synflux | ( CLOSED ) i was grinning like i'm winning

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( CLOSED ) i was grinning like i'm winning

WHO: Yuji Itadori & Raidou Kuzunoha
WHAT: Sleepover
WHERE: Raidou's room
WHEN: After the Events of the text mingle
WARNINGS: Vague discussion of NSFW content (thanks, Choso) and boys kissing.

[ Yuji can't say he's having a bad day, exactly, but he also can't say it's been good, given the discoveries.

The things that Choso wants to do, has done, enjoys, revealed to him just like that. Yuji had never experienced how it felt to be utterly embarrassed by a sibling before, but the experience isn't one that he really wants to repeat. For all that Choso might be happy and enjoying himself, Yuji thinks he might have been happier if he remained blind to it all. He can't fault Choso for finding something he likes, but it's mortifying, and also with Toji-san of all people...

It's a morose Yuji that's dragging himself to Raidou's room, a little bag in hand - some snacks, dinner in some bento boxes, his notebook and polaroids to organise while his boyfriend studies, all that kind of stuff. He's trying not to get flustered over it all, since they've never done this before, but he does... Want to. Waking up next to Raidou...

Shaking his head, he knocks, then peers his head inside. ]

Yo, Johei! I made it!

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[Ah, network glitch day. That day when the whole base comes together and gets traumatized by the things they learn about their friends and loved ones. Ignorance truly is bliss. Raidou's celebrated this day by not responding to most people's texts since it feels too invasive to. Not that it stopped people from responding to his, mind you.

He's not sure what happened between Yuji and Choso, but as far as he knows, siblings have arguments all the time, so it's probably nothing too terrible right? Either way, Yuji was always welcome to come by whenever he wanted, and Raidou could use some study break time.

Raidou recently invested in a couple of more comfortable chairs for his room, his excuse being he needed a place for newbies to sit when briefing them after arrival. When Yuji pops his head in, he'll find Raidou all nestled into one with his homework. The shrine had some actual physical books for him to study from, not just e-books, which has made the whole process a lot easier.

As usual, his boyfriend is greeted with a warm smile.]

Hi. Come on in. I was just about to take a break.

[ Raidou all curled up in a chair studying is super cute... Yuji never really considered much about the kind of people he liked, other than the whole Jennifer Lawrence thing, but he's starting to note a theme when it comes to his real affections - he'd said he liked Ozawa because of the way she eats, her handwriting, because she was so elegant... Raidou's a little like that.

Elegant is a good word for him. Kind, too, other people had said that, and thoughtful, and strong.

Putting his bag down by the door and letting it slide shut, Yuji wanders over to lean down and kiss Raidou on the head gently before flopping onto the floor beside him like a puppy just come back in after a run around in the garden. He's beaming, though. ]

You can keep going! I know this stuff is important.

[ Yuji, being less academically minded, might not get why someone would choose to study here, but... ]

I'll just wait.

[Raidou has probably done more studying since he graduated from the high school three weeks ago, than he did in his entire time there. As far as he's concerned, this is his life here now, a second chance, so he ought to make the best of it. But try as he might, he really did not like that high school very much.

Just a simple kiss on the head from Yuji is enough to make the whole day of work worthwhile, and he brightens even more.]

Let me just finish up this chapter. You don't have to sit on the floor, you know.

[There's the other chair, the desk chair, even the bed.

He might have a few pages left, but Raidou can't help but ask.]

Everything alright with you and Choso?

It's fine. It's comfy.

[ Sometimes, Raidou, you just need to be a plank for a while to get your head on straight after a really weird, confusing day.

Leaning in, Yuji reaches out to let his fingers brush idly against Raidou's ankle, not trying to tickle or anything, just anchoring himself. It feels nice, and he's happy to zone out and let himself relax a little until the question comes, and then his face flares up with heat.

Choso... Ugh... ]

I found out about him doing... Stuff with someone.

[ Lewd stuff. ]

[Raidou closes the book and sets it aside. Folding his arms on the arm of the chair, he rests his chin on them as he peers down at Yuji, head cocked curiously.]

"Stuff"?

[The look on Yuji's face gives him an idea of what kind of stuff this might be. He raises an eyebrow.]

Do I even want to know?

No, you don’t want to know. It’s just embarrassing to look at him right now, that’s why I’m here.

[ And Toji-san, of all people… Yuji just doesn’t get it. He’s strong, is that it? If that’s what Choso is into, sure, but… it’s still a little…

Shaking his head, trying to ignore his blush, Yuji looks up to smile at Raidou. ]

I feel better now.

[Raidou lets out a concerned-sounding hum. He's going to take Yuji's word for it. He'd like to be able to look at Choso without turning red too, thanks.

He smiles back.]

Good. Me too.

[As busy of a bee Raidou is, even he can look forward to a quiet hang-out night. Any time spent with Yuji is time well spent.

Only his eyes move over to near the door and the bag there.]

Did you bring something?

[ It’s totally embarrassing and it’s not even over yet - they’re probably doing stuff now… Yuji rubs his face. No! The whole point of coming here was to not think about it at all. ]

The whole glitch thing has been really weird this time around.

[ Sitting up a little, Yuji follows his gaze until he grins, nodding. ]

Yeah! I brought us some snacks, some bentos, an extra blanket just in case, and my notebook.

It was weird last time, too.

[He doesn't want to talk about certain things with this one either. Thanks, Bakugo.

Yuji came here so prepared. He looks amused, propping up his chin with a hand now.]

It's like that sleepover party we had when we first arrived. Do we need to build one of those blanket forts too?

I wonder how much of it is a mistake and how much of it is them messing with us.

[ Yuji lifts his head to gaze at Raidou, softening a little as he sits up more. He wants to lean in and steal more kisses, but he can wait for a little while longer. Raidou's gotta study still, right?

Right. ]

A bit like that. We don't need to build one unless you want a fort.

I think a majority of it is the latter. [Bored LILITH employees reading their conversations, probably.]

[He shakes his head with a grin.] I think I'm good without a fort. Want to eat something? I've been reading for... ah, awhile now.

[Raidou is definitely one of those people who will easily lose track of time due to working, and probably forgot dinner. It's a good thing he just won a huge supply of instant noodles.]

It's not like anything I was thinking was that interesting. [ Just idle thoughts about his friends, and missing Nanami, and wondering about surgery. Totally normal stuff.

Slowly, Yuji pushes himself up to his knees to grin at Raidou, wanting to wrap his arms around him, but he waits. Instead, he gets up to his feet, stretching a little and heading over to the bag. ]

Sure! I brought some chips, some onigiri, and then the bentos I made, so we can have whatever.

[Hey, he saw that image of him. But Raidou's thought showed Yuji, so they're even. Maybe he was a little tickled to see that in Yuji's thoughts too, even if he was too polite to comment on it.

He looks at Yuji a moment, him also considering doing the same. But once he gets a hold of him, it's hard to let go... Instead, he gives him a nod, and gets up to fetch a small end table to move in between the two chairs for them to use. Maybe he ought to invest in a bigger one, if they plan to do this more often.]

A bento sounds great. I... sort of forgot to stop for dinner. [He admits that a little sheepishly, looking away.]

[ Flopping down in the chair, Yuji digs in the back for a moment. He tugs out a pink blanket, folding it and placing it aside before he grabs the bento boxes and gets them out. The food inside is traditional Japanese lunch, the kind a mother might make for their kid going off to school - rice, some sausages cut into octopuses, other cute things in there to round it off.

Yuji looks pleased at his offering, offering it out to Raidou with a smile. ]

It's a good thing I brought you something, then! People scold me for not taking care of myself, so should I do the same to you?

[ Because he will! He can be scolding too, sometimes!! ]

[Raidou's never gotten the family bento treatment before, so this is a delightful discovery. Look how cute it is.]

You put a lot of thought into this. It looks great.

[He even holds up one of the sausages with his chopsticks to look one over.]

Do we need to do it to one another? Narumi would gripe at me for doing the same thing he often did. Though a lot of times it was because he was off being distracted by anything but work.

[Despite how it might sound, Raidou has a fond look on his face when he says it.]

It's not that bad, I don't think? There's more downtime here, so I'm a little bit less intense than I was at home. The doctor told me I should take more care of myself, though.

[ Yuji pokes at his bento with a little huff. ]

... It's a little weird. The last few weeks back in my world was just fighting non-stop, trying to get the outcome we wanted from all of us working together. Being here feels a little like cheating, or like I should be doing something more with my time. Getting stronger.

[ Even looking at the upgrades... Would they go back with him? Is it useful? ]

It's hard to just do nothing, I guess.

Mm. They said the same to me. [LILITH medics seeing these two passed out in a cot together in the med bay and worrying greatly, for sure.

Raidou thinks Yuji's words over for a moment, nodding. He can never sit still, and it's taken him a few months now to realize that his goals and his role here are different than at home.

He wants to get stronger too, better himself, make up for all the shortcomings he can't seem to stop thinking about.]

I certainly don't want to sit and do nothing, either. But many people here keeping telling me that... we should enjoy ourselves here more. Live our lives. [Concerned words from older Outsiders who just want the kids to have a chance to be kids.] I'm trying, but it's not as if we're short on work here, either.

[He sighs lightly.] Eventually we'll go back, whether or ready for it or not. So... perhaps, they have a point. [Especially when he's not sure what awaits him at home.]

... I might die, when I go back.

[ It's not the first time he's thought it, or considered it, but it's the first time he's said it aloud. He shoves some rice into his mouth to distract himself, forcing himself to breathe. Maybe this is too heavy for what's meant to be a nice meal together, but...

He can't help but be honest around Raidou. He trusts him. ]

I'm fighting Sukuna right now, and if it costs me my life to kill him, then that would be worth it. That was the plan from the beginning anyway - for me to die to kill him at the same time. I've been prepared for it for weeks.

[ Finally, he looks up at his boyfriend, hesitant. ]

I think... I want to enjoy my time here as much as possible, because I might not have any when I go back. Isn't that weird to think about?

[ Marcille had cried over the things Yuji had suffered, things he shrugs off... Maybe it is a little messed up, the things he's been through. ]

[Raidou looks up at him suddenly when Yuji says that, but says nothing. He looks worried as he listens, his heart aching.

He understands completely. To his question, he shakes his head lightly.]

It isn't weird. We've been given a chance that no one really gets, a second chance to--

[Though now that he's saying that out loud, he realizes he never told Yuji about his circumstances back home. He looks down, grief sneaking in just around the edges. Grief for himself, and for Yuji.]

A second chance to even have a life. Because I may be dead back home as well.

Johei… You never said anything about that.

[ He feels a little guilty, going on about his problems all the time when Raidou is going through something similar, and he puts his chopsticks down before he reaches out to take one of the other boy’s hands in his own, heart aching.

They really are that similar, aren’t they? Everyone was right.

Bowing his head a little, he signs. ]

It sucks that this is the kind of thing we can bond over. Having so little time.

[Raidou looks up at him, trying to smile sympathetically.]

I... It's hard to talk about, I guess. A lot to explain.

[He gives that hand a reassuring squeeze.]

I guess that's why those who are telling us to enjoy ourselves here a little more is right.

You can tell me about it if you want, or we can leave it.

[ There are still some things he can only tell Choso and Gojo-sensei about due to the nature of it, so he understands if Raidou is the same. Sometimes, it’s too hard.

They shouldn’t be suffering this kind of stuff, right? But Yuji is used to it now. Almost desensitised. It’s normal. ]

I’m happy to spend time with you either way. This is me enjoying myself.

Me too.

[He enjoys spending his time so much with Yuji, someone so burdened with his own sorrow and hardships, that he feels guilty himself. He wouldn't want to add to his worries. But would it change things? He knows this much now.

If Raidou can't tell Yuji, who could he tell?

He's quiet, biting his lip, spending a moment to organize his words as he often needs to.]

Someone I trusted betrayed me. Betrayed the Capital. We were investigating a dangerous organization that turned out to be headed by him the entire time. He caught me, and...

[He's tried so hard to not think about all this since he arrived, but despite that, it never stopped feeling like a fresh wound.]

I lost consciousness right before I arrived here.

So it's like that...

[ Yuji sighs softly. He can empathise, a little - it's not like he's been betrayed in that way, but... He's sort of the betrayer? He's the one who led to Megumi getting strapped in the way that he has been, causing all the problems and death as a result. One vow gone wrong and so many deaths as a result.

His fingers squeeze gently around Raidou's. ]

I can't say anything that'll make it feel better, I know that. But... I want to hope that you're okay. I don't think the world will be as good without you in it. You make it better, Johei.

[Raidou nods, head hanging, almost imperceptibly so.] Imagining what he's doing to the Capital in my absence... All I can do is hope that the other summoners can succeed where I failed.

[Every day he calls himself a summoner here, it feels more and more hollow to him. He doesn't know what he is anymore, but it's not that. He's coming to terms with that. He was something else, something undefined, but maybe that was okay. He was just Johei.

He looks up at Yuji, a warmth filling him when he says that to him.]

Thank you. I... don't know if I can be okay with knowing how I failed, but... I'm trying, here, to make things better.

[His other hand covers both of theirs, trying to be reassuring, encouraging.]

I hope you can feel the same way about yourself. The world is better with you here too. My world is.

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