synflux | ( OPEN ) JUNE CATCH ALL

There's no reason to be sorry.

(It's not like he meant to share it with him. If he had wanted to then surely he would have already known about this. No, this is just another cruel misfortune in this already cruel world.

He hums in acknowledgment and holds onto Aki firmly as he straights himself up properly and gives him a reassuring squeeze,)

This way. You can lean on me.

(Always careful to keep his voice steady and calm, never once sounding bothered as he guides Aki away from the hotel lobby, off to a quieter corner where guests would have relaxed had LILITH not commandeered the area for their own use.

It's quiet, a little more out of the way, but not completely private. Maybe if Aki recovers more, they can move but for now, he's more focused on getting the other man sitting down.)

I can get you some tea.

(If he feels like he needs something for his stomach. If he needs to be alone for a moment.)

There is.

[ It's a horrible thing to have to see, to witness, even if it's from someone you care about - or even worse, being someone they care about. There are reasons why he doesn't talk about his past, about what happened to him, because his motivation didn't matter beyond killing the Gun, and no one really got close enough to learn more in depth about his hurt.

Walking with Tsurumaru is easy, and Aki lets him be his guide, until he can slide down into a chair and let his elbows settle over his thighs, head in his hands. It takes him a moment to breathe in and out, to come back to himself, to make himself feel... As if he can push his pieces back together.

Tsurumaru speaks, and Aki lifts his head, reaching out on instinct to take his hand, to push his fingers between the other man's and hold onto him. The dampness of his eyes betrays his fragile state, and he shakes his head, hesitating for a moment.

Maybe he has no right to ask for this, after the way he had stepped away, put up a wall, his own hurt making him sour and bitter, but the idea of being without Tsuru right now...

Squeezing, gentle, Aki gazes at him. ]

... Will you stay with me?

(His own memory flashes back to what he'd just seen. To that boy on a quiet winter's day, so small and so weak, his eyes so wide with horrified surprise... and he sees it again in front of him. Right now, Aki seems so much like that little boy from the memory that he can't help but want to reach out and keep him safe.

Their fingers lace together and slowly, he closes his hands around his. Locked in place. Anchored here. Leaning in, he pulls the edge of his robe over his hand so he can wipe at Aki's eyes gently,)

Until I rust.

(Which is really to say, as long as Aki wants.

What a shame, he thinks, that this is what it took to bring Aki close to him again. He still wonders where that distance had come from but right now, he's happy to close it but for now, he'd rather focus on the present, )

Here, come lean on me. I won't let anyone see you.

[ It's almost too easy to give in to Tsurumaru's kindness, his softness, to let himself be permitted to cling to it. Aki doesn't want to dwell on his own past, on his own heartache, trying to move past it here - the kind of thing Denji and the others would want for him to do - but coming face to face with it makes it impossible to ignore.

Fabric brushes over his eyes, and he shudders immediately, unable to resist. Leaning forward, his forehead rests against Tsurumaru, his eyes closing as he sinks. ]

Thank you.

[ Aki means it, too, even if his voice is low and quiet. One hand tries to hold onto Tsurumaru's, the other slips around him, to cling to his body in a half-embrace, permitting himself to grip onto him, to seek out his comfort and his sweetness. ]

... That's why I started hunting devils. Because of that day.

(As he leans in, he lets himself shift ever so slightly so Aki can be more comfortable. Likewise, he reaches up and around, the long white sleeves of his robe forming a veil over him. Or maybe it would be better to compare it to something like a blanket to wrap him in.

Rubbing small circles into his back, he does his best to try and soothe him. If he could take some of his burden, he gladly would. He doesn't expect it. He would understand if Aki kept it to himself. Maybe that's why he's so surprised when he speaks quietly, words soft and uncharacteristically weak as he tries to explain.

He sees. He understands. So Aki's story also took a turn on a quiet winter day.)

November 18th.

(His own heart twists. If only Aki knew how close they were right now. But this isn't about himself. This is about the man in his arms and he hums in acknowledgment,)

The beginning of a story...

(Of course, he remembers another day, when he had Aki in his arms, late at night and so miserable with himself back then too. He'd heard about the Gun Devil for the first time then. He already knows how this story ends and his heart aches for him. )

The same devil as before?

(The one that will lead to his death, too?)

[ The way that Tsurumaru is treating him is a reflection of how Aki had taken care of him before, and it fills him with a sense of utter joy - his despair at the idea of Tsurumaru being in love with someone else eased by the way he's being treated now. Tsuru wouldn't do this with him if he didn't care, wouldn't offer him this sweet relief if he wasn't as invested.

There's a desire to mention it, to bring it up, but Aki can't bring himself to do it, not when he still feels so tired and worn down, ripped to shreds down inside of him.

Squeezing at this man, the person that has so captivated him, Aki nods his head. ]

The Gun Devil.

[ Their fates were sickeningly intertwined. Aki, fighting the Gun Devil, twisted and reshaped into the Gun Fiend and having his life torn away from him at the hands of another. Nuzzling into Tsurumaru's chest, he breathes out a soft, shaky noise. ]

It killed my family, so I wanted to kill it in return. I wanted to... Have some kind of vengeance.

(Tugged closer, held tightly, more like a child clinging to a parent than a man to his lover. It's so pitiful, it fills his heart, makes him go weak and he can only listen. He's a captive audience. Utterly captured.)

Wanted.

(Past tense. No more?)

I got cold feet.

[ Another echo of a memory, one he'd shared with Bakugo. Not able to live with the idea of Denji and Power being unhappy, unwilling to risk their lives, not able to let himself die and leave them alone... But it hadn't mattered at all, in the end.

The Future was set. Aki was destined to die. He was born for it, from the very start.

Squeezing at Tsurumaru, he breathes out. ]

More than anything, I wanted him to be happy.

You had a change of heart.

(He did that thing humans do. They find something new to live for, they change their ways of life, and they keep living. It's what he loves about humans. They aren't like swords that remain unchanging. No, they're full of surprises for better or worse.)

Denji-kun.

(He nods his head. Yeah, he understands.)

Denji.

[ Shuddering, voice filled with grief and hurt, squeezing and squeezing and wanting to be anchored, to be saved from his own heart. ]

I wanted to make him happy, but all I did was cause him more pain.

Ah.

(Just a quiet "ah" as he feels the anxiety swell. As if on cue, he begins to brush Aki's hair with his fingers. He strokes with gentle, repetitive motions,)

But you made him happy. (He tries to redirect him. Guide him. Back to something good.) He was happy. And you were, too.

Remember that.

[ The gentle soothing is enough, and some of that tension bleeds away, Aki relaxing into the solid, warm weight of the man in front of him. His heart is still racing, but... It is for other reasons, now.

Embarrassingly so, after the nightmare come to life. ]

He made me want to live.

[ To outlive the Gun Devil. To survive. To find peace. Denji had given him that. ]

I remember.

(He feels better in his arms, more relaxed, more like he has before. Leaning in, he places his forehead on top of Aki's head,)

Breathe in. (Release even more of that tension, he insists.) Breathe out.

Do you feel that? You're alive right now.

(He may think of himself as a dead man but he's more than that. Tsurumaru can feel it.)

You can live.

[ Following the instructions, he nods, taking a long, deep breath in before he breathes out, fingers brushing absently along the shake of Tsurumaru's spine.

He's solid. Warm. Perfect, in his arms, and Aki lets himself hold onto that, lets himself bask in the comfort of Tsuru being here, at his side, not running off again. ]

I want to. I want to live.

[ A confession in itself. He leans back, tilting his head up to look at Tsurumaru, expression softer now. ]

I'm happy, Tsuru.

Edited 2024-06-08 17:31 (UTC)

(Ah, there he is. A little more of the Aki he's come to adore so much and when he looks up, he pulls his face away and smiles warmly,)

Then live. (Bringing both hands to hold Aki's face in his hands, tracing the shape of his face with his fingers, steadying him,) And live happily.

[ How is he meant to resist? Even knowing what he knows - or, rather, what he thinks he knows - the touch is soft, intimate, and Aki closes his eyes for a moment, leaning into the palm against his cheek.

Carefully, he leans up, brushing their mouths together, impossible to resist. Live happily, Tsurumaru said, and this is what has brought him happiness. ]

I... I'll live.

(There's that natural shift away when Aki moves if only to make it easier for him to lean up and angle his face to his. Without a second thought, he raises one hand up in the air next to them, the sleeve of his robe falling to make a curtain between them and the world around them. They are, after all, still somewhere public, as out of the way as it is.

Eyelashes flutter and he leans in to meet Aki, kissing him gently, ever so briefly and chastely before pulling away. As much as he wants more, he can read the air. The moment isn't right, not when Aki is still so vulnerable and shaken from the memory.

His priority is to take care of Aki first. He can spoil him later.

Quietly, for only him to hear,)

You should rest.

(And when his head is clear, when he's more himself, they can surely come together again.)

I can take you to your room, if you want. You can lean on me.

(He'll lead him there.)

[ Aki truly doesn't want more than this.

The kiss is an anchor, a gentle reminder of what there is between them, that despite the spineless way he'd pulled away, from his own tormented thoughts, he still cares deeply for Tsurumaru. It's a way of reminding himself of one of the reasons he wants to find happiness in this strange, twisted place - because his heart has been caught in a net that he has no wish to escape from.

His smile is soft, a little gentle as he nods, understanding.

(The sleeve is endearing, too, and when Aki leans back he reaches to take both of Tsurumaru's hands in his own. ]

I'd appreciate that.

[ Their noses touch, a gentle press together, before he nods and rises to his feet. ]

Let's go.

(It's nice, he thinks, to have back something that was missing. It's good to have Aki acting normally, a little more like his old self and he considers this to be victory enough for now.

When Aki rises, he does with him, reaching out to brace him and quick to align himself next to him. Before he offers himself over, he shrugs his shoulders, shaking off his robe and tosses it over Aki's head, tugging him closer so he can lean against him,)

The sun is strong.

(Their hotel is only next door. It won't be a long walk at all. But let him have his fun.)

[ Aki is endeared, painfully so.

With the robe around his shoulder, he starts to walk, leading the way back to his room with quiet, easy steps. His vision is less fuzzy, and his heart is more full, so it makes it easier for him - he can keep going. He trusts Tsurumaru to support him the entire way.

Deep in the hotel, up to his room, Aki pushes open the door and heads to his bed, laying the robe on the spare one. Then he’s kicking shoes off, laying down, opening his arms. ]

Come here, Tsuru.

(Taking off his shoes, tucking them away carefully in the entrance, he goes over to close the open curtains so Aki can rest. When he gets to the windows, he lingers...

... Looking out at the desert again but another voice calls and he looks back, one hand gripping the curtain as his eyes refocus.

(A voice far away calls him.)

He takes one step forward towards Aki and another before sitting next to him and he looks down. Reaching his arm across his chest, leaning just slightly to look Aki in the eyes. It's clear in his expression that he's resisting something.

(The medics have told him not to listen.)
(Their allies have told him to focus on what's in front of him instead of away).

And he leans into his arms proper.)

[ Aki watches him, expression warm, tender, filled with softness.

The way he feels for Tsurumaru is no simple thing, but it doesn’t have to be. They’ve time enough to work through what they want, what the two of them desire to mean to each other, and that is enough for him. There’s not enough time for self-doubt, for his own loathing to burn like bile in his throat, and so he shoves it aside. He doesn’t want this to be poisoned by anything like that.

Slowly, he draws Tsurumaru close. Slowly, he pulls him down into a kiss, soft and gentle, sweet above all else. Slowly, Aki holds onto this new lifeline, another piece of his heart, another reason to keep fighting. To keep living, to let himself find that joy admit the cold winter of his memories.

Leaning back, understanding, knowing, Aki strokes a hand through his lover’s hair, thumb to his cheek, loving. Honest. ]

Look at me, Tsuru. Just look at me for a little longer.

(He could do anything to him right now, he thinks. When he looks at him like that and treats him so carefully, he'd gladly let Aki handle him any way he wanted. He leans into the kiss with a sigh, shifting so he can be in his embrace properly.

Heart aching, wanting, twisting, he chases when they break and he finds his face close, pale gold eyes staring right into a sea of blue. All he sees his him. He sees the face of a boy he wants to protect. He sees the face of a man he wants to protect. He could stay close by his side, he thinks, and he leans into the touch without another thought.

It's quiet in this room, with just the two of them, but... he doesn't mind. It's strange. In this sort of situation, he'd want to something, say something, anything to break the silence but he's...

He doesn't know. He can't put his finger on this feeling in his chest. It isn't bad, he thinks, but it feels strange. He feels like he should know what this is but he's certain he hasn't felt it before. He doesn't linger on it.

Instead, he leans in, pressing his lips against his one more time and pulls his body next to Aki. He settles closely.

(He can feel a call. He always feels it. Even before he came to this city. Even before that beast struck him with whatever curse it put on him. But it sounds so far away right now.)

Burying his face against his chest, affectionate, cuddling. His voice is quiet, muffled, something for only Aki to hear,)

I'll stay.

(And he's surprised by how easily the words spill from his mouth.)

I want... (Something clicks and like his heart, the sentence twists,) Is it okay?

Edited 2024-06-14 19:43 (UTC)

[ It feels right. Leaning up to kiss Tsurumaru, pressing their mouths together, chasing the shape of him, the warmth of his body, the way it makes Aki feel soft and malleable under him, willing to do far more than he would ever admit to.

Choosing happiness was a dangerous game for him. Choosing to find some reason to live, to keep pushing, to keep fighting, when he had felt so desperate to give himself over to vengeance... But this feels almost too easy, as if he's sinking into something warm without hesitation. It feels as if this is something he was meant to do, and is that because he has chosen it or because the Future had intervened?

The Future hadn't predicted this. Maybe Tsurumaru had been right, before, in the shrine.

It's hard to explain, to digest the way he's feeling, to put it into words, but perhaps there is no need to. Perhaps he does not need to concern himself with those kinds of things, because right now they are together, and they are enjoying themselves. They are finding happiness together. Isn't that enough? That's what Denji had wanted from him, isn't it? Happiness.

Another kiss, and Aki sighs with soft happiness, drawing Tsurumaru against him, curling his arm around him and holding him gently. ]

It's okay.

[ Whatever it is that Tsuru wants. Aki will give it to him. ]

Whatever you want. It's okay.

(Is it okay? Is it really? Aki doesn't know, he thinks, and he's quiet as he pulls him close. No, now isn't the time to burden him difficult things. It's best to just let him rest. Go to sleep. And when he wakes up....)

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