synflux | PRE-FIGHT EVENT #1

PRE-FIGHT EVENT #1

PRE-FIGHT EVENT #1

CONTENT WARNINGS: natural disaster, PTSD, mind-control, psychological trauma, violence, delirium from heat, temporary blindness, hallucinations, dead bodies.

▶ 001. STORM CHASERS.

After weeks of searching for clues on the kaiju and missing people, the desert landscape begins to blend together. Didn’t you pass that cactus earlier today? That rock formation looks exactly like the one you passed the other day. It’s natural to loop back around when conducting a search but doesn’t it feel like everyone has been going in circles more frequently?

The heat isn’t helping either. Temperatures start to rise and continue to rise to all time highs. The sun is unrelenting and the only reliable shelter they have are their campers. Prolonged exposure outside will result in heat exhaustion, dehydration, and delirium.

Warnings will be sent to the Outsiders via their implants to keep them up to date with the weather as well as providing health tips such as reminders to stay hydrated or seek shelter during the hottest parts of the day. They will also receive warnings for sand storms and tornadoes called dust devils. The storms start of short and relatively weak but gradually begin to last longer and become more powerful. Pretty soon, Outsiders will not be able to see ahead from the dense sand and wind.

Outsiders will be told to chase after the storms and if they progress far enough, they will begin to find traces of people. They will find random belongings, articles of clothing, and occasionally, human remains in varying states of decomposition. Eventually, however, they will start to find survivors suffering from extreme fatigue and dehydration. They speak incoherently to themselves and as soon as they regain their strength, they try to run into storms while calling out to things that people can’t see.

Outsiders can wait for emergency caravans to arrive from Vegas to take survivors back to the city or they can take back the survivors themselves and use the opportunity to restock on supplies.

▶ 002. THE STORM CALLS.

The sandstorms increase and grow stronger until eventually, they last entire days. The sands shift, the grounds shake, and something thunderous can be heard in the dust. It becomes harder to see out in the desert and it’s almost like the storms are trying to hide something. At the edge of a storm, sharp eyed Outsiders may catch sight of a great shadowy serpent in the heart of the storm. Messages to their implants will urge them to get closer and investigate but be careful.

The storm grows stronger as they approach and the camper vans may slow down or get stuck in the shifting sands forcing some of them to proceed on foot to make visuals. Eventually, they will get close enough to finally establish clear visuals on their target: A giant sand worm. It’s size is not immediately clear due to the poor visibility and it being partially underground. However, the worm also sees them and when it does, it glows. The light catches on and reflects against the sand particles and that’s when it hits some of the Outsiders: A sudden splitting headache followed by an inability to look away.

Some outsiders may suddenly find themselves entranced by the worm; hypnotized. They will begin to see mirages and hear voices calling out to them in the storm. Captivated Outsiders will find themselves wanting to run into the storm to chase after the phantoms, some of them images and figures of people from their past and present back home. If anyone attempts to stop them, they will become irrational, violent, and turn on their friends and allies. Some Outsiders may begin to view their allies as enemies and attack, turning on one another in a gruesome frenzy. Some of the hypnotic beams will effect those still in their campers, turning on their friends and other Outsiders.

Outsiders will have to restrain each other to keep them from running into the desert or harming each other. In the chaos, the worm disappears into the storm. The psychic effects of the monster will weaken after the worm disappears and the storm dies down but it may leave some characters feeling overwhelmed and confused in the aftermath. Some will remain in an erratic state for several days, occasionally acting normal. In the insanity of all of this, Outsiders may have picked up another Outsider into their camper van for their protection or camper parties remain shuffled. It's up to the ones unaffected by the psychic attacks to watch over the others while retreating from the desert.

▶ 003. CITY OF DREAMS.

Following the disaster of the first sighting, LILITH will order characters to return to Vegas so they can assess what happened. En route to Vegas, some Outsiders may notice some side effects from the prolonged exposure to the sandstorm. They may experience shortness of breath and coughing as a result of breathing in so much dust. Furthermore, they may experience a splitting headache or pain behind their eyes. Their implants may lag, glitch, or go completely offline which will render them temporarily blind in one or both eyes. It seems that the fine sand and dust combined with whatever psychic damage the worm did may have messed with their implants and crossed some sensors which is all the more reason to return to Vegas for treatment.

Outsiders may become lethargic and experience vivid daydreams while they are awake or regular dreams while sleeping. In these dreams, they may relive memories. Some of these memories may be pleasant but others may be traumatic or things characters would rather keep secret. Unfortunately, being in close proximity to someone suffering from these effects will force a link through a glitch in their implants and drag other characters into the dream.

These links will function similarly to how simulation training works. The dreams they visit appear to be very realistic and characters can experience pain and be hurt within the memory. They will be able to interact with the memories. While in these memories, they can try to wake up the memory holder to bring them back to reality. Who knows, maybe helping each other understand what is real and a dream may even make them more resilient to the worm’s attacks the next time they go into the desert...

▶ 004. REST & RECOVERY

As characters recover from the psychic effects and implant glitches, LILITH will try to assess everyone’s biometrics to understand what happened. Characters who need therapy or counseling after reliving some horrible memories of theirs will be provided sessions via their implants. They now understand that the worm has some sort of psychic mind control power that it can use on victims. It is currently too dangerous to go back into the desert until they can come up with a proper defense against it.

Outsiders will be ordered to stay in Vegas and focus on recovery, given two queen side bed hotel rooms again OR if they would prefer to stay in the camper vans, that is also fine, with their same room mates or new ones. They are confident that they can fix the implants with the right upgrade but they aren’t sure what to do to stop people from following the call of the desert and making them act erratically. What is important is that LILITH sticks together.

In the meantime, those who have recovered, and even those who are experiencing these issues are ordered to remain close to one another; a buddy system of sorts. Each Outsider will be given designated groups to keep tight watch over one another while in Vegas. They will be responsible for physically checking on those in their groups and making sure one another’s whereabouts are properly tracked in order to avoid losing anyone to the desert.

LILITH encourages Outsiders to hang tight and wait for instructions before adventuring back out into the desert.

▶ 005. AFTERWORD.

In light of the results of the scheduling poll, here is our first event with a preview of the kaiju. All side effects from either the sandstorms or the worm kaiju can last for as short or as long as players would like.

For the daydreams/memory share, players can decide how they would like characters to experience the memories, whether it plays out in front of them like a movie or if they're reliving it by acting out the scene all over again or a mix of both. We encourage you guys to have fun with it and use whatever format feels most comfortable.

As always, feel free to leave questions under the QUESTIONS thread. All tags on this log are worth 2 points and will count towards June AC.

EVENT BREAKDOWN (CLICK TO EXPAND)

1. STORM CHASERS: Outsiders, still in the now expanded Mojave Desert, face problems with heat and sandstorms, resulting in dehydration and delirium. Still, LILITH encourages them to press onward in their camper vans and desert approved attire. Many dead bodies are found, but those that survive, Outsiders can keep an eye on survivors until emergency care can come pick them up.

2. STORM CALLS: A glimpse of the creature causing the problems is seen beneath the sands surface: a giant sandworm. It attacks LILITH recruits with psychological damage, causing Outsiders to hallucinate memories of their past, act erratic and violent and turn on LILITH crew. Outsiders are tasked to wrangle in one another and retreat back to Las Vegas to recover.

3. CITY OF DREAMS: Seeking refuge back in Las Vegas, character's implants go haywire from the psychic attacks, causing a memory share between characters that are close enough to one another.

4. REST & RECOVERY: Outsiders are placed in hotels again, or if they prefer to stay in the camper vans. They are tasked to keep an eye out on one another and sit tight for further instructions while LILITH assesses their data and next move to wrangle in the sandworm. Outsiders are to wait until given instructions.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ These walls, the lights... It's strange to be here, to be here again, as if no time has passed. The footsteps are equally recognizable — Yesod remembers this sound, the rapid tapping of soles against the floor. Some reflex almost compels him to comment on it (a number of safety hazards come to mind), but Elijah has reached her destination, another familiar room.

As an unseen spectator — so he assumes, given that his past self should be here as well — he is free to observe the scene's details: Elijah looks at Ayin in a manner that isn't unlike the focus that Giovanni turned toward Carmen alone. Neither of them are moths, though Carmen might have been likened to a source of radiant light, drawing all of them to her side. Elijah's gaze, attentive with admiration, suggests that in her eyes, Ayin emits the same brightness.

She lights up herself, eager and hopeful, until her unacknowledged smile vanishes.

The final hallway is familiar, too, and so is the final door. The stillness now is not one of peace, too full of dread for what comes next, after Elijah smiles to herself, turning a key that shouldn't be in her possession to open a door that should have stayed locked. No one is here — no one was here, not in time. Following won't change the past.

Even so, Yesod's fingers reach for the handle in front of him, testing his ability to interact with his surroundings. His feet take him forward, not far behind Elijah. ]

[ it's an all too familiar sight to yesod, of course.

as gabriel had the authority to enter.

there's walls of various supplies, from glass beakers and other instrument, metal racks where other things she hadn't paid mind to lay, and elijah's back remain to his as she shuffles through a cabinet that, of course, should have stayed locked and was not, a double layer of protection for the precious substance they'd found in the wake of enoch, of carmen. the vial is dark and viscous in a way that'd be off putting to almost anyone

and in truth it's off putting to her, too, but-- ]

I won't be a burden... I can help... Just give me a chance...

[ murmurs and reassurances. no one could scold her if it went well, right? they might admonish her a little, but the results would prove something, wouldn't they? that she was ready for further experiments? that she could help? that she wasn't a burden? that she could do it? that she was worth something? that she deserved some praise? that she was doing a good job? that she could be looked at, too?

her hand reaches for a syringe next, the needle-like point comforting in its sharpness. ]

[ He won't look away from this, either, though he feels something that he also recognizes welling up within him, the longer he watches. Elijah isn't authorized to enter this location. She shouldn't be handling the Cogito, least of all while it caused nothing but harmful effects to note in their test subjects. The keys and locks shouldn't be accessed without proper clearance.

These are (were) the facts and the rules, and Elijah should have known better, but all of that is beside the point. She was determined to prove herself, grasping at any opportunity to do so — why would the risks matter to her, then, if she only saw the potential results? ]

...Why did you think that?

[ Calling herself a burden, worthless unless this reckless endeavor succeeded. It's likely that Elijah can't hear it, won't respond, and anything said and done has no influence over a fixed outcome, but Yesod wonders suddenly what their last exchange was, prior to this incident. One more admonishment in a long list? Was that Elijah's impression of Gabriel, nothing but that?

He was complicit in this as well — he knew that. And yet...

Once more, Yesod's hands reach out, now with the intention of seizing Elijah's wrists, at least here. Stop. Don't do it. Would she have listened? ]

I'm always shut down, [ as if she can hear him, likely as it is that she can't, ] whenever I try to say I can do something, I'm told I can't.

[ that she isn't ready, or she has other things to do, or... any excuse under the sun -- not excuse, reason, she knows they're good reasons, she knows they're right, but she would clear her clipboard if only she could step forward with everyone rather than one moment, one minute, one lifetime behind.

his hands wrap around her wrists, but a memory is a memory. elijah does pause, staring down at them before she tries to fill the needle anyway.

but her breathing is quicker, she's been caught, there's a guilty tremble as she flicks her shirking gaze up at gabriel's irritated (is it irritated? why wouldn't it be? she's not supposed to be here, she knows that, he'll tattle and that'll be the end of this, of her, of everything) one and tries to fill the needle anyway. ]

You... sh-shouldn't be here.

[ there's never anyone here. it's always her, a bottle, a needle, and ayin. ]

[ For a moment, as his fingers close around her wrists, it's tempting to believe that this could alter the course of what took place that distant day. (And then? What kind of butterfly effect might ensue?) Enoch and Carmen were already gone, however, and Elijah was desperate to contribute for reasons that weren't solely motivated by their cause.

He doesn't expect her to notice his hands restraining her, to look up at him, to speak to him directly. The palpable tremor seizing her alongside the shift in her breathing appears to be in response to his interference. All the same, his grip tightens, driven by wishful thinking. ]

Neither should you.

[ The vial and the syringe are still in her hands — he won't force them out of her hold. It would be better, if she were to relinquish them herself, choosing to see sense. It's bad enough to shut her down again, even with the justification that it's for her own good. ]

But you were aware of that.

I didn't think you'd be up.

[ that anyone would be around. there's someone who's slowly coming down the hall regardless, who'll be attracted by the light that spills out from the door left ajar.

she doesn't let go of the items, she tries to pull away from him instead. let go, let go, let go. ]

I can't-- stand it anymore, Gabriel. I don't want to be a bystander anymore, I want to be part of something! I can do more to help than just taking notes on conditions!

[ she knows she can. she's confident she can. but cogito doesn't take into account the passion of a person, their hard working personality. especially not at the dosage she'd take. it's a careful balance that'll be found in the future for all the wrong reasons. ]

[ How many of them were truly asleep while Elijah crept through these hallways to carry out her plan? Rest was impossible, back then — but that makes it worse, knowing that he didn't think to preempt this.

She refuses to let go of the items; he refuses to let go of her. When she attempts to pull free, he steps towards her.

His actions discard every logical thought, any semblance of remaining level-headed, in the face of what feels entirely real and preventable right now. Better this than the so-called rationality that he clung to, pointlessly, wasn't that his lesson to learn? ]

That was an integral task. I don't know why you couldn't see it.

[ Or rather, did any of them ever tell her that? What she refers to as "just" taking notes was a necessary step to complete thoroughly and accurately, collecting their findings across experiments for further analysis.

It documented every sacrifice in the name of achieving their goal. ]

[ he crowds her. it isn't really crowding, but he'd persistent in a way that-- muddles with her mind a little, even as irritation flares at his words, cheeks flushing with it.

integral? he doesn't see why she couldn't see that? because she's slower than the rest of them, isn't it? because of course everyone but her happens to know that -- because it's so, sooooo obvious to anyone else that her stupid job that anyone could do was super duper important to their cause as a whole-- ]

I know I'm not the sharpest person, [ she snaps, ] but what's wrong with wanting more?

[ to do more, to deserve more. she knows she's slow. clumsy. always running into things and people, dropping papers and forgetting her next task unless she's written it down...

... she knows she's unfit, she knows she's no good, she's here by pure luck, it feels, rather than for any good reason. elijah could draw a comparison between herself and giovanni if she thought of it. but they hadn't really talked. ]

Let go of me! Just leave! You can tell-- tell whoever, I'll be punished either way, so just let me be useful!

[ Even now, it seems that every word out of his mouth has the sound of a rebuke. He has never called her an idiot, but scolding her so often was most likely perceived as the equivalent, and his remarks now must seem no different. It's too late to take them back, let alone soften their sharp edges and try again to convey his intended meaning. She isn't willing to hear it.

Regardless, he doesn't let go. He doesn't leave. ]

...You require a test subject, don't you?

[ This conversation is an unfolding what if, and he chooses to pursue it further. Perhaps he has a human body here, complete with a circulatory system — breathing isn't the product of an illusion or his mind's fabrications, he thinks, which implies that he must have a functioning respiratory system, for one.

His left hand keeps its fingers clamped around Elijah's wrist, freeing her other arm. She can move it, but that won't allow her to use the vial, not while he hasn't released the hand holding the syringe.

A brief movement of his right elbow against his side tugs his sleeve partway up his forearm, exposing it, before he turns it over for Elijah. ]

Edited 2024-06-04 09:40 (UTC)

[ ... she isn't the quickest match to light.

it doesn't dawn on her what he means, what he intends, until her puzzled expression stares at the white of his wrist and whatever anger she'd felt at his interruption, her own shortcomings, drops away. doused by shock and left smoking. ]

... Why?

[ quiet and trembling, face lifting to search yesod's, gabriel's expression for explanation. ]

We don't know... you're actually important, Gabriel. Why are you so set on stopping me?

[ offering himself instead, as someone with the authority to access cogito. would he have done this before? would he have dragged her away instead, harsh as she cried? would he have... the muddled mind is malkuth trying to pull herself into stopping this, panic rising to her throat. the memory, this what if, remains steadfast. ]

[ Why? He'd stayed silent for too long, even as the distance between their unconscionable methods and their original aspirations lengthened and twisted into something that seemed more and more insurmountable. And in the end, nothing that he did addressed the true problem.

He can't stand this, he finds, hearing her separate them into categories on the basis of how useful they supposedly were, convinced that her life only held value if she produced certain results. But then, they were born and raised in the City. They were once Nest residents themselves.

He could lay out argument after argument to explain himself, countless years too late, but she undoubtedly has more of her own to insist upon, and ultimately, the answer is simple. It doesn't need a point-by-point rebuttal of her statements. ]

I refuse to turn a blind eye while you harm yourself. I don't want you to die.

So you want me to hurt you instead.

[ a shaky accusation. ]

You have a specific outcome in mind. Would using me instead of yourself detract from it?

[ Had he discovered her, could a conversation like this have made a difference at all? Despite everything, the fact that she hesitates leads him to linger on the thought. ]

[ she does hesitate.

it wouldn't, but... elijah's eyes cast down again, lips pressed tight, and she shakes her head. ]

Gabriel... [ she starts somewhere between scolding and pleading, stops.

was this the most they'd ever talked? she can't remember. especially after carmen's passing, everything, everyone... blurred together. keeping up was always her priority. work was always her priority. the cogito is dark and green in her shadow, waiting to be used, and she thinks

could she just ingest it instead?

his grip is solid, though. firm. elijah shifts the needle in hand, restless. ]

... It's not... No, I mean... It wouldn't, in terms of the experiment, but...

[ but

...

but if it worked out, then... she still wouldn't... frustration stings her eyes and she refuses to let them fall. her voice comes out scratchier though, tight and upset. ]

You're not going to let me anyway. [ that much is clear. she can't use herself. ] Are... you sure about this?

[ What will happen, if Elijah surrenders? Everything since he followed her never took place, after all. He watches her restless fingers, the way her expression changes, reflecting her internal debate plainly.

If he releases her, can he trust her not to change her mind? Or should he remain at the ready to interrupt her a second time? ]

I am.

[ To tell the truth, if there was no turning back, it would have been better to die in order to keep her from suffering — assuming that it didn't weigh on her afterwards as her death weighed on him — than dying as he did, genuinely useless by the end as a consequence of his own flaws and faulty thinking. But even that idea is flawed when there was still more suffering ahead for the others after they were dead.

He loosens his grip. ]

[ he loosens his grip.

elijah thinks about it anyway, briefly as she exhales and fills the needle to full. she knows where to put it on her own arm. it was an impulsive plan, but it was still one she took care to do her research about in some ways: where the veins were, the proper way to expel air so it didn't blow out the vein you were injecting into, how fast you should go to avoid the very same fate...

(malkuth remembers too. the way it felt, how her hand trembled in concentration.)

the way her hand trembles now, setting the emptied vial aside as she takes yesod's arm, thumb rubbing the delicate skin at his wrist to find what she needs. a little higher, maybe; his veins aren't as prominent despite his paleness, and still, still she hesitates once she finds a good one. rests the needle just above at the angle necessary, face cast down and expression hidden.

though her tone is ever an open book, soft but decided. ]

... You... have to tell me if there's an unusual pressure once I start. That way, I can control how fast I'm injecting it. Okay?

[ his trust isn't misplaced. she doesn't know what will happen (malkuth does, can remember the searing pain and how it felt to have everything begin to slough off her just before she couldn't feel anymore and somehow that was worse, the pressure the only thing she understood once her nerves had been sufficiently damaged and she

she can't do anything, because it happens all the time in these dreams, where she plays observer in first person and can feel the movements, can feel the mounting dread, and never can stop it) but elijah won't let the chance go to waste, even if it's not ideal; even if it isn't her in the experiment's position, even if she's only dealing it out.

it's only after confirmation that she'll push it through his skin, steady and focused, one hand resting beneath his arm to hold it up as the other carefully presses the plunger down, the green liquid disappearing. ]

Of course.

[ He refrains from issuing any instructions, falling silent while she follows every necessary step correctly, despite her trembling and her hesitation. It's funny to feel relieved that she has accepted his offer, though he can't deny that some part of him wishes that she had simply decided to be patient and abandon this unauthorized experiment altogether instead, even only here. It doesn't matter. It wasn't a test of her resolve or anything else to that effect.

He can still feel the warmth and the texture of her skin, in this now-foreign body, just as he felt her anxious pulse beneath his fingers. The needle is cold, puncturing layers of fragile human tissue until its sharp point is embedded in the vein chosen as the injection site. How much time did Elijah have left, after emptying the contents of the filled syringe into her bloodstream? ]

...I was concerned.

[ That was why I scolded you. Breaking the silence, he presents her with an explanation that Gabriel never expressed in those words. ]

I wish—

[ That there had been more reasons to smile, in this place. He doesn't finish his sentence, shuddering as pain courses along his arm, spreading, pulsing through the rest of him. Following its onset, it makes the rushing of his own blood palpable, audible, the pounding of his heart in his chest, its quickening pace. The ground tilts, abruptly; he staggers, reaches past the flickering haze encroaching upon his vision to catch himself against a nearby cabinet.

His fingers come into contact with the solid surface first, and his nails give way, peeling back, dislodged from the nail bed. Between shallower breaths, the tang of iron fills his mouth, and it occurs to him that this will create a mess, at this rate, whether his body reflexively expels it or he chokes on mouthfuls of blood. It trickles past his lips, down his chin, onto the fabric of his clothing to stain it with flecks of crimson. ]

[ he was concerned, he says, and elijah doesn't quite understand why he says it -- malkuth does, but it's only from time granting her that opportunity. she knows he was concerned. yesod, and gabriel, had never been ill-intentioned in his strictness nor severity; he was observant and kind, just... not the sort to know how to say things nicely, straight to the point and speaking his mind simply. malkuth has gotten used to it, even if she still kneejerks at times; malkuth has come to love him all the same, knowing he means well. just as she loves netzach despite his lazy tendencies and hod despite her lack of self confidence. just as she hopes they love her too, despite her impulsiveness.

"i wish" he starts and never finishes, and that's where malkuth's understanding ends. her footsteps jerk back from yesod when he grasps for a cabinet reflexively even as her hands come out to try and steady him, needle torn from the movements and clattering somewhere beneath her feet, ]

Gabriel!

[ but it's a foreign sound in his ears, sounding more like the desperate cry of "yesod" as panic trembles through both, and there's a shift.

he seems alone, vaguely aware the body that buckles to the ground isn't his own. it's painful. he knows he's messed up, he's done something he shouldn't; the others would be angry, an odd thing to think while his nails come off like autumnal leaves brushed by the wind, dark red and easily pulled. his vision is hazy but clear, alert but struggling to see, the white of the ajar door a single objective. if he could get out, he could leave. he could ask for forgiveness. he could get help or, at least, be killed mercifully.

he doesn't want to be alone.

he doesn't want to be alone he doesn't want to be alone he doesn't want to be alone he doesn't want to be alone she doesn't want to be alone he doesn't want to be alone he doesn't want to be alone he doesn't want

as if waiting on a cue, the door opens the rest of the way quietly and his heart picks up. he isn't alone. squeezes, hopeful and anxious, pain forgotten for a split second as the blood spilling from his mouth, prickling at his eyes, flutters in his veins. it might occur to him now he's afflicted with what elijah had felt, or became her in this moment, and his mouth struggles to move to speak to ayin, teeth dropping into the pools of blood beneath him. ]

[ He heard a dead man's name, he heard his own, called out by a voice that he knows, but this body writhing on the floor, raw fingertips clawing and scraping at it, is not his body in any form. He can feel every second of agony and fear, alone, and the erratic rhythm of his (no, Elijah's) laboring heartbeat, a surge of desperate hope, not alone. Simultaneously, it's as if he has become a spectator again, bound in place to watch the scene hurtle towards the inevitable.

The doorway frames a familiar figure, whose shadow falls across the space between them. A pair of feet, just out of reach, so far away. He is here. Her body continues to convulse where she has landed, scattering lost teeth and fingernail fragments; the floor glistens, slick with streaks of red smeared in every direction.

Through the spasms and the blood, she stretches one unsteady hand out before her, imploring. ]

Please... K-Kill me...

[ She pleads for forgiveness, for mercy. For Ayin's acknowledgement, just once.

"I heard about Elijah," Gabriel said. "I'm sorry." But it was more than that, too much, and even then, it didn't come close to this. He wants it to end here, a final wish granted. ]

[ she'd asked the manager once if he'd ever felt true helplessness, true hopelessness, before. she'd thanked him for the opportunity. the chance to feel something she never had before, something she wouldn't have wished on her worst enemies (did elijah have those? did malkuth?), something only she could feel in those precarious moments between lucidity and lunacy.

ayin's shoes pause in front of elijah (of yesod), and then they turn, heels clipping the ground near-noiselessly without a word, without acknowledgement. an odd sensation follows the door's closure.

the line between lucidity and lunacy is as thin as wakefulness and not. cogito has that effect. enkephalin does too, as the (technical) by-product of the former -- you can see hallucinations if you're not careful, for example. that's why it's an odd sensation, staring at the pieces of yourself on a stained floor. they're you but they aren't. they can't be. but they are, they are, they are they are they are

instead of panic it was disbelief, delusion, misery. pain had fled her then as it does her (him) now, and... there is a seed of resentment there, small as can be. hurt that the simplest action, the smallest mercy, wasn't one he could have given; no, there was nothing to be done at this point to help, but...

... but still, it... it wouldn't have been too much to ask, would it? to be given a less excruciating end. maybe her body was better left as is, unblemished save for the effects of cogito. maybe it was more worth it from a scientific aspect. but these are all things gabriel, all things yesod would know; elijah herself, then and now and then again as malkuth, hadn't had a single thought outside of how even now, even now

even now, she hadn't been good enough to be acknowledged. ]

[ malkuth smashes the back of elijah's (yesod's) head with a microscope.

she won't ignore them. if no one else will acknowledge elijah, if no one else will remember her, if no one else will celebrate or love or forgive or accept or apologize to her

malkuth will.

the dream ends as abruptly as their life. ]

[ It's an eternity, suspended between lucidity and lunacy, too much time for too many disjointed thoughts to steep in a flood of emotions. Ayin's shoes are close enough to touch, but the distance to reach across is vast, and in the absence of any answer, the sound of the door falling shut is deafening. Yesod does recall the decisions that were made after Elijah's death. The memory lurks in the periphery of his muddled awareness; for the moment, he struggles to separate himself from this, the abandonment, the helplessness and hopelessness. Staring at the flesh where her fingernails used to be. The pieces of herself on the floor.

Only the physical pain is gone, like her fingernails, her nerves. Her organs are failing, and none of it is funny, but Elijah's laughter bubbles up in her throat like the spurts of blood—

Nothingness puts an end to the nightmare.

"...I heard about Elijah, I'm sorry."

It doesn't stay quiet and dark, the veil of Cogito shrouding the world cleared away — the same recognizable harsh hall lights come into view. Gabriel's gloved fingers close around the key that Ayin has just handed over. The accompanying conversation between the two men gradually grows distinct, piece by piece. It's perfectly calm and civil, even detached, on the surface.

(Underneath, everything kept in containment festers.)

"Also, you were very careless not to put the supply room key back in its proper place." Even Ayin isn't spared — this isn't the first time that Gabriel has advised the man to adjust his behavior. It doesn't end there, finishing with his suggestion to monitor the use of all keys: "...to prevent people like you from causing this again."

(He knows, deep down, that the key's location didn't matter.)

He dismisses Ayin's questioning his attire, evades more questions whenever they come as the others notice the habits that he has developed in the wake of the incident that ended Elijah's life. He's just a little tired. Concern is unnecessary. The safety measures that he introduces and demonstrates are sensible in a laboratory environment, hardly excessive — prevention is best. Cogito's effects to examine aside, they all know what happened to Elijah. (Could anyone have intervened in time? Why did she go that far, when she should have known—) Meticulously, he follows every newly-implemented rule.

(It won't change anything now.)

(He feels unwell. His own skin is chafing him.)

Outside the locked supply room door, Gabriel picks up a scrap of paper by his feet. He glances over his shoulder, down the hallway, pausing as though he expects the tapping of hasty footfalls crossing the floor, their owner soon to turn the corner in a hurry. ]

[ the hall lights feel harsher now, though she knows they used the same everywhere. malkuth feels like a voyeur of a kind, peered around a corner as yesod-- as gabriel chides ayin, which she didn't know he did, as they talk... about elijah, a little, as the conversation is clipped but civil.

the rules made sense. they were logical in their prevention -- being fully covered would... help minimize risks in that way, but she can't help but feel it a little much. yesod had wrappings around his boxy body too.

what did those help with?

gabriel bends to retrieve a fallen paper, glancing... looking for something, or someone, maybe just by habit ready to scold (because he was concerned, malkuth recalls him mentioning just before), but nonetheless tempting to answer the empty call.

elijah's quick footsteps would never again sound through these hallways.

malkuth's slow, careful ones do instead, spying on the other as her head peeks around the corner.

she isn't sure if she'd be a ghost of the past or visible at all, here, but-- she's curious. what happened after all that. was she helpful in the end? did anyone miss her? or... the rest was too sad to think. ]

[ Standing there, motionless for a while, Gabriel looks directly at her. These visions are probably a sign of fatigue, mental strain — it's no lie that he is tired. His fingers stir to curl inward, around the paper in his hand, crumpling it into a creased ball, crushing it. Finally, he turns back to the supply room door to check it again. It's locked. The keys have been returned.

It's locked. He unlocks the door, opens it.

No one is here, and today's inventory list hasn't changed. Still, Gabriel doesn't leave, there until he has confirmed what he already knows. Then he locks the door, rechecks it, and darkness swallows up the surrounding space.

The door is unlocked. Elijah emerges from behind it, a dream within a dream that stumbles across the threshold, the crumbling boundary between lucidity and lunacy. Gabriel's hands catch her by the shoulders, but upon contact, her arms begin to disintegrate, dissolving into green, soaking her coat and dripping from the ends of her sleeves. Her eyes are open, sclera discolored, empty before they slowly liquefy in their sockets like molten wax, spilling over her cheeks, onto his fingers trying in vain to hold her together.

Elijah's lips part — to speak, to cry out? To smile?

It's only a dream. The truth is much worse, and there is no waking from it. ]

[ frozen like a deer, staring directly back at time, until she's released and he checks the door. unlocks it, opens it, looks inside. satisfied, relocks it, checks it again, and

and it's a dream within a dream, a terror tucked inside another, the remnants of elijah held loosely and looser still by disturbed memory and gabriel's desperate attempt. she watches her first life pour over itself, over him, and very gently. uncertain of what she can do but determined nonetheless; malkuth isn't a bystander, never could be in any life really, can't be one now. steps closer into this, a space a ghost does not belong (no more than the one falling apart in front of him does), and speaks for the woman who can't anymore. ]

Hey!

[ even though she's not saying much, anyway. it wasn't their fault no more than it was carmen's. elijah had decided her own course of action. enoch had too. but the repetition reminds her of guilt, ensuring it doesn't happen again. reasonable rules, preventative procedures.

look at me, unspoken but true. i'm fine. it's fine. what could a dead girl say? ]

▶ 001. STORM CHASERS.

▶ 002. THE STORM CALLS.

▶ 003. CITY OF DREAMS.

▶ 004. REST & RECOVERY

▶ 005. AFTERWORD.

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cw needles...

cw: injection descriptions, graphic dying part one... elijah larping soon

SIGHS... cw continued

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1/2

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cw: mild body horror

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