Gebura exhales, once again shaking her head. ]

Whether these things are right or not, that's the reality of it. Maybe you shouldn't be able to keep up with me, but something happened to your situation and now you can.

... I'm still here, Siffrin. Even if it's complicated. And I'm not going.

[ (yeah.

theres a similar reason why that is too.

but she would hate you so, so much, if she knew

wouldnt she

you wish you knew why you could loop back already)

At least she took it. At least she knows its meaning. Siffrin glances up, hesitant, before plopping down on the ground. ]

...

[ (You breathe in, and out.) ]

I... can kind of... do Time Craft. But not because I want to, and I don't know how it happened. I couldn't before, but now I can. When I die, I don't.

[ There's other

bits to it that Siffrin and Loop have worked out, theory-wise, but this is the most important to the matter. It's terrifying though, saying anything, so quiet it'd be lost to the wind if there was any. ]

My family members don't remember. I get stronger, but they don't. I get faster, but they don't. That's all, that's why.

... [ There's a pause and then she sits down beside them. Close enough that they can lean, even though she doesn't say as much. ]

So because of this... time thing, you're... looping backwards when you die, but remembering it and your body itself is technically carrying what you learned and gained from before.

But your family doesn't remember it like you do, so it would be strange for them if you were suddenly stronger or faster for no reason. Which means you have to hide it.

... This has been happening to you for a while, it looks like.

[ (you want to lean on her so badly

you dont deserve to)

A soft exhale. Dragging his finger through the dirt, drawing lazy loops and childish clouds. ]

... The days here are long, aren't they?

[ And they keep going, too. Time ticks on. He's known Gebura for two months, now. He's been away from his family members for two months, now. ]

Yeah. I got used to being stuck in one place and doing the same thing, every time. Having to.

So this has definitely felt... extremely different, in a lot of ways.

[ She sets the dagger down, after a minute. Directly in front of them, between them. She's poised to act if Siffrin decides to try again, but hopefully he's at least reassured he hasn't driven her off. ]

It's strange for both of us, huh. In different ways.

[ There's blood on it.

Hers. Siffrin stares down at the dagger, stomach rolling. ]

... That's why... I don't feel stuck, when you asked. This is free to me, too.

[ A freedom forced on them both. One he wishes he could share with his family, but one he doesn't, too. If they're outside that looping existence... they could find out, like Gebura did today. And it... would be much worse. So, so much worse. ]

I lost count of how many days in total. It's always the same two, but lately... I think it's a blur. How many I go through.

[ So depress... oh. ]

Loop, um. Is helping me. With them. That's why their name is Loop. Or so they decided. They aren't affected by it.

So not because they like loop-de-loops. Okay. Got it.

[ Very dryly. ]

I can let them know I know, if that helps.

Obviously I'm not going to bring this up to anyone, but just--even if something upsets me, do me a favor and don't try to stab yourself over it again. I might not like doing it that much, but there's something to be said about talking it out.

[ (ughhhhh

but

...

You... guess you can do that...) ]

... Can I...?

[ With a hesitant reach out, fingers curled, towards her hand. ]

...

[ after a pause, she reaches out--but it's to clasp his hand with her other one, carefully; he can slip free immediately if he wants to. ]

Leave it. If it's another scar I get from protecting a friend, I'd rather not have it be like it never existed.

[ He won't slip away, though tense less because of the touch and more because of

the words, surprise widening his eye this time rather than panic alone.

...

A small nod. ]

Um. If you want a real fight, then I can still give it to you. I won't hold back. Promise.

Yeah, I'll hold you to that. It'd probably be good for you to have at least one instance where you don't have to hold back for someone else's sake.

[ She closes her eyes briefly, then opens them again to glance at her injured hand. ]

But let's pick another day for it. We're not in the right mood for it now.

... Right mood?

[ There's a mood? ]

Yeah. Right now, at the very least, I don't feel like fighting you. I've got a lot to process.

And you don't exactly look like you'd be up for it either.

[ Oh. She's one thing, but he closes his eye with a smile. ]

I'd be okay.

[ ...

(What? Can't be honest with her even now? She isn't stupid.)

Their hand squeezes hers and hesitantly they lean on her too, expression slackening to something a little more tired. ]

... But, in the way... I can pull it inside and be okay.

[ So not really. The necessary okay, but not the fun okay. ]

Sorry... for lying. About Time Craft. And... my abilities. I think Elysium suspects me too.

[ Gebura is quiet for a minute, but she doesn't move away. She's at least gotten a little more used to contact from Siffrin and she'd made herself available for this much. There's a longer pause, and then she squeezes lightly. Almost uncertainly. ]

I can do that too. I have done that. But I don't want you to think a fight with me is something you need to be like that with--because it's not. There's no obligation.

... And it's entirely possible he suspects you, but that's your call to make. He might or might not call you out like I did. [ Who knows, with Elysium. Maybe if he thought it was something to be concerned about. ]

Either way, I know your reasons now. So don't treat me like I'm blind again and I'll forgive you.

[ Maybe Siffrin'll just drop it in casual conversation at some point. No big deal. Funny to see his expression. ]

I won't. You... understand it in a way, too. So...

[ ... A little less alone, maybe... Her and Loop help. A lot. ]

I don't want to be here longer than I knew everyone, though.

How long is that again?

[ Because she does not have to worry about that ever happening, on her side. It's either ten years or ten thousand years, without any of them physically aging. ]

[ (You

don't remember.)

Siffrin's hand clenches tightly. Trying to ground himself.

(Weeks? Months? How long, Siffrin. How long ago, Siffrin.) ]

... Um. A... while.

...

[ Her fingers flex lightly, and there's warmth that greets his palm, almost like one would feel holding their hands in front of a fire. It's very brief, flickering, and then it's gone. ]

Okay. Then you've got some time.

[ It's enough to startle his panicking heart, force a kind of soft reset, and Siffrin glances down at their joined hands before up at Gebura.

... Had that been... ]

It'll pass by quickly.

[ (You have to work harder. To remember them, to not forget.) ]

[ No one can say she doesn't practice. But she won't draw attention to it. ]

A lot of people want to get back. You won't be the only one trying.

[ (You stomach tumbles.)

... Siffrin'll gently pick up the dagger finally, shuffling out a black pant leg to wipe the blood off on, and returns it to his gloves. ]

Want or have?

Does it matter either way?

[ It would still be aiming to return. Though she has to wonder what the other Librarians would think of it. ]

[ ... ]

No, guess not.

[ Either way, it's an aim to return. Siffrin closes his eye. ]

Just curious.

...

[ She huffs, very quietly. ]

You want to get back to your family. I... did my part, technically. But I can't leave the Library; my form's tied to it. Even if I went back, I wouldn't be able to reenter the City again.

[ Which is... fine, really. It is what it is. ]

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